Link to article: AbsentmindedNihilist's Personnel File.
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[[module CSS]] @import url(http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--code/dr-alchest-s-code-bin/1); [[/module]] [[tabview]] [[tab Who The Hell Is This, Anyway?]] AbsentmindedNihilist, or Niles for the lazy of fingers, is that irritating gay nerd who's always in chat. Niles was raised by a family of Cambridge liberals who think Hillary doesn't go far enough --Elizabeth Warren should have run for president she's the candidate we all deserve-- who disparage her for selling out by joining "Big Containment." They would have much rather she joined the Serpent's Hand, but they don't offer insurance that covers her vast array of psychopharmaceutical prescriptions. She has been involved in the containment of [[[SCP-2376]]], [[[SCP-3240]]], [[[SCP-2574]]], [[[SCP-2952]]], [[[SCP-810-J]]], [[[SCP-729-J]]], [[[SCP-2709]]], [[[SCP-3807]]], [[[SCP-2916]]], [[[SCP-4698]]], [[[SCP-2889]]], [[[SCP-5067]]] (a product of the exquisite corpse contest, co-authored with epicsol), [[[SCP-5832]]] and [[[SCP-2547]]]. Also included is the tale [[[And Then It Was Morning]]] depicting the slow and prolonged death of an adorable skip. Don't say I didn't warn you. **Drinking Game:** For the most authentic Niles experience, drink cream soda or iced tea from a flask instead of any real alcohol, but give no indication that it is not alcohol. Proceed to intimidate everyone else. If an SCP that resembles one organism is genetically similar to another organism, take a sip. If there's an excursion into a creepy forest, take two sips. If a canine creature appears or is referenced, finish your drink. Take two sips if characters indicate that they are not straight. Finish your drink if there is cross species attraction. Take a sip for an edgy title. Take two sips for neuroscience geekery. Take a shot for no use of [DATA EXPUNGED]. Take a shot for mythology references. In case of emergency: if something happens to me and/or I can't be reached about a decision to be made regarding my articles - DrMagnus gets custody, followed by SoullessSingularity if he can't be reached. [[/tab]] [[tab Author Commentary]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2376"]] [[[SCP-2376]]] (currently +55) > In particular, the Special Containment Procedures are well-crafted, as well. I've always felt that the Special Containment Procedures are a great tool to force the reader to interact with the object before knowing what it is. As a result, curiosity about what could possibly require these precautions is heightened. These do an excellent job at just that. //-WrongJohnSilver// > Terrific fridge horror with the mental image of the father crucifying his son. //-A Random Day// > Creeped me out when you were writing about it, creeps me out now. Terrifying. //-DrMagnus// SCP-2376 was my second skip and my first successful one. In essence, it's a disease that makes other people think you're a scarecrow. The seed of the idea came from the line in the containment procedures where it mentions that the medical staff treating SCP-2376 patients must be frequently reminded that they're treating human beings. I imagined being in a hospital in awful pain, with everyone around you treating you like you aren't even there. Treatment is so close and yet so far. It's meant to be a symbiotic relationship with crows and the pathogen - the disease spreads, crows get an immobile, defenseless food source. Also - the city where the mannequin version of the disease pops up? Chicago. Think about that for a minute. People seemed to enjoy this one a lot. People thought the body horror was good but not overdone, and that the use of fridge horror was well-done. I'm very proud of it, myself. the_xenomorph666 made a plague inc. version of this here: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=780827607&searchtext=scp NineVolt's artwork of SCP-2376: http://imgur.com/a/A8U9f Cyantreuse's birthday present to me: http://sexycontainmentprocedures.tumblr.com/image/160278841227 [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2916"]] [[[SCP-2916]]] > I just read this today and it's got to be one of my favourite SCP's. OP, you could really write a lot of really interesting tales based on this SCP to give it more depth that is more difficult to achieve in the article. Keep up the good work and I'll look out for more of your articles in future. -//Dr Locke// > Liked this in chat, and that new addendum at the end makes it even better! - //TL333s// A love story in the world of metafiction. Altered a lot since its original posting. Originally a somewhat altered version of the very first skip I posted - a girl running away from a parent who could follow her due to powers. Guess who has mommy issues. Not that I hid it well. Eventually, it evolved into something a much richer and more mythical - a tale about archetypes, and stories, and the power they hold over us, and the consequences of what happens when a myth doesn't end the way we expect. Oh, and there's lesbians. As usual. Mood music: Wrong Victory by MSMR. The End Of All Things by Panic! at the Disco. 715 - CREEKS by Bon Iver. Human, by Daughter. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-810-J"]] [[[SCP-810-J]]] I've always loved stuff where it's a long nonsensical buildup to a ridiculous pun (feghoot was a word I needed desperately). Finally, my time has come. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2547"]] [[[SCP-2547]]] > See I was wondering how this managed to hit +10 in the ten minutes before I got to it, but then I read it and I can definitely see why. It's cool to see a modern implementation of a mythological figure that shows it adapting to its present circumstances, especially one that works so well with such a dumb punny title. -//Communism will win// > Absolutely wonderful. And, at least with what I know from my boyfriend, the aspect of the return to prominence is accurate to a lot of Native myth as well. - //ProcyonLotor// > This reminds me of American Gods in a good way. I really like any fiction that has gods trying to return to prominence, and Small Town Furry Evangelist was a take I didn't expect to enjoy this much. +1, for someone who claims not to be a furry you sure do write some entertaining anthropomorphic creatures, clearly you've wasted your talents on the wrong fandoms :P - //DrArmstrong// You've seen hunger doggos. You've seen money doggos. You've seen narrative doggos. Now, get ready for THIRST doggos. This was one of my ideas that came from a "seed:" namely, in this case, the image of a bipedal coyote wearing a leather jacket and crucifix, surrounded by human and canine followers, vomiting up water. I worked very hard to maintain both the Wild West imagery and the story of a mythological figure using the religions that have replaced him to return to prominence. And then I decided to say fuck it, and make him the real Coyote. I liked the Desert Grassroots protocol quite a lot, and I got to play with all the different ideas of character and story, which I think, in combination with the Reverend's...distinctive personality, made this article my most popular. That and the pandering to furries. Fun facts: The album is a collaboration between Justin Vernon and Kanye West. 2547-1 is such a perv because mythical Coyote's penis would detach while he was sleeping and seek out things to fuck. Oh, mythology. Update: reached +50 within 10 hours of posting. Beat THAT, Roget. (jk can we please be friends i'll buy you a coffee) Currently my most popular article. Nice. Update: AAAAAA 100 AAAAAAA Update: Newest site member to be on the top rated of 2016 list, all because of Mr. Kinky Coyote. Hell fucking yes. Potential Kinky Coyote Art: https://static1.e621.net/data/58/c6/58c6920d165ac05d0266315dac16a6f8.jpg KingOfBee's gorgeous painting: http://scpartist.deviantart.com/art/SCP-2547-656242990 SunnyClockwork's AMAZING ART: http://sunnyclockwork.deviantart.com/art/SCP-2547-649335306 Mood Music: Dust Bowl Dance by Mumford and Sons, as well as Hopeless Wanderer by the same band. Whatever Happened, by the Strokes. Wolf Like Me, TV on the Radio. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible SCP-2889]] [[[SCP-2889]]] I've always wanted to write a skip about bath bombs. My favorite bath bomb is the Guardian of the Forest bath bomb, which features cypress oil. Salvagebar linked me to the myth or Cyparissus, and then I ended up incorporating aspects of a dream I had into the final log. Mood music: Blinding by Florence and the Machine, [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2709"]] [[[SCP-2709]]] > "Wow. That's the first well-executed horror on this site that I can recall actually being unsettled by in… I don't know how long. And you managed to do it with a giant antlion larva. Well done. - //Communism Will Win// > The expedition did it for me. No one should underestimate how hard it is to create characters like that. Very well done. - //Leveritas// > I dig this. The idea that the antlion is just the tip of the anomalous iceberg, that there's something else magic at work behind the scenes that even the Foundation can't quite get to - that's juicy af. Upvote! - //minmin// I thought I couldn't have an edgier title than Crow's Revenge. Nope! But hey, let's look on the bright side: I managed to include a spray can flame thrower. And have it MAKE SENSE IN CONTEXT (sorry, Shaggy!). I have peaked. My main regret here - haven't figured out how to hold the suspense while having the info about the thing itself be not in the article. Based on a weird incident that happened to me when I was home alone: my dog, who never barks, began barking at something in the forest near my home - as did every other dog in the neighbourhood. Amidst the barks, I heard something like a laugh… Later learned it was probably a coyote, but the image of every animals going crazy at the presence of something just stuck with me. And then I decided to make it into an antlion, because AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. {People. Eat. Those things. WHY.) Some explanation: Humans aren't immune to its effects because they're stronger than it - we're not stronger than it. They specifically aren't affected by it because their evolutionary innate fear of it is being suppressed by our frontal cortices. As such, it preys upon us specifically. But someone with an altered brain structure - like Phineas Gage, whos frontal cortex was destroyed, or someone with sufficiently severe anxiety/paranoia... their amygdala is able to send that "GTFO" signal. It's survived for so long on a human-only diet because humans like to send large parties after scary monsters. Whoops. All the animals are trying to warn the humans in order to starve it and allow them to live in safety. Mood Music: Blair witch project soundtrack. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-729-J"]] I own this peep. His name is Alexander Hamilpeep. He has a cat friend named Aaron Purr. That is all. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2574"]] [[[SCP-2574]]] > It's creepy, because I just looked up "slouches toward Bethlehem" before coming here today, because I got the phrase stuck in my head and couldn't remember where it came from. > > And this thing. What the hell? The birds of prey attacking it are probably my favorite bit, it's just such a striking image. There are spots that could stand smoothing out, but as this is, it's worth an upvote. - TL333s > I like the implication that, provided the world still exists in some usable format after the rough beast is no more, the Foundation and the GOC will team up to ensure that nobody really remembers what happened. Worldwide devastation, with a plausible explanation; anyone with a sufficiently accurate memory of 2574 will be disregarded as a crank or quietly quieted. > All that will remain is a garbled account, written as fiction to entertain and inspire people who like that sort of thing. > > +1 - Genshed This was almost an 001, until it wasn't. Now it's here. I did The Second Coming for a poetry competition in school, and the imagery possessed me so powerfully i knew I had to write a skip about it. Definitely the most laborious skip of all the ones I've written: this one took AGES. Art by SunnyClockwork: http://sunnyclockwork.deviantart.com/art/SCP-2574-653269860 http://sunnyclockwork.deviantart.com/art/SCP-2574-653269860 Mood music: Young and Menace by Fall Out Boy. Light of The Seven by Ramin Djiwadi. Bastard by Ramin Djiwadi. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="SCP-2952" hide="SCP-2952"]] [[[SCP-2952]]] Aka, L O N G C O R G. > The dogs just keep on getting longer and it is just adorable. +1 - ProcyonLotor > What the actual hell. This is too weird not to like, so +1. - Cyantreuse > When I heard this being discussed in chat I was afraid the novelty would be lost in execution, but it's a really lovely look at how fairy folk adapted to the modern day and has a lot of heart without losing some of the darker things about the fae. I like the Three Portlands reference and appreciate the fact that you found an opportunity to put in a crosslink. Strong +1! -sinn1sl0ken Bc fairies used to ride corgis into battle, and the idea of corg transportation just wouldn't leave me alone. Apparently people enjoyed this one? There's already a CAH card for it, apparently. Added the log at the suggestion of Soulless. The corg is named after SpectralDragon's doggo, who is as much of a lazy food-oriented sausage as my own doggo. Also seems to be doing well on the reddit! "On time, pupper." [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible]] [[[SCP-3240]]] = my entry into the 3000 contest. Came in 9th! Initially inspired by my recurring urge to chew off my own hands as a result of my anxiety. This is one of the ones where I definitely had a definitive sense of aesthetic and atmosphere that I wanted to evoke, and I used the concept of the Veldt to embody them. Mood music: Winter by Daughter. When it's Cold I'd Like To Die by Moby. Hunger, by Of Monsters and Men. Buzzcut Season, by Lorde. 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