Ambrose London Prix Fixe

Link to article: Ambrose London Prix Fixe.

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[[include info:start]]
**Ambrose London Prix Fixe**
**Author:** [[*user stormbreath]]

Written for the 7th Annual [[[art-exchange-hub|Art Exchange]]] as a gift for [[*user Lt Flops]], who asked for something about the anomalous food scene!

[[include info:end]]
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by [[[stormbreath]]]
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[[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 4em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; word-break: normal;"]]
= Ambrose London[[/span]]
@@ @@
[[span style="color: #A38800; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive;"]]
= [[size 200%]]Four Course Prix Fixe[[/size]][[/span]]
[[span style="color: #A38800; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive;"]]
= With Optional Wine Selection
[[/span]]
= [[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; border-bottom: 1px solid #A38800;"]]@@ First Course @@[[/span]]
# **Cockatrice Pot Stickers** -- Prepared with demanding care to ensure no poison is in the meat, Ambrose London is proud to be the first restaurant to serve cockatrice meat. Noted for a sour and creamy taste, quite unlike any other.
# **Baked Potato Bug** -- Conceptually produced by a large [[[scp-4420|Ur-Potato]]], these crickets are entirely composed of potato matter, and deep-fried for flavor. Garnished with bacon, sour cream, onion and melted cheese. 
# **Yesterday's Bruschetta** -- Grilled toast topped with olive oil, tomato and mozarella. All ingredients used in the making sourced from at least one hundred years in the past using time travel techniques, allowing for different tastes compared to today.

= [[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; border-bottom: 1px solid #A38800;"]]@@ Second Course @@[[/span]]
# **Eternal Stew** -- This is not your grandmother’s perpetual stew, one that has only lasted for a month or two. Ambrose London has acquired an eternal stew which has been in production for over two millennia, giving it a one of a kind taste two thousand years in the making. 
# **Lunar Gruyere Fondue** -- The moon might not be made of cheese, but the daemons of Levania are renowned for their dairy products. Served with a rotating selection of types of bread, prepared fresh in-house each day.
# **Alexylvan Corn Soup** -- Using a recipe sourced from the Culinary Institute of Alexylva, this dish blends Ancient Roman and American Cherokee cooking in an out of this world way. Contains three varieties of corn, blended with cheese and honey.

= [[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; border-bottom: 1px solid #A38800;"]]@@ Main Course @@[[/span]]
# **Crab-Stuffed Mushroom** -- A rare mushroom from a hard-to-reach forest in Northern Oregon, stuffed with three different species of crab, including the Alaska King, Marianas Blue, and Greek Behemoth. Sweet and tender with a subtle aftertaste. A popular selection at Ambrose New York, not to be missed!
# **Caviar Platter** -- A choice selection of eight fine and exotic varieties of caviar, including coelacanth, Salmon of Knowledge, duross, and even an [[[kaiju-caviar-ocn39-t5fg6-7hjl2|egg from the Kraken]]] that attacked the fey isle of Hy-Brasil in 1988. 
# **Five Senses Linguine** -- Designed to induce temporary, artificial, total-sensory synesthesia. Experience food on every level: taste, smell, sight, hearing, and touch. An indescribable experience. Served with a house-made pesto.

= [[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; border-bottom: 1px solid #A38800;"]]@@ Dessert @@[[/span]]
# **Dragon’s Baked Alaska** -- Prepared fresh at the table using the breath of one of our in-house //draconus domesticus//, commonly known as the miniature domesticated dragon. The use of an organic flame gives the meringue a clean and smooth taste.
# **Volcano Cake** -- Using simple magical principles, this is a simple chocolate lava cake which has been adapted to erupt with melted chocolate after being served. Has a dark, smooth taste with a slightly spicy kick.
# **Fruits of the Gods** -- A selection of rare and mystical fruits from all over the world, including Underworld Pomegranate seeds, El Doradan Golds (derived from the common orange), and Brandy-infused strawberries. Ask your server for the current seasonal offerings.

= [[span style="color: #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; border-bottom: 1px solid #A38800;"]]@@ Wine @@[[/span]]
# **Champagne of Youth** -- Magically treated to ameliorate the effects of advanced age for a brief time after drinking, easing aches and pains. Noted for a sharp taste with hints of ginger. Best paired with the Caviar Platter. [[footnote]] Disclaimer: This product is not a youth potion.[[/footnote]]
# **Thousand-Year Merlot** -- Aged in a temporal isolation vault with a vastly accelerated time differential compared to the norm, while the grapes used to produce this wine were picked last year, the wine itself is effectively over a thousand years of age.
# **Rubedo Reserve** -- For the more esoteric palate, [[[scp-3573|Rubedo Reserve]]] is transmuted from human blood using forbidden alchemy. [[footnote]]Disclaimer: No humans were killed in the making.[[/footnote]] Noted for a distinctive taste with notes of blood, dry paper, and a blue cheese finish.

[[div style="border-top: 1px dotted #A38800; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: bold; font-family: 'Poiret One', cursive; width: 50%; margin: auto; color: #A38800;"]]
= Base: 700 GBP
= With Wine: 850 GBP[[/div]]

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[[size 400%]]##firebrick|**yowl.slp**##[[/size]]
~~~~
,,Reviews Hosted by Oneiroi,,
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**London Underworld**
★★★★★
[[/div]]

If you are looking for fine dining, look no further than Ambrose Restaurant’s new London location. While other Ambrose locations cater to more plebian clientele, Ambrose London is an upscale location in the heart of London itself, and is a prime choice for anyone looking for a nice dinner.

I was recommended to Ambrose London by my Marshall, Carter and Dark sales representative, after particularly enjoying their selections at the Pretty Penny restaurant line, and some of their licensed food options with Ambrose Restaurants, such as the [[[phoenix-a-la-mode|Phoenix à La Mode]]]. I would consider this new location to be a worthy equal of those restaurants, and an ideal choice for fine dining.

Truly, I have no qualms to voice with this location. The service was impeccable and polite, the meals were cooked and served quickly, and everything was delightful in taste. Although pricey, the rarity of all the meals served more than justifies the cost - where else in the world does one have the opportunity to dine upon Kraken eggs, or have a live dragon come to the table? Ambrose London offers an experience that cannot be rivaled or found anywhere else in the entire world.

The dishes that I ordered (under their excellent prix fixe menu, which I found to have both good selection and pricing) were the Baked Potato Bug, the Lunar Gruyere Fondue, the Caviar Platter, the Dragon's Baked Alaska, with a bottle of Rubedo Reserve. Each was well prepared and absolutely delicious.

While the Baked Potato Bug calls to mind a different kind of establishment - one that caters to a somewhat lower clientele, I found it to be excellently prepared, and that the exotic origin of the bug made up for the base subject matter. (Unnaturally generated along with conceptual potato based matter, spawned from what may be the conceptual ideal of a potato. As such, this was the best execution of the dish possible.)

My only negative word to say concerning Ambrose London is that I was not able to eat everything. As such, I eagerly await my next visit.
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**Three Portlands Times**
★★★★☆
[[/div]]

Easily accessible from Three Portlands through Isle of Portland entrances, short walk from train station once within London. Reservations not currently long, but antipicated to grow quickly -- may reach several months in advance. 

Service impeccable, food to match.

Vegetarian options at every course of fixe prix, although generally only a single option. Adequate, full menu contains more options.

One menu option - Baked Potato Bug - could be labeled more clearly as non-vegetarian. While composed of plant matter, plant matter was previously sentient organism. Dish served with bacon, could have noted that it is not veg without bacon.

Yesterday's Bruschetta did not taste significantly different from a modern version of the dish. Tomato slightly different in taste, otherwise similar.

Alexylvan Soup was suitable. The recipe may have been from out of this world, but the flavor was fitting to this world.

The Five Senses Linguine made up for the mediocrity of the previous two servings. Completely foreign experience and rather pleasurable. Would not recommend for all, however.

Fruits of the Gods was a good selection, with the name suitable for the fruits served. Good selection all around.

Thousand-Year Merlot exsquisite, in contrast to the Bruschetta. Alternate temporal origin worked better for this dish, complemented and enhanced it well. Wine paired well with other courses.
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**The Holy Grail**
★☆☆☆☆
[[/div]]

I had the worst diarrhea of my life after having the Four Course Prix Fixe. I ordered the Baked Potato Bug, the Eternal Stew, the [[[scp-666-and-a-half-j|Crab-Stuffed Mushroom]]] and the Dragon's Baked Alaska.

It all started very soon after I got home that night. Almost immediately after I did, I was struck by this horrible pain in my stomach, and I rushed to my bathroom as fast as I could. I spent the next three hours, in absolute agony, as my bowels ripped themselves apart, bound themselves back together, and like Prometheus, mercilessly repeated the process a hundred times.

I began to hallucinate that I was not alone in my bathroom, but grappled with a vision of a thousand demons in Hell, like Dante. A thousand monsters surrounded me, menacing me. This may have been nothing more than a hallucination, but it was horrifying.

And then, in a final moment of horror, there was a torturous moment of agony as my bowels emptied themselves, which seemed to last for no less than a hundred years. (The time on the bathroom clock, in it's taunting menace, did not change.)

With that completed, I have but a singular memory of collapsing unconscious onto the floor of my bathroom, blacking out.

During my blackout, I had a vision of eternal and heavenly bliss. A choir of angels surrounded me, singing blessed psalms and delivering me from evil. I danced among the clouds, free from the pain and agony that had grappled me earlier. It was nothing short of divine enlightenment, and I have become a devout Catholic afterward.

I woke up after that vision slumped in the doorframe of a Catholic church (a large part of the reason as to why I am now a Catholic), fully clothed and entirely clean. I quickly learned I was in Marrakesh, with no recollection of how I arrived there from London. I still do not know, to this day.

I had to tear down and completely renovate my bathroom after the sordid events of that night, and am currently involved in a lawsuit against Ambrose Restaurants to pay for the damages. I do not recommend dining at any of their establishments.

That being said, the meal was //absolutely// delicious. 
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Ambrose London Prix Fixe

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