Bystander's Guilt

Link to article: Bystander's Guilt.

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=====
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text= 6:00. Fuck, why can't I be with her?]]
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+ Bystander's Guilt
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"Love you babe, I'll be back in a bit."

The door swung shut behind her, echoing throughout the deserted halls of Site-43 with portentous weight.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

//6:00. Fuck, why can't I be with her?//

Like the dripping tap, or the telltale heart, the clock wore down Heather Garrison's sanity.

//It's okay. It's fine, right? It'll be fine.//

Tick. Tick. Tick.

//6:01. Fuck.//

-----

[[div class="danke site l"]]
Jay -- you there?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Hey Heather, what's up?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Okay
Uhhh
How do I do this?
Like, what am I supposed to do?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
What do you mean?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
[[[SCP-5243|The Breach.]]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Shit. I didn't realize that it was happening already.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Not yet. They just stuck our asses in our dorms and locked us in.
For 'our safety'
I don't care about our safety. I just can't handle this, Jay, what am I supposed to do?
How the fuck do we do anything?
Are we just
supposed
to wait?
Do we just pretend? Say 'Oh boy! Sure hope nothing's gone wrong!'
'Sure hope that our timeline doesn't collapse.'
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
It's not going to collapse, Heather.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
You don't know that
though
Nobody except the Survivors has any idea of what's going on.
How's Ilse feeling?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
They've been through so much at this point, nothing phases them. It's impressive, if not also incredibly intimidating.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Trust me, I hear you
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
lmao
[[/div]]

//6:04. I need a drink.//

[[div class="danke site r"]]
You don't need to worry about Lillian, she's done this lots of times.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Okay
But
I've heard the stories from her. She's told me about the other branches, the...
The failed timelines. The **BAD** ones.
I just... fuck Jay, what the fuck do I do?
I am just fucking sitting here, in OUR dorm, staring at the life we've built together, but FUCK
What if it's all gone? What if it's **not** okay?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Heather, they always figure it out.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Sure, but what if the solution is bad?
What if Lillian doesn't make it out this time? What if she has to stay behind to close the breach forever?
What if she turns into a fucking spider Jay?
I can't date a spider
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Do you really think she would turn into a spider?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
I don't know what to think
One sec, brb
[[/div]]

-----

//6:10. She shouldn't be busy yet.//

[[div class="danke site l"]]
Would you still love me if you were a spider and I was still me?
[[/div]]

//Heather what the fuck are you saying?//

[[div class="danke site l"]]
Sorry also I forgot to say this but
Babe, be safe, okay?
I need you.
...
Wish I was there!
Wait
No
I just wish it didn't have to be like this.
Please, Lil. I just
I just need to hear you tell me that it's going to be alright.
[[/div]]

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

//6:18. Why hasn't she answered me?//

Tick. Tick. Tick.

//Fuck.//

-----

[[div class="danke site l"]]
I didn't tell her I loved her
FUCK
how could I fucking forget?
The last thing
The last thing I said to her was
WHERE YA OFF TO, LOSER?
Jesus fucking christ Jay why didn't I just say
"I love you Lillian, be safe"
She must hate me.
I hate me.
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Sorry, I was just talking to Ilse
Hammer, ski nose you larva hurt
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Jay what the fuck do you mean
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
Sorry, stupid voice activation plus autocorrect
Heather, she knows you love her
Dork
You say it like
All the time
Like ALL the time
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
Shut the fuck up
You're right
Damn it Jay, why are you always right?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site r"]]
What can I say?
It's going to be okay.
[[/div]]

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Tick. Tick.

Tick.

//6:21. What if I never hear her voice again?//

Tick.

The room full of their things, in their place, in their life they hade built together -- it all felt numb to Heather.

Tick.

//6:22. What the fuck is going to happen to me? To us?//

Tick.

The ground beneath her feet felt hollow. //It is,// she belatedly thought.

Tick.

//6:23. It'll work out. It has to.//

Tick.

Doubt always sets in. It //has// gone wrong before.

Tick. 

//6:24. Please.//

Tick.

The room still smelled like her.

Tick.

//6:25. It happens every year? Is this... Is this my life now?//

Tick. 

The weight was oppressive.

Tick.

//6:26.//

Tick.

Heather's chest tightened as she held her breath.

Tick.

Time slowed down as Heather felt every pump of her heart. When the world is still and every sound a hint to the truth, everything just takes a little bit //longer//.

Tick.

//It's still 6:26.//

Heather's memories flashed in her mind -- the ones she had made with Lillian, with her friends. With the family she has found.

Tick.

The only ones she had left. Her... Her entire life.

Tick.

//6:27.//

Tick.

//What happened?//

Tick.

[[div class="danke site r"]]
I just heard from Ilse, she said it sounded like it went smoothly.
Have you heard from Lillian yet?
[[/div]]
[[div class="danke site l"]]
No. Not yet.
[[/div]]

Tick.

The waiting wasn't done.

Tick.

Heather would be waiting for longer, wouldn't she?

Tick.

Tick.

Tick.

She just hoped Lillian was okay.

-----

30 excruciating minutes later, the door to their habitation swung open, and Lillian lazily waltzed through their door.

"Heath? I'm home, are you ready for dinner?"

Heather barely gave her a second before launching herself at her girlfriend, pulling Lillian tight, sobbing into her chest.

"Thank god you're not a spider." Heather said through tears and sniffles. "Didn't you see my messages?"

She could feel Lillian's heart beat in perfectly imperfect syncopation, knowing that she was still here.

"What? Babe, I left my phone here. I told you."

Heather blinked twice, before slowly exhaling from her nose, fighting back the tears.

"Oh. Right."

"What's wrong? Did something happen while I was-- oh my god, it was your first breach."

"Yeah."

"Fuck, you must have been so worried. Heather, I'm sorry. I forgot. I'm just... I'm used to it by now, you know? I just push a button."

"How did that go?"

"How did what go?"

"Pressing the button."

"Babe, I pressed that button so fucking well."

Tick.

Another year gone.

Tick. 

It was over now.

Tick.

And yet, Heather was still waiting.

-----
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++ [[[Forgotten Memories Hub]]]

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Bystander's Guilt

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