Link to article: Calling on the Specialist.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] > Thank you for that wonderful introduction, Assistant Director Merlo. > > As was stated, I’m Dr. Everwood. Officially, I’m a GoI Research specialist from Site-55. Unofficially, I’m a specialist in anomalies produced by Dr. Wondertainment. As you guys are located on the door of the largest known Free Port, like it or not you’re going to be dealing with Wondertainment shenanigans. A lot. > > Site Admin asks me to come out here once a year or so to keep you up to date on all things Wondertainment. Standard containment procedures. Known PoIs. The whole spiel. That way you can get everything squared away and someone like me can rubber stamp whatever needs a seal of approval or two before it goes down to the vaults to never see the light of day again. > > For those of you who are first-timers, welcome. I try to keep things fun and brief. > > For those of you who were here last year, bear with me, we have a lot of new recommendations this time around… ------ [[=]] **Site-64** **Experimental Objects Lab** [[/=]] “Alright.” Agent Beatrice Ross tied back her long red hair, placed a pair of goggles over her eyes, and held aloft a rather worn-down paintball gun. If not for the bright purple ‘W’ emblazoned on the side, it would have looked utterly mundane. “This is the last object Tau-51 grabbed from the raid on the 16th. Won’t require more than standard locker confinement. Since it likely will require additional testing we figured it would be best if ran past you.” Jay gingerly took the object in their hands and inspected it. As always, there was a faint air of whimsy in the back of their mind as the ‘W’ briefly became the focus of their attention. They looked over and chuckled as Ross set up a blank canvas on an easel. “You’re joking,” they said, glancing back down at the paintball gun. “That’s pretty clever.” Ross gestured for them to take the shot. “I’m not going to lie,” Ross said, “It’s quite impressive. Whenever you are ready.” Jay aimed and let loose a single shot. A small green paintball left the barrel and struck the canvas with a dull thud, leaving behind a pea soup green smear that slowly engulfed the blank canvas. Colors shifted and morphed, and before long a replica of ‘Starry Night’ came into being. “You’re the first person who didn’t default to ‘Mona Lisa’ or ‘Persistence of Memory’,” said Ross with a laugh. “So what do you think?” “Oh, Safe class for sure. This is going to need some testing.” Jay placed the object back on the table. “And I’m going to request it be transferred to Site-55.” Ross nodded. “Creed’s already got the paperwork ready for Holman to sign.” The agent grinned. “We have a few more canvases lying around if you want another go…” ------ > I like to do an exercise during these presentations. Help set the mood. > > Try to ignore the existential dread you've experienced your whole career and -- as much as you can -- revert to that nine-year-old mindest of limitless imagination. > > Got it? Fantastic. > > Now, in that mind-space, picture your ultimate dream toy. > > Wacky stuff, huh? > > You’ve now, however briefly, have just become Dr. Wondertainment. > > And isn’t that equal parts wonderful and terrifying… ------ [[=]] **Site-64** **Offices of MTF Gamma-13 (“Asimov’s Lawbringers”)** [[/=]] Jay looked over the case file again. The pages were filled with pictures, depicting [[[SCP-3960|four humanoid robots]]] named "Gizmo", "Johnny", "Lula", and "Dungeon Master", written at the bottom of the pages in black marker. Each image was adorned with a list of personality quirks and interview logs, painting vivid pictures of their lives in containment. "I mean, cool robots, I guess?" Jay ran a hand through their short brown hair. "But I was under the impression you guys were the Anderson experts. Why are you consulting me about it?" Before them, a tan woman with blond hair removed her thin-rimmed glass and sighed. "Because," Agent Shaw said, "before Anderson went belly up they sold the designs to a potential buyer named ‘Isabelle.’” "Ah." Jay looked over the email and nodded. "Yeah, that'll do it. How can I help?" “It’s unclear how much info was transferred on 3960 before Anderson was raided. I need you to help my team create contingencies for an SCP object with the baggage of Anderson Robotics and the potential distribution pattern of Wondertainment.” “And Prom’s tomorrow?” Jay snickered and looked up from the file. “I have more than a few ideas. Let's grab some coffee and think this through.” ------ > The truth of the matter is that the vast majority of Wondertainment objects are little more than quirky anomalous items far from earning an SCP designation. They are whimsical toys. Even so, those that do make it to the big time are going to mostly earn the Safe classification. Set it on a shelf, it's not doing anything. > > Some of you already know where I am going with this. > > The adage is that technically an AK-47, a knife, or a nuclear bomb would qualify as Safe objects. All of which you sure as hell wouldn’t want to be in the hands of your average seven-year-old. > > That’s what keeps me up at night, personally. > > Not because we can’t contain these things. We almost always can without any significant difficulty. But because of the damage that happens before we show up. > > As well-intentioned as Wondertainment appears on the surface, their business boils down to gifting little Suzy a loaded gun in the closet… ------ [[=]] **Site-64** **Anomalous Material Lab** [[/=]] How’s it going, Jake?” Jay poked their head into the crowded laboratory office. The jangly tune of a Modest Mouse song came to a halt as a gangly man, looking nearly as sleep-deprived as Jay was, scowled at them. “What Wondertainment bullshit do you need us to try and replicate now?” asked Researcher Conwell. “Most people start with ‘Hello,’” Jay replied. They slid the rest of the way into the room and took root in the chair opposite Conwell’s desk. “Most people don’t ask me to try and replicate cotton candy with the tensile strength of titanium.” Conwell buried his head in his hands. He eventually peeked through his fingers and dropped his hands. A wide, friendly smile crossed his face. “Good to see you again, Justine. How have you been?” “Oh, you know,” Jay shrugged and handed him a case file. “Wondertainment bullshit.” “Are you going to at least give me a hint as to the flavor of the bullshit?” he asked, gripping the file gingerly. Jay smiled sheepishly. “You were pretty close with the ‘titanium cotton candy’ bit.” ------ > That’s why they asked me to do this presentation each year. > > Not because the containment changes all too much, or the nature of the products, but because how we find these things in the wild is always changing. > > The sooner we locate a Wondertainment anomaly the better. > > Yes, obviously maintaining the Veil of Normalcy is the main reason, but that aside, the sooner you get your hands on these toys, the more lives you’ll save. > > Children’s lives… ------ [[=]] **Site-64** **Infirmary** [[/=]] Jay’s eyes opened to the bright fluorescent and bland interior design of an infirmary. Their head was pounding and their mouth was dry, but at least they were alive. Well most of them were, anyway. There was a new absence of a limb where their right arm would have been on any other day that week. “Finally woke up, huh?” Across from them sat a pale-skinned woman with neck-length brown hair; based on the uniform, an MTF officer. She also looked like she'd been run through a machine. On the other hand, all her limbs were still accounted for. "How are you feeling?" the agent asked. "Like I got hit by a truck," said Jay. “I mean, you technically did. In the broadest sense of the term.” The woman chuckled and winced. “Sasha Merlo. MTF Agent.” “Justine Everwood,” Jay replied. "GoI specialist." They looked the agent over briefly. “Rib fracture?” “How’d you guess?” Now it was Jay’s turn to smile. “Because you also look like you got hit by a truck. Did they at least manage to contain the damn thing?” “So I was told,” Merlo said. “Sorry this happened while you were here. Site-64 is pretty quiet.” “Yeah?” Jay signed. “Amazing how many times people only say that after the containment breach happens.” ------ > Thank you all for your participation and attention during today's seminar. I hope today's workshops have helped emphasize the importance of diligence in our line of work. However benign the last ten Wondertainment objects may appear, we must never become complacent and assume we are dealing with a simple toymaker. The ‘Little Misters’ and similar objects show the kind of malice that can be present under that facade. It would only take one wayward object to level a school -- or god-forbid, a children’s hospital. > > With the skills you built here today, and your dedication, may that object never be given the chance to see a child’s hands. Seminar dismissed. ------ [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [!-- N/A (No Images) --] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]