Dark Sushi File No. 1015 "Paella Marinera"

Link to article: Dark Sushi File No. 1015 "Paella Marinera".
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[[size 120%]]Overview:[[/size]]

The Paella Marinera is an unorthodox piece in the Dark Sushi arsenal. It stands out because of its size, origin, and preparation. The Paella is larger than even the biggest of most standard sushi. It comes from a typically Valencian dish (unlike most other sushiblading forms), and the cooking process required to produce a true Paella Marinera is long and arduous.

The main ingredient of the dish is the //shari// itself, which, when soaked in the right amount of stir-fry serves as the primary powerhouse of the Paella. But the //pièce de résistance// are the forms of seafood scattered upon its surface; for they serve as the focus points for the sushiblader, allowing them to control the massive size of the dish.

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[[size 120%]]Sushiblade Usage:[[/size]]

The main objective of the Paella is to be an unstoppable tank in a sushiblading match. The perfect combination of rice and seafood turns the dish into an impenetrable shield. Boiled mussels bolster the overall resilience to any attacks, especially because of their hard shells, while the shape of the shrimp redirect the attacks of the enemy outwards, protecting the sushiblader. 

The size of the Paella Marinera means it can be used in a devastating attack, often demolishing most weaker sushi in a single blow. It is, however, ill-advised to do this. Instead, use Paella Marinera as a defensive holdout for your more offense-oriented sushi, as the infused saffron is the secret to its incredible ability! 


[[size 120%]]Other usage:[[/size]]

Paella Marinera is a great way to start a fight with a Valencian. Should you bring up the fact that any alterations on their so beloved dish dare exists, they will become irate. They will also bring up the fact that 'proper' Paella only has 10 ingredients and call your creation //"arroz con cosas"//, which is an insult to the incredible technique of making Paella Marinera.

[[>]]
Author: Mataplana
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[[size 120%]]Episode:[[/size]]

I, as a member of the SUME-CI[[footnote]] Sortation, Utilization, Maintaining and Energizing Committee of the Invincibles (不滅なる寿司の選別・利用・維持および活性化のための委員会 ). We are tasked with reviewing new formes of sushi for our glorious organisation. [[/footnote]], was called to Valencia from my hometown of Kanazawa because of a promising youngster's claims in the sushiblading field in a far-off land. The voyage to the sun soaked shores of the Mediterranean was exhausting and I eagerly awaited the moment I would witness this new sushiblader’s technique in action. I arrived two days in advance, to properly scout the terrain and prepare a fresh batch of sushi, in this case, a roll of //ika nigiri// using the region's native squid. 

The so called "prodigy" in question, a local chef called Martín Mataplana, summoned me to the Albufera rice fields, where he would show me the marvels of this new technique. The agreed upon spot was a small elevation surrounded by water and only accessible by crossing a rickety pier. Although it was early in the morning, the weather was warm and the air was filled with mosquitoes. Aquatic birds of all shapes and sizes waddled across the waterlogged fields. 

I approached the meeting point by foot, bringing with me a refrigerated bag on my shoulder to keep my sushi fresh. As I walked up the pier towards the patch of land where Mataplana awaited, the scent of the fabled new dish met my nostrils. It was then that I learned that this was one of those bizarre, heretical cooked sushis that Westerners love so much. 

But still, I let not my preconceptions cloud me as I approached.

> "Welcome, Sakamoto-sensei."

He greeted me warmly. We exchanged bows.

> "I hope the way here was pleasant."

He said.

> "It was, thank you. I would greatly appreciate it if we got down to business"

Without a word, he beckoned me closer to the center of the island. There, a portable stove sat, with a colossal pan on top of it. On the pan, a large amount of rice and shellfish bubbled on a sea of stir-fry. Mataplana smiled and started talking.

> "This, Sakamoto-sensei, is my masterpiece. It is the perfect combination of the rice grown in the lands around us and the fish caught in the sea that bathes these shores. It’s exquisite. And I believe it has the potential to be the most powerful form of sushi to date. I hope you can forgive me, but the paella isn't ready, but it will be done soon. First, we must observe what we here call //"xup-xup"//. I hope it doesn't bother you much."

I chose to remain silent, watching and waiting as Mataplana toiled away on the cooker. He talked and talked about how to better prepare the //shari//, which was the best way to cut up a pepper, and how many drops of lemon juice could be added to the dish without upsetting the balance of sourness of the whole. I wasn't listening very closely.

After what seemed like an eternity, he picked a bit of rice with his wooden spoon and tasted it. He immediately turned off the fire and beamed.

> "It's perfect. Do you want to try some?"

I shook my head.

> "I think it would be in our best interest to start spinning."

I opened my bag and took out my roll of //Ika Nigiri//. Mataplana seemed very excited.

> "Three! Two! One! HEY //RASSHAI//!"

We started slow. The effort of lifting the entirety of the contents of the Paella seemed colossal. Even though it would have been easy to defeat him while the rice was rising from its place, I decided to give him a fair fight.

The Paella lived up to its reputation at first. It shrugged off the blows that I delivered with my roll without losing form nor consistency. But the dish itself was just spinning around. It wasn't performing any other actions.

This continued for quite some time. Mataplana was more and more tired with each passing moment, but the Paella didn't falter. All attacks against it where fruitless. The mass spun ever onward, without any signs of stopping. But even if the Paella was still whole, my //Nigiri// was also still whole, so, I wasn't impressed at all. Thus, I decided to leave my piece spinning in the sidelines mirroring my opponent's inaction. 

I spared a glance at him. He was gritting his teeth; his brow full of sweat, his hands trembling. Then he let out an ear-piercing scream. The Paella lost momentum for a second. And then it barreled forward like an unstoppable stampede of rice and seafood that crushed everything in its wake.

And it missed. 

My Nigiri continued spinning, as the other dish brushed past it, crashing against the weeds behind me and losing all its mass upon impact.

I stopped spinning my sushi and Mataplana fell to his knees, humiliated.

And so, my fellow sushibladers, it is with great disappointment that I report to you the Paella marinera's true statistics. Please find them attached below. 

[[=image paella-marinera.png]]

[[>]]
Author: Sakamoto
[[/>]]


[[size 120%]]**Related Documents**[[/size]]

[# Sushi in foreign lands: The evolution of sushi in the West.]

[http://scp-int.wikidot.com/koigarezaki-news-20210809 The Global Occult Coalition believes that Ramen is practically Sushi, which caused a Domino Effect]

[[[dark-sushi-file-no-120|Dark Sushi File No. 120 "Mab Maki"]]]
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> **Filename:** paella.jpg
> **Name:** 
> **Author:** Yellow Green Farmers Market
> **License:** CC BY 2.0
> **Source Link:** [https://www.flickr.com/photos/ygfarmersmarket/33387909461/in/photolist-7UHevY-2or7ekQ-2MuKye-SSnLgp/ flickr]

> **Filename:** paella-marinera.png
> **Name:** paella-marinera
> **Author:** [[*user Uncle Nicolini]]
> **License:** CC BY 3.0
> **Source Link:** [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/dark-sushi-file-no-1015-paella-marinera SCP Wiki]
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Dark Sushi File No. 1015 "Paella Marinera"

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