Disperazione di Everwood; or, Death & Taxes

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Also known as //Death & Taxes//.

If you're confused about J. Everwood, thinking it's the doctor, no worries; they are different people. I had the idea for Juno Everwood, the Taxman, a long time ago (at least a year before I knew about Dr. Jay Everwood) and I really wanted to write something about them.

This is inspired by 2x24 and 5x9 of House, //No Reason// and //Last Resort//, as well as //[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/dichotomy Dichotomy]// by [[*user evictedSaint]].
The author label quote is from Jhariah's //Debt Collector//.
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//Please don't think I have no empathy,//
//For you, and what you've been through, but,//
//There's nothing I can do now, but stand here and watch,//
//It all catch up to you//

[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/7eventy7evenfold If Cain shall be avenged sevenfold...]
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Everyone had scoffed at the idea of the IRS being a Group of Interest for decades, shrugging it off as an inside joke between players like MC&D, TotleighSoft and even the Foundation. That's why, when their pockets started getting paid out quarterly to no other than America's own Internal Revenue Service, eyes were batted.

Sure, they were a nuisance for the mundane and ordinary people but //these// companies were anything but mundane. Why should they have to answer to such an organization when they were above gods? How could a measly little group such as them tax parties above themselves sevenfold?

It was a cold case, even by the highest of top minds blanketed by the Veil of Secrecy. And damn, were they mad about it.
-----
Juno Everwood just got back to his office from the field and was about ready to head home when he was paged to his manager's office. He sighed and dropped his bag haphazardly into their chair, waltzing to the elevators... which were out of service that day. //Shit.// He furrowed his brow and retraced his steps over to the stairs, climbing up seventeen flights until he reached the floor that his boss resided on.

The door was tall. Immensely so. Engraved onto it was the name "ASHER, DEANAN" and some profession that Juno never bothered to read. He pushed open the door with confidence and strode inside.

"What's up?"

Asher put his call on hold and laced his fingers together. By his face alone, Juno knew he that he should be bracing for bad news.

"I'm so sorry, Everwood, but due to budget cuts and your recent lackluster performances, we have decided it would be best to let you go."

He was stunned. Mainly considering he had been their //best//, but budget cuts? //One of the richest companies in the world!// He felt personally attacked.

Deanan pulled out a slip and handed it to him. "Here is a letter of recommendation for any other Veil party, though considering the financial damage you have caused, I doubt anyone will want to take you in."

"Asher--" he tried to state his case, make an argument -- //anything// in his defense, but was cut off by a remark about having a phone call to get back to, and removed from the office. Just like that. One minute in his manager's office after years of tireless, hearty service, and it was over, flayed like a medieval fantasy. No goodbye parties, no two-weeks. A letter and a boot to the ass.

The door slammed shut, and the engraving on it was so infuriating now. "ASHER, DEANAN. DEPARTMENT OF ESOTERICA." It pissed Juno off, but he was powerless. He couldn't do anything.

He walked back down the stairs, head low, and defeated. He pushed open the door to his office and saw most of his belongings and decor and all the other things that he had cherished were already packed up and wrapped in a neat little bow, waiting in a bag and taunting him on his chair. He snatched it and stormed out of the building, headed nowhere in particular.
-----
Juno pushed open the door to his home. A quiet little place, in a remote woodland. Not somewhere you'd expect a rich man to live. Except he wasn't quite rich anymore. Deanan had taken his money for federal use and he was left with a dingy savings account. It was all so fast, and he was not even so sure if Deanan was paralegally allowed to do so, but who was a lowly, jobless Luddite to question the head of the anomalous in the IRS?

He laid his bag down on the floor and limped to the bedroom, leaping onto it and welcoming its cold embrace. It was nice and soft and unmade and all the good things in the world at that moment. Lifting his head up, he saw his phone just lying down on the bed, same as him, and joked to himself that it must've gotten laid off as well. He grabbed it and dialed the number to one //Sugar Cream Parlor.//

//"Hello, this is Sarah at the Sugar Cream Parlor! How can I serve you today?"//

Juno thought to himself for a moment, trying to remember the codephrase for front companies.

"Uhh... does the Black Moon howl?"

There was a silence. Then there was a //"Give me a moment."// She sounded much less friendly. The friendliness remained, however, with the little chime that began playing. It sounded like some kind of mall ambiance. Which was shortly thereafter interrupted by the phone being picked up. The Foundation had quicker cellphone manners than most, that's for sure.

//"When it accidentally orders decaf. How do you know that phrase?"// some modulated voice asked from the other side.

"I'm from some other group. Listen, I just got laid off and I'm looking for a job, and the Foundation seems right."

//"What other group?"// The voice wasn't asking out of curiosity. This was the life-or-death decision. The weight of the world rested on Juno Everwood's shoulders. All in!..

"...the IRS."

//"Denied. You've caused us too much damage. You'll find your own way."//

The line was cut. //Well, it was worth a shot, right?//
-----
Juno sat on his chair scarfing popcorn and watching some old videos of his. He had absolutely nothing better to do now that he was out of the field. Suddenly, like a miracle from the LORD, he had a new idea.

He rang up the New York offices of Marshall, Carter, & Dark Ltd. with a number given to him his first day in the Department of Esoterica.

//"Greetings, and welcome to Marshall, Carter, & Dark. For inquiries about a purchase, please press {{1}}..."// This continued for a while. Up until five, when it got to employment, and asked him to leave a message.

"Hey, I used to work at the IRS and figured, y'know, since we're both money-type orgs and I need a job, I could tag along. Get back to me." He left it behind and, just as he turned the TV back on, his phone had a voicemail. He frantically grabbed and pressed it, holding it close to his ear--

He yanked it away at the sound of shouting; //"Buzz off, Taxman, we're not takin' you."// He just sighed. The cat he adopted three years ago jumped up at him and miaoed, loudly. Ear-piercingly. He scritched her ears and jumped up from the chair, walking on over to the bowl to feed it. But there wasn't any food left. "I'm sorry Jasper," he consoled her, before tearing out and tossing her a small piece of bread.
-----
He scrolled through TikTok with no clear mind and was unsure entirely of what to do or where to go from here. He texted his friend that he was out of a job, and they responded that they would be more than happy to give him a place to stay. That comforted him at least a little bit.

He moved to the restroom and washed his face, looking at his eyes. They were tired, dreadful. So ruined in just one day. He needed to rest. He made a temporary SCiPnet email and messaged Goldbaker-Reinz, hopeful with the knowledge they are quick and professional with their responses, even if witty. So, he wrote something up and sent it in, then waited for a few hours.

...

...it went ignored.

He decided he needed to sleep it off.
-----
Juno woke up in the early morning with a blistering migraine, stuffy nose and eyebags that looked like inkblots. Tears were welled up in his eyes, and he smelled. Bad. He decided to take a shower.

He tried to turn the knob of the shower, but it was either "too hot" or "too cold" for several minutes until he finally got it just right. He stepped in and finally enjoyed himself under the hot water, closing up his ears and letting it pour down his head like a tidal wave of bliss.

It was only then he realized he forgot to get a towel. It would have to wait until he was done.

He grabbed the shampoo and tried to squeeze it onto his hand but only air came out. He strangled it like it owed him money until the smallest bit came out and used it, and when he was done with his hair, he had noticed some strands of it had fallen out onto his hands. He struggled to untangle it from his fingers.

He finished bathing with soap and stepped out, having to dry himself entirely with a blow dryer, a process that took him almost twenty whole minutes.

After dressing himself, he decided to take a visit to his friend.
-----
Juno, with a backpack hung around his right shoulder and a cat in his arms, rang the doorbell to his friend's house with his nose. It creaked open, revealing an eye, before swinging open right after.

"Hi Axel. Sorry to bother you right now."

Axel wrapped his arms around Juno and squeezed him, real tight.

"It's alright man. Get in here."

Juno accepted the offer and the door slammed shut behind him. He sat down on the nearest chair he could find and let the cat out of the bag. Axel took interest, cooing like a baby and running to pet her. Juno wasn't quite as excited.

Just breathing in that house was like huffing paint. Drawings were scattered everywhere, and they made Juno feel weird. //Real// weird. Not emotionally, physically. He shrugged it off.

"So what's going on man? Didn't you say you got fired?"

Juno looked up. "Yeah, something like that. I went job hunting but can't really give you the details..."

Axel raised his eyebrow. "Why not?"

Juno realized he messed up and started panicking. He scrambled to his feet before Axel grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him back down, giggling.

"Dude, I'm in the Veil too. Did you forget I'm an anartist?"

Juno blinked blankly. "Sorry man, I'm out of it. Uhm, everyone I've tried has denied me and I just don't know. I'm stressed as hell and I'm not so sure if I'm gonna get out of this." Juno scooted closer to Axel. "Worst part is that my bitch boss stole my money, which I don't think he can do. But I can't do anything about it."

Axel grabbed his hand. "You'll make it man. If you can't find a Veil job, maybe it's a sign?" Juno gazed up again. "Maybe you should give yourself some 'you-time' at a normal job. You don't have to memory-wipe yourself or whatever if it's temporary, but..?"

Juno thought about it, but didn't know.

"I mean, I don't know if I'd adjust well. Or if I'd even be happy. I enjoyed field work, y'know? It's like telling you to go back to Art I when you're in AWCY, and //not// forget about the fact that you're in AWCY. Yeah?"

"Yeah. I guess. Just think about it. I'm here."

Juno gave him a hug, one that lasted a bit too long but neither side quite cared, because both needed it. "Thanks Axel. I'm gonna be staying here for a while, I think. Need a change of scenery."

"That's okay," Axel responded, before getting up to put on breakfast.
-----
Juno was sitting on the edge of the bed whenever Jasper crawled up next to him and lied down. "Hi sweetie!" he almost shouted. He found her silky black fur lovely to pet. That cat might as well have been the only thing holding him together.

He leaned over and grabbed the remote to turn the volume up, since he could hardly hear the dialogue. Axel was taking a shower and the world was just alright. He had put in an application for a simple fast food place; Hell on Earth, but simple. He was sure it was what he wanted, after thought.

He decided to take a little nap and rest his mind.
-----
When he woke up, it would've almost been time for him to go to bed normally, which he thought was funny. Axel was already asleep next to him for some reason, so Juno figured he must've been tired. He grabbed his phone and his application was denied, but he didn't care to check the reason, what mattered was that it happened. //Figures.//

He pushed open the door and walked into the living room, and saw Jasper lying down next to a food bowl Axel had put out, which was full. Weird, but okay. He went over to check on her, make sure she was okay.

She wasn't breathing.

It was so sudden. Just like everything else. He didn't understand. Was he being punished? Was this some ironic damnation for being part of the IRS? He couldn't do it. He buried the cat with all his heart.

He stumbled back to the bedroom, his world spinning, and kissed Axel's hand. Not romantically. Just some "peck," He loved his friend. Grabbing his bag, he ran out of the door.
-----
Juno walked into the concealed Esoterica Department building of the IRS, fumbling over himself and furious. He walked to the elevators, still out of service. It was as if the world was telling him no, begging him to rethink everything. He wasn't one to think in the field.

He continued over to the stairs, looking up. He almost threw up just seeing how long it went on for. He went anyways, unfaltering in his decision. He was going to confront Deanan.

He was at the top now. He saw that door, from a distance. "ASHER, DEANAN. DEPARTMENT OF ESOTERICA." He wasn't mad, or indifferent to it, now. He was full of adrenaline. He was //fearful.//

He knocked on the door twice before opening it and walking in. He never knew before, just because Deanan was always the first to open it, but he kept the door unlocked. He found it funny.

Juno closed the door behind him and locked it. Maybe it was for the first time, who knows?

Deanan turned around in his seat and greeted Juno with a welcoming smile. "Hello there! How has it been going since yesterday? Have you found employment elsewhere yet?"

Juno hated how snarky Deanan was. He couldn't believe he was about to do this.

"No, not quite. In fact, I've only been faced with failure and wiseass remarks."

Deanan apologized. "I'm sorry, Everwood. It must be hard."

"Yeah. It has been." Juno reached into his bag and pulled a handgun, aiming it squarely at Deanan. "Computer on and hands on the keyboard. You're gonna do something for me."

His world suddenly stopped spinning. Everything became so much clearer; the sweat running down his own hands, the sudden tension in Deanan's posture, the way his pupils widened, the buzzing of the lamp. Juno realized that from now on, his life would be lead on with over-the-shoulder glances and paranoid delusions.

"Okay." Deanan turned on the computer, signing in as administrator and doing whatever Juno wanted. He was now the Angel of Death, a holy executioner sent by the LORD. A desperate man who, simply by possessing the gun, became the soul determination of what would happen to Deanan. The one who held a life in the balance. Deanan and Juno's tale could end right here.

"Give me all the money you stole from me, you know it isn't yours //or// Uncle Sam's." Deanan followed the instructions aptly, returning all the money and a little bit more for insurance. He was, for the first time, scared. He couldn't fight back or call for help or anything, for his saviors would be reduced to janitors when they would arrive.

Juno looked. "Good. Now, disconnect it. And wipe my records from the IRS, if that's possible. I don't want anybody to hear the name 'Everwood' at even a campfire story." And he did that too. It took a few minutes.

"Anything else?" Deanan stammered out.

"Don't come trying to find me. If any agent comes for me for anything more than collecting, I'm headed straight for your office." Juno knew how much Deanan loved his job, and he wouldn't give it up to live if the alternative was simply listening to instruction.

"O-okay. Please go."

Juno stuffed the gun away and ran out of the office, down the stairs, and so far away. He decided to steer clear of Axel's for a while, just in case Deanan betrayed his end of the deal.
-----
He made it home, tossed the bag and grabbed the gun, setting it in the nightstand. He didn't bother unloading it -- it wasn't loaded before. He couldn't believe what he had just done, and with shaky hands, grabbed his cell and texted Axel.
[[div class="blockquote"]]
Hey Axel, not gonna be back for a few days maybe, sorry. I had to settle something and just wanted to make sure you were safe. sorry for running out
jasper died btw I'm sorry. I don't know what happened I think she choekd.
Listen man I love you a lot okay? Be safe and goodnight
[[/div]]
He passed out clutching his phone.
-----
He woke up with about a million texts from Axel ensuring him he was thought about, which comforted him. Not wanting to leave Axel worried, he took his statement back, deciding that Deanan took his warning to heart and he'd live with Axel a while. He was happy this way. He was going to tell Axel what he did to Deanan and Axel would most likely understand. He was stressed and pushed to that point by circumstance.

He'd still have to look over his shoulder every now and then, just not so constantly; no doubt he was being monitored. But he didn't think they had the balls to pull anything. With his expunged records and new bank account, he decided he'd go back to what he had just two days ago; being a debt collector. Not immediately, but given time. Like this, it was more like glorified theft.

Juno got up and walked to the bathroom, avoiding hitting himself with the doorframe and looking at himself in the mirror. He decided he needed to take another shower. "All is as it was, all is as it should be."

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Disperazione di Everwood; or, Death & Taxes

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