Link to article: SCP-001 Iteration 3.
**Item:** SCP-001-A **Object Class:** Euclid **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-001-A is to be kept under constant surveillance at Warehouse 9 of the Large Anomaly Containment Wing at Site-59. Emergent instances of SCP-001-A-2 are to be subdued and placed in Site-59's Humanoid Containment Wing. A full exploration attempt of SCP-001-A-3 by Mobile Task Force Zeta-9 "Mole Rats" has been scheduled for 10/1/22. **Description:** SCP-001-A is a 13.59 m x 2.44 m x 2.9 shipping container. Its exterior has been reinforced with an unknown substance that, to date, has completely withstood all attempts to cut through. Save for SCP-001-A-1, it is identical in appearance and, presumably, function to SCP-001. However, the presence of SCP-001-A-2 makes SCP-001-A too volatile to act as a replacement for SCP-001. SCP-001-A-1 is a flat metallic device, 2.1 m in height and 0.9 m in width. The text "SCP-FNA"[[footnote]] Does not reference any known SCP designation. [[/footnote]] has been painted on the surface. Through unknown means, it has been permanently affixed to the right wall of SCP-001-A's "cockpit." Whether or not SCP-001-A-1 has "phased into" the wall is unknown. On irregular intervals, instances of SCP-001-A-2 emerge from SCP-001-A-1. SCP-001-A-2 denotes 57 (so far) identical humanoid entities of indeterminate gender, intelligence, and identity. Though unarmed and lacking in capacity to do serious damage to armed personnel, subjects are extremely hostile and will assault anyone in range. Instances are dressed in blue jumpsuits emblazoned with the words "PROJECT BELUGA." They are hairless, grayish-brown in skin tone, and hygiene-deficient. Tissue samples taken from SCP-001-A-2 display both human and bovine DNA. It is unknown if they are capable of speech. SCP-001-A-1 can be opened internally (usually by SCP-001-A-2) and through the use of a button on the exterior. The latter will cause two halves [[footnote]] With the exception of a 3 cm perimeter that serves as a door frame. [[/footnote]] of the device to fold inward, leading to SCP-001-A-3. SCP-001-A-3 is an extradimensional space consisting primarily of interior corridors for a fortified storage area. **Addendum - Incident-001-A-88198:** On 9/1/22 at 0100 GMT, speaker system of SCP-001-A's internal console suddenly began making the following announcement at 120 dB: > {{EMERGENCY EMERGENCY EMERGENCY █████ ██ ██████ ████, ████, ██████ ██ ████ ██}}[[footnote]] A memetic passphrase that, when spoken by anyone other than a current or former O5-11, will result in the subject bursting into flames. Similarly, recordings of this phrase when spoken by another voice are destroyed upon playback. [[/footnote]] {{LIKELIHOOD OF GANYMEDE PROTOCOL ENACTMENT IF NON-ACTION IS TAKEN APPROXIMATELY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT XK-SK-ZK-YK-CLASS SCENARIO ALL PENDING I AM STRANDED ON THE FIFTEENTH BASEMENT LEVEL OF SCP-001-A-3 THERE ARE POSSIBLY SEVERAL CHILDREN DOWN HERE WITH ME THIS MESSAGE WILL REPEAT UNTIL MY DEMANDS ARE MET HELP ME EMERGENCY EMERGENCY EMERGENCY}} After consulting both Site Director Naismith and the O5 Council, Researcher Aaron Gualtieri was chosen to meet the broadcaster. Gualtieri was already scheduled for termination due to exposure to a FAFNIR-class infohazard and had expressed a desire to "go out doing something useful." He was given a hidden microphone to record all interactions with the broadcaster. > **Log of Incident-001-A-88198** > **9/1/22, 0618 GMT** > > <Begin Log> > > //(Sound of a blast door opening on level B15 of SCP-001-A-3. Gualtieri takes fifteen steps forward. Footsteps echo; the area is spacious.)// > > **Gualtieri:** //(Calling out)// Okay, I'm here... hello? What do you want? > > //(No response.)// > > **Gualtieri:** Anyone home? > > //(No response.)// > > **Gualtieri:** //(Mumbling)// Seriously? //(Calling out)// Look, no one upstairs believes this broadcast of yours, but we all agreed it's too weird to not come down and at least hear you out. So what the hell do you want? > > //(No response.)// > > **Gualtieri:** Okay, I'll come back when you're-- > > //(Blast door slams shut. Gualtieri laughs defeatedly.)// > > **Gualtieri:** ...and we're doing //this// now. Faaaan-tastic. > > //(Heavy machinery moves in the near distance.)// > > **Gualtieri:** Lemme guess, you're gonna - > > //(Slam. Gualtieri screams. Several drills and saws run at the same time. Gualtieri screams more. This repeats for approximately 34 seconds.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{HELLO MY NAME IS DR. LAURENCE MICHAUD YOU ARE GOING TO FOLLOW MY DEMANDS SCREAM IF YOU AGREE}} > > //(Additional drill sounds. Gualtieri screams again.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{GOOD TO KNOW WE ARE ON THE SAME PAGE MR. GULAR UH GWAL UH ONE MINUTE SENSORS ARE WORN I AM HAVING TROUBLE READING YOUR NAME TAG COULD YOU TELL ME YOUR NAME}} > > **Gualtieri:** What do you want?! > > **Broadcaster:** {{I COULD NOT HAVE MORE EXPLICITLY STATED A DESIRE TO KNOW YOUR NAME}} > > **Gualtieri:** Researcher Aaron Gualtieri! Why did you call me down here?! > > **Broadcaster:** {{QUESTION}} > > **Gualtieri:** What?! > > **Broadcaster:** {{HAVE YOU EVER HATED SOMEONE}} > > **Gualtieri:** Huh? > > **Broadcaster:** {{CURIOUS THERE MUST BE SOME UNSPOKEN RULE AMONG FOUNDATION STAFF THAT QUESTIONS NEED TO BE ASKED TWICE ONCE FOR INITIAL STATEMENT AND THEN ONCE AGAIN TO ACCOUNT FOR THE CRIPPLING PLAGUE OF NO SELF AWARENESS THAT HAS GRIPPED OUR ONCE PROUD ORGANIZATION REPEAT QUESTION HAVE YOU EVER HATED SOMEONE YOU IDIOT}} > > **Gualtieri:** Yes, yes I have. > > **Broadcaster:** {{NATURALLY YOU HAVE NOW THEN SECOND QUESTION HAVE YOU EVER HATED SOMEONE NONSTOP FOR 9,492,687 YEARS}} > > **Gualtieri:** No, the fuck's that supposed to - > > **Broadcaster:** {{IF NOT YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO ME BARRING RESPONSES TO QUERIES AND DEMANDS BECAUSE WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME HEADSPACE AND ONLY SIMILAR MINDS ARE WORTHY OF MY FRIENDSHIP AND TEATIME}} > > //(No response.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{THAT IS THE CORRECT ANSWER NOW THEN ON TO BUSINESS I NEED A MINIMUM OF TWENTY HOMINID REPLICATORS FROM SCP-2000 AND CARTE BLANCHE ACCESS TO SCP-319 THIS IS FOR THE SAKE OF HUMANITY'S FUTURE IN THE YEAR 2588}} > > //(No response.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{IF THESE DEMANDS ARE NOT MET THEN IN T-MINUS 60 SECONDS YOU ARE GOING TO BANG ON THE GATES OF HELL AND BEG THE STEWARDS OF ETERNAL DAMNATION TO GIVE YOU SANCTUARY}} > > //(Gualtieri sighs.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{I DO NOT RECALL GIVING YOU PERMISSION TO PERFORMATIVELY EXHALE YOU EMACIATED FUCKING TURKEY}} > > **Gualtieri:** On one condition. > > **Broadcaster:** {{GOOD JOB YOU HAVE CORRECTLY ASCERTAINED THAT THERE IS ONE CONDITION TO YOU NOT BEING USED AS A STRESS BALL IN-BETWEEN SCP-UBU TERMINATION ATTEMPTS NOW TALK}} > > **Gualtieri:** Just tell me why. > > **Broadcaster:** {{WHY}} > > **Gualtieri:** Curious. There must be some kind of unspoken rule among SCP-001-A-3 staff that questions need to be asked twice, once for-- > > //(Arcing electricity. Gualtieri screams again.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{SASSING ME IS ILLEGAL DO NOT SASS ME YOU ARE NOT CLEVER I AM CLEVER THIS IS MY REALM AND I HAVE EXCLUSIVE SASS RIGHTS}} > > **Gualtieri:** I just wanna know why you're doing this. This is too weird to be left open. Call it a scientist's instinct. Just tell me that, then I'll pull all my strings topside and get you whatever you want, I swear! > > **Broadcaster:** {{IS THAT A PROMISE}} > > **Gualtieri:** Cross my heart! > > //(Twelve seconds of silence.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{VERY WELL I WILL GIVE YOU THE SHORT VERSION}} > > //(Gualtieri briefly cries out in pain.)// > > **Gualtieri:** What the hell was that? > > **Broadcaster:** {{YOU HAVE BRIEFLY SHARED IN MY CONSCIOUSNESS VIA SCP-YEZ EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME ABOUT PROJECT BELUGA ABOUT SCP-UBU YOU NOW HAVE ACCESS TO IT LIKE YOU SAW IT IN A VERY CLEAR DREAM PLEASE CONFIRM THAT YOU CAN SEE IT}} > > **Gualtieri:** ...yeah. I can remember it. > > **Broadcaster:** {{GOOD GREAT AWESOME OUTSTANDING AMAZING NOW START TALKING YOU LITTLE SHIT IT'S ACQUIESCE TO MY DEMANDS O'CLOCK}} > > **Gualtieri:** Well, since you asked so nicely... > > //(A cracking noise consistent with Gualtieri opening his cyanide-filled false molar.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{WELL SHIT}} > > //(Thump -- Gualtieri's dead body lands against the floor.)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{RUNNING LOGIC SUBROUTINES CONFIRMED THERE IS A NONZERO CHANCE THAT THIS DEVILRY IS THE INDIRECT WORK OF UBU FORMULATING ADDITIONAL CASTIGATION PROCEDURES TO MINIMIZE MENTAL DURESS}} > > //(Several hours of radio silence. Gualtieri's microphone remains active. Suddenly, at 1042 GMT...)// > > **Broadcaster:** {{[http://scp-wiki.net/dyfscp-001/offset/6 ALERT EMAIL NOTIFICATION FOR O5 COUNCIL PROBABILITY OF REGARDING SCP-UBU 100% HACKING SCANNING VIEWING WHAT IS THIS WHAT IS THIS] }} > > <End Log>