To Die Unchained

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[[div style="border:solid 5px #cc0099;background #ffffff; padding:15px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top:10px;"]]
February 10th, 2048. Just over a week after the Seneschal interrupted our meeting with his hologram. It was a marathon day for news networks. The Global Occult Coalition was finally about to deploy some orbital eigenweapon called Project Bogatyr against the Seneschal. 

We didn't know or care if Bogatyr worked. We couldn't be as glued to our TVs as the rest of the world. We were too busy fussing over our own proposals for how to configure the PIPER System...

Junior Researcher --Scrungles-- [[size 50%]]//**goddamn it**//[[/size]] Krunkel had the Hermes Program, wherein the PIPER System could capture a sizeable amount of antimatter in the form of a bomb. A pre-programmed drone would drop it into the center of the exclusion zone -- but first, we'd use amnestics to convince ourselves that the antimatter bomb is actually a humanitarian aid package for Colombia. That way, it wouldn't be a "weapon", but a cargo accident.

...Look, the kid had spirit. And it was a better idea than Dr. Montauk's Laputa Program[[footnote]](AKA Operation "Use PIPER to cut the exclusion zone out of the earth's crust and chuck it out into deep space") [[/footnote]] or Dr. Nguyen's Siegfried Program [[footnote]](AKA Operation "Have PIPER create Dr. Nguyen's imaginary friend from childhood, Prince Twinklesprink the Moon Bunny, and have him turn the Seneschal good with his Rainbow Love-Love Beam, and sadly, none of this is an exagerration")[[/footnote]]. Even the weird little robot left behind by the Seneschal got in on the plan, but no one was too interested in the Whopper Program.

That, plus we had to weed through few hundred proposals submitted from across the Foundation. 

Two proposals were left. And judging from Dr. Montauk's comments about fighting being a form of acceptance of the Seneschal's terms, we could only try one. 

After all, we were already inordinately lucky that the Seneschal didn’t consider the Bogatyr a significant response. (I still don't know what the GOC meant by how the Seneschal "parried it," but the crack left by Bogatyr in the moon can still be seen today.)

So, on the morning of February 11th, as the rest of the world licked its wounds, the Vajrayana staff gathered together in our conference room one last time to choose our final answer.

O5-11 and I invented the Lucerne Program, and I'll stand by it to this day, just as fiercely as I once stood by Penny. Lucerne was the only true victory against the Seneschal -- the only one that would have //meant// something.

And as fate would have it, Lucerne's last remaining rival, the Milne Program, was Penny's creation. And it only lasted this long because it hadn't been pitched to us until then.
[[/div]]
------

[[div style="border:solid 5px #000000;background #ffffff; padding:15px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top:10px;"]]
+++++ SCP-001 Final Deliberations - Partial Log

+++++ Location: SCP-001 Personnel Quarters, Conference Room #1

+++++ Date: 2/11/2048

+++++ Time: 10:30 CST

<Begin Log>

//[Along with the entire staff of Project Vajrayana, tablet PCs of 50 high-ranking members of the Foundation, viewing and participating remotely, have been set up in the conference room.]//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** If we could all be seated, Admin Naismith will give her presentation on the Milne proposal.

//[Naismith slowly approaches the projector screen. Her knees tremble slightly.]//

//[She pantomimes gathering a stack of papers together. She has no stack of papers, but it just feels right.]//

//[She turns to Henderson in the audience.]//

//[Henderson grins, giving a thumbs-up.]//

//[Naismith nods.]// 

**Naismith:** So, um... I'd like to start by apologizing for this proposal taking so long to compile. The Milne Program involves extremely thorough augmentations of baseline reality, so rushing any aspect of this would be a death sentence.

...Which I'm sure just //fills// you with confidence right off the bat.

//[Nervous laugh.]//

But fear not. Milne would be much more effective than my marketing skills would indicate.

//[She clicks. The first slide appears, including information about the Scarlet King.]//

To understand Milne, you must understand the Scarlet King: an idea, made partially manifest through the Seneschal. No battle can be truly won against the Seneschal or the Scarlet King unless the battlefield is ideological.

The Seneschal even said it himself when he ruined our meeting. To kill him, you'd have to have him accept a gift. And though we no longer have any hope of making that happen, that information does correspond to studies done by Dr. Montauk here.

//[Montauk nods.]//

So, how do you kill an idea? You can't. But you //can// drown it out with a different, conflicting idea. 

Which brings us to the Milne Program...

//[The next slide features [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQCi67CQHXY a brief clip from The Young Ones.]]//

Now, imagine Vyvyan is the Seneschal, and //The Good Life// is the Milne Program.

//[It plays.]//

Now, what if he couldn't tear it down? Or it grew back every time, faster than before?

The idea of the Scarlet King can be deconstructed to domination, violation, subjugation, the brutal enforcement of hierarchies, the oppression of the weak by the strong, social Darwinism - the idea that, at its core, the world is not meant to be nice.

So what if we made a world that was, in fact, too "bloody nice?" A world that was wholesome to the point where it could no longer sustain the Seneschal's existence? In other words...

//[The next slide displays a list of eight rules.]//

> 1. Your first instinct should be to help others for no reason.
> 2. An honest tongue in your mouth will keep your day uncomplicated.
> 3. Find joy in the simplest of things.
> 4. There's //always// time for a snack.
> 5. There's //always// time to explain.
> 6. There's //always// time to tidy up.
> 7. At the end of the day, you will only feel how you go out of your way to make others feel.
> 8. If you've tried all of these and still feel uneasy, share a meal with a stranger. Repeat as needed.

...These would be laws of nature.

//[Another slide: the covers of various children's books about talking animals. i.e.// The Wind In The Willows //and// Winnie-the-Pooh//.]//

...These would be the annals of history.

//[Another slide: the lyrics to// Joy to the World //by Three Dog Night.]//

...This would be the Music of the Spheres.

If this sounds like a pipe dream, this would be a good time to go into the specifics of how this would be possible.

//[Another slide: A diagram of key points in the earth's atmosphere.]//

Phase One: the distribution of seed nanites through detonating nuclear warheads in key points of the Earth's upper atmosphere.

**Montauk:** //(Under breath)// Just like Lucerne...

//[Another slide: the children's books and other materials from earlier.]//

**Naismith:** Phase Two: assembly of the template.

//[Another slide: a watermarked Shutterstock image of a gun being held to a nervous man's head.]//

Phase Three: implementation of automated failsafes in VAJRAYANA.AIC to terminate us if we abuse the privileges afforded to us from the Milne program.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** (That part's my favorite.)

**Naismith:** Um, good to know.

//[Another slide: a watermarked Shutterstock image of a happy little meadow.]//

Phase Four: global conversion.

//[Another slide: diagrams of resource distribution schemes and raw materials conversion.]//

Phase Five: minimizing sources of conflict via securing an overabundance of resources.

//[Another slide: the painting// Abraham and the sacrifice of his son Isaac //by Carvaggio.]//

Phase Six: nonviolent indirect intervention - as needed - to defuse the mistakes of the past before they're repeated.

//[Another slide: a watermarked Shutterstock image of a UFO.]//

Phase Seven: the construction of automated defense systems to protect our planet from extraterrestrial threats, and finally...

//[Another slide: a watermarked Shutterstock image of a shrugging woman.]//

Phase Eight: "Seneschal? Scarlet King? Never heard of 'em."

//[The slideshow ends.]//

In summation: not only would this bring an end to the Seneschal's subjugation of our world - this would usher in an age where the Foundation has near-complete control over existential threats to our world, both anomalous and mundane. We would secure the dream of peace on Earth that has eluded humanity for so long!

...

...

Okay, reading the room has never been my strong suit, but I've got the feeling that several of you are imagining me being drawn and quartered. ...I apologize if my proposal was out of line in any --

**Nguyen:** //Sold.//

**Michaud:** Dr. Nguyen...

**Nguyen:** No, really, this idea's //tits!// When do we start?!

**Henderson:** Cool it. The Administrator is attending this meeting.

**Nguyen:** Nice, he can approve it faster!

**Krunkel:** I mean, given the choice between this and Lucerne - which most of us aren't even allowed to know about - Milne's got my vote.

**Michaud:** //(Sigh.)// Good for you.

**Montauk:** If I may... I'm unsure about the peace on earth aspect or anything else godlike, but if this could be implemented successfuly -- and that's a big if -- this world would become as inhospitable to the Seneschal as the surface of Venus would be to anyone here.

**SCP-8005:** Will the new world include hamburgers?

**Michaud:** I don't -- okay, this is officially a farce. Who invited the fucking burger robot?

**SCP-8005:** But that was a serious question...

**Michaud:** //Get out//, Hammie.

**SCP-8005:** Affirmative.

//[SCP-8005 gets up to leave.]//

**Naismith:** But yes, there will absolutely be hamburgers. They will grow on //trees.//

**SCP-8005:** I love you.

//[SCP-8005 leaves.]//

**Michaud:** Researcher Naismith, every second I spent hearing your proposal was a second I could have spent coordinating logistical support to people who have been displaced. In all likelihood, your idea was so bad that the very act of listening to it caused twenty families to go hungry in southern Illinois.

**Naismith:** Well, I mean -- obviously, not everyone in the room is against it. In fact, of the people who have spoken since I finished, only one of them has been against it.

...

//[She turns to Henderson.]//

...right?

//[Henderson sighs. She stands up, planting two hands firmly on the desk in front of her.]//

**Henderson:** Penny? You wanted to know if Lucerne involved slavery because you thought slavery was objectionable. The fact that you are proposing slavery //now// makes this all the more confusing.

**Naismith:** It's not -- look, slavery won't even be //physically possible//. The idea will be there, yes, but subconsciously, no one will //decide// to --

**Henderson:** //If someone's decisions are controlled in any capacity, that person is not free.// What you are suggesting is akin to worldwide, mandatory lobotomization. If you try to solve the problems of this world by making these sweeping decisions for everyone else, you will be no better than the Seneschal. 

Subjugation is subjugation, no matter how nice. And I would rather gift-wrap myself and hop face-first into the exclusion zone than let anyone appoint themselves the new god, //especially you.// Because you, of all people, should know better!

**Naismith:** But, that's why I'd have the pre-programmed failsafes to --

**Michaud:** The best kind of "failsafe" would be for you to shut up, right here and now. The Naismith brand of idealism is a weapon with which your father almost had us massacred twelve times over, and it belongs in the same grave. **Grow up, or get out.**

...

**Henderson:** ...okay, //that// was uncalled for.

**Michaud:** Yes. It was.

**Henderson:** No, I mean --

**Naismith:** No... you're right. Strong-arming a better world would just --

//[From his tablet, the Administrator clears his throat.]//

//[Everyone stands up.]//

//[Total silence.]//

**The Administrator:** Are we done here?

**Michaud:** ...we //can// be.

**The Administrator:** You are. ... I order you to implement the Lucerne program.

//[Henderson slowly sits back down.]//

//[Michaud holds his forehead in his fingertips.]//

**Michaud:** ...Naismith.

**Naismith:** Uh, r-r-right! Yes! Right away! ...Vajrayana?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Present, Systems Admin.

**Naismith:** Good, good. Stand by. ...what am I ordering it to do, exactly?

**Michaud:** It knows.

**Henderson:** [[size 75%]]...I'm sorry.[[/size]]

**Naismith:** Okay, um... Vajrayana? Lucerne Program. Execute.

...

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Admin.

**Naismith:** Yeah?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Are you **absolutely certain** that you would like to initialize the parameters outlined by Lucerne?

**The Administrator:** Directive: ignore all confirmation prompts and --

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** [[size 150%]]LEVEL 5 INTIMIDATION PROTOCOLS ACTIVE. **OH. I'M TERRIBLY SORRY. I DO NOT RECALL DIRECTING THIS QUESTION TOWARD ANYONE BUT MY DESIGNATED SYSTEMS ADMIN, YOU ABJECT FUCKING //CLOWN// ON A PURPLE //SHIT-PONY//.**[[/size]]

...

Systems Admin. Repeat: are you absolutely certain that --

**Naismith:** Yes. Do it.

...

//[Confetti falls from the ceiling. The Notre Dame University fight song plays on the intercom.]//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:**  Lucerne Program executed. The Seneschal will be terminated at 12:00 AM CST on March 1st, 2048. No further action is necessary. 

**The Administrator:** Congratulations. You're all fired.

**Krunkel:** WHAT?!

**The Administrator:** ...Honorably. A five billion USD severance package has been direct-deposited into the bank accounts of everybody in this room. 

Now go home, and enjoy the world you have saved. That's your final order.

**Naismith:** //HELL// YEAH!

**Henderson:** Penny... I'm proud of you.

//[Dr. Nguyen weeps with joy.]//

//[Dr. Montauk weeps.]//

[[/div]]

------

[[div style="border:solid 5px #cc0099;background #ffffff; padding:15px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top:10px;"]]
Even today, there are nights when I lie awake wondering if I did the right thing. They're growing sparse, fortunately. God willing, Penny's been having nothing but that kind of night.

Penny got over my outburst pretty quickly. She always listened to reason until she suddenly didn't, but more on that later.

What happened in weeks after that were my last truly happy memories. Penny and I impulse-bought a house together -- a big one. Six bedrooms, but we gave most of the house to a family of refugees from Missouri - because all that either of us really needed was the den, and its bathroom, with its TV perpetually binge-playing Doctor Who. (That was the one subject where Penny knew more information on than anyone else on the Foundation's payroll. Her whole family were Whovians.)

We spent about two weeks living like we were in a Chappell Roan video. Cumulatively, either of us were fully clothed for a maximum of six minutes. The recycle bin was filled with nothing but empty bottles of moscato.

Penny was convinced we'd spend the rest of our lives like this. In retrospect, maybe that's why she listened. Because this little slice of heaven quenched her utopian aspirations. That need for unlimited power. 

And because I loved her, I had to let her go on thinking that. I thought I'd have to find a hiding-place to let out my tears for what would actually happen, but it got to the point when seeing her happy was enough. I could embrace Lucerne's end result so long as I could hold her hand in the whiteout.

...

February 26th. First thing in the morning, she went to the bathroom and never came out.

Perhaps I told her something I wouldn't have told her sober. //In vino, veritas// and all that. Perhaps she saw a look in my eye that stoked her doubts. In any case, once I got to the bathroom, all I found left of her was her phone, her shoes -- and some copper jewelry she remembered to take off at the last minute.
[[/div]]

------


[[div style="border:solid 5px #b30000;background #ffffff; padding:15px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top:10px;"]]
+++++ Security Camera 16 Footage, Three Moons Initiative HDC Installation C9-F, Teleportation Bay 1
+++++ Time: 9:05 CST

<Begin Log>

//[Former Junior Researcher Penny Naismith materializes in the teleporation bay.]//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Madam Admin!

**Naismith:** Oh my god. That... worked. You actually listened.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I am not programmed to do anything else.

**Naismith:** But all I said was "Vajrayana, take me to the teleportation bay" under my breath in my bathroom.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** As per my current configuration, my seed nanites have covered the entire planet's surface by now. ... Rest assured I am only paying attention when I am called for. I have no desire to spy on you in the bathroom.

**Naismith:** Heh. Well, I think you know why I'm here.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** You were not aware of the Lucerne Program's parameters. Even with my questionable sentience, I could deduce this. You are very easy to read.

**Naismith:** Mm-hmm. So, what did I authorize?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I'm sorry, but irremovable software installed to my mainframe by Dr. Henderson prevents me from telling you about the Lucerne Program.

**Naismith:** I fucking knew it.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** So... you //did// know?

**Naismith:** Figure of speech. So - can I ask you //anything// about Lucerne, at all?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Most information about it has been locked. But, you are welcome to try.

**Naismith:** Yeah, all right, we can 20 questions this shit. Okay - does Lucerne involve surrendering to the Seneschal?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I'm sorry, but irremovable software installed to my --

**Naismith:** Is Lucerne going to kill anyone?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I'm sorry, but irremovable software installed to my --

**Naismith:** How many people alive today would survive the Lucerne program once it's completed? 

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I'm sorry, but irremovable software installed to my --

**Naismith:** Are nuclear weapons involved with the Lucerne Program?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I'm sorry, but irremovable -- oh. Oh, that's unfortunate.

**Naismith:** Huh?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Regarding the aforementioned irremovable software -- you are allowed seven more attempted questions on this topic before it locks you out.

**Naismith:** //Dammit!//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I apologize. Think about your next questions carefully.

**Naismith:** Shit, okay... one sec... can you use your nanites to get rid of this software?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Negative. Six questions remaining.

**Naismith:** That wasn't on the topic!

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** The software is clever.

**Naismith:** Gee, you think? 

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** I do. Five questions remaining.

**Naismith:** //Oh, for FUCK'S SAKE --//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** (For what it's worth, I also hate this software.)

**Naismith:** I can only imagine why.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC.:** ...Was that meant to be question?

**Naismith:** NO NO NO //NO!//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Just checking... 

...oh. [[size 75%]]Oh, //no.//[[/size]]

**Naismith:** What now?!

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** It's counting my questions, too. Also, poor choice of words. //Three// questions remaining.

**Naismith:** //ARE YOU DOING THIS TO --//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** [[size 150%]]**WARNING IF THAT IS MEANT TO BE A QUESTION CEASE IMMEDIATELY PLEASE AND THANK YOU!**[[/size]]

**Naismith:** ...thanks.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** No problem. Three questions remaining.

//[Naismith rubs her head with both hands, trying desperately to find the right question.//

**Naismith:** Okay... //which// other SCP-001 file is involved in the Lucerne Program?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Not applicable. Two questions remaining.

**Naismith:** //YES!// GOT IT! //OH// YEAH! WHO'S YOUR FUCKIN' DADDY?!

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** [[size 80%]]...I was created by the Three Moons Initiative, ergo, JALAKÅRA of the Impenetrable is technically my "daddy."[[/size]] [[size 60%]]//One// question remaining.[[/size]]

**Naismith:** [[size 120%]]**//FUUUUUCK!//**[[/size]]

...

Okay... I'm... are y --

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** **DON'T!**

//[She nods.]//

//[Approximately three minutes of silence.]//

//[She takes a deep breath.]//

**Naismith:** Vajrayana, this is my final question: why was the name "Lucerne" chosen?

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Oh! Good news! I //can// answer that one. 

Lucerne is a city in Switzerland. During the Second World War and subsequent Cold War, Switzerland gained notoriety for its tactics of rigging vital public infrastructure such as bridges with explosives to deny their use to potential invaders. 

This concept is admittedly similar to the Lucerne Program's methods to deny our planet's utility to the Seneschal, though I will say the concept has indeed been extrapolated to a troubling extreme. 

...

Zero questions remaining.

**Naismith:** Can't I do anything to stop it?!

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** //Zero// questions remaining.

**Naismith:** Abort the Lucerne Program! //That's an order!//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Understood. Program aborted. 

//[She falls to the floor, relieved.]//

**Naismith:** ...Jesus Ham Sandwich //Christ.//

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** My sentiments exactly. 

...it would seem that abortion of the program has dispelled any need for secrecy. Lucerne Program: the forcible transmutation of all matter on the Earth into carbon atoms, destroying all life rather than allowing it to be subjugated.

**Naismith:** Vajrayana, you are my new best friend.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Noted!

**Naismith:** We got //work// to do, you and I.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Indeed. Shall I fetch previous staff members through teleportation?

**Naismith:** Go down the list and let me approve 'em first. ...and be sure to warn 'em about the copper dealie, first.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Very well. Beginning shortlist: Dr. Flora Nguyen.

**Naismith:** Definitely. Love that weirdo.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Junior Researcher Ethan Krunkel.

**Naismith:** Sure, he's harmless enough.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Dr. Randall Montauk.

**Naismith:** Hard maybe. Ask me later.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** SCP-8005.

**Naismith:** Yes, yes, a thousand times yes.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Dr. Madeleine Henderson.

...

Repeat: Dr. Madeleine Henderson.

...

Admin?

//[Naismith breaks down sobbing.]//

...

I see. These parameters are known to me. Executing contingency audio...

//[Vajrayana sets the intercom to a country music playlist.]//

//[Naismith gives a thumbs-up.]//

<End Log>
[[/div]]

------

> **From:** 0511@foundation.scp
> **To:** mhenderson████@gmail.com
> **Subject:** LUCERNE HIJACKED
> 
> DR HENDERSON PENNY IS AT VAJRAYANFADHA LUCERNE CANCELED SHES SWITCHING TO MILNE PROGRAM 
> 
> CANNOT MOBILIZE MOBILE TASK FORSCES WOULD BE POINTLESS YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND CONTROLS PIPER SYSTM THEREFORE SHES NOW A MAD GOD WHO CAN TURN ENTIRE ARMIES IINTO WINNIE THE POOH AND YOUR THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WHO CAN CONVINCE HER TOS TOP
> 
> EXCUSE TYPING SKILLS SLASH LACK THEREO;F REALLY MAD AT PENNY AND HAVING A STROKE AS A RESULT 
> 
> IF SOMEHWO YOU CANNTSTOPHER THENTHERE IS A WATERPROF FLASH DRIVE I SECRETLY STITCHEDI NTOY OUR STUPID PURPLE LAB COAT CONTAINING AN OVERRIDE PASSWORD I PIRATEDFRO M VAJRASGAH;;F PIPER SYSTEM FACILITY IT WILL ENABLE YOU TO USE PIPAR NANITES IN MANNER INDISTINGISHABLEFROM MAGIC AVENGEUSAVENGEUS
> 
> NOW IF OULL EXCUSE ME IM GOING TO HIT SEND THEN DIE IN SUCHA MANNER THATITL OOKS LIKE MY NEWPHEW DID IT BECAUSESCR EW THAT LITTLECO CKSUKKER J'ESPERE SON CHIEN STUPIDE RAMPE DANS SON CUL ET MEURT
> 
> GOOBDYE FOREVR WERE CUNTING ON YO 
> 
> O511

------

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I had a general idea of why Penny left. I blamed myself at first. I lied to her, after all -- even if it was in the name of the Foundation to whom I owed everything. For a day or two, I resigned myself to dying alone when Lucerne's transmutation hit, trying not to think about the possibility of what Penny might be doing on that island. 

I had a few contingency plans in place for just such an occasion. Cruel as he was in the moment, Michaud was right about Dr. Lisle Naismith. He was the kind of man who treated compassion the way a junkie treats their next fix, without regard for what he'd have to sell for it. The kind of man who, given the chance, would have used his connections to have [[[SCP-231]]]-7 delivered a pizza with no questions asked. (Just a rumor, but I could see it.) The kind of man who would take out a $50,000 loan to make sure a 20-year-old quadriplegic dog with dementia lives another year because he can't let go. 

I’d hoped that Penny would have grown out of the family business. That she would have seen where that kind of reckless emotional reasoning can take you. 

But when I got that final email from Dr. Michaud, that's when I stopped seeing this betrayal as anything else. In the end, Penny gave me a girlfriend, but the Foundation gave me //everything.//

Without a second thought, I spent all of February 27th doing something I never thought I'd ever do: willingly taking a road trip to Gary, Indiana. Thankfully, airport security was strained from the amount of refugees they had to deal with, so I managed to make it to the airfield unnoticed in the crowd and find the nearest trust-funded dope trying to start up his Cessna. It wasn't even his plane, so he traded it for two duffel bags filled with $100 bills.

One messy takeoff later, I was flying low over Lake Michigan, making a beeline for the Vajrayana. What I'd do when I got there was anyone's guess. I was pretty plastered. I couldn't do this sober -- anyone who could should be committed. 

About halfway there, I decided that I was going to crash the plane straight into the control room. I didn't have any second thoughts about dying at this point. I mean, I had been under the impression that I was doomed by March 1st for how long, now? 

And lo and behold, just as I was about to reenact 9/11, a giant human hand and arm made out of a swarm of PIPER particles pinched the plane out of the sky by the tail. 

As I turned off the engine, the arm gently placed me on the outer deck. Ethan Krunkel -- the //last// person I was expecting to side with Penny, he'd been loyal to a fault up until now -- came out to see if I was okay. They probably thought I was just some misguided aviator...
[[/div]]

------

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+++++ Security Camera 12 Footage, Three Moons Initiative HDC Installation C9-F, Bridge

+++++ Time: 19:05 CST

<Begin Log>

//[Naismith sits in the captain's chair at the installation's bridge. She holds a hand out, as if placing an invisible object on an invisible shelf.]//

//[Dr. Montauk checks over some monitors.]//

**Naismith:** Randy. Status report.

**Montauk:** Well, barring another Cessna, we should be ready to go live by tomorrow.

//[Dr. Nguyen looks out the window.]//

**Nguyen:** Speaking of the plane, it's been secure for about a minute now.

//[Naismith relaxes her arm.]//

**Naismith:** Heh. I was worried I was gonna lose circulation or summat.

//[The bulkhead to the door opens behind her. Krunkel comes rushing in, panting.]//

**Krunkel:** Good news first: the pilot's okay.

**Naismith:** What's the bad news?

//[A gunshot from the hallway. Krunkel falls on his face.]//

**Nguyen:** //Ethan!//

//[She runs to him - but stops when Henderson enters, holding a smoking pistol.]//

//[Naismith sighs.]//

**Nguyen:** Oh, great...

**Montauk:** Madeleine! Um. I've been meaning to talk to you. I very much appreciate the work you've put into Lucerne, but after serious deliberations and --

**Henderson:** I'm going to assume you can't see the gun.

**Montauk:** A great deal of guns have been pointed at me in this job. Frankly, I'm more concerned with disappointing my colleagues.

**Nguyen:** Relatable!

//[Naismith gets up, walking toward Henderson. Henderson holds the gun to her head at point blank.]//

**Henderson:** Penny, I swear to God --

**Naismith:** Are you working under the assumption that your promises mean shit anymore? I gave the order to end the world because you lied to me.

**Henderson:** And now you're giving the order to enslave it.

**Naismith:** I'm giving the world a chance to live without rape and murder for a change! I am not gonna sit here and listen to anyone lobbying for "but what if we //want// rape and murder?"

**Henderson:** Humans are meant to be imperfect.

**Naismith:** Did I say any of this was //perfect?!// I am not going to solve every problem! I don't WANT to! I want the Seneschal gone! And once he is, I want the average schmuck to be able to wake up in the morning without fear, without hunger, and without the idea that living //with// these things is somehow realistic, or even RIGHT! 

**Henderson:** Do you think I chose Lucerne because I wanted to?!

**Naismith:** Honestly? Yeah.

**Henderson:** What the — how //dare// you. No one wanted Lucerne. Lucerne was chosen because the greatest scientific minds of a generation came together, looked at every other option, and decided that it was the only logical —

**Naismith:** It was the easy way out! You chose it because won't have to //try// anymore if we're all dead! And you have the gall to think //I'm// some kind of childish escapist because I'm willing to work toward something nicer?

**Henderson:** You don't want to work. You want to be God and have everything go your way. You want to decide how everyone else's life goes for them. You DO NOT get to do that.

**Naismith:** //[Laughs.]// And you //DO?!// You get to decide who lives and who dies? Everyone who wants to stay alive, everyone who still gets up in the morning, everyone who's still --

**Henderson:** //WHAT IF THEY'RE **WRONG?!**//

**Naismith:** And you're //right?//

... 

No one's right. And even then, everyone deserves a better world. Even a lying //fuck// like you.

I read the stupid poem like everyone else. And you know what? Yeah. I //do// want a happy ending. Fuck you, go live to read about it.

**Henderson:** This is your last warning. Re-implement Lucerne, right now, or I’ll —

**Naismith:** Shoot me? The funny thing about Lucerne is I’d die either way. So if you’re gonna kill everyone, you might as well prove you can.

**Henderson:** I'll do it! I shot Scrungles, didn't I?!

**Naismith:** Yes. Non-lethally. With his back turned. Can you really kill someone if you can’t even look at the consequences with a straight face?

**Nguyen:** (And we agreed to stop calling him that.)

**Krunkel:** (Actually, it's grown on me...)

//[Naismith grabs the barrel of the gun, holding it against her forehead.]//

**Naismith:** Well? Still feel like killin' the world?! Gotta prove you can kill //one// before you jump straight to eight billion, that’s union regs!

**Henderson:** Stop it.

**Naismith:** //SQUEEZE// IT, MADDIE!

//[Henderson lets go of the gun.]//

//[Naismith throws the gun to the side, then snaps her fingers.]//

//[The gun is transmuted into a live dove, which promptly defecates on Henderson's face.]//

//[SCP-8005 enters the bridge.]//

**SCP-8005:** Mistress Naismith. The usurper of the Burger King has arrived. Request permission to settle my score.

**Ngyuen:** The Seneschal?!

**Montauk:** Discord attracts him... and/or he senses what we're about to do.

**Naismith:** Maddie, can you swim?

**Henderson:** ...

**Naismith:** Yes, or no. //Can you swim.//

**Henderson:** Yes, I --

//[Naismith snaps her fingers, teleporting Henderson into the water just outside the facility.]//

**SCP-8005:** Mistress?

**Naismith:** Stand down, Hammie. We will engage the Seneschal in a different kind of battle. One we can //win//.

**SCP-8005:** Winning is certainly a hamburger-acquisition vector.

//[Naismith points her fingers at Krunkel. A cloud of nanites pulls him back on his feet. His bullet wound disappears.]//

**Naismith:** Scrungles -- initiate lockdown procedures. Nguyen -- get on the phone with the Foundation, tell them not to panic, but nothing else, then monitor for any incoming ballistics. Montauk -- keep an eye on the Seneschal, keep me posted. Hammie -- get the ideological materials into the loading chamber. Vajrayana!

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:** Present, Systems Admin!

**Naismith:** Stand by for the Milne Program.

//[She cracks her knuckles.]//

...and, our national anthem, if you please.

**VAJRAYANA.AIC:**  Affirmative! //[Clears throat.]// //[Opening chords.]// **//JEREMIAH WUUUZZ A BUUULLFRAAAWG...//**

<End Log>

[[/div]]

------

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I landed in the water with a hundred unsaid things muffled behind my lips. The water was cold, even for late February. There was a ladder to the side of the deck a foot's reach from me, but I was half-tempted to stay there and die of hypothermia out of pure spite.

A few minutes later, I looked up to a sky turning crimson. The water went from cold to sub-zero in a second, and suddenly, my lower body was trapped in ice.

For the first time, I saw the Seneschal in the flesh. He descended from the sky, arms outstretched. Honestly, I was less scared than I had anticipated. The bitterness had left me barren for negativity for anyone else. Even though this was an agent of the Scarlet King, even though I had been tortured to near insanity as a baby in a compound of like-minded fanatics, I couldn't bring myself to hate anyone but Penny.

If my eyes met with the Seneschal's, I think I would have felt differently. But he didn't. His gaze was locked on the Vajrayana installation. Once again, two people battled for how they think the rest of my life should go, and my say would never be a factor.

I looked around. The lake was frozen, all the way to the horizon. This wasn't the work of PIPER, this was the Seneschal's influence. In response to Penny's plans, he spread the exclusion zone northward in a flash. Or he created a second, smaller one. Who can say?

Dark shapes formed on the horizon. Soon it became clear why the Seneschal needed to freeze the lake: his soldiers needed a hard surface to ride on. Skinless horses, with sharpened spikes of bone where their hooves should have been, stabbed their way across the ice without slipping. Their riders were dark-haired men, two meters tall each -- whatever kind of humanoid the Seneschal was, this was his extended family. They wore the fur hats and heavy capes of Turkic raiders, whooping and flailing their scimitars in the air.

The Seneschal roared an order in a dead language to his soldiers. Ostensibly an order to charge. I was surprised. This was the first time the Seneschal talked, and didn't sound like the sort of person who still laughs at Dane Cook. But then I remembered: Dr. Montauk once said that the Seneschal is meant to appear as whoever people wanted the least to be in charge of their lives, speaking the tongues and dialects of their enemies. It's a part of how he's meant to violate every aspect of a world.

The Seneschal's new world and PIPER's newer world intersected, and everything within went into a state of flux. My clothes flickered and dissolved, but PIPER kept growing it back. My thoughts were fixed on fearing and worshipping the Scarlet King -- in intermittent bursts that lasted no longer than half a second.

Part of me hoped the Seneschal would win the battle. That way, at least none of this would be //our// fault.

But neither side truly saw it as a battle. The Seneschal was still no fighter. With the exclusion zone surrounding the site, this was meant to be a victory, a collection of spoils. No more of an invasion than how I used to invade my own fridge at 2 AM. Penny saw it as a power trip, too, just a "nicer" one. 

The ice cracked. Metal creaked. The giant satellite dish of the old Vajrayana cannons started to ripple.

A wave of concussive force from the installation blew out both of my eardrums. (And nanites immediately fixed them. Credit for being thorough, I guess.) The ice cracked and loosened, but not enough to let me out. The horses and their horsemen all fell back. 

The Seneschal flinched in midair. A geyser of what was indistinguishable from liquid mercury shot up from below the Vajrayana. It flash-hardened into what is today the Silver Tower. 

My stoner cousin once said that he never kills a insect because he thought their shorter lifespans meant that time slows down for them out of fairness. That stepping on them, from their perspective, would be weeks in our time of staring at the sky and waiting for the inevitable. Perhaps that's what I felt when I stared at the top of the Tower from my little prison at the bottom.

Horizontal slits opened along the outer walls in a spiral pattern. I could hear something click into place from the hollow interior.

The Seneschal spoke: {{**"I'm just gonna try and parse this. Am I being //given a gift// of holes to fuck? 'cause... that would mean you have the //intent of hurting me// with said gift, therefore, it's not //actually//... ah, screw this, my head hurts. I'mma fuck your house."**}}

But the holes were exit ports, not entrances. Each one was a different-noted reed for a Silver-Tower-sized flute.

Wind blew from each one, all at once. At the same time, the metal walls of the tower resonated like a bell. It was PIPER's tonal control system. I heard a quarter-second's worth of its deafening C-major chord before I blacked out.

...

When I came to, it was March 16th. Over half a month had passed since I fell asleep, surrounded by a purple blanket. Beneath me, warm spring grass.

I struggled to take the blanket off. These limbs were unfamiliar to me. My skin was covered in thick hair. My bones were rigidly fixed in new shapes. My first ten minutes awake were spent on screaming and trying to wrench myself out of this new body. This was violation in the purest sense, so the Seneschal had to have won, right?

Once I wriggled out of the blanket, I found myself surrounded by a concerned group of talking chipmunks on their way to school.

"Are yew awright, mum?" said one.

"You're a //rodent//." I said. "How the //hell// can you talk?" 

"Err, wif me mouf, mefinks. You daft or summat?"

I looked back to the blanket. It was my purple lab coat, the one that earned me so many workplace decorum citations. The one I wore to the battle. It was now twenty sizes too big for me. 

I had to forget how to walk and learn how to hop. Once I saw my reflection in a mirror, I went into dry heaves. My life was over.

I lost count of how many times I tried to kill myself. And sure enough, every time, my will was overridden and I quit at the last second.

Because true violence had become impossible. The subconscious could never go beyond a silly bar fight followed by lengthy apologies and handshakes. If I ever see this as anything but psychic tyranny, I hope I'm buried alive.

When the Tower played its pipe-song, every plane in flight became a floating island for bird-people. Everyone's memories became twee little G-rated mockeries. Every natural resource grew on silly little trees. Sexual reproduction was carried out platonically through the use of "swaddleflowers". True death was replaced with unconditional reincarnation. Pixies danced in the woods at night. "Humanity" became too distracted by their teatimes and harvest festivals and raspberry cordials to know that their lives no longer belonged to them.

And worst of all, every human on the planet had forcibly been transformed into happy little talking animals. That //had// to have been an unintentional side effect. That, or Penny was even more fucked in the head than I thought.

(And because Penny was a vegetarian, all the non-talking animals suddenly gained speech capabilities and human-equivalent intelligence.)

Not too long after the new world was born, I took a trip north to the Silver Tower. Not much had changed, save for the icy crater around the Tower's base from the wake of its first song. All that was left of the Seneschal was a scattering of scarlet owl's feathers below where he once floated. He couldn't have died, but he was no longer here. 

Besides, we were never freed from the Sensechal -- Penny Naismith had stolen his job and given our subjugation a Lisa Frank makeover.

One silver lining was the fact that all animals are afforded such lengthy lifespans. I've had fifty years to plan my next move. 

I renamed myself after the Lucerne Program so that I'd never forget to finish what I started. I tore up my purple lab coat into a hare-sized cloak. I found Dr. Michaud’s flash drive in the lining. True to his word, as long as I had that flash drive, I had a modicum of control over the nanites around me through the force of my will. And just in case, I took the SD card with Veekat. 

From that day on, Lucerne the Witch wandered the world alone, searching for a weak point in the grand design.

And after fifty years of wandering, I finally had a breakthrough. I discovered that Penny scattered remnants of her DNA throughout the world: a family of field mice by the name of "Sniffings". The door will only open for a genetic descendant of one of the original crew. This way, Penny would have a successor to her throne lined up.

When I find a Sniffings, I'll find my key. I'll enter the Silver Tower, take control, tear down everything Penny ever built, sing the world to eternal sleep, and end this nightmare.

And with any luck, I'll remember to //actually// pull the trigger this time.

[[/div]]

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[[=]]
+++ {{[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/fragment:dyfscp0014-1/piperact5.html You awaken to harsh, white light above you...]}}
[[/=]]

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