Link to article: Experiment Log 914 - Part VI.
[/experiment-log-914/offset/4 <- Notice: Continued from 05XX.] [[collapsible show="+ Show 060X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 060X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0600** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** One large rock (granite) **Input:** One rock **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An object consisting of two quartz wheels attached to a rectangular stone base. Object is capable of movement, and moves quickly in an apparently random trajectory. It is not presumed to be sentient. //Note: It’s like the sphere from earlier except it never stops moving. Can someone make a hamster wheel for this thing? -Cho// //Note: I'll get a hamster ball, but I get 50% of the power royalty's when I turn it into a generator - Researcher Darby// //Note: After being hooked up to a makeshift generator **(without my permission, might I add)** the thing started slowing down. It only seems to move when it's not being resisted by something stronger than air. - Veritas// ----- **Test 914-0601** **Name:** Dr. Cleveland **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** One generic empty 1TB USB, with the word "Europe" printed on. **Input:** USB **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One generic 4TB USB, with the word "Pogrom" printed on. It contains a program, which if run on any computer using any Linux-based or Linux-derived system, would instantly cause it to shut down permanently by deletion of all critical software components. //Note: If my memory served me correctly, SCP OS is at least partially based upon Linux. And by partially, I mean 15 percent of the source code is clearly based on Linux, just slightly more derivative than iOS. Requesting permission to test this USB on an offline, standalone computer using SCP OS. If it is indeed Linux-derived, we would know. - Cleveland// //Note: Yeah, let me know how you're going to convince [[[new-technical-issues | Rosen]]] to give you anything. - Veritas// //Note: After Engelhart made such a mess? Well, I'm not expecting any computer virus testing permits for the month. Veritas, consider that request retracted. And I would absolutely agree with your verdict there. - Cleveland// ----- **Test 914-0602** **Name:** Dr. Engelhart **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** 5 pencils, each with different designs. //Note: it's about time I cleaned out some junk from my desk. - Engelhart// **Input:** A Valentine's themed pencil covered in heart print. **Setting:** Rough **Output:** Two puddles of red and white paint, a pile of sawdust, a small pile of flakes of eraser, and a small disk of what is confirmed to be graphite. **Input:** A pencil designed for St. Patrick's day, designed with four leaf clover print. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** A approximately 1/2 centimeter tall, 1 1/2 centimeter wide, and 20 centimeter long slab of wood covered in different greens. Underneath the slab was a thin layer of graphite. **Input:** A pencil designed in the pattern of a candy cane. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A pencil with a pattern of Santas on it, except the Santas are printed in red and white. **Input:** A pencil with print resembling a rocket. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** --a small explosion-- after viewing security footage it was realized the pencil was upright with the small explosion helping it generate enough lift to go through SCP-914 and go through the walls to be launched into orbit. Pencil was eventually retrieved and found to have no other anomalous properties. **Input:** A pencil with several cats printed onto it. **Setting:** Very fine. **Output:** --OwO A compweetwee nwomwal pwencwil UwU.-- An identical pencil to the original physically, but has the memetic property to make writers write using excessive furry slang without realizing it. //Note: Really? Picking up a similar looking object after using very fine on it? You might just be Calloway 2.0 at this point. - Veritas// //Note: At least he didn't drink it, or anything else - Researcher Darby// //Note: How do you drink a pencil? -Intern Lunar// ----- **Test 914-0603** **Name:** Dr. Engelhart **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** A virus used by the Foundation to hack anomalous websites, stored in a USB. //Note: I want to see what it could do to improve an already high quality virus, and what it thinks actually could be improved. - Engelhart// **Input:** Above mentioned USB **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Once plugged into a computer, there are no changes of note until 5 minutes in, when every website last visited in the last 24 hours abruptly shuts down. This effect has lasted from 5 minutes, up to 10 months. //Note: What did I really expect from SCP-914 honestly. Whelp, goodbye Reddit. - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: DAMN YOU VIRUS, it killed my favorite game site. - Researcher Darby// //Note: Excuse me? Every page from Wikipedia and Wikileaks, to Deviantart and Pixiv, to CNN and KMBC 9 News, all the way to Steam, Twitter, Apple Inc., and even two of our internal network servers got shut down within ten minutes of that experiment. I was told that Site Director Hackett threw an entire experiment log folder across the room after he heard the news. Consider yourself lucky that there were no severe containment breaches during the two hours when our network servers went down (and Site-17 was still cleaning up the mess caused by an [[[SCP-953]]] containment breach attempt). Engelhart, you better fix this mess, fast. And don't expect Veritas to not revoke your testing permits. - Cleveland// //Note: Damn it Engelhart, I have Hackett yelling at me from one line and [[[new-technical-issues |Rosen]]] from another. I don't know what the hell you did, but you're washing dishes and cleaning testing areas until either your hair turns grey or some skip puts you out of your misery! -Veritas// //Note: This just came in. Thanks to Engelhart's computer virus, two more containment breaches occurred within the first three hours. One of [[[SCP-4560]]] in Site-64; and another of [[[SCP-1591]]] in Site-79. While the former only affected one individual (a D-class, no less); a systems failure in the latter caused the fallen star to brighten by 67.1 million lux, in addition to causing the disintegration of 23 personnel, five of which were research doctors. To quote Director Edgar Holman of Site-64, "We're buried under a ████load of troubles." - Cleveland// ----- **Test 914-0604** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 small spherical mass of a pink-colored silver alloy, 1 photograph of a white rabbit printed on A4 printing paper. **Input:** Sphere, Photograph **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A piece of cloth made of the metal from the sphere and the fibers from the paper. Texture is described as ‘fluffy’. //Note: Bunny! -Jane Cho// ----- **Test 914-0605** **Name:** Researcher Lombardi **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Input:** Three sets of wooden chopsticks. //Note: I've successfully petitioned for the opportunity to test 914 with operators that are under the influence of various substances. In order to minimize variables, we are going to repeatedly test the same input item with a single D-Class, D-138840, who has a history of drug related charges. We're not doing multi-substance tests just yet, necessitating a waiting period of a few days to allow the previous substances to work their way out of D-138840's system.// //Note: D-class have a tendency to be rowdy even while sober, so we're including some enhanced security measures. Two additional guards will escort the D-Class during the entire testing procedure. D-138840 will be operating 914 by themselves, but in a specific order to ensure that no-one ends up in the input chamber. 1 - Place item in the input booth. 2 - Set the desired refinement level. 3 - Wind the key. As soon as 914 begins processing, the D-Class will be removed from the testing area. - Lombardi// //Note: Today we're testing with alcohol - Lombardi// **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** 1:1 **D-138840 BAC:** .00 **Output:** One wooden knife equal in mass to both chopsticks **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** 1:1 **D-138840 BAC:** .16 **Output:** Two 'attempted' wooden eating utensils. Each one is half-spoon and half-fork, divided down the middle. //Note: D-138840 at this point began showing difficulty following instruction and attempted to insert flatulence into the input booth. No reaction occurred as key had not yet been wound. Testing paused for 10 minutes to ensure no input contamination. - Lombardi// **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** Very Fine **D-138840 BAC:** .16 **Output:** One set of wooden chopsticks. Chopsticks display an anomalous physical property wherein the inertia of each stick is roughly 10 times greater while at rest. Operating these chopsticks for grasping items has proven incredibly difficult. //Note: Imagine something suspended in a non-Newtonian fluid, but with reverse properties, and you start to approach what these feel like. - Lombardi// ---- **Test 914-0606** **Name:** Researcher Festiv **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Items:** Two water guns, 250ml vial of good luck, 250ml vial of bad luck //Note: Ok so we know just refining luck is a bad idea. But what happens when we put the luck in with something else? Will it get used and give us a better output? I'll be performing this with the water guns because let's face it: there's too many paper inputs that could turn into a murder mess. Looking at you, Cleveland.// //Note: Very funny, Festiv. It's not like I'm the only one inputting papers. Though I'll agree; everything has a risk. At least I'm not a walking disaster like Darby or Engelhart. - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: Yeah I'd think fetish fiction has a bit more than risk there. And on very fine? Last thing we need is a cannibal paper humanoid beheading us. -Researcher Festiv// **Input:** One water gun, 250ml of good luck **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One water sniper, it resembles a ████ brand sniper rifle. capable of firing 5 concentrated shots up to 200M away at 20M per second, the vial is used as a lens for the water gun. **Input:** One water gun, 250ml of bad luck **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One water gun. the stream falls to the ground at 2 meters, the vial has been turned into a glass ball inside of 914 that sometimes blocks the pump. //Note: Ok good we have a viable weapon against the paper beasts 914 outputs sometimes. This thing can also puncture weak/brittle materials so most dangerous outputs can easily be dealt with without harming 914. -Researcher Festiv// ------ **Test 914-0607** **Name:** Dr. Nukea & Dr. Tamsen **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** A copy of 17 again. //Decided to join Nukea on this one. Happy tenth anniversary 17 again. -Tamsen// **Input:** Above mentioned **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A video detailing the making of 17 again. ------ **Test 914-0608** **Name:** Dr. Richard & Dr. Christopher **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** A disc of Michael Jackson's 2001 studio album 'Invincible.' //Note: I'm expecting a cheap and unfunny joke -Dr. Richard// **Input:** A disc of Michael Jackson's 2001 studio album 'Invincible.' **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An ICarly box-set titled "I <3 ICarly!" //Note: Knew it. -Dr. Richard// ----- **Test 914-0609** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 plain white cotton T-shirts, size Medium. //Note: Been enough insanity the past couple of tests. I'm gonna try something simple and, with any luck, relatively safe this go-round. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 shirt. **Setting:** Rough **Output:** A pile of shredded cotton, equal in mass to the shirt. **Input:** 1 shirt. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** A ball of wound cotton strand, equal in mass to the shirt. **Input:** 1 shirt. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 3 plain white cotton T-shirts, size 3X-Small. //Note: Huh. Could be a nice present for a baby shower, I suppose. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 shirt. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Same shirt, but now with a logo printed on it via lightly-singed cotton. The logo reads "I Survived The Darbypocalypse And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt." //Note: Testing had to be suspended for 5 minutes due to uncontrollable laughter on the part of Prof. Wren and several other staff members present at the time. Laughter was determined not to be caused by any anomalous properties of the shirt.// //Note: "Darbypocalypse"? Im not that dangerous or destructive, right? - Researcher Darby// **Input:** 1 shirt. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** [DATA EXPUNGED] //Note: MTF-28 successfully destroyed the anomalous shirt. Witnessing personnel were administered class-C amnestics afterwards as a precautionary measure. Full report of this experiment classified and limited to O5 personnel only.// //Note: Wow. Glad I decided to read today's reports before attempting this experiment... again, apparently. Definitely explains the headache. -Prof. Wren// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 061X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 061X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0610** //Note: After hours of pleading with Veritas I got permission to run this test to try to get the servers back online - Dr. Engelhart// **Name:** Dr. Engelhart **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** One USB containing a virus that it used to bring websites online, in the case that we would need to bring an anomalous website online, one 100mg vial of luck, and a post it note saying, “please have mercy and don’t let me be fed to SCP-682”. **Input:** Above mentioned items. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A USB with a plastic casing, discovered to be the same mass as the vial, and a post it note with a cognitohazardous symbol that causes the viewer to be convinced that they’re being eaten by SCP-682. When the USB is plugged in, it recovers all afflicted websites, exept it only works for 5-300 minutes, and then the websites all shut down again. //Note: Since this is your fault, you’re on recovery duty - Veritas// //Note: Still better than being eaten by 682. - Engelhart// //Note: Don't give me any ideas, I can think of worse. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0611** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** One note reading, "//Do you want me gone 914?//" **Input:** The note **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** An origami apple made of the same paper as the note. When viewed by someone with a doctorate degree, they feel an irresistible compulsion to leave the room. //I get it. An apple a day keeps the Doctor away. Very funny - Dr. Matism// //"Rimshot". also can I have that? -Intern Lunar// ----- **Test 914-0612** **Name:** Dr. Engelhart **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** 3 DnD 5e players handbooks //Note: I literally can’t wait any longer for 6e. I’ll take anything at this point. - Dr. Engelhart// **Input:** One 5e handbook **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** The same handbook, but in spanish. **Input:** One 5e handbook **Setting:** Fine. **Output:** A DnD 7e handbook //Note: I'll take it! One last test though - Dr. Engelhart// **Input:** One 5e handbook **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** A seemingly markless book, but when touched displays a holographic image of the page being viewed. The edition is 16e. //Note: Who wants to join me for game night? - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: I'm in. Have room for a dark elf rogue? - Dr. Matism// //Note: [EXPLETIVE] yeah! - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: Depends. Can I use the D6 that can roll a seven if I join in? - Dr. Beideman// //Note: Sure, but -1 to a random stat if you use it - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: Should we convince Veritas to join us? Also, can we make the round SCP-themed - Dr. Matism// //Note: [EXPLETIVE] Yeah! Do you wanna go full SCP or just have an in game organization like this one? (P.S. no using the d20 that always rolls a 20) - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: Don't worry, I lost them so there's no using them even if someone wanted to. - Junior Researcher Kenwol// ------ **Test 914-0613** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** One laptop, previously owned by Assistant Researcher N.C.E. //Note: I am testing 914's ability to detect emotional stigma.- Dr. Beiderman.// **Input:** Aforementioned laptop. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** The same laptop, with an AI chatbot program installed on it, taking roughly a quarter of the computers storage capacity. The AI identifies itself as Assistant Researcher N.C.E. and has proven to share memories with the individual. //Note: ...Nate?// ------ **Test 914-0614** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 17/04/19 **Total Items:** One gas mask **Input:** Gas Mask **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A gas mask that filters out all non-nitrogen based compounds. //Note: Wait, what? How is that an improvement? This is [EXPLETIVE] useless! Destroy this so nobody mistakes it for an actual gas mask. Or we could replace it with the one in Lucius's office. - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0615** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** Dr. Matism's //Jason// mask //Note: I'm bored with this one// **Input:** Dr. Matism's mask **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One horned Japanese Onryo mask. //Note: Better, but not what I expected. Maybe because they're both vengeful spirits? - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0616** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 Class-F amnestic vial, 1 Foundation recruitment poster //Note: I'm trying to make an "amnestic" that can rewire the brain to believe they are Foundation personnel// **Input:** Each of the above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A substance composed of Class-F amnestics and ██████████████. When injected into a Class-D personnel, symptoms of Class-F amnestics were noticed. Soon after, the Class-D believed himself to be a Foundation recruitment poster and attempted to glue himself to a wall. //Note: Oh. - Dr. Matism// ----- **Test 914-0617** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 20-page packet of sheet music paper, 20 ounces of ink //Note: We've seen 914 make instruments. I want to see if it can make music. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 2 pages of music, 2 ounces of ink. **Setting:** Fine //Note: These settings were repeated 10 times total.// **Outputs 1 and 7:** 2 origami black roses. **Output 2, 4, and 8:** 2 large origami cranes, intricately detailed in black ink. **Output 3:** An origami black rose and a piece of paper with a detailed drawing of the moon. **Output 5:** An origami rose and a piece of paper depicting a breezy sky. **Output 6:** An origami crane and and a piece of paper with a detailed drawing of the moon. **Outputs 3 and 9:** 2 pieces of paper with detailed drawings of the moon on them. **Output 10:** A 2-page musical composition titled "The Beauties of Nature." It indicates it is to be played on the "tree xylophone" instrument produced in an earlier test. //Note: While I find the apparent pattern to the first 9 tests to be intriguing, the fact that it all stems from a singular source is quite interesting. In Japanese culture, 花鳥風月 ("Kachou Fugetsu," or "The Beauties of Nature") is written with the kanji for "flower," "bird," "wind," and "moon," and represents a popular artform in Japanese history. As for the music written here... Time to go see how this sounds. -Prof. Wren// //Note: Prof. Wren has made a recording of the composition available for anyone who wishes to listen. She describes the piece as being "hauntingly mesmerizing."// ----- **Test 914-0618** //Note: Dr. Piedmont has quit his station at 914 and has been transferred to a different job, I am his replacement. - Researcher Collins// **Name:** Researcher Collins **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 6 coffee mugs (1 with text on it, 5 without), 1 copy of the television series “The Office” **Input:** 1 coffee mug without text **Setting:** Rough **Output:** 1 smashed coffee mug, pieces of it were scattered around the output booth **Input:** 1 coffee mug without text **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** 1 coffee mug, a hole has been cut out at the bottom. The part of the mug that used to be on the bottom has been smashed. //Note: These just seem malicious, not just simple deteriorations. - Researcher Collins// **Input:** 1 coffee mug without text **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 2 smaller mugs. Upon further investigation, the combined mass of each mug is the same as the original mug **Input:** 1 coffee mug without text **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 coffee mug, it has the anomalous property to make whatever drink inside of it to taste either really good, or terrible. **Input:** 1 coffee mug without text **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A coffee mug, if someone comes into contact with it, they will taste a random type of coffee for 30 minutes. **Input:** 1 coffee mug with the text “World’s best mom” written on it in black text, a single copy of the television series “The Office” //Note: Trying to get something pretty obvious out of 914. - Researcher Collins// **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 1 coffee mug with a black-and-white rendition the face of “The Office” character Kelly Kapoor in place of where the text previously was. The contents of the DVD copy of “The Office” have been significantly cut, with the only content remaining inside of it being the times Kelly Kapoor has been on screen. //Note: **How** did it mess it up this badly. Seriously. - Researcher Collins// //Note: You do realize that I probably did that on purpose, right? -Intern Lunar// ------ **Test 914-0619** **Name:** Junior Researcher Kenwol **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 D&D figurine used for gameplay with a board, 1 drawing of Junior Researcher Kenwol's D&D character //If this works, I will have my own figurine for my character instead of having to use some spare - Junior Researcher Kenwol// **Input:** Above mentioned items **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** --1 normal figurine of Junior Researcher Kenwol-- A figurine of Jr. Researcher Kenwol that upon contact with Jr. Researcher Kenwol, Jr. Researcher Kenwol became as small as the figurine, Effect lasted for 8 hours, and testing with D-1484 shows that it seems to only work with Jr. Researcher Kenwol, as suggested that it is a figurine of Junior Researcher Kenwol //I meant to put it on fine.. - Junior Researcher Kenwol// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 062X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 062X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0620** **Name:** Dr. Engelhart (Test performed by D-18392 while communicating via walkie talkie due to injuries from previous experiments) **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** 5 Bottles of assorted essential oils. **Input:** The oils **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A small glass trash can with what looks like the oils inside. It also has the anomalous effect of making anyone within a 2-meter radius of the trash can vomit instantly at 3-5 second intervals. //Note: Oh dear God I am so sorry maintenance crew for making you clean that one up. - Dr. Engelhart// ----- **Test 914-0621** **Name:** Dr. Engelhart (Test performed by D-27917 while communicating via walkie talkie due to injuries from previous experiments) **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total items:** A file of all SCPs Dr. Engelhart has access to, and A DnD 5e handbook. **Input:** All of the previously mentioned items **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A Labs and SCPs 1e handbook. //Note: I did some reading, and turns out this is one huge insult. Here are some pre-made player excerpts.// > Dr. Engelhart: An ignorant buffoon that can't for the love of God, cause a containment breach less than once per week. -3 to intelligence and -1 to wisdom. When rolling for any type of hazard they have x1.5 the chance to get it. > M.T. Johnson: A incredible hero to all of mankind and totally still deserves a pay raise. +10 to Strength +10 to Dexterity +10 to charisma +10 to intelligence +10 to wisdom and +10 to constitution. 0% chance for all hazards to reach this hero among men. > Dr. Calloway: An idiot that can't stop getting cognitohazards. Used to come to SCP-914 frequently but doesn't anymore due to past events there. Cannot enter 914's room because of this. -5 intelligence +1 constitution. Has a x2 chance to roll for a cognitohazard. //Note: I think you get the idea. Still a great game if you can get past the bias and tweak a few things to even it out. - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: And then MT Johnson becomes an in-game Mary Sue. What could you expect? - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: Am I in here, let's see, aha! 'Dr. Matism: A self conscious, blubbering moron whose own ego gets in the way of his judgement. +1 to intelligence, -1 to wisdom, and -1 strength. Has disadvantage on saving throws.' Wha- no, I'm way better than that! Go to hell 914! - Dr. Matism// //Note: In the process of making me the best, 914 also made me totally unplayable. I see it's being just as helpful as always. - MT Johnson// //Note: What am I on this? A Chaotic being with immense luck? - Researcher Darby// ----- **Test 914-0622** **Name:** Dr. Cleveland, D-1618 **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** One copy of //The Empire Strikes Back//, one printed copy of //The Turner Diaries// (1978 version), one printed copy of the //Ultron Unlimited// story arc **Input:** //The Empire Strikes Back// **Setting:** Fine **Output:** The same movie, except that all characters are played by humanoid SCPs. //Note: Wait, why is [[[scp-134 | Stella]]] playing the part of Leia Organa? Was [[[SCP-106]]] in charge of casting? - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: I could swear that Darth Vader is played by [[[scp-662 | Mr. Deeds]]]; I could recognize his voice anywhere... - D-1618// //Note: I think that I saw me in Mos Eisley - Researcher Darby// **Input:** //The Turner Diaries//, 1978 version **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** //Mein Kampf//, 1933 abridged English version. //Note: Apparently 914 believes that William Luther Pierce is a lesser version of Adolf Hitler. - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: Again, let me point you to comments I made earlier over 914's ''opinions''. - Veritas// **Input:** //Ultron Unlimited// (Avengers Volume 3 #19-22, 1999) **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One 1:644000 map of the world as of 2009, showing a reborn Soviet Union (as the Union of Soviet Sovereign Republics) with Riga as the capital, and a Gulf of New Amsterdam replacing much of Manhattan, Hudson County NJ, and Bergen County NJ, with what used to be Cresskill being noted as the deepest point of the Gulf. Information gathered from the map showed that the United States was replaced by a military junta led by General Peter Pace after a violent overthrow of the HYDRA regime in 2006, itself a violent overthrow of the democratically elected George W. Bush government. Of note was the markings of SCP Foundation sites across the world, indicating that the Foundation may exist in some form in this world. //Note: And there goes Alicia Keys, Jay-Z, and their Empire State of Mind... - D-1618// ----- **Test 914-0623** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 17/04/2019 **Total Items:** 20 pieces of sheet music paper, 1 vial of ink. //Note: After that composition it produced earlier, I'm curious to see what other kinds of music 914 can produce. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** The sheets, 20 ounces of ink from the vial. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 2 pieces of paper with numerous slices, fold marks, and ink markings on them, appearing to mirror each other. When folded up as per the marks, they produce a pair of intricately detailed kirigami (a form of origami that allows for the paper to be cut) hands. Upon completion, both hands contracted into fists, extended their middle fingers, and produced a "raspberry" sound for 3 seconds before shredding themselves into pieces. //Note: Further experiments canceled as Prof. Wren stormed off in a huff with the remaining paper and ink, uttering multiple profanities on the way out.// //Note: Tip of the day: 914 doesn't do the same nice thing twice in a row. - Dr. Engelhart// //Note: This was probably the third time someone decided to make music out of 914. Probably the best result in terms of failure. - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: 3rd time's the one that angers 914? -Intern lunar// ----- **Test 914-0624** **Name:** Physicist James Renwev, Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon (transcribing). **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Items:** One Hydrogen fuel cell, one paper detailing a proposed method of achieving aneutronic fusion. //Note: This is being written retroactively. Renwev conducted this test spontaneously during a minor breach of SCP-3199. Both the escaped instance of SCP-3199 and Renwev entered the room during the breach, whereupon Renwev conducted the test for defensive purposes. -Jr. Researcher Rasclon.// **Input:** See above. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A detonation which dented the output door of SCP-914, flash-blinded the instance of SCP-3199 and P. Renwev, and moderately injured Renwev. After this, water began condensing on the walls of the test chamber. A mangled, burnt combination of paper and metal was found in the output chamber. //Note: MTF arrived while the instance of 3199 was disoriented, and contained it. Current working theory is that 914 switched the paper of the research and the hydrogen in the fuel cell, causing a rapid rise in pressure which led to the hydrogen combusting. As a side note, has anyone created the SCP Foundation Darwin Awards yet? I have an entry. -Jr. Researcher Rasclon.// //Note: I'm entering Calloway right off the bat. - Veritas// //Note: It's a close call, but Xerial's Escapades of Evolutionary Expedition are just narrowly beaten by Ranwev trying to create nuclear fusion in 914. Let's all just be glad it can't do transmutation, or that might have worked. -JR. Rasclon.// ----- **Test 914-0625** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** 4 mantle rock samples (0.5kg each), a note reading "meow" **Input:** 1 sample **Setting:** Rough **Output:** Peridotite dust **Input:** 1 sample **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** 5 large peridot gemstones, dark-colored sand. **Input:** 1 sample **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** Unaltered sample, reshaped in the shape of an irregular cube. **Input:** 1 sample, Note **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A spherical mass of olivine with dark silicate minerals embedded onto its surface in a regular dodecahedral pattern. The sphere is capable of perception and movement, and mimics the behavior and sounds of a domestic cat (//Felis catus//). //Note: Say hi to Olive the peridot cat! -Cho// //Note: Results are to be stored for personal use (with my permission) or in anomalous storage. Leave them in the testing area, and I'll assume that they have to be recycled. Looking at you, Cho. - Veritas// //Note: 1. Does 914 like cats or something? 2. If the cat ball is still around should we introduce Jeff to Olive? -Intern Lunar// //I think that’s because I put in a note saying ‘meow’. Also I would really like to see the two playing together. -Cho Edit: I’m also requesting permission to keep Olive, by the way. -Cho// ----- **Test 914-0626** **Name:** Researcher Festiv **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Item:** Nothing, one iron cube //Note: That's it, I'm going to turn the input and output into vacuums then activate 914. - Researcher Festiv// **Input:** Nothing **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** Nothing, 914 stopped for 10 minutes before 'finishing'. //Note: Well I gotta say, I don't know what I was expecting. Wait, just to make sure it still works right. - Researcher Festiv// **Input:** One iron cube **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A memetic iron plate that only affects Researcher Festiv once, and has a frowning face engraved on it. Its memetic effect will make the viewer lose significant cognitive capability for the next 10 minutes and make the viewer dizzy. //Note: Ok, I deserved that. - Researcher Festiv// ----- **Test 914-0627** **Name:** Dr. Cleveland **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** One copy of //Lives of Girls and Women// by Alice Munro, fifty A4 sized papers, one 500 mL bottle of ink //Note: Since 914 is capable of creativity, let's see if it can create a novel... - Dr. Cleveland// **Input:** All of the above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One novel titled "Real World Adventures of Cassy Hicks", fifteen shredded A4 papers, one empty bottle. //Note: This sounds like something J. K. Rowling might write. Anyhow, it does qualify as creative, using SCP-085 as the protagonist. The novel's placed in the Break Room by the way. - Dr. Cleveland// ----- **Test 914-0628** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman, With N.C.E. present. **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** One Foundation Aerospace Rover. One 500 Megabyte memory card containing a copy of the N.C.E. AI program. //Note: He needs a body. -Dr. Beiderman.// **Input:** All of the above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One Heavily modified F.A.R.. Appeared to have its gripping arms replaced with tasers, and its solar panels were replaced with a nuclear battery, theorized to increase energy conservation by 40%. Assaulted Dr. Beiderman before being captured by site staff. Dr. Beiderman was admitted to the medical wing for treatment of electrocution and heavy lacerations. //Note: Who approved this? Site security does not approve of using 914 to attempt to create life. You wanna get your friend a body Beiderman? Talk to Rosen you twat. - Security Chief Ozark// ------ **Test 914-0629** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** One Aerobie Pro™ frisbee **Input:** The frisbee **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** The frisbee, but the edges are lined with an anomalous glowing material. Testing of this item shows that only Dr. Matism can catch the frisbee. Anyone else who attempts is shattered into a pile of glowing shards approximately 2 cm^^3^^ each. //Note: Ok, now 914 is blatantly ripping off the Tron light disk. This isn't the first time it's done something like this. Rest in pieces D-13992 - Dr. Matism// //Note: If 914 ever makes another one of these, can we have competitive disk wars? I'll collaborate with Kain to make the armor - Dr. Matism// //Note: No thanks, I choose life.// - JR. Stan //Note: The next time Engelhart causes a containment breach, I know what weapon I'm using. Did I mention I was in my college's ultimate frisbee club? - Dr. Matism// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 063X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 063X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0630** **Name:** Researcher Z. Larua **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 copies of 'Ave Maria' sheet music **Input:** 1 copy. **Setting:** Rough. **Output:** Finely shredded paper. **Input:** 1 copy. **Setting:** Coarse. **Output:** Strips of paper with one unique measure from the song on each. **Input:** 1 copy **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** Sheet music for 'Maria' from West Side Story. **Input:** 1 copy **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A small wind-up music box shaped like SCP-066. Testing was performed in a soundproofed room with a D-Class wearing military grade hearing protection. Once wound, the song Ave Maria began to play at an extremely low volume. As the song continued to play, the decibel rating was observed to increase by 1dB every time a note played. D-Class was evacuated once this was observed. Decibel ratings were shown to reach their peak at 180dB before dropping back down to a varriable low decibel on the following note. Regardless of how much the box is wound, the entirety of the song is played and always seems to end with the final note ringing at 180dB. //Note: As badly as I wanted to burn that music box as soon as I saw it, I just had to know what exactly it did. -Larua// **Input:** 1 copy **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Music note shaped crystalline charms. When held in one's hand and rung, they induce a cognitohazardous effect that causes the holder to mentally hear the last song they heard. The holder becomes completely catatonic for the entire duration of the song and returns to normal once the song ends. Time seems to pass at ten times normal speed for the effected, causing a minute long song to end in mere six seconds real time. There have been no observed negative side effects of the charms. //Note: An interesting cognitohazard that is NOT harmful and/or brainwashing? This is quite the rare event! -Larua// ----- **Test 914-0631** **Name:** Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon, D-126483 **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Items:** Six standard-issued SCP Foundation side arms. //Note: After the display Renwev put on, I'm intrigued by this machine. This test aims to determine how much the person placing the item in the input's opinion of the item can affect the output. Notably, I am a pacifist with an aversion to guns, while D-126483 is an anarchist who was convicted and arrested on multiple counts of second-degree murder with a firearm. Due to the obvious dangers of having a D-class handle weaponry, anomalous or otherwise, this test was conducted in the presence of security personnel, the handguns have had their ammunition removed, and a blast shield has been temporarily erected between the input and output sides of 914's room. These first three tests were conducted by D-126483. -Jr. Rasclon.// //Note: If you damage the machine or the testing area, it's your ass. - Veritas// **Input:** One standard Foundation side arm. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One standard ██████ brand side arm. **Input:** One side arm. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A mechanical lock-picking device. While effective against most common key locks, it was ineffective against Foundation locks. **Input:** One side arm. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One outwardly unchanged side arm. However, when security personnel picked up the armament, it began firing repeatedly. Security Officer Drey was unable to remove the anomalous firearm from his hand for approximately two minutes, while the weapon continued to fire. During this time he increasingly complained of hunger. When the firearm finished and fell out of his hand, Drey was sent to the infirmary for advanced malnutrition. The weapon was disposed of using standard hazardous object handling equipment. //Note: A lock-pick and a gun that works without ammunition. It seems 914 is working with D-126483's idea of guns as a tool for freedom here. The next three tests are conducted by me. -Jr. Rasclon.// **Input:** One side arm. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One standard Foundation side arm, of a variety which ceased production in 2003 due to redundancy. **Input:** One side arm. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One thermite landmine. When tested outside, the mine failed to detonate properly, due to an improper ratio of metal to metal oxide. **Input:** One side arm. **Setting:** Very Fine. **Output:** One internally unchanged side arm. The side arm had been adorned with iron spikes reminiscent of Gothic architecture. The pattern of spikes had the memetic effect of causing anyone who approached it to feel a sense of fear and revulsion, directed towards the armament. Safely destroyed. //Note: These results would seem to indicate that 914 works with the operator's idea of the items entered, though I would like to test an alternative hypothesis at some point. I'll go ask for an extension to my stay at Site-19. -Jr. Rasclon.// ------ **Test 914-0632** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Total Items:** Three 6kg metal spheres, 1 each of brass, copper, and aluminum. //Note: Sorry about earlier, 914. I guess making music isn't easy even for you, huh? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** The brass sphere. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A brass polyhedron with 37 sides, each bearing one of 37 unique symbols. No anomalous properties found. Study of symbols pending. **Input:** The copper sphere. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A 237m spool of copper wire. No anomalous properties found. //Note: Well that was certainly anticlimactic compared to the first one. Still, should be handy for maintenance crews at least. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** The aluminum sphere. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An aluminium polyhedron with 8 uneven sides, unmarked. An anomalous property was detected where anyone attempting to describe it would use the British term "aluminium" rather than the American term --"aluminium"-- --"aluminium"-- --"aluminium"-- used to describe the input. //Note: This... I... no, y'know what? I don't even want to ask. - Prof. Wren// //Note: It was later determined that the symbols on the brass polyhedron, when overlaid upon each other in a way matching their orientation on the object, produced a three-dimensional render of a smiley face.// //Note: Don't know what you're complaining about, it's clearly the right way to say it. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0633** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 18/04/2019 **Items:** One air conditioning condenser //Note: My A/C is broken// **Input:** One condenser **Setting:** --Fine-- Very Fine (Attending Jr. Guard Romanio was seen on security footage switching the setting to Very Fine) **Output:** One condenser, when placed into an air conditioning unit, the air conditioning unit produces cold water instead of cold air by rapidly condensing water vapor present in the atmosphere. //Note: Well, there goes all my important papers. I'm coming for you with my frisbee Jr. Guard Romanio - Dr. Matism// //Note: This is why Veritas replaced your frisbee with a well made replica. Good luck against those rubber bullets. - N.C.E.// //Tell that to Romanio - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0634** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 19/04/2019 **Total Items:** 3 terrestrial globes displaying a political map of the Earth (2018) **Input:** 1 globe **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A globe displaying a political map of Mars. //Note: I know color choices are random on political maps, but a big green ball with "Mars" written on it just looks wrong. -Cho// **Input:** 1 globe **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A terrestrial globe that can be switched between a political map and a topological map via a switch on its base. **Input:** 1 globe **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** A globe floating above a flat circular base. The globe displays a real-time geopolitical map of the Earth, and can be customized to view a via an anomalous touch-screen interface on one side of the base. It is also capable of displaying maps of a selection of other planets and moons in the Solar System. A second touch-screen interface on the base controls the orientation and rotation speed of the globe. The globe is fixed in position relative to the base, and has resisted attempts to move it. A circular button is present on the bottom of the base that, when pressed, destroys the globe. //Note: Oh. -Cho// ------ **Test 914-0635** **Name:** Researcher Lombardi **Date:** 19/04/2019 **Items:** Three sets of wooden chopsticks //Note: We are continuing our tests with a 914 operator under the influence of mind-altering substances. Today we are testing with D-138840 under the effects of marijuana. - Lombardi// **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** 1:1 **D-138840 THC:** 50 ng/mL **Output:** One double-length chopstick //Note: It's not just a 'stick'. It still has the telltale shape and snap-points common with disposable chopsticks. - Lombardi// **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** Fine **D-138840 THC:** 50 ng/mL **Output:** One set of wooden chopsticks engraved with a light swirl pattern. Objects demonstrate a cognitohazardous effect when viewed which delays their recognition as chopsticks for approximately 15 seconds. This effect is not encountered in photography or video. **Input:** One set of wooden chopsticks **Setting:** Very Fine **D-138840 THC:** 50 ng/mL **Output:** One finely crafted wooden spoon, carved into the shape of a laughing dragon. The following anomalous properties occur when spoon is held - Subject enters a state of seemingly endless hunger, which they will attempt to sate first with all nearby food and then other solids. Subject gains the ability to carve the spoon into solid matter near effortlessly in the pursuit of eating. Subject is able to consume all carved matter without suffering any ill effects. These properties cease as soon as the spoon is removed from their grip. Object incinerated without issue. //Note: The D-class testing the spoon suffered near-fatal injuries due to shards of glass and concrete in their intestinal tract. - Lombardi// ------ **Test 914-0636** **Name:** Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon. **Date:** 19/04/2019 **Items:** Three notes reading "Hello, my name is Ija Rasclon." //Note: I want to see how 914 reacts when addressed as/by a sapient being. -Jr. Rasclon.// **Input:** One note. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One note reading "Zdravstvuyte, menya zovut Iya Rashlon." (transliterated.) The original message translated into Russian. //Note: 1:1 seems to just change the object superficially, while preserving the same meaning, so this is unsurprising. -Jr. Rasclon.// **Input:** One note. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A --normal-- note reading "Hello, your name is Ija Rasclon." in an unusual font. The note has the memetic effect of causing anyone who views it for the first time to address themselves as Ija Rasclon for 30 minutes. Subjects remain unaware of this, and fail to recognize that they are sharing a name with Jr. Rasclon, with one subject stating "No, your name is Ija Rasclon, and my name is Ija Rasclon. They're not even similar." **Input:** One note. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A small, animate origami figure of a human. The figure introduced itself as Ija Rasclon, and when told of Jr. Rasclon's name, yelled "Impostor! You die in pain!" The figure then proceeded to attack Jr. Rasclon until it was neutralized by security personnel. Jr. Rasclon suffered no injury, due to the figure's material composition and size. //Note: I'm going to continue putting the note from the 'Fine' result in, for science. Also, why does the security team have a massive water cannon? -Jr. Rasclon.// **Input:** One memetic note, see above. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A note reading "Hello, our name is Ija Rasclon." The memetic effect has been altered to have a duration of 10 minutes, is ineffectual on Jr. Rasclon, and causes those affected to replace any proper noun group in their speech with "Ija Rasclon". Anyone addressed as such by an affected individual also suffers the memetic effect. The effect failed to spread outside of the testing area, due to its temporary nature and inability to affect the same person twice. //Note: That was probably the most surreal thing I've ever experienced, and I've been assigned to 184. Anyway, 914 seems to have some measure of self-awareness and memory, as it remembered my name and said "our" when addressed with the same name. Putting the note through one more time on Coarse, because I don't want to "improve" the memetic effect, and because 'our' is reaching the limits of generalized pronouns. -Jr. Rasclon.// **Input:** Previous result. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** A note reading "Hello, her name is Ija Rasclon." The note carries the memetic effect of causing anyone who reads it to become aware of JR. Rasclon's name and position, and to be able to identify her in a lineup. Effect was not neutralized by amnestics. Note was incinerated. //Note: I think that's enough memetics for a while. They do my head in. -Jr. Rasclon.// ----- //The following experiment was unauthorized. Relevant personnel, security or otherwise, have been reprimanded.// **Test 914-0637** **Name:** Researcher Anne Douglas, D-1618 **Date:** 19/04/2019 **Total Items:** One Huawei P20 Pro smartphone, one bottle of oil, one laser pointer, one remote controlled mechanical arm. **Input:** Huawei smartphone **Setting:** Very fine //Note: Security footage showed that Researcher Douglas pushed D-1618 into 914, sending her into refinement. D-1618 was seen struggling for twenty seconds to prevent herself from falling into the input booth.// **Output:** D-1618 was visible for ten seconds, before vanishing into thin air. It is not known where D-1618 was sent to, nor the point of time to which she was sent to. **Input:** Bottle of oil, laser pointer **Setting:** Very fine. //Note: Security footage showed that Researcher Douglas jumped into the input booth as guards entered. They failed to prevent Researcher Douglas from refining herself via the mechanical arm.// **Output:** A mass of cooked ground meat of the same mass as Researcher Douglas; and a laser pointer which, if activated, burns everything in its line of fire. //Note: We will rule that Researcher Annette Francesca Douglas has committed suicide by --914-- mincer. - Security Officer ██████// //Addendum: A manifesto was found near the input booth. The document, authored by Researcher Anne Douglas herself, chastised the Foundation for its support of genocide campaigns, and its dehumanization of human SCPs. The manifesto ended with "The world shall be purified of evil, and they shall be free when the time comes." It should be noted that Researcher Douglas was of Lithuanian Jewish descent, and her paternal grandfather was a victim of the Holocaust.// //Note: I'm out of patience. The next person that gives me any reason to suspect unauthorized biological testing will be terminated with extreme prejudice. Either by security personnel or my own discretion. - Veritas// //Note: Lucius is a bit agitated right now, to put it mildly. I know, because he's not yelling at anyone. I recommend keeping the testing as safe as possible for a while, we don't want to see the stage after this, trust me. - Site Director Hackett// ------ **Test 914-0638** **Name:** Researcher Darby **Date:** 19/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1365 bottles of Vodka, 230 bottles of Scotch, 47 Boxes of various teas; //Note: I'm back and ready for business, and hopefully 914 will make something I can give to Veritas as a peace offering. Maybe if I can not blow up the facility or anything else bad I wont get banished to Jupiter - Researcher Darby// **Input:** 1000 Bottles of Vodka **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 750 Gallon jugs of Premium Vodka **Input:** 200 Bottles of Scotch **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 200 Bottles of Irish Whiskey **Input:** 40 Boxes of various teas **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 40 Boxes of coffee //Note: Not an improvement 914, not an improvement in the slightest - Researcher Darby// **Input:** 365 bottles of Vodka, 30 bottles of scotch, 7 boxes of tea. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** --Unchanged-- upon drinking any of the output the drinker gains a reportedly hilarious accent and actions according to the type of drink. Drinking of Vodka causes a Russian or a similar accent and actions consistent to stereotype of drunk Russians. Drinking tea or scotch imparts the same effect with the difference of either a British or Scottish accent. //Note: I'm so glad I didn't drink any of the scotch. Also did I complete a test without anyone dying from anything? - Researcher Darby// //Note: That Vodka was tested with a few D-Class personnel, who proceeded to attempt a revolution down in their cells, which killed two of them. I was on surveillance and saw when they broke out. They surprised two guards and managed to lock them in their cells. Then they took the D-Class that didn't drink the vodka and started accusing them of spying for the capitalists before shooting them. So no, you did not manage to run a test without casualties. - Security Chief Brandt// //Note: On another note, however, Veritas seems to like that coffee you gave him. A lot. He has gone through 5 cups. With the help of said coffee, Darby managed to avoid whatever Veritas was going to do to him by employing the ''avoid eye contact and back away slowly'' technique. I recommend all personnel to maintain a distance of a least ten meters from the SCP-914 testing area for the next three days or so. - Security Chief Ozark// ------ **Test 914-0639** **Name:** Intern Lunar, Dr. Cleveland, Researcher Jane Cho, Researcher Darby, JR. Rasclon, MT Johnson, Junior Researcher Stan **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** 35 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 7 pocket watches. //Note: Since Veritas has stopped twitching whenever any of us go near the testing area, we’ve starting testing back up. To start, we wanted to see scientifically whether or not 914 is capable of holding grudges, and has opinions of specific people. To do this, every test will use the same input and setting. 5 chocolate rabbits and a hand watch is the input, partially just as arbitrary complex objects for 914 to project meaning onto, and partly in keeping with the holiday spirit. Fine is the setting, chosen because it has more variance than the other options, but is less likely to kill people than Very Fine. We also have a **lot** of security and medical personnel on standby, due to 914’s repeated attempts on... certain researchers’ lives.// //Note: The following test was performed by Intern Lunar.// **Input:** 5 Chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 chocolate dog with a watch set in to it, the wrappers read “what goes tick tock woof.” //Note: It’s a “watchdog” - Intern Lunar// //Note: The following test was performed by MT Johnson.// **Input:** 5 Chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One chocolate and plastic bunny sculpture that can be mounted on a wall. It contains clockwork components and makes bunny noises at passersby. It can also wiggle its nose and move its ears. It possesses the anomalous property that people who look at it feel amused instead of what they were originally feeling. The effect fades almost immediately after viewing of the object ceases and no after effects whatsoever have been noted. The effect is strongest on MT Johnson and does not affect Researcher Darby at all. Instead, the sculpture makes aggressive bunny noises towards him. //Note: It’s a chocolate clockwork wall bunny that makes you feel happy. It’s good for at least briefly cheering someone up when they feel down. It’s also slightly anomalous in that it can react to outside stimulus, but that’s about it. 914 still seems to like me. - MT Johnson// //Note: The following test was performed by JR. Rasclon.// **Input:** 5 chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An anomalous, semi-solid lump of chocolate and metal which is capable of slow movement. When moving, it emits faint ticking sounds reminiscent of clockwork. This mass can be controlled by the last person to have interacted with it, moving exactly opposite to how the controller intended. This was seen to be consistent among all personnel who operated it. //Note: When Researcher Darby touched it, it immediately shaped into a form with many sharp edges and points, and began moving towards him in a hostile manner. It was easily stopped by a security guard, due to its slow speed. Darby later said the only thing he had tried to make it do was to not kill him.// //Note: This thing is really unintuitive. It’s like playing a video game with reversed controls, only with a 3-dimensional form. Still, it’s possible to control once you get the hang of it. I’d like to apply to keep and study it, after putting it through every level of hazard testing I can find, of course. -Rasclon.// //Note: The following test was performed by Dr. Cleveland.// //Note: Let's see what I would get - Dr. Cleveland// **Input:** 5 Chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 pocket watch made of chocolate, and one intricate robot bunny. Testing on the former showed that while edible, the chocolate will not melt under a heat of ████K, has a Vickers hardness of 14100, and is compatible with standard pocket watch components. The latter has no anomalous properties. //Note: That means it is brittle. Like diamond. I'll keep the bunny. - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: The following test was performed by Researcher Jane Cho.// **Input:** 5 Chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 8 animate chocolate bunnies, smaller and rounder in appearance, tied to a small 5-wheeled clockwork machine via metal chains. The machine is composed of a large center wheel connected via axles to a structure with 4 legs, each with a small wheel at the bottom. While the center wheel rotates, it plays a repeating tune via a mechanism similar to a music box. The chocolate bunnies are compelled to pull the machine indefinitely and will only stop when tired. Occasionally, some of the bunnies may fall asleep while the others are still pulling the machine. //Note: The following test was performed by Researcher Darby.// //Note: I am the last one to do this test. Hopefully all goes well - Researcher Darby// //Note: Don’t worry, we've got 7 security guards & 3 medical doctors on standby if things do go wrong. - Dr. Clockworks// //Note: Famous last words -Intern Lunar// **Input:** 5 chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. **Setting:** --Fine-- Very Fine (The identity of the person who let Jr. Guard Romanio into 914’s testing area again is currently unknown) **Output:** One large chocolate rabbit whose eyes have been replaced by a singular large metallic gem-like protrusion with clockwork decorations. Upon sighting Researcher Darby it charged forwards and shot beams of energy from its gem at security personnel. After dealing with the local security personnel, it proceeded to attack Researcher Darby with its claws leaving major wounds. Reserve personnel arrived and began firing at the Rabbit causing it to explode into liquid chocolate, leaving a large puddle of red-coloured chocolate and the gem-like object. //Note: The energy rays produced by the gemstone upon contact with living organisms accelerates entropy to a point that immediately after being hit, the affected region becomes unresponsive and blackens as if from a major burn. After several minutes, if the affected region is not treated by amputation, the effect spreads to the whole body and death is observed after several hours. The gemstone has been sent to secure storage for containment and possible future study. - Medical Director Candon// //Note: Okay, so that's not how this works. Who wrote ''energy ray''? Gemstones are not power sources either. That's a laser, it's concentrated light. From what the lab boys tell me, the rabbit used some sort of chemical reaction from the chocolate and used the materials from the watch to create an optical amplifier. I personally think that they're making something up because they can't figure out how it works exactly, but with 914's track record, I don't blame them. - Veritas// //Note: I knew this would happen. Veritas, can you send Romanio to Antarctica? - Dr. Matism// //Note: And you didn't warn me or your colleague? I'm not in the mood for smartasses, get out of my testing area or you'll be the one going. And it's Dr. Veritas for you. - Veritas// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 064X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 064X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0640** **Name:** Dr. Terren **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total items:** Various researchers former lab coats. //Note: Just to specify, I got them by asking. -Terren.// **Input:** Dr. Lombardi’s former lab coat **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Clothes that resemble the video game character Falco Lombardi’s clothes. They are made from the exact same material from the lab coat and have the same mass. //Note: These look like they would have fit me perfectly 15 years ago. -Lombardi// **Input:** Dr. Thompson’s former lab coat **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One sweatshirt and T-shirt made from the former lab coat. **Input:** Dr. Nukea’s former lab coat **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A shirt with the entire script of ''17 again'' woven into the fabric by thread. //Note: I’ll take that, thank you very much -Nukea.// ------ **Test 914-0641** **Name:** Dr. Crown **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** One Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080-Ti graphics card **Input:** One Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080-Ti graphics card **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One Nvidia GeForce RTX 2080-Ti graphics card, whose decorative angles constantly shift in position while being used in a powered PC. Other than that, it operates as expected from the device. //Note: Further testing revealed that the "shifting" of the angles consumes processing power. It's even listed under processes in the task manager. You can end the task, but you can only restart it by restarting the computer. -Dr. Crown// ----- **Test 914-0642** **Name:** Guest Researcher Pukotta; D-54121 **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** Twenty-one loaded dice **Input:** Six loaded dice **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A miniature colourless magic cube. The sides are distinguished by varying weights instead of the usual coloured stickers. 113 pips are chaotically distributed over all sides of the output and do not correspond to the weight of the cubies. **Input:** Five loaded dice **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Fifty small quadratic plates made out of the same synthetic material as the input. Each of them features an engraved copy of the faces of the playing card deck //Industrie und Glück//, traditionally used in the Austro-Hungarian Empire to play Tarock. The four kings of the original deck do not appear in the output. **Input:** Four loaded dice **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A loaded [*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%B6mb%C3%B6c gömböc], resembling [*http://www.gomboc.eu/en/site.php?menuId=12&hirId=100 model 400]. Eighty-four pips are distributed unequally on the two sides which are facing upwards on the original gömböc 400. Due to the output's uneven distribution of mass, it is not considered a proper gömböc. Additionally, the test result stands on one of the dotted faces in its resting state. **Input:** Three loaded dice **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A polyhedron with eighteen faces of different area and shape. The output can not be used as a proper 18-sided die, due to its irregular form. 153 pips are distributed evenly on the sides of the test result and correspond inversely proportional to the area of the face they are printed onto. **Input:** Two loaded dice **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One white solid and one black hollow dice. The total mass of the output is equal to the total mass of the input. Both dice contain a cognitohazard on one face. Subjects, who directly touch the cognitohazardous face and lift the die, conjecture the die to be loaded. This effect is reversible by touching the die anywhere else and lifting it. Neither die is loaded or dotted. **Input:** One loaded die **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A ball with a single dot printed onto it. //Note: I have to admit, I am disappointed in 914's last output. The five outputs before this were interesting and took different takes on the concept of the input, but this "one-sided die"... 914 ran dry of ideas. - Guest Researcher Pukotta// ------ **Test 914-0643** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Item:** Dr. Matism's sword //Note: It's for science, I swear.// **Input:** The sword **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One small scythe comprised entirely of metal, perfectly sharpened and buffed. //Note: What am I supposed to do with this? Harvest the anomalies that 914 makes? That would only work if I filled the thing with wheat. It's also useless because of how terribly balanced it is. - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0644** **Name:** Dr. Scotty **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 3/8" drive 10mm socket, 1 1/2" drive 10mm deep socket, 1 10mm open ended wrench, and 1 1/2" impact driver (pneumatic) //Maintenance is requesting we test if 914 can be used to augment common tools they frequently are required to replace due to breakage or being worn down. -Dr. Scotty// **Input:** 1 3/8" drive 10mm socket **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 3/8" drive 197/500" socket //Note: Well, still the same size... -Dr. Scotty// **Input:** 1 1/2" drive 10mm deep socket **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 10mm drive 1/2" deep socket **Input:** 1 10mm open ended wrench **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 10 1mm open ended wrenches //Note: I heard this thing had a sense of sarcasm, but this seems backwards... -Dr. Scotty// **Input:** 10 1mm open ended wrenches **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** 1 10mm block of steel, weight analysis shows it equals the equivalent of the 10 1mm open ended wrenches used for input **Input:** 1 1/2" impact driver (pneumatic) **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 1/2" impact driver (electric) **Input:** 1 1/2" impact driver (electric) **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 1/2" impact driver (electric and pneumatic settings) //Note: Nifty... I could see this being rather useful in various settings. -Dr.Scotty// **Input:** 1 1/2" impact driver (electric and pneumatic) **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 1 1/2" impact driver (nuclear) //Note: I wonder what happens if we push it further. -Dr.Scotty// **Input:** 1 1/2" impact driver (nuclear) **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 1 3/4" impact driver (pneumatic) //Note: I give up. -Dr.Scotty// ------ **Test 914-0645** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Items:** One rebreather //Note: I'm going diving.// **Input:** The rebreather **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A rebreather, that when used underwater, performs electrolysis on the water, converting it into hydrogen. //Note: This is the second time the thing has made me something that creates unbreathable gasses, I'm almost past the breaking point. - Dr. Matism// //Note: Can I have that? -Intern Lunar// //Note: What would be the point of having it? It would literally kill you if you tried to use it - Dr. Matism// //Note: I was going to make a generator -Intern Lunar// ----- **Test 914-0646** **Name:** Researcher Edwards **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 [REDACTED] brand inhalers containing salbutamol sulfate **Input:** One of the aforementioned inhalers **Setting:** Rough **Output:** One puddle of a mixture later determined to be melted white, light blue and dark blue plastic, and a melted unknown metal. //Note: During this test a small bang was heard from within 914 in addition to the expected clockwork sounds. This is believed to be the opening of the metal canister and release of both the propellant and salbutamol -Researcher Edwards// **Input:** One of the aforementioned inhalers **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** One cube of light blue plastic, one cube of dark blue plastic and one cube of white plastic weighing approx. 10g, 3g and 0.5g respectively. One cube of unknown metal weighing approx. 20-25g. One cube of solid salbutamol sulfate and one cube of an unknown Hydrofluorochlorine, both of which immediately dissipated into 914’s output chamber. **Input:** One of the aforementioned inhalers **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One [REDACTED] brand preventative inhaler containing the asthma treating steroid Beclometasone **Input:** One of the aforementioned inhalers **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One [REDACTED] brand combination inhaler containing fostair, a relieving and preventative drug. //Note: Upon Class-D testing with D-6289, a known sufferer of severe asthma, it appeared to have no adverse effects and functioned as normal. There had been no asthma attacks suffered by D-6289 for a week, actually. He isn't cured though, an attack occurred two days after said week, and the improved result only seemed to work with the fostair already in the inhaler on output, not when we refill it ourselves. - Researcher Edwards// **Input:** One of the aforementioned inhalers **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** One large clockwork bee approx. 13cm long, formed of intricate gears made of the unknown metal and all three coloured plastics. The wings appear to be made of crystalline salbutamol sulfate which is being held at a constant 25°C no matter the environment it is contained within. No stinger appears present. //Note: This is honestly both the scariest and cutest bee I’ve ever seen. I would like permission to keep the bee in my office - Researcher Edwards// //Note: I would __bee__ careful -Intern Lunar// //Note: Keep that away from Researcher Stan - Researcher Darby// //Note: Keep it, but I'm not responsible if that thing sucks your brain out in a month. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0647** **Name:** Researcher Collins **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** One piano **Input:** One piano **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** An anomalous piano. Upon playing the piano, every human within a 10 meter radius will have an overwhelming desire to listen to said piano. //Note: I mean, I’m not complaining. I'm not going to play this around here though. - Researcher Collins// //Note: So, when the report said ''listening to said piano'', I assumed that it meant ''someone playing on it''. What Collins didn't mention (see me in my office for that, by the way) is that the cognitohazard triggers regardless of it being played on or not; my cleanup crew sat in a circle around the damn thing for two hours before I found them there, listening to absolutely nothing in total fascination. Piano has been incinerated. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0648** **Name:** Junior Technical Writer Natascha Wright **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total Items:** One halfway-corrected copy of the 914 test logs, two copies of a 6-page document detailing various grammatical rules, two dictionaries, one pair of reading glasses. //Note: I've just been assigned to ensure that these documents conform to Foundation writing standards and guidelines. I've read enough of the logs to know that this is probably a bad idea, but it's gotta be worth a shot, right?// **Input:** The copy of the 914 test logs, one grammar document, one dictionary. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A stack of paper the combined size of the three inputs. The first page is stylized to look like the cover of a standard composition notebook, with the title "Do your own work: A comprehensive list of people who answer to you." written in JTW Wright's handwriting in the designated space. All other pages are blank. //Note: Laughed my ass off. Touche, 914. Okay, one more try. Perhaps I can get something that will at least highlight needed fixes for me? -JTW Wright// **Input:** One pair of reading glasses, one grammar document, one dictionary. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** --Unchanged.-- A pair of reading glasses, as well as the two input documents. When the reading glasses are worn, a cognitohazardous effect causes the wearer to become incapable of recognizing any errors in written word. This effect persists for --an unknown length of time-- five hours after taking off the glasses. //ntoe: screw you 914, im gonna lose a while days work thnks to you. -JTW Wright// ------ **Test 914-0649** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** One globe displaying a political map of Mars //Note: It's the green sphere labeled "Mars"' from the test I did last week. - Jane Cho// **Input:** Said globe **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** Identical globe, but colored purple //Note: Really? - Jane Cho// **Input:** Above output **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** Globe displaying a political map of the Moon, purple //Note: Ok. - Jane Cho// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 065X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 065X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0650** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** One viola **Input:** Viola **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One violin, and a wooden tube shaped like a funnel. The words "violin shrinker" is engraved onto the tube. When the violin is entered through the large end of the tube, a spatial anomaly is formed and the violin decreases in size enough to pass through the small end, where it grows back to its original size upon exiting. This only occurs when the above violin is entered, and does not work with other violins. //Note: As an experiment to test if the violin can fit into spaces smaller than its original size, I used the violin shrinker to inject said violin into Jeff the mug cat. Apparently the spatial anomaly only affects the violin itself, so it broke upon growing back. Jeff is undamaged. - Jane Cho// //Note: If you keep putting random stuff in Jeff, there is going to be problems. Please stop. -Intern Lunar// ----- **Test 914-0651** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** 1 photograph of Professor K. P. Crow printed on standard A4 printing paper, A lump of purple polymer clay (50g) //Note: We know 914 can draw. I'm going to see if 914 can sculpt clay. - Jane Cho// **Input:** Photograph, lump of clay **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 origami dog and 1 origami crow. The polymer clay is unaltered. The origami dog is capable of mimicking human behavior, however is not presumed to be sapient. The origami crow is strongly attracted to the color purple and will attempt to approach anything purple whenever possible. Notably, due to its composition, the origami crow is unable to fly. //Note: I'm requesting to keep the origami animals in my office. - Jane Cho// //Note: See above, although I don't see that thing doing more damage than a mean paper cut. - Veritas// //Note: The stupid crow followed me around all day yesterday because I wore a purple shirt. Apparently it followed me all the way to my house too. How it got past site security at the entrance, I don’t know. -Dr. N████ Trandfir// ----- **Test 914-0652** **Name:** Researcher Lombardi and Dr. Sheila Roland **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** One copy of fitness self-help book, "Meeting your better you" by Michelle Mullands, one bottle of oral anabolic steroids, one box of nicotine patches, two vials of class-A amnestics, one Foundation training manual on memetic resistance, one bottle of Ritalin, one MTF training manual. //Note: The following tests were sponsored by Vibrance Pharmaceuticals, a Foundation shell company. They're looking to jump-start their R&D projects. Specifically, something akin to a solider in a bottle. A product that could be given to MTFs or even groups of civilians in case of a major containment breach or crisis that would increase ability to succeed under pressure. To be viable, this needs to be non-anomalous and reproducible.// //Note: Look, we all know that using 914 for a targeted outcome is like playing darts with a water balloon, but they're going to double our annual budget this year just for trying. -Lombardi// //Note: ''to be non-anomalous and reproducible?'' And you're going to use the machine for it? Good luck with that. - Veritas// **Input:** One copy of "Meeting your better you". **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One copy of "Market fundamentals - Success in the new economy" by Harrison Lewis. No record of such a title exists, but is otherwise non-anomalous. Details sound investment and savings strategies. //Note: I had intended to use a second copy of "Meeting your better you" with the following experiment rather than the output of the previous test. -Lombardi// **Input:** One copy of "Market fundamentals - Success in the new economy", one bottle of oral anabolic steroids. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One bottle of pills and one book. Pill bottle is labeled as a financial supplement called 'Savitrol'. Testing with D-class on historical stock data has shown a 15% increase in ROI. Pills appear to be non-anomalous, presumably made of a mixture of steroids along with other compounds found in book printing and plastics manufacture. Currently undergoing reverse-engineering and synthesis analysis. Book is a copy of "How to be a raging █████" by Charles Stonk. No record of such a title or author exists, but is otherwise non-anomalous. Book details poor life strategies such as taking great personal offense to small slights, reacting to questions with violence, and blaming ones problems on others. Notably, the book does not mention the use of anabolic steroids. //Note: "Save it all with Savitrol", these will practically sell themselves. -Dr. Roland// //Note: You're not doing anything with those until they're through a thorough screening from the cognitohazard department, the Internal Security Department, the Logistics, Manufacturing, Medical, Scientific Department, the Ethics Committee. And Hackett. - Veritas// **Input:** One box of nicotine patches, two vials of class-A amnestics, one Foundation training manual on memetic resistance. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One unlabeled box of medicinal patches, one glass case containing a Foundation training manual. Manual contains instructions on how to smoke, along with a memetic compulsion to do so. There are no records of the Foundation ever producing a smoking manual. The medicinal patches successfully inhibit memetic afflictions, including the smoking compulsion, but the effect only lasts four hours. //Note: I don't think we'll try to reproduce these; temporarily suppressing memetics is just as likely to cause them to evade detection and containment as it is help in an emergency. Still, we'll take a few of the patches and see if there is any insight in the active ingredient. - Dr.Roland// **Input:** One bottle of Ritalin, one MTF training manual **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A thick paper box containing an object resembling a candy bracelet. //Note: We don't know what this will do, but it's too dangerous to potentially give a D-Class MTF training. We'll be testing with a willing, low-ranking Foundation volunteer instead. -Lombardi// //Note: As instructed, volunteer consumed one piece off of the bracelet. Subject immediately showed skills and knowledge appropriate for an MTF operative including weapons training and crisis management. Volunteer showed no recognition of their name or identity, claiming to be MTF recruit "Mike T. Finnegan". Consumption of a second pill showed no further increase in skill, but subject now claimed to be MTF operative "Michelle T. Fallon". Volunteer currently undergoing amnestic treatment. Remainder of bracelet has been moved to anomalous item storage.// ----- **Test 914-0653** **Name:** Intern Lunar **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** 25 kazoos, //Note: whoever keeps putting random crap in Jeff (the mug cat), stop. Jeff prefers liquids, not solids. -Intern Lunar// a mug, and a sharpie. **Input:** All 25 kazoos **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A (small) tree made of kazoos //Note: It actually grows somehow. The only problem is it sometimes plays music, badly. -Intern Lunar// //Note: Turns out that it wants water when it plays music badly. When I gave it some water in a mug with dirt in it, the kazoo tree played jingle bells -Intern Lunar// **Input:** The mug and the sharpie **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 1 off brand sharpie, slightly used, and a flower pot with a face. The face will sometimes be replaced by words such as "water me" and "the cat is staring at me again". The face seems to show emotion. //Note: I have put the kazoo tree in the flower pot -Intern Lunar// //Note: If allowed I will be keeping these. -Intern Lunar// //Note: Apparently it doesn’t respond to Olive. Maybe that’s because Olive doesn’t have eyes. - Jane Cho// //Note: It looked at me and its face turned into the phrase, “And the apocalypse shall walk among us” - Researcher Darby// //Note: Sounds about right. How are you still alive after the death bunny? - Intern Lunar// //Note: You came to see me in the Infirmary, and brought the plant - Researcher Darby// //Note: Still, how are you alive. If I didn’t know better, I would think you and death are __close__ friends -Intern Lunar// //Note: O5-13 would like to talk to Darby as soon as he is back on his feet. -Dr. Beiderman// ----- **Test 914-0654** **Name:** Dr. Nukea **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total items:** A copy of 17 again **Input:** Above mentioned **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** A copy of 17 again that is covered in blue paint and the words DO NOT TOUCH are written on it in black. When touched by D-72882 he shrunk and had the mentality of a 17 year old. However, when Nukea touched it, no anomalous effects were present. //Note: Looked at the files, D-72882’s previous first name was Mike. -Nukea// //Note: Objects that might grant immortality could warrant further investigation. Will the effect happen if someone legally changes their name to Mike, or do they need to have been named Mike while age 17? Does D-72882 have memories of being older or have we swapped him for his younger self? In the latter scenario, there may be ethical implications of keeping someone who has not yet technically committed any crimes. -Lombardi// ----- **Test 914-0655** **Name:** Dr. Peters **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Items:** 5 unused Tungsten alloy darts, removed from the packaging with gloves to prevent contamination. //Note: Pending approval of testing using tissue samples, I am running a few tests to familiarize myself with SCP-914 starting with a relatively simple object.// **Input:** 1 tungsten alloy dart as above **Setting:** Rough **Output:** 1 irregular block of pure tungsten, fragments of copper, shreds of nylon. //Note: as expected based on results seen by other researchers. -Dr. Peters// **Input:** 1 tungsten alloy dart as above **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** 1 squared block of tungsten, 1 sphere of copper, 4 squares of nylon //Note: Again, as expected, disassembled as on the rough setting but arranged more orderly. -Dr. Peters// **Input:** One tungsten alloy dart as above **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 shuffleboard puck the same mass as the dart, the bottom surface is lined with nylon //Note: Testing on a desk suggests performance on par or slightly above commercially available pucks. Permission to keep for personal use? -Dr. Peters// **Input:** One tungsten alloy dart as above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 tungsten alloy dart, analysis shows the point is sharp to 1 atom. When given to a D-class for testing, they missed the dart board given to aim at. However, the dart stuck fast into the steel wall where it hit. No attempt at removal has been successful //Note: Make sure the D-class chosen can aim next time. -Dr. Peters// **Input:** One tungsten alloy dart as above **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A scale model of The Thinker by Auguste Rodin, analysis shows the bottom is lined with a thin layer of nylon. Anomalous effect of causing anyone who holds it to cease whatever they were doing and think of a pun which they then share with as many individuals as possible until contact is severed. //Note: As amusing as it was to see a D-class sprinting around shouting particularly awful puns, item has been moved to secure storage for containment and future study. -Dr. Peters// ----- **Test 914-0656** **Name:** Dr. Rumbold **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Items:** 4 boxes of Totino’s Pizza Rolls, 4 Great Value brand paper plates. **Input:** 1 box of Totino’s Pizza Rolls and 1 Great Value paper plate. **Setting:** Rough **Output:** A thick paste that consists of paper, cardboard, ink, and the ingredients in the pizza rolls. **Input:** Same as above. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One box of Ore Ida Bagel Bites and a Dixie Everyday Paper Plate. **Input:** Same as above. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An empty box of Totino’s pizza rolls and the contents of the box on the plate, heated to 160º Fahrenheit. //Note: It took approximately 2 minutes and 30 seconds for the output to arrive, most likely because of the microwave directions’ estimated cooking time.// **Input:** Same as above. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** An empty box of Totino’s pizza rolls and the contents of the box on the plate. The pizza rolls will not cool down from 160º Fahrenheit. No testing with consuming the rolls will be conducted. //Note: Can I take a few of these to use as hand warmers? -Dr. Rumbold// ----- **Test 914-0657** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Items:** One spool of "Wite-Out" brand white-out, D-80396 **Input:** Spool of "Wite-Out" **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One spool of "SUPAH-WITE-OUT". When D-80396 attempted to collect it, both they and the spool disappeared. //Note: Something must be wrong. I don't remember performing this experiment or writing this documentation, and that serial number does not show as ever being registered to a D-Class.- Dr. Beiderman// ----- **Test 914-0658** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Items:** A set of 24 brass tabernacle bells, each tuned to a different note across 2 octaves, a trumpet. //Note: What can I say, ever since 914 made that tree-xylophone, I've become a bit of an instrument junkie. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** All 24 bells. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An electric guitar. The neck is made of the wood from the bell handles, while the body, amp jack, and strings are made of brass. Notes played on the guitar sound as though they are being played on the bells. While no electronic components are present, the jack is fully functional. //Note: Testing was paused to determine whether an amp would work with the guitar. Upon verification, Prof. Wren proceeded to play approximately 20 seconds of Eric Clapton's "Layla" before ceasing, citing the sound as being "absolutely god-awful."// //Note: Guess they can't all be winners. Neat concept, but rock music is definitely not the genre for this thing. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** The trumpet. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A similar trumpet. Testing revealed the notes it plays to be exponentially louder; a note normally played at 12 decibels comes out at 144 decibels, for example. //Note: Prof. Wren was taken to the infirmary to be treated for hearing damage. Repairs for windows and audio recording equipment have been scheduled.// //Note: You take care of her, that's the one employee that's actually good at her job, despite giving me tinnitus. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0659** **Name:** Junior Researcher Stan **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** Several paper cubes and shapes folded and painted to look like blocks and items from the game “Minecraft.” Paper blocks and items include: One crafting table, two sticks, and three diamonds //Note: Researcher Edwards' bee attacked me in my sleep last night. Ideally, for the test, 914 will “craft” the items into a diamond pickaxe.// - Stan **Input:** Above items **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Paper had been folded and fused together to create a pickaxe form the game, but the handle was diamond and the head was wood. Excess paper and paint, including the crafting table, had been compacted into the handle to increase the durability. When held by the handle and used on a 1kg rock sample, the pickaxe was not effective, however, when held by the head the pickaxe was easily able to break the rock. The pickaxe was more effective against stronger materials than weaker ones, meaning that something like cloth or a pillow was largely unaffected, while steel was broken with relative ease. After five tests on various materials, the item released a loud “breaking” noise and disintegrated. //Note: I’m almost glad it’s gone. That thing was an abomination.// - Stan ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 066X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 066X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0660** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 24/04/2019 **Total Items:** A set of plastic eating utensils (dish, fork, spoon, knife), 5 grams of gold **Input:** Set of utensils, Gold **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A set of gold-coated plastic eating utensils. When any substance is placed on the dish, it will be replaced an expensive high-quality dish resembling the original substance in some way. Upon transformation, the eating utensils will animate and vocalize criticisms regarding the original 'food', and occasionally will go as far as to throwing the food onto the floor when the quality is low enough. //Note: During test 49, a piece of human feces was placed on the dish, making the utensils scream and violently assault the testing researcher. The utensils then proceeded to attempt an escape from the facility. Site security was dispatched to the location, and the fork and knife were recovered successfully. The whereabouts of the spoon and the dish are currently unknown. Personnel coming across a gold plated spoon or dish on the floor is to report to site security immediately. - Security Chief Ozark// //Note: They put __what__ on this thing? - Jane Cho// //Note: Found the rest. Luckily, Cho decided to use pure gold, which is very soft. The utensils are neutralised. Speaking of pure gold, Cho, you overdrew your research budget by 700% for this week, hope the insight was worth it. - Veritas// //Note: We have research budgets? - Intern Lunar// //Note: What do you think I do here all day besides making sure you all don't kill yourself in various spectacular ways? As Head of Experimental Security and Director of Research, I get a budget from Hackett like every other department. Come to think of it, I should probably explain what happened before Norton from Accounting starts complaining to him. - Veritas// //Note: Do I not have one seeing as I'm an intern then? - Intern Lunar// //Note: Testing with mugs and the like isn't a particularly large dent to the budget, Lunar. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0661** **Name:** Dr. Tamsen **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total items:** Two copies of Diary of a Wimpy Kid Cabin Fever. **Input:** A copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A copy of Dork Diaries //Note: Come on 914... -Tamsen// **Input:** A copy of Diary of a Wimpy Kid **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** The book Diary of a Wimpy Kid the Ugly Truth. It is also impossible to open. //Note: Hold on [[[experiment-log-4035 | I got an idea]]] -Tamsen// ----- **Test 914-0662** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Items:** One model of the heliocentric solar system **Input:** The model **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One model of the geocentric solar system, but of the star system Proxima Centauri. //Note: Wait, this is totally skewed - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0663** **Name:** Dr. Breole **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** One HexBug Nano, one sticky hand toy **Input:** Above items **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One sticky hand filled with various electronic devices. Output was shown to be able to stick to surfaces with far greater strength than usual. //Note: Dr. Breole was sent to the medical bay due to blunt force trauma to the forehead when she attempted to remove the output from the testing chamber wall.// ------ **Test 914-0664** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Items:** 3 bottles of Class-B amnestics **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-B amnestics **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 Bottle of Class-Y mnestics **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-B amnestics **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 Bottle of Class-A amnestics **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-B amnestics **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 1 Bottle of Class "Darby" amnestics. One dose allows you to forget the existence of Researcher Darby for approximately 1 hour. Contains 200 doses, according to the label. Bottle was given to Veritas for personal use. //Note: And he better thank me for it. Everyone on site would love to own that bottle, myself included. -Dr. Beiderman// //Note: I don't remember why, but I wrote a note to myself to give you a raise next time we evaluate your contract. Must be a good reason. - Veritas// ----- **Test 914-0665** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** 3 Casio synthesizers, 3 Sony Walkman cassette players, 3 blank tape cassettes. //Note: Let's see how 80's 914 can be. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** A synthesizer, player, and cassette. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A synthesizer with a tape deck attached to it, capable of recording music played on it to a cassette. Initial plays of the cassette found it to still be blank. //Note: Neat! -Prof. Wren// **Input:** A synthesizer, player, and cassette. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A somewhat larger tape player with synthesizer keys and setting controls on each side. Tape deck accessible by pulling the device apart at the sides; doing this repeatedly allows the device to be played like an instrument. //Note: Did...did 914 just turn these things into an accordion? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** A synthesizer, player, and cassette. **Setting:** Very Fine //Note: Oh crap, I must have bumped the dial. Everybody out! -Prof. Wren// **Output:** A 19-inch tall replica of Rick Astley made of synthesizer and cassette parts. It spent the next 2 hours continuously playing, and dancing to, the singer's hit single "Never Gonna Give You Up." An anomalous property of the device caused those who heard it to dance along with it uncontrollably. Device ceased function after security personnel equipped with hearing protection destroyed it. //Note: Okay...in fairness, that could have gone a __lot__ worse, but that was still unpleasant. Also, I know I can't actually prove it, but I just know this is somehow Calloway's fault. -Prof. Wren// ----- **Test 914-0666** **Name:** Dr Clocks **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** Three stacks of playing cards //Note: Seen as though the other items I've placed into 914 have resulted in complete data leaks. I've decided to instead use more 'passive' items. Though I don't want to curse my chances. -Dr Clocks// **Input:** One stack of playing cards. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A standard stack of playing cards. However, all the colours have been swapped around. Diamonds and hearts are now coloured black and vice versa. //Note: While not exactly anomalous in nature. It is sure to at least cause minor confusion in players. -Dr Clocks// **Input:** One stack of playing cards. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** An altered stack of playing cards. Aces have been replaced with 1's. The King has been replaced with an Emperor. The Queen has been replaced with what appears to be a president. And the Jack has been replaced with a chancellor. //Note: The exact nature on how we found these names was mainly due to the fact that we kept the rule card inside the pack. -Dr Clocks// **Input:** One stack of playing cards. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One heavily altered stack of playing cards. The majority of cards in the stack have now been replaced with Joker cards, though the King, Queen and Jack are theorized to have been altered differently. Aside from all the other Joker cards, there are three other cards. One card appears to be detailed with a small, 'tame' anomalous figure. Another has a great, monstrous creature printed on it. The last one, details an aggrivated, monstrous tearing at the paper it is printed on. Each image also has each character holding what appears to be a scythe. The letters written on these cards were 'S', 'G' and 'A'. //Note: It went slightly better then expected. But then again, it is just a pack of playing cards. And as an additional note, I've also had the last stack of cards incinerated. They were pretty pointless anyway. -Dr Clocks// ----- **Test 914-0667** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Items:** 3 bottles of Class-A amnestics //Note: Given the rousing success of the tests with the Class-B amnestics, I have decided to move onto something stronger. - Dr. Beiderman// **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-A amnestics **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 Bottle of Class-Z mnestics **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-A amnestics **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 Bottle of Dar-Be-Gone. Appears to have similar chemical composition to most insecticides. //Note: Ethical ramifications of use on Darby currently in discussion with the Ethics Committee. - Dr. Beiderman// **Input:** 1 Bottle of Class-A amnestics **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** [DATA EXPUNGED] //Note: I don't remember what happened, but it was bad. 17 casualties among Site security. If anybody locates my left ear, please put it in ice so they can save it. -Dr. Beiderman// //Note: I found it in Jeff with ice cubes in him, I'm concerned that the cat can read and some how has access to this testing log -Intern Lunar// ----- **Test 914-0668** **Name:** Dr. Amare **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** One empty CD-R disc **Input:** Above item. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Disc with no physical changes. When placed inside a computer however, the size was over 2000 MiB. The audio played a series of random sounds, ranging from applause to an unknown male speaking French. when translated, it was a reading of "Divine Comedy." //Note: I think I heard my wife speaking, but when I asked my colleagues, they all said they heard different voices. Requesting further testing to test for possible memetic effects. -Dr. Amare// ------ **Test 914-0669** **Name:** Researcher Fa Ke **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** Singular Paperback Copies of "Ender's Game", "The Cobra Event", "Starship Troopers." **Input:** Ender's Game **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** 324 Origami Formic Drone's, 1 Origami Formic Queen //Note: Formic is the proper name of the Buggers of the book - Researcher Fa Ke// **Input:** The Cobra Event **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** --Paper Dust-- Origami versions of the Cobra Virus in "The Cobra Event". Though proven simply paper the containment chamber was decontaminated with a Gasoline-Bleach mixture that was set on fire to eliminate any threat of viral infection. //Note: Requesting hazmat suits to be added to the testing equipment bay. - Researcher Fa Ke// **Input:** Starship Troopers **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One large Origami Soldier identifying himself as "Juan "Johnny" Rico". Sadly destroyed when given a cigarette and a lighter upon asking for one. His ashes have been given to Researcher Fa Ke for burial. //Note: He was really something wasn't he, 914 can do some cool stuff - Researcher Fa Ke// //Note: I'm unclear on why you thought giving that thing a lighter wasn't a poor idea. - Veritas// ------ [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 067X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 067X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0670** **Name:** Dr. Beiderman **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** 3 bottles of Class-Y mnestics. One group photograph of the site-12 research team, prior to Incident [REDACTED]. //Note: Just to cover all my bases. -Dr. Beiderman// **Input:** One bottle of Class-Y mnestics **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One bottle of Class-B amnestics. **Input:** One bottle of Class-Y mnestics **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One bottle containing a neon substance. Testing proved this to be a "super mnestic" It is probable that nobody who has been sprayed with this can ever be forgotten. //Mabye we colud use tis to remember 055! - Dr. Beiderman// //Note: There is no 055 Beiderman. Have you been drinking? - Security Chief Ozark// **Input:** One bottle of Class-Y mnestics, One Photograph. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One empty bottle of Class-Y mnestics, One photograph of the members of Site 12 prior to incident [REDACTED]. The photograph cannot be destroyed, and produces a memetic effect causing viewers of the photograph to have awareness of who each person present is, how they died, and why they were unusual. Dr. Beiderman has been allowed to keep the photograph for aesthetic purposes. //Note: To those jolluy oled suols, may thay rest in peice! Godd sped, gentts! -Dr. Beiderman// //Note: If anybody would like to talk to Dr. Beiderman, he can be found sobering up in the Site drunk tank. I understand his pain, but alcohol is not the solution. That said, anybody want these two kegs of lager I confiscated from him? - Security Chief Ozark// //Note: Veritas might -Intern Lunar// //Note: I'd rather have Beidermans testing clearance for a while. I'm suspending amnestics testing for the time being. I'd like to avoid the scenario where we all wake up without knowing where and who we are. The only reason that I haven't kicked him out yet is previous test results. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0671** **Name:** Dr. Nukea **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total items:** An essay on the plot of 17 again. **Input:** Above mentioned **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Avengers: Endgame spoilers //Note: Ah, why! -Nukea.// //Note: It was merely self-defense from your onslaught of 17 Again.// - Junior Researcher Stan ------ **Test 914-0672** **Name:** Junior Researcher Stan **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** One bottle of red wine, one jar of moonshine //Note: Doing a test to see what alcohols commonly associated with countries will result in. Not sure what the cheap wine will do, but it should be interesting. Don’t ask where I got the moonshine.// - Stan **Input:** Bottle of wine **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Seemingly unchanged bottle of wine. When investigated, the label claimed that the wine had been “aged 100 yeers. (sic)” The wine appeared to have been rapidly fermented during the transformation. Samples showed that the yeasts had become toxic and the wine was unsafe for consumption. //Note: I was hoping for an ancient Greek or maybe a French joke.// - Stan **Input:** Jar of moonshine **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Seemingly unchanged bottle of moonshine. Lab testing could not find anything toxic or potentially dangerous about it. (Excluding the extremely high alcohol content) //Note: Knowing 914, anything that is “Seemingly” unchanged is generally more dangerous than the more obvious outputs. To determine what was changed, we’re going to have a D-Class take shots of extremely powerful alcohol, because caution was thrown to the wind long ago.// - Stan //D-3568 was placed into a testing room with a table holding five shot glasses of the output moonshine. D-3568 smelled the contents of the shot glasses and became visibly more excited and willing to continue with the test. Subject was then instructed to drink one shot and showed signs of mild intoxication after 15 minutes. D-3568 continued to drink the moonshine and became further intoxicated. The subject was noted to begin speaking in a slurred southern United States accent which intensified as the subject’s blood alcohol content increased. Once all of the shot glasses had been consumed, the D-Class went on to yell and rant about the Foundation in a stereotypical “southern” accent, using many mannerisms they previously did not use. This behavior went on for roughly 10 minutes, at which point the subject vomited, attempted to sing “Country Roads”, and blacked out. After recovery, D-3568 retained a slight accent and continued use of a few mannerisms and slang.// //Note: Even though half of his arguments were ad hominems or unintelligible, he made a few good points.// - Stan //Note: The jar has gone missing. Anyone caught talking like a Texan will face disciplinary action, specifically the ones not being raised Texan. - Veritas// //Note: mah darn cat spilled that moonshine on this here keyboard, and now I need a gosh darn new one. -Intern Lunar// //Note: got a new keyboard and It looks like the cat steals stuff. Don't leave out liquids you don't want being moved. If someone wants 25 kazoos back tell me. -Intern Lunar// ------ **Test 914-0673** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 2.6-ounce bottles of 2-stroke engine oil, refined to remove 99.9% of impurities. //Note: What? I'm not a __complete__ instrument junkie. Gimme a break. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 bottle **Setting:** Rough **Output:** A pile of shredded plastic. //Note: Wait a second. Where'd the oil go? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 bottle **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** A 4"x7" sheet of plastic, consistent with the make of the bottle. //Note: Okay, I double-checked to make certain these bottles weren't empty when I put them in. What's going on here, 914? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 bottle **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A bottle marked as "3-stroke engine oil." Contents missing. //Note: Okay, not surprising anymore, just... inexplicable. 914 can't create or destroy matter, so what the hell's going on here? Also, how the hell would a 3-stroke engine even work? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** One quart **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A bottle of similar size; further testing revealed it can somehow contain up to 3.9 ounces of fluid. Contents missing. //Note: I have a theory. Somehow a quantum anomaly has occurred within 914; perhaps the oil will all simply come back in the final test? -Prof. Wren// **Input:** One quart **Setting:** Very fine **Output:** A plastic origami rose. Upon the output booth opening, a deep, resonating, and very loud sound was heard, lasting 1.38 seconds. All personnel on site who heard the sound described it as a belch. //Note: Well then... ... ...I think we just got our answer on where the oil went. I swear, just when this machine's starting to make something remotely resembling sense, [EXPLETIVE] like this happens. -Prof. Wren// //Note: Watch your blood pressure dear. I feel it is now safe to assume when materials used in maintenance of a machine are put though 914, it will perform self maintenance. Remember when MT Johnson told it to give itself a tune up? I feel it is safe to assume you are now one of its favorite researchers. Now, how to test that... - Dr. Beiderman// //Note: I'm willing to bet that's what the rose was for. Beyond that, I feel it is never safe to assume __anything__ with this machine. $20 says the next test I run with this ends in disaster. -Prof. Wren// ------ **Test 914-0674** **Name:** Researcher Simonson **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total items:** Four copies of "JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Steel Ball Run" **Input:** A copy of JJBA: SBR. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** A blue notebook with the words "I LIKE TO RIDE HORSE" scribbled on every page in a child's handwriting. **Input:** A copy of JJBA: SBR. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** A copy of JJBA: Phantom Blood. Subject was hardcover with the pages stuck together. **Input:** A copy of JJBA: SBR. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A copy of the U.S. constitution. Subject spins rapidly and uncontrollably around its spine. After some difficulty immobilizing the subject, the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment was found to be missing. //Note: That's... a little creepy. I hope this thing isn't plotting some kind of coup. -Researcher Simonson// **Input:** A copy of JJBA: SBR. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** An intricate wooden figurine of a mummified corpse with holes in each hand. When placed on a flat surface, subject turned to face east. Personnel who carried weapons were repelled by the subject. ------ **Test 914-0675** **Name:** Dr. Terren **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total items:** One handgun and a Samsung smart fridge. **Input:** One handgun **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A handgun. If fired at a person, all of their mass will be transformed into a bubble. //Note: None of the D Class said they didn't like it. That's because they all popped before I could get their opinion. -Terren// **Input:** One Samsung smart fridge **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A machine labeled “Darby Regeneration Center.” //Note: The Darby Regeneration Center has been put in storage for now. If we want to test the Darby Regeneration Center then it would risk losing Darby. -Terren.// //Note: Or we could see what happens using a skin sample -Intern Lunar// //Note: Absolutely not. I ran out of the stuff that Beiderman gave me and we have no guarantee that that thing won't function as a clone bay or something. I moved it to anomalous storage. Don't ask where, I'm not telling you. - Veritas// //Note: You ran out?! How did you manage that? That had two hundred 1 hour doses! It’s been two days! - Beiderman// ------ **Test 914-0676** **Name:** Dr. Watson **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** Two 2-meter standard ropes. **Input:** One rope, tied into a standard slipknot. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One rope, tied into a noose. **Input:** One rope, tied into a Matthew Walker knot. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One rope, tied into a Gordian knot. ----- **Test 914-0677** **Name:** Dr. Peters **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Items:** 3 suitcases, brown leather, silver hardware, nameplate Dr. Peters //Note: In keeping with before, I am familiarizing myself with SCP-914 (and vice versa) in preparation of tissue sample testing. Also, it would appear no one coordinated for my birthday so I have a few duplicates to run through.// **Input:** 1 suitcase as above **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 black leather backpack //Note: Not my style, but quite nice// **Input:** One suitcase as above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** 1 leather suit case containing a silver coat hanger. The hanger is markedly weak, probably due to the small amount of metal it had to work with. //Note: Well that's literal.// **Input:** One suitcase as above **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** --Unchanged-- Exhibits the anomalous property of removing the strongest emotion currently being experienced whenever held //Note: Really 914? Another pun? Also, at the risk of sounding unprofessional, Darby may want to keep this near in preparation of the next time he runs afoul Dr. Veritas.// ------ **Test 914-0678** **Name:** Dr. Matism **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Items:** 3 copies of The Bible **Input:** 1 Bible **Setting:** Rough **Output:** Shredded paper and book binding **Input:** 1 Bible **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** The Bibble, every b in the book is doubled //Note: I fail to see how this is useful - Dr. Matism// **Input:** 1 Bible **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** The Bible. Exposure to it causes anyone who reads it to have advanced knowledge of the Catholic church, including undisclosed Vatican secrets. //Note: No, just no. I didn't need to know what they're actually doing with the Notre Dame money - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0679** **Name:** Researcher Festiv **Date:** 25/04/2019 **Item:** one note reading "what happened to Darby?" //Note: we used the Dar-Be-Gon on Darby after realising that if he does die for good, we can just use the Darby regeneration center. When we sprayed him with it he just dissipated into thin air, this is to see if we can get a response from 914 as to what happened to him. not expecting much though… -Researcher Festiv// **Input:** The note **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** Extremely faded Product Recall notice for "Dar-Be-Gon", on back of the notice was a drawing of 914's dial switched to very fine //Note: Okay… I'll go grab it - Researcher Festiv// **Input:** "Dar-Be-Gon" **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** "Dar-Be-Ceen", when Researcher Festiv picked up the bottle it was yanked out off his hands by an unseen force and proceeded to release its content in the air creating a cloud of cleaning solution. When cloud cleared it revealed Researcher Darby standing there holding the bottle and covered in chemical burns from the extreme acidity of the reaction between "Dar-Be-Ceen" and "Dar-Be-Gon". Researcher Darby was sent to the ICU for chemical burns and the "Dar-Be-Ceen" has been destroyed. //Note: I don't what was in that "Dar-Be-Gon" but I couldn't touch anything, say anything, or interact in any way. It's like I was a ghost but I couldn't haunt anyone, I think I may need some personal time after that. - Researcher Darby// //Note: I suggest in the future we refrain from **actively murdering** researchers just because we have an untested machine we think will clone them. -Lombardi// //Note: I have to agree with Lombardi on this one. At this point I am going to run out of "914 Brand Pain Killers" to give Researcher Darby and I don't entirely know if they are non-addictive. -Doctor S.// ------ [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 068X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 068X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0680** **Name:** Dr. Peters **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Items:** 5 cans of [REDACTED] brand sweet whole kernel corn //Note: Continuing on, I have gained some familiarity with SCP-914 and as such will start working towards tissue samples in incremental steps.// **Input:** One can as described above. **Setting:** Rough **Output:** Irregular block of aluminum, Pile of fibrous slush **Input:** One can as described above. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** Small, hollow sphere of aluminum open at the top similar to a fish bowl, filled with water. Next to the sphere is a fibrous sheet approximately the size of an A4 printer sheet //Note: That's promising, but I've read too many 914 reports to get my hopes up. Dr. Peters// **Input:** One can as described above. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 can of [REDACTED] brand green beans //Note: I'd call that an improvement, but to each their own. - Dr. Peters// **Input:** One can as described above. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One aluminum bowl filled with pico de gallo. //Note: It only looks like pico de gallo, it seems 914 couldn't make lime nor cilantro from corn. However, I added some of my own and it's not bad. If you want to try some I've left it in the break room with chips. - Dr. Peters// **Input:** One can as described above. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A small hearing aid, analysis shows the bulk of materials were replaced with densely compacted fibrous material with the aluminum replacing internal wirings. Displays the anomalous property of translating --visible-- electromagnetic wavelengths into sounds. When given to a D-class they described the overhead lights as similar to a high note similar to a flute whereas the blinking red from the camera was like a quiet foghorn. fMRI scanning was aborted immediately after initiation when the D-class thrashed and ripped out the device. Testing showed complete loss of hearing in the ear wearing the device, though the ear canal was physically intact. //Note: Further research shows my error, fMRI works not only with magnetic fields, but with sharp, strong bursts of radio frequency. It seems my assumption this only worked with the visible light spectrum was incorrect. Professor Wren, any interest in experimenting with this? - Dr. Peters// ----- **Test 914-0681** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. //Note: Seemed like a neat experiment, thought I'd see what my results were. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** All of the above. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A small clockwork octopus. //Note: Upon the booth opening, a number of long, thin chocolate "tentacles" erupted from the device and attempted to ensnare Prof. Wren. She responded by smashing the device under her heel, stating that she'd "seen enough hentai to know where that was going" before doing so. Upon its destruction, the device erupted a sizable quantity of chocolate all over her.// //Note: Dr. Veritas, I am formally requesting deletion of the security footage of this test and amnestics for anyone who saw it. Also, a towel. -Prof. Wren// //Note: Way ahead of you, Wren. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0682** **Name:** Junior Researcher Stan **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Date Conducted:** 23-4-2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. //Note: I realized after reading Wren's log that I forgot to add my Easter collaboration experiment to the collab log itself, so here's what happened. Hint: bees.// -Stan **Input:** Above **Setting:** Fine **Output:** Multiple clockwork honeybees, powered by an unknown source and flying using methods commonly found in ornithopters. The bees quickly became inanimate due to the high heat production from inefficient design melting the chocolate components. //Note: Thankfully, no one was stung during the incident, but I did get a lot of chocolate on me.// - Stan ------ **Test 914-0683** **Name:** Dr Clocks **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. //Note: Seen as though it now seems customary for all researchers to repeat this exact experiment, I might as well take part. Besides, I have a way with clocks. -Dr Clocks// **Input:** Above mentioned items **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One miniature bust of Dr Clocks' head, made entirely out of chocolate. Text is written underneath, stating 'You're late. I'm not paying for those.'. //Note: I didn't even buy them, you'll be surprised by how much the Foundation actually funds my work... it's actually not that much. -Dr Clocks// ----- **Test 914-0684** **Name:** Dr. N████ Trandfir **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. //Note: I've got nothing better to do. -Dr. Trandfir// **Input:** All above items **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One animate chocolate cat, life-sized, with a collar made of various watch parts. Object displays intelligence and behavior on par with an average non-anomalous house cat. Object displays no other anomalous abilities. //Note: Submitting request to keep specimen. -Dr. Trandfir// //Note: It's made of chocolate, that thing won't survive a summer's day. Be my guest though, just don't complain about the mess. - Veritas// ------ **Test 914-0685** **Name:** Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon (thrice), D-3127 **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Items:** --Three-- Two iron cubes, measuring 3cm on each side. JR. Rasclon (twice). //Note: This is an experiment I've been itching to try. I want to test the projection of ideas into 914's input, and how that differs from placing objects in it. I'll start with generic, meaningless objects for now. -JR. Rasclon// **Input:** One iron cube, mental image of iron cube projected by D-3127 **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One iron sphere, of the same mass and volume as the cube. D-3127 reported their mental image changed into a sphere as well, without being told of the physical result prior. They also reported a feeling of mild nausea due to this. //Note: So far, it seems that the image will change in the same way as the object, at least on 1:1. Let's test on higher settings. -JR. Rasclon// **Input:** See previous input. **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One iron sphere, of the same mass and volume as the cube. D-3127 reported a feeling of distress and an inability to discern between cubes and spheres, with all cubic objects in their sight and mind appearing as spheres. This effect was neutralised by amnestics. //Note: Fine seems to have made additional "improvements" to the mental image of the cube, rather than the cube itself. Interesting. Tentatively going for Very Fine next. -JR. Rasclon// //Note: The next test happened spontaneously after the dial on 914 was set to Very Fine. Both the input and output emerged simultaneously from their respective booths. JR. Rasclon from up to this point in the test will now be referred to as Rasclon 1.// **Input:** Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon, hereafter referred to as Rasclon 2. Rasclon 2 was unable to keep their balance and began to crawl away from 914, seemingly repelled from the object by some kind of force. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon, hereafter referred to as Rasclon 3. //Note: What? -Rasclon 1// //Note: .niaga siht ton ,sdog hO -Rasclon 2// //Note: To reiterate, **__what?__** -Rasclon 1// //Note: Rasclon 3 proceeded to grab Rasclons 1 and 2, and shove them both into 914, stating "Not explaining, you'll figure it out when you're me in about 30 seconds."// //Note: ?!tahW ?tahw -ni tahW -Rasclon 2// **Input:** Rasclon 1. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Rasclon 2. //Note: Once 914 was activated, both Rasclons 1 and 2 disappeared. Rasclon 3 later admitted herself to the infirmary, giving the reason "Cause and effect is fucked and I have a migraine." Due to the absence of an acting researcher, the remaining test was suspended indefinitely. Rasclon 3 will now return to being referred to as Jr. Researcher Ija Rasclon.// //Note: 914 reversed my direction of travel through time. Twice. Is putting living organisms through 914 still an issue if I'm doing it to stop the timeline from screwing itself? You know what, I don't care. The consequences of my - do they count as actions? The possible consequences of my maybe-actions can find me in the infirmary, but I maintain that everything I did was temporally necessitated by 914. Time travel is bullshit. -Rasclon// ------ **Test 914-0686** **Name:** Researcher Z. Larua **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 Black Top-Hats **Input:** 1 Hat **Setting:** Rough **Output:** Shredded fabric **Input:** 1 Hat **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** 100 miniature top-hats **Input:** 1 Hat **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 Black leather cowboy hat **Input:** 1 Hat **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A signet ring bearing an unfamiliar design. When worn on either hand, it produces an anomalous effect similar to if the wearer was wearing sunglasses. The strength of the sun-blocking effect is strongest when the ring is worn on the ring finger. This effect is also capable of allowing the wearer to look directly at the sun for roughly ten seconds before the effect begins to weaken. **Input:** 1 Hat **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A black smoke-like ethereal scarf that is only corporeal when not worn or only to the wearer. Wearing this scarf causes it to conform to the wearer's height, drooping along their back long enough to always reach their waist. Occasionally, the smoke from the scarf will make the wearer appear as if they are wearing a suit from the early 1900s. Whether this is an actual formation of the smoke or an anomalous optical effect is uncertain. Contact with the ethereal scarf or the wearer causes people to enter a trance-like state, wherein they act as if they are close friends with the wearer. The possessed would willingly perform any task for the wearer and actively protect them against any threat. It was also observed that the longer the scarf was worn and people were possessed, the more their speech would regress to match early 1900s dialects. Once the wearer removes the scarf, the possessed revert back to normal with no memory of their time possessed. Speech effects linger slightly, but dissipate within a minute. //Note: Originally I was worried about convincing the D-Class to remove the scarf since it was non-corporeal. However, he willingly removed it after around 15 to 20 minutes of testing claiming that he was beginning to lose consciousness and felt something 'pulling on his mind'. -Larua// ----- **Test 914-0687** **Name:** Dr. Sheath **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch //Note: Alright, I'll throw my hat in the ring too. The more data on different results, the better, right? - Dr. Sheath// **Input:** Above items **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One solid, featureless cube of chocolate matching the mass of the five chocolate bunnies, one seemingly unchanged pocket watch. Upon retrieving the chocolate cube, any skin in contact began changing in composition to chocolate. This effect spread across Dr. Sheath's hand and arm for seven minutes until the pocket watch was opened from the back. The speed of the pocket watch appeared to determine the speed the chocolate spread, and by reversing the pocket watch's time, the chocolate was able to be removed from Dr. Sheath's body, leaving no traces. Both items have been destroyed without issue. //Note: I don't want this to be what 914 does with me. The Lego hand is bad enough. This isn't how I want to be remembered. -Dr. Sheath// //Note: Might I suggest procuring a pair of protective gloves? - Dr. Peters// ----- **Test 914-0688** **Name:** Dr. Cleveland **Date:** 23/04/2019 **Total items:** Documents pertaining to SCP-2599 (Zena Cho), Wikipedia page of Hyo-Won Woo, music sheet of Beethoven's Symphony No. 7 in A major, one copy of //Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith// **Input:** Documents, Wikipedia page, Symphony No. 7 **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A music sheet titled “Symphony No. 4 in E♭ major, Op. 13”, ostensibly composed by Zena Cho; and a Wikipedia page of Zena Cho. The Wikipedia page described her as a classical music artist with a perfectionist personality, who struggled with completion in her works. //Note: Not far from her actual personality to be honest. Keeping the music sheet for this symphony in the break room. I'll be glad if something could be arranged to perform it. - Dr. Cleveland// **Input:** Wikipedia page output, //Revenge of the Sith// **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Wikipedia pages of the years 1977 and 2005, and a copy of //Revenge of the Sith// where all actors and actresses are replaced with Korean celebrities active in 2004. The former is not anomalous. The latter, when viewed, it produces a memetic effect where the viewer believes the background music is derived from Korean traditional music. In 15 percent of cases, all affecting women, the viewer would demand the release of SCP-2599 from what they refer to as "political imprisonment". //Note: Political imprisonment? Since when did the Foundation represent any government? I'm confused. - Dr. Cleveland// ----- **Test 914-0689** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 26/04/2019 **Total Items:** 3 Fender Stratocaster guitars, 3 Fender guitar amplifiers //Note: As fun as that octopus might have been, I think I'm gonna go back to music-based experiments for a little while. Lesson learned there: Fine may be safer than Very Fine, but some precautions should still be taken nonetheless. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 guitar, 1 amp. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** 1 Gibson Les Paul guitar, 1 Gibson guitar amplifier. //Note: Wouldn't have been my first choice, 914, but I can respect that. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 guitar, 1 amp. **Setting:** Fine //Note: Just to play it safe, having a D-class get the results this time. -Prof. Wren// **Output:** A larger, heavier Stratocaster guitar. The face of the body is constructed out of a speaker and has the amplifier's control knobs on the back side. Amp jack replaced with the amplifier's power cord; functions properly when connected to power. //Note: Testing was paused for 5 minutes while Prof. Wren performed a cover of Eric Clapton's "Layla." Audio recordings have been made available for personnel.// //Note: Now __that's__ how that song is supposed to sound! Way better than that bell-guitar from the other day. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** 1 guitar, 1 amp. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A large chest colored like the Stratocaster. Chest is kept shut by a combination lock styled after the amp's control knobs. Upon being opened, a DVD labeled "Sing, Cover, Perform" was found inside. Analysis of the disc found an anomalous property wherein a purely instrumental version of whatever song the person who presses Play is thinking of at the time will start, complete with on-screen lyrics as needed. Additionally, whoever induces the anomaly will find themselves compelled to sing the song in question; no improvements in singing ability have been documented. //Note: Good lord. Compulsory karaoke...I honestly don't know whether to be pleased or mortified. -Prof. Wren// ----- [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Show 069X Test Logs" hide="- Hide 069X Test Logs"]] **Test 914-0690** **Name:** Dr Clocks **Date:** 27/04/2019 **Total Items:** One CD titled, //'The greatest hits of Madness'// **Input:** One CD **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** One DVD titled //'The greatest hits of the SCP Foundation'//. This DVD contains several altered pieces of music made by Madness. A few of the changes are shown below: 'Our House' now instead shows what would be a regular day instead the SCP Foundation, showing many famous researchers and agents working with and containing certain SCPs. 'House of Fun' now shows and describes the 914 testing logs. This includes almost all the 914 testing logs up to this point. 'Driving in my Car' instead shows several GOIs and POIs driving in a large jeep with it ending with all of them leaving the vehicle and entering Site-19. 'Baggy Trousers' details a Site-Wide containment breaches of Site-19 and Site-17. Finally, 'Shut Up' shows multiple cognitohazardous and memetic SCPs escaping from multiple MTF units. ------ **Test 914-0691** **Name:** Dr. Nukea **Date:** 27/04/2019 **Input:** Seventeen copies of 17 again **Input:** Above mentioned **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A plastic humanoid who attacked Nukea. Dr. Nukea was terminated. //Note: It is extremely sad to lose a friend like Nukea. I will miss him and his love for 17 again. -Tamsen// //Note: Casualties happen at the foundation. But this one really makes me depressed. I’ll miss you Nukea. -Terren// //Note: Nukea’s funeral will be on 30/04/2019. I’ll see you all there. -Thompson// //Note: Why do all the cool researchers have to die? -Harvey the ll// //Note: What should we do with the bag? I feel like it should be buried with him. It is his most prized possession. -Scott// //Note: There will be a memorial film night on 04/05/2019, dedicated to Dr. Alexander Nukea and 17 Again. All will be welcome. His legacy shall live on, and shall eternally be among us. - Dr. Cleveland// //Note: I'm surprised he even lasted this long. - Dr. Trandfir// //Note: I will be attending both the funeral, and the memorial film... this is a day of mourning for the SCP-914 researchers. - Dr. Somhas// //Note: rest in peace my good friend, may you be forever be remembered as a fellow researcher. I will also be attending the movie and the funeral too.// //Note: As will I. I may not have personally known him all that well, but he was one of us. - MT Johnson// //Note: I haven't been here long, but I'm still saddened by this. I propose we put the bag of 17 again through 914 on Rough in memorial of Nukea. -JR. Rasclon.// //Note: His shenanigans were legendary, and even though I never met him, I'll be attending his funeral and the memorial film too. May he rest in peace... and may I request that we do a 17-gun salute? -Researcher Gailen// //Note: I never got a chance to work with Nukea, but it's gonna be a sadder kind of weird here after this. Vaya con Dios, friend. -Prof. Wren// //Note: I'm sad to see Nukea gone. Seemed like he was the only one who could get back at 914 for all of the mayhem it causes. You can expect to see me at his funeral.// - Junior Researcher Stan. //Note: No one is wondering how a plastic figurine managed to- fine, I guess I owe him that much. - Veritas// //Note: Goodbye Nukea. I respected you, and your work. You will be dearly missed by all of us. Gute Reise - Dr. Matism// ------ **Test 914-0692** **Name:** Researcher Gailen **Date:** 27/04/2019 **Total Items:** Three copies of the D&D module Tomb of Horrors 3.5th edition. //Note: I finally made some more testing time. Also, I request that the guards be equipped with water guns and the water gun sniper rifle from a previous test in the case of the module animating into a paper gargoyle or something like that. -Researcher Gailen// **Input:** One Tomb of Horrors module **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One Tomb of Annihilation module **Input:** One Tomb of Horrors module **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One origami figurine of each species of monsters in the Tomb of Horrors, excluding Acererak, made from the pages of the module. //Note: Requesting to keep all of these, the attention to detail is amazing and I'd like to use them in an actual campaign if possible. -Researcher Gailen// **Input:** One Tomb of Horrors module **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** Upon the output booth door opening, an animate origami recreation of Acererak the Demi-Lich from the Tomb of Horrors module emerged. The figure began laughing maniacally before raising its hands and drawing in every piece of paper in the room towards itself, absorbing them upon contact. Security personnel in the room began shooting it with water guns, causing visible damage to Acererak. The figurine, estimated to be 1.5 meters tall at this point, turned towards the guards and began turning pieces of paper into several slivers of paper, which were then hurled at the guards and Researcher Gailen before being shot in the head by a guard using the water gun sniper rifle. Minor paper-cuts were dealt to 3 Security Personnel and Researcher Gailen. //Note: Acererak's quest for knowledge spanned to this world as well, albeit momentarily. A terrifying thing to behold even if it's only paper. Also, ouch. -Researcher Gailen// ------ **Test 914-0693** **Name:** Researcher Jane Cho **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 kilograms of wood, 200 grams of steel, A piece of paper reading “Olive the peridot cat” //Note: Let’s see if 914 can make something for Olive. - Jane Cho// **Input:** Wood, Steel, Paper **Setting:** Fine **Output:** A large cylindrical barrel-like container with an opening through the wall at the bottom. A handle- like appendage is present on one side. A folded piece of paper reading “Jeff the mug cat” is present above the opening. Notably, the opening is too small for Olive to pass through. //Note: What. - Jane Cho// //Note: Can I have that? -Intern Lunar// //Note: If you want to keep Jeff in there, you probably would need to put in things like a food bowl and a litterbox too. Olive doesn’t eat or poo, so I didn’t have to worry about them. - Jane Cho// ------ **Test 914-0694** **Name:** Researcher A. Sakayuki **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total Items:** 5 ███████ brand chocolate bunnies, 1 pocket watch. //Note: I hope this doesn't turn out like the original experiment...// **Input:** All of the above. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A small humming-bird made of chocolate. The chocolate eggs appear to have no anomalous properties. However, despite the bird being made of chocolate, it functions extremely similarly to an ordinary hummingbird. It lays roughly 12 chocolate eggs a day when fed with sugar, coco powder and milk. //Note: I __need__ this thing in my office. It's chocolate and a pet combined! - Dr. Aurora Sakayuki// //Note: Don't expect it to last long. It'll probably end up melting. - Dr. Trandfir// //Note: I'll keep the AC on... that'll work, right? - Dr. Aurora Sakayuki// ----- **Test 914-0695** **Name:** Dr. Artium **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total Items:** One copy of "Borderlands", One copy of "Borderlands 2", One copy of "Tales From the Borderlands", Three ███████ brand laptops //Note: It has been a while since my last test with 914. I decided to continue with a similar string of tests involving video games with multiple random and different items to test possible 914 output's. - Dr. Artium// **Input:** One copy of "Borderlands", One ███████ brand laptop **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** An small animate figure of the character "CL4P-TP", upon exiting the output booth it greeted Dr. Artium by saying "Hello Traveler!!" it then proceeded to speak with Dr. Artium for two minutes before deciding to dance. Upon further examination of the output booth several components of the original laptop have been left apart most likely considered by 914 to be unnecessary. //Note: With permission I would like to keep this with me in my office for reasons of testing, excitement, and to maintain everyone's sanity. -Dr. Artium// //Note: Artium, I'm telling you what I tell everyone. You can keep it, but don't complain when that thing starts shooting up your office on day 19. - Veritas// **Input:** One copy of "Borderlands 2", One ███████ brand laptop **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A mask resembling the face worn by the main antagonist of the game "Handsome Jack". Like the last test upon examination of the output booth there were multiple extraneous computer parts belonging to the original laptop. //Note: Jack was always my favorite video game villain, neat. Request to keep this in my office after examination of potential anomalous abilities? -Dr. Artium// //Note: Read above. - Veritas// **Input:** One copy of "Tales From the Borderlands", One ███████ brand laptop **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A replica and seemingly working version of the "Echo Eye" used by the character "Rhys" Throughout the game. Strangely though, there was also an unfinished prosthetic arm belonging to said character. //Note: My colleagues, it is my intention to test this "Echo Eye" however I intend on being the subject. While this may seem unprofessional I believe that with the possible abilities that one could gain from the device makes it far too dangerous to implant into a D-Class subject, I have learned my lesson from the punch. I will write a report on the effects and abilities as soon as I can. -Dr. Artium// //Note: Two hours after the conclusion of Doctor Artium's tests with 914 the "Echo Eye" was implanted into his left eye. Over the course of two weeks Dr. Artium has made significant progress in running test on the potential benefits of this new technology. However as of ██/██/██ Dr. Artium said that he has started seeing the character "Handsome Jack", most notably from the second game in the "Borderlands" franchise.// //Note: I will admit it has been a surreal experience so far, especially now having Handsome Jack in my head. Surprisingly I am able to at the vary least tolerate him, and he has been some help in re calibrating the eye when a small error occurred. For right now I have no intentions of removing the "Handsome-AI" from the "Echo Eye". -Dr. Artium// ----- **Test 914-0696** **Name:** Prof. Wren **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total Items:** 73 copies of the Gideons' Bible. //Note: Before anyone asks, these came from a Foundation-owned hotel that had been condemned for demolition after a containment breach by SCP-████. I did all the proper paperwork to get these. As for why I have so many... well, remember the outcome of that experiment with the amalgamated D20? I'm curious to see if we can replicate the results, show some consistency with 914 on at least the lower settings. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** All 73 Bibles. **Setting:** 1:1 **Output:** One massive booklet, total mass equaling that of all 73 Bibles. Each page of the booklet contains 73 copies of a regular page of the Bible, some rotated in ways that allow them all to fit. //Note: About what I expected. If this goes like the dice experiment, this next one should give us 73 Bibles that each contain 73 copies of a single book. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** The previous output. **Setting:** Coarse **Output:** One 19kg sheet of faux leather, one 6589cm x 19cm roll of paper, 361 fluid ounces of ink, 19 ounces of gold-colored paint. //Note: Or not. In fairness, "disassemble and sort into piles" is pretty much what the Coarse setting does, so I guess this is still a bit of consistency. What truly interests me, though, is how the dimensions and masses are all powers of the number 19; the roll of paper is 19^3 cm long, while there's 19^2 ounces of ink. How serendipitous can you get? This may merit further research... -Prof. Wren// ------ **Test 914-0697** **Name:** Dr. McArthur **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total Items:** One glass vial of ferrofluid. //Note: Hey. New guy here. Let's hope this goes alright. -Dr. McArthur// **Input:** Aforementioned vial of ferrofluid **Setting:** Fine **Output:** One glass sphere filled with ferrofluid. Testing revealed that the ferrofluid is attracted to magnetic sources approximately 30 times more intense than normal ferrofluid. //Note: Neat. -Dr. McArthur// //Note: Turns out, that thing attracts materials that usually aren't magnetic and it's hard to pry from any surface. We had the largest difficulty dislodging this thing from 914's output booth, where we found out that the thing is also attracted to bone, specifically the back of security officer Terren's skull. The helmet prevented serious damage, but Terren is in the infirmary with a concussion. Result incinerated. - Veritas// ----- **Test 914-0698** **Name:** Dr. Tamsen **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Total items:** One cardboard cutout of Zac Efron and a copy of 17 again. //Note: I hope this will bring back Nukea. -Tamsen// **Input:** Above mentioned **Setting:** Fine **Outout:** A cardboard cutout of Robert Downey Jr. with a huge plastic button on it. When pressed, a male voice will read the entire script of 17 again. The button is made from the same materials as a 17 again DVD box. //Note: Maybe I need to put it on Very Fine? -Tamsen// //Note: There may be ways of playing God like that, but given their relationship I'd say 914 isn't the way to do it. Besides, 914 can't create or alter matter; at the absolute best you'd wind up sticking Nukea's soul in a miniature body made out of cardboard, plastic, and DVD. I'm more willing to bet 914 would just do something absolutely horrible, though. -Prof. Wren// ----- **Test 914-0699** **Name:** Prof. Wren, D-914-613 **Date:** 28/04/2019 **Input:** 4 photos, 1 each of the following personnel: Darby, Calloway, Wren, and the late Dr. Nukea. //Note: As these tests will be conducted on Very Fine and involves researchers who have had...questionably safe interactions with 914 in the past, this test will be handled by a D-Class while everyone else is, hopefully, a safe distance away. -Prof. Wren// **Input:** Photo of Darby. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A photo of the backside of an //equus africanus asinus// (common donkey). Photo spontaneously exploded 14 seconds after booth opened. No injuries or damage reported. **Input:** Photo of Calloway. **Setting:** Very Fine **Setting:** A blank photo. D-914-613 reported getting a song, later identified as "This Tune Is Annoying" from the "weebls stuff" website, stuck in his head upon picking the photo up. Anomaly persisted until 28 minutes after photo was released; D-class reports the anomalous effect ended immediately upon releasing the photo, but that "that [EXPLETIVE] song just wouldn't shut up" afterwards. **Input:** Photo of Wren. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** A photo with the number "19" written on it, in various numerical and literary forms, 19 times. **Input:** Photo of the late Dr. Nukea. **Setting:** Very Fine **Output:** The same photo, but in monochrome and with two black arcs over the upper corners, similar to Japanese funeral photos. An ASCII "frown" is visible in the lower-right corner. //Note: I wasn't expecting 914's actions with the Nukea photo to be so touching. Or for the "19" thing to pop up again...first it's origami, then weird instruments, now this number. Very strange. -Prof. Wren// //Note: Maybe some type of warning, or something. -Intern Lunar// //Note: In my experience, 914 doesn't do warnings. -Dr. Trandfir// ------ [[/collapsible]] [/experiment-log-914/offset/6 Notice: Continued in 07XX ->]