Link to article: The Heart of Mekhane 6.
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[[include :scp-wiki:theme:scheme]] [[div style="border:solid 1px #999999; background:#f2f2c2; padding:5px; margin-bottom: 10px;"]] [[=]] **You are currently viewing story 5 of 6.** **[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/4 <<] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/1 1] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/2 2] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/3 3] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/4 4] | 5 | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/6 6] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/6 >>]** [[/=]] [[/div]] [[=]] [[image coggy.png]] [[/=]] ++++ HEYOOO, Little Dudes and Dudettes! How's it goin'? I just got back from devoting my entire being toward the service of MEKHANE! //Again!// (Hey, extra credit, am I right?) Then, while I was BMX-in' my way back to my best buddies (that's YOU!) I realized: //HOLY CAMSHAFTS! I forgot to come up with a lesson plan!// So I popped on over to Father Eustace to ask him for some last-minute help. He told me I was a "perfect example of the oversimplified degeneracy" who was "leading you astray," whatever that means. But then he helped me out like a real bro! Thanks bro! So let's dive right into our latest history unit: the heart of MEKHANE. ------ Let's take it reaaal back to when the world was first created. Why do you get up every morning? Why are you alive? Why do we even have history in the first place? There's one answer to all three of these questions: MEKHANE. You heard that right, MEKHANE made us all. But there was a //real// bummer about it - MEKHANE's body had to be broken in the process. There were bits and pieces of Her all over the place. Ever heard of Humpty Dumpty? Yeah, kinda like that, except MEKHANE actually matters, and all the Kings horses/men/et cetera CAN put her back together again, babyyy! But the most important piece of all was the Heart. MEKHANE's servants took it all the way from Troy to Rome. Rome's a place in modern-day Italy. It was full of pizza and statues. In fact, it still is! But as for Troy... that's a country that doesn't exist anymore. Don't bother looking for it on a map. But when it did exist, it was right about where Turkey is today. (The //country// of Turkey, not the bird, silly! ,,Gobble gobble.,,) Naturally, the Heart was awesome. It could do all sorts of fun things. Everyone wanted to see it! It was like the coolest toy on the block back in the day. Except it was only //like// a toy. It was //way// too dangerous to play with. In fact, when ordinary people took a look at the Heart, they went totally bananas! //Kooky! Kuh-WAAAAYZY!// (Also, they died.) So it had to be kept safe. (Especially from those pesky Sarkic dorks, am I right?) And who better to guard it but Azura, a super-strong and immortal priestess. A superheroine of the ancient world! **//##fe6f5e|GIRL POWER!##//** Azura's brother was Hercules. You may have heard of Hercules. Movies like to portray him as strong, powerful, and heroic! And he was. But what you might not know is that he was also //dumb as a box of rocks.// One day, Azura and Hercules were hanging around the Heart of Mekhane. Both of them were very thirsty, so the Heart got to work and made 'em both a real tasty Heartberry Smoothie. "Heartberries! My favorite!" said Azura, and she drank the whole thing up in one gulp. It was AWESOME! (But maaan, that brain freeze... take it slow next time, Azzie!) But Herc tossed his drink aside. "Ewww, gross!" he said. "I'm ain't drinkin' no girly heart juice!" Little did Herc know, that Heartberry Smoothie was the is the only cure for Beat The Snot Out Of Your Friends Disease. And by refusing this gift, Herc immediately fell victim to this nasty sickness. "Oh geez," said Azura. "Sure you don't want some smoothie?" "Can't talk!" said Herc. "Too busy BEATIN' THE SNOT OUTTA YA!" +++ **##red|POW!##** //##orange|DOINK!##// **##red|CRUNCH!##** //##orange|SMACK!##// **##red|BOOF!##** //##orange|ZNEEP!##// **##red|BARP!##** //##orange|GANK!##// **##red|PLORG!##** //##orange|ZAM!##// **##red|COW!##** //##orange|MOO!##// +++++ ...NEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW -- + **//SPLAT!//** WHAT. A. //THRASHING!// Needless to say, both Herc and Azura were feelin' //pretty// bummed out about this. "Geez laweez, what have I done?!" said Herc. He ran away, far into the mountains. Despite this thorough snot-beatings-out-of he'd given, Herc really liked Azura. They were brother and sister, total besties! Oh, the //shame.// He couldn't bear it. Herc went to the local Wise Old Man. He wanted to find some way to make it up to Azura for his little temper tantrum. "Well, sonny, here's whatcha do!" said the Wise Old Man. And he handed Herc a little to-do list. He had to take on these twelve jobs. Fight a lion! Steal some horses! Fight a hydra! Do Coggy's homework! (Okay, I made that last one up.) Once he did 'em all, then Azura would surely forgive and forget, right? But after doing the twelfth job, Herc (who, I must emphasize, wasn't too bright), realized something: "Wait a minute, there's no way that Azura made it out okay after what I did. This was all for nothing! Aww, phooey." And with that, he stimp-stamped off to the Strait of Gibraltar, where he sits on a rock and feels sorry for himself this day, with the mother of all dirty looks on his face. But little did he know... Not only was Azura A-okay, but that was just the kick in the pants she needed! Hercules didn't destroy her, just her body -- her //old// body. Like how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, the Heartberry Smoothie in her tummy let Azura grow a shiny //new// body of gears and metal. And with that new body, she could do even cooler stuff! She was stronger than ever! She could beat up Superman AND Goku![[footnote]] **DISCLAIMER: NOT ONLY ARE SUPERMAN AND GOKU NOT REAL, BUT THEY ARE ALSO THE IDOLATROUS WORK OF LATTER-DAY HERETICS AND MUST BE SHUNNED.** [[/footnote]] And what did she do with her new power? What else? She turned the teensy-weensy city of Rome into... + THE ROMAN EMPIRE! ------ All right, pencils up, little dudes and dudettes -- it's pop quiz time. Remember to answer in complete sentences! (I know, I know -- I'm not the one who makes the rules.) 1:) What disease did Hercules get? 2:) Where is Hercules now? 3:) What did Azura's new body let her build? 4:) (Use your imagination!) What does the Heart of MEKHANE look like? That's all for today's lesson! Now go out, have some non-electronic good times, and remember: if you viewed this lesson on anything other than paper, {{run.}} [[div style="border:solid 1px #999999; background:#f2f2c2; padding:5px; margin-bottom: 10px;"]] [[=]] **You are currently viewing story 5 of 6.** **[http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/4 <<] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/1 1] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/2 2] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/3 3] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/4 4] | 5 | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/6 6] | [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-heart-of-mekhane/offset/6 >>]** [[/=]] [[/div]]