IR000281-CH000265-RB000279: WHAT ARE WE TO DO?

Link to article: IR000281-CH000265-RB000279: WHAT ARE WE TO DO?.


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width: 0;
display: block;
overflow-wrap: initial;
margin-right: 2em;
}

.court-document-content {
margin-bottom: -1.5lh;
}

(none)

```
court-document
```
```
lineno-container
```
```
monospace
```
```
linenos
```
```
nums
```
```
monospace
```
```
court-document-content
```

[[include :scp-wiki:theme:black-highlighter-theme]]
[[include :scp-wiki:theme:black-market]]

[[module CSS]]

.court-document {
display: grid;
border: 1px dotted black;
width: fit-content;
counter-reset: lineno;
grid-template-columns: repeat(2, auto);
overflow: hidden;
}

.court-document .code {
background-color: white;
border: none;
}

.num::before {
content: counter(lineno);
counter-increment: lineno;
}

.monospace {
font-family: 'Andale Mono', 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;
line-height: 1;
padding: 10px;
font-size: 16px;
}

.monospace p {
margin: 1lh 0;
line-height: 1;
}

.lineno-container {
height: 0;
}

.linenos {
border-right: 1px solid black;
}

.nums::after {
content: "1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 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//DATE: 15/07/2018//
//TIME BEGIN: 5:54PM UTC -7//

[BEGIN TRANSCRIPT]

[CHRYSOPHILIUS MARSHALL and ROBERT CARTER enter the room.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Bloody hell, we’re finally here.

**ROBERT:** Thirteen hours on an aeroplane just to board a helicopter afterwards…

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** God, my legs haven’t been this stiff in weeks. Why couldn’t Iris have met us in New York? We have an actual building there, I hope she knows.

**ROBERT:** Ha, knowing her, she probably didn’t want to fly too far from San Francisco. She did just get off from vacation there.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** And I hope she enjoyed it. This is the fourth time she’s summoned us to Las Vegas this year; is she planning on setting up shop downtown or what?

**ROBERT:** Amos and Ruprecht have been drawing up plans to establish headquarters somewhere in this city, so perhaps it has something to do with that. I do agree with you though—I wish a decision would be made sooner, because I tire of talking to ugly receptionists every time we cede to renting their trite little offices.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Ugh, you said it. That one downstairs had on the most disgusting blouse. She needed to cover her tits like yesterday.

**ROBERT:** That’s the first time you’ve ever minded such a thing.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I don’t support stripper hags, thank you.

[Two minutes and twenty-seven seconds of silence elapse. CHRYSOPHILIUS takes out a marble soda bottle, popping the top and drinking it quickly while ROBERT types an e-mail on his phone.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Where the fuck is Iris?

**ROBERT:** Language, Skitter.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** You’re not my dad. And you sure as shit aren’t one of our clients. I’ll swear as often as I goddamn want to in familiar company.

**ROBERT:** I’m just parroting what she has chastised you for already. You, of all people, should know she hates seeing profanity on official transcripts.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Well, Madam Percival swears like a demon whenever she’s mad at our dads. So I don’t get what the big deal i—wait, official transcripts?

**ROBERT:** I started the stenographer’s stone as soon as we walked in. It was supposed to have been recording a meeting by now.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Son of a bitch—

**ROBERT:** Hehe.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** But—like, seriously. Where is she? Did she text you? I didn’t get anything.

**ROBERT:** No, I haven’t received any kind of reason for her tardiness. We must assume she’s on her way.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I really hope so, because all the good restaurants here close before midnight.

**ROBERT:** What? No, that…that’s preposterous. This is Vegas.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Yeah, I know. Crazy right? But it’s the truth. Last time I was here I walked down Las Vegas Boulevard to Joël Robuchon, and it was closed at 8PM! 8PM!

**ROBERT:** Wow. That can’t be good for business.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Honestly! I even tried calling them to just discuss the idea of a slot outside of those dumb hours—but I just kept getting this obnoxious Texan who yelled at me about “prep time”, and “not being rude”. Can they not prep the food faster? Will it kill the staff to serve patrons longer?

**ROBERT:** Could they hire a less obnoxious buffoon to oversee such a prestigious establishment? I swear, American Michelin stars are so much more hassle than they are worth.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** You said it. If I have to hear one more uncultured swine say “y’all”, I’m going to kill someone with my gun.

**ROBERT:** Do you think the open-carry laws in this country will let you get away with that?

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Like I’d ever appear in these wanker’s courts to find o—

[IRIS DARKE opens the room’s door. She is smoking a cigar and carrying a large black briefcase. CHRYSOPHILIUS and ROBERT straighten to attention, putting away their things.]

**IRIS:** Serendipitous evening, gentlemen.

**ROBERT:** Good evening to you too, Iris.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hello, Iris. Why are you so late?

[A minute and twelve seconds of silence elapse as IRIS takes her seat at the head of the table. She pulls out her briefcase and shuffles several sheets of paper around before handing some to ROBERT and to CHRYSOPHILIUS.]

**IRIS:** My belated arrival came about because some pedestrian sod decided to drive drunk, crashing his car into a lamppost near my dining accommodations. It held up traffic atrociously, and Victoria unfortunately could not coerce the police to cooperate and let me through.

**ROBERT:** Hm? How difficult were they?

**IRIS:** Of the extreme sort. They were resistant to all means of monetary and occultic persuasion.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Is that usually an issue in this city?

**IRIS:** Very often. Twice before this we have attempted forceful buyouts of the police department, and both endeavors ended in spectacular failure.

**ROBERT:** Are they forcing you through layman channels to talk to the chief?

**IRIS:** Yes, but it is unclear who the chief even is. All attempts to extract such information through extraordinary means have resulted in either unintelligible explosions of ink in our fax machines, or a curse upon whoever made the request.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Ugh, is this the work of those idiots at the Global Occult Coalition again? Them and their wacko authoritarian tactics…

**ROBERT:** No, this sounds more like the Serpent’s Hand. The laws in this city are so loose that I would not be surprised if this is one of their outposts for their many splinters.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I thought they were all commies though? Why would they want to work with with the bobbies?

**ROBERT:** Even communists love the police, Skitter. You’re thinking of anarchists.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Well, whatever word means they hate—

**IRIS:** Ahem.

**ROBERT:** Oh, forgive me. Did we get sidetracked?

**IRIS:** Terribly.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** A-Ah—Um. Apologies for the idle speculation Iris.

**IRIS:** Do not engage in such foolishness again, the both of you. After this meeting I suggest you send your hypotheses to Mother, since she has requested usurping authority on all matters pertaining to that conundrum.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Woah, really? She would do that? Why?

**IRIS:** Something to do with…an old bet she took? It is not pertinent to why you have been called here.

[IRIS pulls out her laptop, pointing down to the sheets. Both CHRYSOPHILIUS and ROBERT begin to review them.]

**IRIS:** Our gathering today is for the specific purpose of discussing a thorny dilemma which has been plaguing our operations for the past two quarters. Robert mentioned the Serpent’s Hand earlier…

[Thirty-seven seconds of silence elapse.]

**ROBERT:** Oh my goodness. This is—all of this is—?!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** What the f…jeez, I didn’t realize they were responsible for this much damage. Two hundred million dollars? This is accurate?

**IRIS:** Unfortunately, it is.

**ROBERT:** And how was this not uncovered sooner? What assets did they target? Raw machinery? Holding investments? Tangible recievables? I don’t see any material specifics here…

**IRIS:** All of the above, though your last two guesses are where we suffered the most. We were not aware of the scope of our losses until last fortnight’s cyber-attack on the New York Stock Exchange. When it came back online…

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …A-An eighth of all the American securities we held within vested firms just…poof.

**ROBERT:** Either corrupted by digital interference that erased that they had been there to begin with, or the paper they had been written on degraded so badly we couldn’t recover them…

**IRIS:** Right. We couldn’t even summon the mere //concept// of them back. A lock and key had been cauterized over their existence until thaumic analysis confirmed several days later they had completely disintegrated into ether.

[All three sit in silence for approximately fifty-eight seconds as IRIS finishes her cigar and lights a new one quickly. ROBERT and CHRYSOPHILIUS finish reviewing the papers.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I…You…You must be…

**IRIS:** I am not joking, if that is what you are about to ask me.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I’m n-not, It’s just…difficult to take in. These are the same idiots who bomb our labs with magic C-4 and hold hands like hippies to stop our barges from leaving their harbors, right? When did they learn magic stock fuckery?

**IRIS:** Language.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** S-Sorry! Sorry again, Iris… But I lost the most in that little tizzy! Over half of those investments were mine!

**ROBERT:** Well…I do suppose it was only a matter of time before they began attempting more sophisticated stunts such as this. They may be communist cunts, but they do have some serious mages interested in their cause.

**IRIS:** Robert, watch your tongue as well.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Why are they escalating now, though? We uh, we haven’t done anything those prats whined about in their edgy manifestos as of late. At least…I don’t think so…

[IRIS sighs, shaking her head as she pulls out two more pieces of paperwork from her briefcase and hands them to ROBERT and CHRYSOPHILIUS.]

[Two minutes and eleven seconds of silence elapse as they read.]

**ROBERT:** You have got to be kidding me.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** //This// is what they’re objecting to?

**IRIS:** It certainly is a bold arrogance on their part.

**ROBERT:** I thought these guys were all for advances in medicine? Why are they against your use of brain-dead human clones? It helps move those kinds of products out of testing faster.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Do they know how expensive it is to test //only// on animals for years on end? We’re not selling to people’s mangy poodles here, hello! Why should we bother?

**IRIS:** These simple-minded worms—they are ignorant to the unfortunate nature of passing time, that modern medical testing is stalled significantly by the processes it currently must pass through in order to achieve approval by governing bodies. It shorts both progress, and profits, which is no good for anyone.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Right? Ugh, they’ve never seen how long a vaccine takes to get approved by the FDA, have they? It’s bollocks! It takes years, at minimum, and so much money is lost by then. Imagine if we had a pandemic or something, and everybody needed a jab immediately—our methods would be useful!

**ROBERT:** Indeed, they would be. We’ve cut down margins in our medical sectors by half because of Iris’s ingenuity, and production time nearly thirty percent. Not to mention the number of paranatural groups salivating to borrow the technology from us.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I thought the fae kingdoms were looking to buy the bodies in bulk for the new werewolf farms they’re trying to develop in Poland?

**IRIS:** That’s a consideration as well. We’ve revolutionized the raw human capital market for the first time in sapient history, so there will be many avenues of growth available to us. Our revenues will rise the more flesh, bone and muffled soul we produce.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Ha, you got that right. So what’s the issue here? The biochip you created means those vegetables can’t even feel anything. Is that whingy family getting their knickers in a wad about us sourcing the bodies’ DNA from their daughter again?

[Fifteen seconds of silence elapse.]

**ROBERT:** It looks like it. They attached their names to this letter of attack as well, along with some nonsense about us not giving them “informed consent for cell harvesting”. What a pain.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** They’re dirt-sucking sods more like it. Sorry your kid is making more money dead than alive. Not our fault she didn’t live long enough to get a job. Isn’t that right, Iris?

[IRIS does not respond. She merely clicks a pen over and over again, staring down at her briefcase and all of the papers within it.]

[A minute and forty seconds of silence elapse.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Iris?

**IRIS:** Give me a moment.

[Thirty-one seconds of silence elapse.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …Don’t tell me these guys are getting to you.

**IRIS:** I…I can’t ignore these numbers.

**ROBERT:** Hey, Iris, it’s all going to be okay.

**IRIS:** Nor can…can I ignore the threats they’re posing to my operations, and me, specifically…

**ROBERT:** Woah, they’re making threats against your physical person now?

**IRIS:** Of course, but they would be fools to attempt any serious bodily harm against me. I’m talking about my future plans here! My plans! Ugh, these pithy little //morals// of theirs, and their cheap, collectivist ideals are getting in my way of my future empire!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Em…pire?

**ROBERT:** Wow. Haha, really? Not even two years working here and you’ve already thought of futures that grand for yourself?

**IRIS:** If I didn’t, I’d be useless! I’m not about to wallow in stagnation as the primary heir to this company! Do you know how much money there is in paranatural bio-modification?! Those stupid neanderthals are going to ruin everything!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hey, nobody said you’re being useless, Iris. But isn’t that taking things a bit too seriously for where you are right now?

**IRIS:** You little—if anything, you should be taking your future here more seriously than I am!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Huh—? What does that mean?!

**IRIS:** It means exactly what it purports to mean! Your progress should be double, no, triple mine, because you will be obsolete here in fifty years time! You have a lot of ground to cover because of your mortal lifespan, Chrysophilius! Why aren’t //you// thinking about things like this, hm?!

[Three minutes and seven seconds of silence elapse. IRIS sucks on her cigar and burns it far too quickly, causing her to cough and dispose of it. She pulls out yet another and lights it, wiping the ash off her briefcase and the documents.]

**ROBERT:** …Iris, take a deep breath.

**IRIS:** Don’t tell me what to do.

**ROBERT:** Take it as a suggestion then. We’re new to this too, just like you.

**IRIS:** I know that! I know, I know, I…!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hey, uh, ack—Iris—that sm-smoke is um, beginning to become too much for my head—

**ROBERT:** Here, would you like this miniature fan? I got it from your father. He uses them during long meetings with Madam Percival.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Oh, thank you.

**IRIS:** Both of you, stop breaking for casual chitchat! This is, once again, //a business meeting!//

[ROBERT and CHRYSOPHILIUS stop everything they’re doing, obeying her with wide stares until they glance down to the papers in their hands.]

**IRIS:** …I’m going to fail miserably if I can’t get these g-guys off our backs…Everything I want to s-set up…

**ROBERT:** No you aren’t.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Yeah, you aren’t. Madam Percival knows how to work these kinds of situations.

**IRIS:** I can’t always rely on my mother! She won’t be around for much longer!

**ROBERT:** M…Much longer?

**IRIS:** S-She’s retiring in…in…um…

[Thirty-five seconds of silence elapse.]

**IRIS:** …Too soon.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** But we’ll be gone by the time that happens, right?

**ROBERT:** How many generations of heirs will you be working with before that happens?

[Twenty-one seconds of silence elapse.]

**IRIS:** T-Too few. Too few…

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Man, Iris, you and your constant worrying…

**IRIS:** If I don’t worry about this, who will?!

**ROBERT:** Do you think we don’t want to succeed as well? I’ve got eggs and baskets I’m setting up too.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Robert’s right. We’re working just as hard as you are getting our own assets of interest going.

**IRIS:** And yet neither one of you likes to work overtime.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hey, I’m not going to be nineteen forever! I’ve got babes to smash and cars to drive. I’ll do that in my thirties.

**ROBERT:** I too like having a good work-life balance. Demons make great after-hours company.

**IRIS:** None of that is going to show up on stock reports, you know!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Okay, and? What’s the point of being a billionaire if you can’t enjoy the money you’ve made? My eighty Bugattis count as an investment by the way.

**ROBERT:** Okay, enough you two. We’re getting off track again.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Blegh.

**IRIS:** Humph.

[Fourty-one seconds of silence elapse as ROBERT looks over the papers again. CHRYSOPHILIUS opens up a game on his phone but closes it quickly as IRIS simply smokes.]

**ROBERT:** Iris, excuse me, but I have to ask a question about all of this.

**IRIS:** What is it?

**ROBERT:** I—The Serpent’s Hand has been set against our company since the fifties, is that right?

**IRIS:** Yes, that’s the data we have.

**ROBERT:** Why are they still around, then?

**IRIS & CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …Huh?

[Twenty seconds of silence elapse. ROBERT points to a section of the report.]

**ROBERT:** Think about it. Madam Percival—she allows the Foundation and G.O.C to continue their operations despite the fact they too cause us great losses from time to time. The cost of tearing them down is far too much compared to their nonexistence; those groups maintain normalcy with a fervor so passionate that it saves us a ton of money where we would have to put in the work otherwise. Normalcy //is// what allows us to mark up our products, after all.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Where are you going with this?

**IRIS:** …And they also function as a complimentary cleanup service in the case of emergencies. They’re always so eager to come in and pick up our messes, and, in the case of the Foundation, they’re even cordial enough to store our inventory in sanitized cells.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …Yeah…you’re right…it’s all in safe hands until we can find a way to get ‘em back…

**ROBERT:** Precisely. So—therefore I ask: what exactly is the point of keeping the Serpent’s Hand around? Do we gain any plausible benefit from their continued presence? Are they interacting with any other groups we dislike in a meaningful, pruning way?

[A minute and thirteen seconds of silence elapse. IRIS, ROBERT, and CHRYSOPHILIUS all look at each other with quiet stares.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …Your mum doesn’t know how to get rid of them, does she?

**IRIS:** …How dare you imply such things—

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** What? All of the info seems to point towards it. I’m just saying it how it is.

**ROBERT:** I concur with Skitter. Even the G.O.C in all of their military fetishism can’t flush these twits out completely. They’re splintered into dozen different sects with unique codes and lines of command that don’t communicate or follow each oth—

**IRIS:** W-Well then I—how do you suggest we handle this matter then?!

[Twenty-five seconds of silence elapse. ROBERT and CHRYSOPHILIUS sigh as they both put their heads into their hands. CHRYSOPHILIUS pulls out his soda again and downs it in one swallow, while also pulling out a small white book from his pocket.]

**ROBERT:** We don’t.

**IRIS:** What—how can you say such things?! Are you surrendering simply because you cannot imagine us overcoming this obstacle?!

**ROBERT:** I’m being realistic, Iris. If your mother hasn’t found a way to properly deal with these guys, then what chance do we stand? We’re still building our armies and power, after all.

**IRIS:** Ugh, one of the pillars of a good businessperson’s arsenal is creativity, you know. One must think outside of the box to exterminate pests as persistent as this!

**ROBERT:** Actually, I prefer to outsource that kind of thinking. And where we are, our seniors are our best bet with these kinds of things. Plus, aren’t you implying Madam Percival //hasn’t// done all in her power to eliminate these ants from our purview yet?

**IRIS:** First Chrysophilius engaging in subordination, and now you—!

**ROBERT:** I am just saying what our best course of action is, Iris. Believe me when I say that I would love to help solve this, but I just don’t believe it’s possible where we are right n—

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hey, guys.

**IRIS AND ROBERT:** What do you want? We’re in the middle of something here.

[Twenty seconds of silence elapse as CHRYSOPHILIUS sighs and shakes his head. He pulls out two more small white books, pointing at the covers and sliding them over to IRIS and ROBERT.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** And so am I, duh. You think I come to these meetings to be pretty?

**IRIS:** I know Mother certainly thinks of you in such a way with your hair styled like that.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Tch, thanks for the encouragement. Anyways, do either of you know the kinds of tactics the big lady has engaged in to combat the Serpent’s Hand? At all?

[Two minutes of silence elapse as IRIS and ROBERT flip through the books wildly, with perplexed faces.]

**IRIS:** Mostly intel subterfuge and moral sabotage. Corrupting members from being able to access the Wanderer’s Library has historically been the best way to weaken their ranks, since it cuts them off from other mercenaries who hide out there and many of their magic sources.

**ROBERT:** I also recall Amos in the nineties attempting to splinter the more talented mages into the Are We Cool Yet movement as well. Don’t know how successful it was, though.

**IRIS:** Not very. He’s never been proficient at that kind of thing.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Insulting my dad now, huh?

**IRIS:** I am just stating how the ordeal played out.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Whatever. Well, to me, it doesn’t sound like we’ve really hit them where it hurts.

**ROBERT:** Huh?

**IRIS:** Explain.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Really take a look at what I handed you two.

[Twenty-one seconds of silence elapse as ROBERT and IRIS go over the material handed to them.]

**IRIS:** It’s extremist material from these morons. What are we supposed to do with this?

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Look at the first bits of their speech. These are all from different groups, but they read the same.

**ROBERT:** Humanity does not deserve to be steeped in darkness and ignorance. The other peoples of this world, and all known universes, will not be kept away forever. Soon, the time will come where we will all unite to form a glorious unification of heart-to-heart, sentience-to-sentience, the pure essence of knowing itself as the loose term of ‘life’ is defined.

**IRIS:** Wordy cretins.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** But it’s consistent across the board, even with the most extreme of the extreme ones. They think anomalies and magic deserve to be made public, yeah? Well, we should show them the true cost of such beliefs, I think.

**IRIS:** …Excuse me?

**ROBERT:** I don’t follow you. Well, no, I think I do…are you implying we should—

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** What I’m implying is that Madam Percival should take whatever she’s got out of our vaults that bleeds and screams, and throw it at these guys to show them why we have normalcy in the first place.

[Fourty-six seconds of silence elapse.]

**IRIS:** …So you’re suggesting run-of-the-mill sabotage? I feel as if she’s already tried that before.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** H-Hey! That’s not—! Hear me out, seriously!

**IRIS:** I’m listening.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** A-Ahem. S-So these guys //really// believe in all of the weird stuff we deal with being made public, yeah?

**ROBERT and IRIS:** Yes.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** But there’s a reason we don’t do that. There’s a reason why every conceivable alternate universe our quantum-powered simulations run where that happens ends up being a messy, chaotic anarchy. That’s also the other reason we keep the Foundation and those idiotic war fetishists around, right?

**IRIS:** …Right. I…You’re…

**ROBERT:** Ahhhh, I see where you’re going with this now, Skitter. They want the light, without realizing that the world would become uninhabitable if we gave their uninhibited views of love and peace a chance.

**IRIS:** Stability trumps all. The market can’t exist if there is no human to run it, if there’s too many flesh-eating abominations roaming about that our customers hide tail and withdraw from the outside world.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Heh, pretty poetic way of putting it.

**IRIS:** Thank you. But once again, I reiterate—Mother has already tried an approach like this…?

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Not directly. I checked.

[Both IRIS and ROBERT gasp, twenty seconds of silence elapsing as CHRYSOPHILIUS pulls out a sheet of paper from his copy of the Serpent’s Hand manifesto, handing it to each of them to pass around.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** As far as I’m aware of, she’s never made any kind of concentrated, ideological attacks on them. She thinks of them as sophisticated terrorists and hardlined mercenaries, the kinds of people who only get stronger through martyrdom, but the reality is that most of these punks are backwater goons from Deer College and other civilian leftist groups. Which means they’ve never properly touched something as messed up as a cannibal god.

**IRIS:** Or a dimension-eating dragon.

**ROBERT:** Or an accelerationist para-mimetic manifestation of Alpha Centauri that only speaks Russian and forces you to as well.

**IRIS:** Oh, did you finally get that under control, Robert?

**ROBERT:** Yep. Just last week my team managed to tranquilize it and force its body through the nine circles of Hell. Took a few rounds to completely sand away its sapience, but it’s now happily living as some rich heiress’s pet in Hong Kong.

**IRIS:** How much did it sell for?

**ROBERT:** Twenty-seven million.

**IRIS:** Excellent.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Anyways! Do you two see what I’m saying?

**IRIS:** Affirmative. I do, Chrysophilius.

**ROBERT:** I as well. You make a valid point that speaks to a deeper layer of tactical ideo-warfare, one which will surely weaken the scattered ranks of these lowlifes.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** A-Ah, really?

**IRIS:** Yes, absolutely. I am already calculating attack plans myself, owing to Mother’s very extensive collection of Daevite, Sarkite, and Mehkanite technology. It will be wonderful courting the believers of those religions into those snake nests to tear them apart, making them believe their own tolerance is attacking them.

**ROBERT:** She also has fragments of the Factory lying around too. Just the threat of that assembly line enslaving them in totality, breaking their bones, legs, spines, and souls will be enough to send the majority of them back to their //very// mundane lives.

**IRIS:** Ooo, vicious.

**ROBERT:** Heh, what can I say? I lost money too. Someone has to pay.

**IRIS:** Honestly, now that I think about it…I wish the magic pulverizer we tried to develop a while ago had worked…it would have been exquisite to be able to liquify these recalcitrant little creatures and extract the thaumic essence from their bodies directly.

**ROBERT:** It’d be the most useful they’d ever be to anyone, haha. At least you got some cool smoothies out out of the testing.

**IRIS:** I think I still have some of them in my freezer…

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Hey! Hey! Gross, gross you two! Can we get back on topic, please?!

**IRIS:** Uh, that was on-topic. We could bring that back, maybe.

**ROBERT:** Iris is right. I have more demon contacts now which might be able to help us create better filters for a project like that. The prototypes failed after all because couldn't separate mutually exclusive types of essence, which ended up causing massive explosions.

**IRIS:** Chrysophilius, do you know how much money we could make if we could sell the most basic form of magic to consumers? How much profit we could take in if we could refine it into workable products without middlemen buffers and runes?!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Okay, okay, I get it. Um, but you guys do get what I’m saying. Right? I think if you proceeded with that idea without fully stomping out the Serpent’s Hand, first, we’d all be in some real big trouble…

**IRIS:** I hear you, Chrysophilius. I do. So, are you willing to email Mother later tonight with your ideas about this?

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** …Can I CC you and Robert on the email? I’d like for you to chime into her as well. Robert, because you know demons, and Iris, because well…uh…

**IRIS:** Haha, alright. I will. I needed an excuse to study the Daevite tomes we have stored away, anyway, so I am happy to help and offer up suggestions.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Whew…

**ROBERT:** As am I. I am aware Madam Percival does not particularly care for demonkind, but their money and influence purchase death all the same. They’ll be happy to tear a bunch of university junkies to shreds.

**IRIS:** Just be sure to keep your contacts in check on where their mouths are. I do not need them thinking they are above someone like myself.

**ROBERT:** You got it boss. Now…

[ROBERT stands up, packing up his things neatly and quietly. After he does, he points to the door.]

**ROBERT:** I take it we’re done here? It looks like we’re all done here, that everyone’s happy, and we got our problem solved. So are we excused? It’s getting late, and I have someone I need to meet in an hour from now.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Woah, yeah, it is getting late for us to still be here at work! Augh, I haven’t eaten yet!

**IRIS:** Ugh, you two are so irresponsible.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** We didn’t have time to eat when our aeroplanes landed! I literally had thirty minutes between a meeting with the Coldsmith brothers and my flight taking off to get here!

**ROBERT:** Actually, I did eat, so don’t lump me in with this. How could you think not to have dinner on board?

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Tch! Because I wanted Joël Robuchon’s, duh!

**ROBERT:** And it’s going to close soon if you keep whining and don’t scoot on out the door, Skitter.

[CHRYSOPHILIUS scoffs, stomping his feet as he too grabs his things and packs them away. He runs out the door before IRIS and ROBERT can respond, albeit he returns to wave at them before fully leaving.]

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Great time with you guys, by the way!

**IRIS:** You as well.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:**  I look forward to burning those snakes! Let’s see to it they pay in full, with interest, our investments they’ve destroyed!

**ROBERT:** You’re trying a bit too hard to sound cool there, you know.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Oh piss off! I meant that! Let me have my moment!

**IRIS:** Stop swearing when the stone is active…

**ROBERT:** I feel like he’s never going to learn.

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** I can still hear you two, you know!

**IRIS:** And I’m going to tell Mother if you keep up your vulgarities during business conferences!

**CHRYSOPHILIUS:** Ah, no, please! Anything but that!

**ROBERT:** Hahahaha…god.

[END STENOGRAPHER’S STONE TRANSCRIPTION.]

//TIME CONCLUDED: 06:37PM UTC-7//
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