GARLIC NEWS REPORT

Link to article: GARLIC NEWS REPORT.

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[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source start=--
|name=Fish^12]]
garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic garlic [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/me-joined-military| Author Page]!
[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source end=--]]
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[[=]]
[[span class="giant"]][[size 300%]]the GARLIC[[/size]][[/span]]
[[span class="normalcy"]][[span style="color:rgb(102, 102, 102)"]]//Telling you what we want you to know.//[[/span]][[/span]]
[[/=]]
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[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[image conference.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Scientists Confirm New Technology Is Not Anomalous, Just Complicated[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]SPRINGFALL, VA—The Riley Summit stated that the power of friendship was not implemented and that they opted into more practical...[[/span]]
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[[image monster.png]]
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[[span class="heading"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Exotic Monster Boyfriend Fucks Up Laundry Just Like Previous Boyfriend[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]NEW YORK—Leaving the toilet seat up, forgetting when the movie starts, and the sole descendent of a cursed bloodline…[[/span]]
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[[span class="heading2"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

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[[span class="heading"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]New Policy Includes Kaiju Attack That Conveniently Kills All Homeless[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Southern California's hypothetical razing by a four hundred foot tall gorilla crab will increase property values by…[[/span]]
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[[span class="heading2"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[image angriff.png]]
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[[span class="heading"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Area Man Realizes All Cool New Magical Groups Are Political[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]I thought I could be a kickass robot or a bird wizard, but I have to go learn scripture and protest and follow an agenda and shit?[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]ENTERTAINMENT[[/span]]

[[image bro.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]ENTERTAINMENT[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]The Shape Of Water Was Inspired And Guillermo Del Toro Refuses To Elaborate On This[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]HOLLYWOOD—Guillermo Del Toro stares wistfully out the window into the setting sun, with his two human children playing...[[/span]]
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[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
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[[span class="heading2"]]FASHION[[/span]]

[[image model.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]FASHION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Unrealistic Standards Set By Supermodel With Third Eye[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]FRANCE—Ms. Anh debuts at Paris to a crowd of adoring fans, many of whom had never heard of her...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image point.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]You Are Reading Completely Made Up Bullshit[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Yeah, you. Right now. You're reading this, a farcical article in a fictional website aping a real world parodist, and you're just eating it up.[[/span]]
[[/div]]
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[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[image vktm.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]ENTERTAINMENT[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]VKTM Criticized For Being Subtle[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]MIAMI, FL—Fans are in outrage as they watch the newest season of Paravivor explore the nuances of...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image wow.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]I Just Want An Excuse To Have This Image Of A Hot Lady Here[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Yeah, this joke isn't for you. It's not even really a joke. It's for me.[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[image speed.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Endless Hot Dog Pile Feeds Twelve Americans[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]LOS ANGELES, CA—Mathematicians widely agree that certain infinities are larger than other infinities, in...[[/span]]
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= [[span style="color:#CC00CC;"]]Please turn off your adblocker. Our job is so hard, and we really need the money. Please.[[/span]]
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[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]COMMENTARY[[/span]]

[[image zwist.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]COMMENTARY[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Prophetic Old Man Has Nothing To Say About Impending Apocalypse[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Alright, y'all, I know I talked the talk about the Lactic Invasion, but I seriously have no idea what's going to happen on August 2nd, 2025. I swear I really don't.[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image laser.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]The Giant Bioweapon Death Ray Satellite Will Never Be A Real Eigenweapon[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Think of the children. This sick freak is trying to groom military grade orbital lasers into thinking...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]COMMENTARY[[/span]]

[[image agent.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]COMMENTARY[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Foundation Agent Accidentally Lets Slip That One Time They Ate Babies[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]BORING, OR—During a casual conversation about the weather, Agent Wheeler went on a semirelated tangent...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[image redneck.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Conservatives Have Yet To Produce Anomaly That Isn't A Floating, Talking Gun[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]JAMESVILLE, AK—New census data shows how most conservative friend groups have at least one talking gun...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]POLITICS[[/span]]

[[image joever.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]POLITICS[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Despite Everything, Biden Can Still Crush You With Only His Mind[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]USA—Standing over the pulverized, wet remains of Mike Pence, Biden...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image coleslaw.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Ambrose Plans On Reinventing Coleslaw[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]INDIANA, RI—With the vigor of a desperate college student, celebrity chef Chaz Ambrose decides to fuck...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[image satan.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]BREAKING NEWS[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]New Device Allows Men To Experience Pain Of Giving Birth To The Antichrist[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]PARIS, FR—Engineers hope that the SatanRing will allow men to experience the existential and spiritual...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image scientology.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Scientology Is True, Which Totally Justifies Us Feeding Lisa McPherson To Cockroaches[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]HOT SPRINGS, CA—Y'all remember that time we Order R2-45? We went sicko mode on those children...[[/span]]
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[[div class="article"]]
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[[span class="heading2"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[image tunnel.png]]
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[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]LOCAL[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]Creepy Thing Hanging Motionless In Dark Tunnel Is Probably Not Malicious[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]NEWARK, NJ—In this new era of ours, we should remain open to new ideas, such...[[/span]]
[[/div]]
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[[div class="article"]]
[[div class="picture"]]
[[span class="heading2"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[image daevite.png]]
[[/div]]
[[div class="words"]]
[[span class="heading"]]OPINION[[/span]]

[[span class="coolheading"]]The Daevites Were Probably A Nuanced And Complex Civilization That Wants To Murder Us All[[/span]]

[[span class="normalcy"]]Today, we'll be discussing how the Daevites had a rich heritage, complex sociopolitical structures, and an overwhelming instinct to subjugate...[[/span]]
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[[span class="heading"]][[size 140%]]##white|ENTERTAINMENT##[[/size]][[/span]]
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[[span class="coolheading"]][[size 180%]]This Article Has Hundreds Of Upvotes Simply Because It Mentioned The Audience[[/size]][[/span]]

[[size 16px]][[date 1706740320 format="Published %B %e, %Y"]][[/size]]

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[[span class="normalcy"]]GERMANY—According to brand new SCPPER data collected from the past twenty four hours, this article gained a Kalinillion upvotes by virtue of being a decently formatted, mildly funny article. The Wilson's Score is 100%, higher than WDB, TINAD, and SCP-173, and has been translated by both CN branches. It appears that this astronomical growth will never end, and will continue to get to the author's head in perpetuity. Unfortunately, we have not been able to get a word with the author, although we did get some exclusive new information. They state that they are unable to properly expand on this article in a meaningful way. They were last seen approaching a McDonald's.[[/span]]

























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> **Name:** Redneck Revolt Charlottesville
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> **Name:** Electrotherapy device
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> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Scientology_protests_March2008_53.jpg

> **Filename:** daevite.png
> **Name:** Ancient Civilizations of Mexico
> **Author:** Internet Archive Boo
> **License:** Public Domain
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ancient_civilizations_of_Mexico_and_Central_America_(1943)_(20468071549).jpg

> **Filename:** model.png
> **Name:** Jessica Minh Anh
> **Author:** Chongkian
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 3.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Jessica_Minh_Anh_at_Runway_on_the_Runway_Fashion_and_Sustainability_Show_2020_(2).jpg

> **Filename:** boyfriend.png
> **Name:** Carnaval de Bonao
> **Author:** Casualknit
> **License:** Public Domain
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Carnaval_de_Bonao.jpg

> **Filename:** point.png
> **Name:** Man in suit
> **Author:** Katusali
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 4.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Man_in_suit,_pointing_and_looking_at_viewer.jpg

> **Filename:** vktm.png
> **Name:** Dan shilon magal
> **Author:** יצרתי בעצמי
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 3.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Dan_shilon_magal.jpg

> **Filename:** wow.png
> **Name:** Kids (and adults) - don't try this at home!
> **Author:** Frank Kovalchek
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 2.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kids_(and_adults)_-_don%27t_try_this_at_home!.jpg

> **Filename:** zwist.png
> **Name:** Study of an Old Man with a Gold Chain
> **Author:** Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn
> **License:** Public Domain
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Rembrandt_Study_of_an_Old_Man_with_a_Gold_Chain_-_GK_233.jpg

> **Filename:** tunnel.png
> **Name:** Abandoned Railway Tunnel
> **Author:** Kecko
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 2.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Rumeling_-_Abandoned_Railway_Tunnel_(25482159074).jpg

> **Filename:** agent.png
> **Name:** Alexis Gomez interview
> **Author:** LigaDom.com
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 3.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Alexis_Gomez_interview.png

> **Filename:** coleslaw.png
> **Name:** Healthy food promotes wellness
> **Author:** Temitope1985
> **License:** CC BY-S.A 4.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Healthy_food_promotes_wellness.jpg
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