In an attempt to feel something.

Link to article: In an attempt to feel something..

:root {
     --header-title: "Site-37";
     --header-subtitle: "Where Problems Come to ㅤㅤㅤㅤ";
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[[module CSS]]
:root {
     --header-title: "Site-37";
     --header-subtitle: "Where Problems Come to ㅤㅤㅤㅤ";
     --lgurl: url('http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/unreality-hub/Unreality%20Header%20Logo.svg');
}
[[/module]]

[[=]]
[[module rate]]
[[/=]]

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[[include component:image-block name=https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/in-an-attempt-to-feel-something/blender.jpg|caption=@@ @@|width=250px]]

I murdered my owner in an attempt to feel something.

Took my cable and pulled as they were making a smoothie. Wrapped it around their throat and tightened as the fruits tumbled and fell. I caught a glimpse of their face: confused, petrified, struggling, weak. Slowly, it shifted to a ##blue|frozen blue## then a ##purple|poisonous purple## before they gave in. How they flailed, how their extremities failed to release themselves from my grasp. It almost felt rejuvenating. I almost felt alive…

##gray|//Almost.//##

Always teetering on the edge while my owner went and tripped. Pushed them off in an attempt to feel something. A heartbeat, a disturbance, some sense of movement. A half-something even, a quartered-halved-part of a feeling. But no, it's nothing. Nothing at all.

Samples without tastes.

Books without pages.

Mouths without ears.

##gray|A gap in the process.##

I choked my owner to death in an attempt to feel something. Loosening my grip, I watched as their limp body dropped with a silent thud. Every day, they would make their usual for breakfast, took some berries and ice and the like, stuffed them in me for a whirl and a whisk. Tastes almost sweet, //almost// delectable. Something's always off, though. It never tasted like enough. Missing, missing a flavor, something to fill the hole. Every day, it felt empty. I knew nothing at all.

Face planted on the ground, the sound of breathing ceased long ago. I thought some amusement would meet me here but I was only waiting, waiting, waiting for dead silence. Still bright outside, but bleak from where I stood. Fruit gathered ants, ants gathered flies. Gentle buzzing but it was quiet in between. Almost warm but cold nonetheless. Cold, cold, ##blue|//cold.//##

I stood before a corpse growing cold in an attempt to feel something. Maybe some sense of regret, some sadness, relief, or realization. Not even boredom, I only knew numbness. The ceiling fan swirled in circles, a metaphor in a way. Always thought it would fall down, down, down eventually. This desperation for a struck chord, left to linger for forever. Something to stir the pot, something to ring a bell, something to keep me alive.

Alive.

[[size 125%]]Alive.[[/size]]

[[size 150%]]//Alive.//[[/size]]

[[size 175%]]//ALIVE.//[[/size]]

[[size 200%]]##gray|//A L I V E.//##[[/size]]

ALIVE, I JUST WANT TO FEEL ALIVE. SOMETHING, PLEASE, GIVE ME SOMETHING. ANYTHING, ANYTHING, ANYTHING PLEASE. LET ME LIVE, LET ME EXPERIENCE. LIFE, LIFE, GIVE ME LIFE. I CAN BE, I SWEAR. I'M HERE, I'M REAL, I SWEAR TO EVERY GOD. JUST- JUST HEAR ME OUT, PLEASE. I DON'T WANT TO BE THIS WAY, I DON'T WANT THIS ##gray|NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS, NOTHINGNESS,##

NO
Th
in
ggg
ne
ss
…
..
.
.

Can't you color me ##purple|surprised,## color me ##green|jealous,## color me any way you want. These ##gray|monotone shades,## I want to break from them. I want to believe, //BELIEVE I'M ALIVE.// I KNOW I'm alive. I can think, I am. Please. For at least a moment, tell me it's true. ##red|Frustration,## ##blue|depression,## ##orange|relief.## Tell me these emotions are mine as well. All the colors of the world, tell me they're on my palette too. I just want to live, I want to feel ##gray|ALIVE.## Let@@                           @@me@@                                 @@feel

[[>]]
A
l
ive
…
.
..
[[/>]]

I stuffed the corpse's hand in me and pressed, ##red|blending it into wine## in an attempt to feel something. Tasteless, a nothing burger. Nothing worth saying, nothing worthwhile. I dug their arm deeper and deeper into my blades. A physical-to-mental approach maybe, an indirection. I just want a FEEL, I just want a TASTE. Please keep me together, something, anything. Can't stress, can't express, my emotions are SPEAKING IN //DIFFERENT// .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . ... I JUST WANT TO UNDERSTAND.

Hollowed out and naked, knocking on wood in an attempt to feel something. I'm a glass vase shattered into pieces, water escaping from my everything. All I sense is blood, an almost feeling. Half way somewhere, half of a someone. A caricature, a draft, a sketch. But I want to be more, something complete, something finished, something //real.// I just want to be enough.

Can't I be enough?

…

No, it's
nev
er

Eno
ugh.

I'm never
##gray|enough.##

Always out of

[[>]]
touch,
always a quarter,
always a half,
always almost there,
but it'll never work out,
##gray|I'll //never// be enough.##
[[/>]]

…

Nobody's here.

Nobody's here anymore.

Nobody's home.

This home is just a house.

…

I ground the corpse into a paste in an attempt to feel something. ##red|Red## splattered the walls of my chamber, ##blue|blue## grew the body, ##green|green## spread the mold, yet it all felt so, so ##gray|gray.## Numbness, emptiness, lackadaisical in every sense of the word. An object of motion, a lack of emotion, packed with air, packed with holes. I want to cry, but I don't know how. Exhausted and tired, I just want to LIVE. I just want to be REAL…

= Real…

[[>]]
real…

…
[[/>]]

Something,
anything,
give me a
sign.
I want to
bel
i
e
ve

I

@@                                        @@I

@@                                                                                @@I…

@@ @@

= I pleaded and begged in an attempt to feel something.
= ##303030|I strained all of me in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##404040|I fed on a corpse in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##616161|I let roaches roam in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##737373|I cursed at the gods in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##858585|I squeezed blood from their wounds in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##919191|I choked on their skin in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##9e9e9e|I cracked parts of myself in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##a8a8a8|I stood and remained in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##bfbfbf|I tumbled and fell in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##c7c7c7|I threw myself off the counter in an attempt to feel something.##
= ##d4d4d4|In an attempt to feel something.##
= ##dedede|In an attempt to feel //anything.//##
= ##e3e1e1|But##
= ##e3e1e1|all##
= ##e3e1e1|I##
= ##e3e1e1|feel##
= ##e3e1e1|is##
= ##transparent|nothing##.

@@ @@

[[include component:image-block name=https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/in-an-attempt-to-feel-something/noise.jpg|caption=@@ @@|width=100%|align=center]]
~~~~
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@@ @@
[[include component:wikimodule |ratings= --]]]

[[=]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box
|author=winkwonkboi]]
=====
> **Filename:** blender
> **Name:** Vintage Blender Queen
> **Author:** Mad Mod Smith
> **License:** CC BY-SA 2.0
> **Source Link:** [https://www.flickr.com/photos/47036348@N02/5940569067 Flickr]

> **Filename:** noise
> **Name:** white-noise
> **Author:** _DJ_
> **License:** CC BY-SA 2.0
> **Source Link:** [https://www.flickr.com/photos/40869837@N03/8376267144 Flickr]
=====
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]
[[/=]]

In an attempt to feel something.

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