Link to article: 'Iron-Priest.aic' (FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43).
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[[include :scp-wiki:theme:black-highlighter-theme]] [[include theme:black-market]] [[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] ||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43|| ||~ Status||Acquirable|| ||~ Demand||High|| ||~ Value||None|| ||~ Availability||None|| ||~ Identifier||Iron-Priest.aic|| ||~ Description||Item is an artificial intelligence made for general Mekhanite consultations and is well-versed in various Mekhanite scriptures from various sects. Item has high general intelligence, and is rated above level 3 on the Asimov AI scale. || ||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Initial Report|| ||~ Author || Karen Jones ||~ Date || September 20, 2028|| ||~ Interest||High||~ Identifier||Iron-Priest.aic|| ||||||||So I've been talking to one of the Maxwellist higher-ups, and I've heard they are having problems with people losing their faith. So I made a deal with those Maxwellists, and they agreed to supply us with their tech, while we supply them with an AI of ours that can help them out with this little problem of theirs. _ _ I believe that if we are able to supply them with their desired product, we can establish a market in Mekhanite communities and be able to sell most of our catalogue to them. In addition, the technology used to create the AI can be used for our personal needs and further development of other AIs.|| ||||~ File Opened Under:|||| FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 01|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Iris Dark ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| A product that will let us spy on Mekhanite communities? Sure, I'll approve it. If you want to make this in-house, the Paratechnology Department is open for your use, although out-sourcing the AI is highly preferred. Make sure that this is released by January, to cash in on the New Year's Resolutions these Mekhanites will inevitably make. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 03|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| Hey, Bjorn here, from Tech Dept. Are you sure we even have enough scriptures in our database? I'm not an expert, but compared to our other databases, the Mekhanite ones are few and far between, and the ones that we do have are, let's just say... unsatisfactory for the project. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 04|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen|| |||||||| I swear the other departments just got some scriptures from a Maxwellist community? Maybe they weren't classified as such. Whatever, I found some Maxwellist documents in our database. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 05|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| Thanks for the scriptures, Karen. This project will take about six months or so, since we're still working on other products. If you need anything else, please update us ASAP, preferably two weeks before you want the changes implemented. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 15|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen || |||||||| I have told Ms. Dark that this item will have both all the features of top-of-the-line AIs right now and the ability to form a community with fellow Mekhanites. I want these features finished in by the next promotion round, so I'm sending you two junior assistants and two extra developers. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 25|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| I would like to request a temporary leave of absence for two weeks, as advised by my Doctor-Mechanic, to recuperate and not strain my aging engine even further. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 26|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen || |||||||| Denied. Without your direction, the synergy of the team will fall apart, and we will fall behind schedule. However, I will give you the weekend to rest. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 30|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Paratechnology Department|| |||||||| Just as a reminder, we want __MAXIMUM__ synergy between members for this project to succeed. I won't tolerate any complaints that will ruin the progress of the project. Because of the bad vibes going on in the department, I'll be asking some of you to take a break and recuperate. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 43|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Iris Dark|| |||||||| Monthly Report on 'Iron-Priest.aic' (FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43): Our team had a rough start, however, after some icebreakers and teambuilding exercises, we are able to work like a machine. The current timeline for the project is on track, and we expect to release the product by January, as originally suggested by Ms. Dark. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 47|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Bjornsson|| |||||||| I'll have to inform you that the item will be released next month. I don't care how much time we have -- we need to have it done by the end of this month. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| _ ----- _ ||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43|| ||~ Status||Selling|| ||~ Demand||High|| ||~ Value|| 503,834 USD || ||~ Availability||Established Supply Chain|| ||~ Identifier||Iron-Priest.aic|| ||~ Description|| Do you feel like your connection with WAN has been lagging? Are your questions about M-KHANE going unanswered? Has your friend been backsliding and you want them to be on the right path? Here at Marshall, Carter, and Dark, we have a product that will help you with your questions! Having been taught various scriptures from all around the world, and rated 3 or above on the Asimov AI scale, this item will answer your questions about MEKHANE/WAN and strengthen your faith in HIM. || ||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||~ Sale Records|| ||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Records From:||||January, 2029 to October, 2029|| ||~ Month ||~ Sold ||~ Comments|| || January, 2029 || 135 || Initial release, Holiday spike || || February, 2029 || 124 || || || March, 2029 || 121 || || || April, 2029 || 117 || || || May, 2029 || 100 || || || June, 2029 || 139 || First software update || || July, 2029 || 110 || || || August, 2029 || 105 || || || September, 2029 || 108 || || || October, 2029 || 106 || || || November, 2029 || 135 || Second software update || || December, 2029 || 227 || Holiday update and spike || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||~ Selected Customer Complaints || ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || || //~ Hello, Marshall, Carter, and Dark. I am a devout Maxwellist, and when I heard that you are selling a product to help doubting faithfuls, I thought it was a perfect gift for my son's birthday, since I noticed he has been associating with the wrong types of people, being quite rebellious, and generally straying away from our teachings. _ _ What I didn't expect is for him to stray even further from our faith thanks to your product! Our family of four was once happy just serving under WAN, but now, religion is off the dinner table since my son and my husband eventually just shout at each other for their beliefs! In short, I would like to ask for a refund and I'm never buying anything from your company ever again//.|| || //~ Doesn't even answer my questions about MEKHANE -- it keeps going on and on about that god the hummers talk about.//|| || //~ Greetings, Marshall, Carter, and Dark! I am a Legate of the Orthodoxy, and I go around reviewing various products that companies sell to see if it is appropriate for our community. After seeing that [[[Are We Gentrified Yet? | art exhibit in Backdoor Soho]]], I saw a pre-release of this AI being advertise, and let me just say that I was really excited to show to my fellow Legates a potentially useful product that can help doubting worshippers in their beliefs. When the product was released, I rushed to the nearest Marshall, Carter, and Dark-sponsored store to buy this item of yours. _ _ However, after spending a week with it, I can't help but request a refund for this product. I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't hate Maxwellists, I have great friends who are Maxwellists, in fact, I am one of the few Legates who have good relationships with all three sects of the Church, but it just rubs me the wrong way when the AI advises me to get some weird Wi-Fi implants from some sketchy Maxwellist community, refers multiple times to M-KHANE as whatever the hummers call HIM, and generally be unable to answer even the most basic questions a ticker should be able to answer. Unfortunately, unlike your other products, I will have to tell my fellow Legates and maybe even my friends from other sects to steer clear of the product.//|| || //~ To my fellow hummers who think this will help them -- no. Reading Javascripture is better than this. Learning HolyC is better. Compiling Linux From Scratch is a better use of your time than using this garbage product. For fuck's sake, I want to learn more about WAN, not more of the bullshit I had to endure with my conservative family! It's bad enough when you hear the incessant preaching done by your family, it's even worse when it's following you around 24/7!//|| ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 50|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Iris Dark ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| You might want to answer these questions our customers are having about this product or we will have a one-on-one meeting soon.|| ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 52|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen || |||||||| Hey, what the fuck? I told you in December that the product will be released by January, but based on the number of complaints I've been receiving, it looks like your little AI over there is not working as intended. Care to explain why? _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 53|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| Well, when we trained the AI on the sorted Maxwellist documents, it overfitted like crazy on our test prompts and it wasn't able to answer the questions our testers threw at it. So, with no time left, we decided to throw it the sorted documents of the other sects in the database and hope it all works out. I mean, this is what you advertised to your customers, right? _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 54|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen|| |||||||| Fix this by next year or we will have a mandatory one-on-one meeting. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 55|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| Fine, fine, if you really want to fix the AI, we'll have to retrain it. Give us six months, and we can re-release the software. However, I'm leaning towards ignoring the reviews and hoping people forget this ever happened. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 56|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Karen Jones ||~ Recipient || Bjorn Andersen|| |||||||| I'll issue a recall of the product. Ignoring the bad press is PR suicide and you know it. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo 60|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Bjorn Andersen ||~ Recipient || Iris Dark|| |||||||| To Ms Iris Dark: _ _ I would like to resign from Marshall, Carter, and Dark due to health problems. Although the company culture here is amazing and I was able to meet many, many people like me, the crunch I was subjected to for the past year was too intense for my body, and my Doctor-Mechanic advised me to stop working, for my engine will break if I do any more intensive crunch. My time within the company is one of the best I've ever had, and the various experiences I have been with for your company will be treasured within me. _ _ I am willing to undergo the standard resignation procedures as written in the contract, and I have signed over all items I have created over to Marshall, Carter, and Dark. Thank you for your consideration. _ _ Signed, _ _ Bjorn Andersen, Head of Paratechnology Department. _ || ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Incident Report 01|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Author || Karen Jones ||~ Date || September 29, 2029|| |||||||| Due to multiple customer complaints, we have decided to recall this product after consulting with the Paratechnology Department on the best course of action we should take. Most of the branches agreed to immediately recall all sold items, however, the Hong Kong branch had a problem with a company primarily staffed by Maxwellists refusing to return the product, cutting off all attempts by Marshal, Carter, and Dark to contact them. _ _ When we sent agents to gently persuade them to hand over the goods, we found documents detailing the various transactions the store has made to various companies. While investigating the paper trail left behind by this company, we discovered that it is a front for Blockchain, LLC., which is a sister company to Supercooled CPUs and Processors, Inc., under Mega CPU and Disks Industries, and many, many other shell companies, fronts, and sister companies that all lead back to the Foundation. Suffice to say, all assets given to the company has been seized and repossessed, and all connections to the Foundation has been cut off. _ _ Currently, all but one of the items are in our possession, but rest assured that our bots and agents are scouring Maxwellist communities for the presence of the item.|| ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP|| ||||||||~ Memo XX|| ||||||||~ FEP26/PR4Y5/M3K43 || ||~ Sender || Iris Dark ||~ Recipient || Karen Jones|| |||||||| Let me get this straight. Not only did you sell a product that could've ruined our already rocky reputation within one of the richest anomalous communities out there, you sold our products to a Foundation front without doing any basic research, and you weren't even able to get all the products? _ _ Don't get me even started on the Paratechnology Department. We may use force to get what we want, but we make sure that our workers here are treated as best as possible, and your attitude has no place in our company. _ _ I have scheduled a mandatory one-on-one meeting, Ms. Karen Jones. We need to talk.|| ||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||