It Will Improve With Time

Link to article: It Will Improve With Time.
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**It Will Improve With Time**
**Author:** [[*user Adanaist]]
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CW: Lots of mentions of shit. It gets gross. I'm sorry.
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Hello, everyone! Thank you for showing up, I hope the smell on the road wasn’t too bad. I know a lot of you have some, er, //concerns// about the viability of our product long term, and I want to address those as best as I can. Any questions before we begin? 

Yes? No, we do not have any plans to cease operating any time soon.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, please! No need to get up from your seats, ha-ha-ha. Trust me, you’ll want to hear what I have to say! Yes, this presentation was made by me. Our product had no involvement in its creation whatsoever, and no, we will not be demonstrating it again. We have learned from last time.

Okay, thank you. 

Ahem. I’m sure you’re all aware of what our product is by now. It’s everywhere, and the numbers don’t lie. We accounted for a majority of local GDP growth in the last 3 quarters, and we don’t see any signs of—

Yes? Mhm? I don’t follow. No, it’s not—It’s not “shit.” It’s //not// “shit”, okay? “Shit” can’t talk, our product can. “Shit” doesn’t make money, our product does.“Shit” is //bad//, our product is //good//. Okay? Yes, I know it smells the same, it’ll get better with time.

You don’t just have to take my word for it. Just look at the numbers. Merely 4 years ago, our product couldn’t even string together a sentence, or draw a straight line. Now, it talks! It creates! It’s basically sentient! We have literally, without exaggeration, created artificial life with our own two hands! Okay, maybe a mild exaggeration. Okay, okay, I get it. I’m trying to talk here, alright?

Thank you. Look, I know it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know it //looks// like our product is dead on arrival, or even literally just dead, but it’s not. Why would we be so confident in it if we didn’t think it was something special? It’s everywhere! We use it daily, we //make// it daily, we even make more than we can use! We have a veritable surplus of this stuff, and the people love it! It got better with time, why can’t it keep getting better?

Hm? No, our product had absolutely nothing to do with that. Yes, it’s tragic. We already gave our condolences to his family, and we’re co-operating with law enforcement to the fullest extent. We’ve included a link to the suicide hotline on our website out of an abundance of caution.

God, no, we don’t “dump” it into the lake. Those statistics are misleading. We are a carbon-negative company, and—Can I talk here, man? Please. 

//Thank you.// I’m trying to get to my main point. Before us, our product //was// merely waste, excrement, ka-ka, whatever you want to call it. Now, we can turn that into something great. We can replace workers, we can replace artists, writers, doctors, lawyers, you name it! You don’t have to pay it, you don’t even have to feed it. You just have to–Erm…

“Shit it out,” yes. Give it to us, we make it better. We’re refining the process every day. I know it may look like “shit”, smell like “shit”, and taste like “shit”, I’ve eaten it, okay? It tastes better every time. We’re going places, we //just// need your continued support to make it happen. 

It will improve with time. It will improve with time, okay? It //will//.

... 

I believe I've made my point. Meeting over, thank you for your support. Don't forget your PPE on the way out.


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It Will Improve With Time

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