Lawbert Establishes an Independent State

Link to article: Lawbert Establishes an Independent State.

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On January 1st, 2026, Researcher Dammon revealed himself as a member of the Chaos Insurgency by announcing his new years resolution was for all anomalies within Site-231 to escape the site and establish their own sovereign state. [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7416 SCP-7416], hereby known as "Lawbert", responded to this claim by announcing "Universal lawings and the such surroundening the concept of resolutions at the end of one calendar year state that all resolves at the beginning of a new annum must be accomplished for one week before being abandoned entirely."

Following this claim, Lawbert was informed by Doctor Primora that it is considered an anomaly within Site-231.[[footnote]] Doctor Primora was later investigated for evidence of affiliation with the Chaos Insurgency. No affiliation was found. [[/footnote]] This revelation was quickly followed by Lawbert screaming and charging towards the the east wall of his containment chamber, in a fashion not dissimilar to the "Kool-Aid Man". Lawbert then began systematically navigating the facility, helping all anomalies breach containment, demanding all autonomous anomalies follow it and keeping all inanimate anomalies inside his backpack.[[footnote]] A gift provided by Doctor Primora. When asked why she provided this, Doctor Primora claimed she "thought it would look funny". [[/footnote]]

After making its way through the entirety of Site-231, Lawbert and its now 100-strong group exited Site-231 and disappeared for 1 week. Following this one week period, Lawbert returned with all of the site's anomalies in tow, all of whom were in chains.

-----

Following his daring escape from Site-231, Lawbert turned to his confused party of misfits, who stood before him in silence. A single cough was heard as Lawbert stood looking over his people. Eventually realising he had no intent of saying anything, Doctor William Wettle raised his hand, waiting to be called upon to speak. Lawbert turned to look towards Wettle, who began to speak. "Why are we here?" he asked, his voice cracking.

Lawbert followed, "Because of the laws and rulings of this universe and such we must establish our own sovereign nation and rule upon it for a half fortnight."

"What?" Wettle cried, beginning to walk towards Lawbert before slipping on the mud, landing on his back with a crunch. Ignoring this, Lawbert turned away and made his way over the peak of the hill they were resting on. In the distance, a lone island sat idle in the centre of a lake. The waters brown and murky with multiple dead fish floating at the water's surface, the lake had long been abandoned. Lawbert stared at this island, formulating his next plan of action with utmost focus, before a sudden cry from behind him stole away his attention.

Behind Lawbert, Doctor Wettle had once again risen to his feet, his brand-new lab coat now covered in a thick layer of cold mud, and turned to see a being neither round nor orange directly in front of him. Lawbert turned, seemingly only just having taken in the not-alive, not-dead thing which had joined his motley crew. He stared at it, before proclaiming, "All creatures and other thingings which find themselves amongst this group is required by universal constant B.34 Lampeter Vs Space to partake in and make others partake in the establishment of a new island land within this lake for the next seven day irregardless of any incompatibilitations or other limiting circumstances that may in place be taking."

Lawbert then turned and "leaped"[[footnote]] Fell. [[/footnote]] into the lake below. Multiple anomalies rushed to the edge to check on their pseudo-hero, pseudo-captor's fate, only to see the lake split apart, not dissimilar to Moses parting the sea. Multiple creatures, abandoned by hope and unaware of the world they inhabited turned to one another, curious as to what they should do. Noticing this moment of indecision, Wettle saw this as his opportunity to take charge of the situation. Now that the creature that brought them here was out of ear shot, perhaps he could convince the anomalies to listen to him? Triumphant and powered by newfound resolve, Doctor William Wettle stood before this band of monsters and misfits, closed his eyes and began to speak as the leader he never thought he'd be.

"Alright everyone. Now I know you all don't know me and I sure as hell don't know all of you. I mean, for god's sake, I was visiting the site to go see a pal on new years. I don't even work here. Now I get that you might feel like this is your golden opportunity to rush out into the world and take your newfound freedom. But this is different." Wettle clears his throat, eyes still unwilling to open in fear of one of them giving him a fright. "You must know your place! This world is full of dangers. Threats you and I cannot possibly understand. For that reason and that reason alone, we must all return to where we belong. Back to our homes. Back to the Foundation. Who's with me?"

By the time Wettle had finished his invigorating speech, all the anomalies said speech was directed at had already left, following Lawbert towards their new home. Wettle looked around disappointed, before peering back and forth between the way they'd come from and the army marching through the lake towards an abandoned isle. His head darted back and forth, indecision clouding his judgement, before finally he made a decision, clambering his way down the hill and towards the group, running to catch up.

-----

Inside his new castle, the heart of his nation had begun to emerge. The anomalies now knew their various tasks and had divvied into smaller taskforces. Each group had members complimenting each other's skillsets; for example I, a toaster, worked closely with a fairly regular dude who kept occasionally disappearing before Lawbert would snatch him back to our reality. Something about how he can't dimension hop until his work is done under some subset of universal laws. The man seemed relieved to learn this, and handled me with care. I couldn't appreciate that, of course, because I am a toaster.[[footnote]] For some reason every time I say toaster it replaces it with toaster. [[/footnote]] Lawbert watched all of this happening from his new throne, constructed out of the finest floor Doctor Wettle could find. He turned to his new royal assistant, posing him a query.

"If I am to be the new leader of this here established state, I am required to begin enacting my rulings upon my subjects to inset a clear ecosystem and place of safenings and avoid the "bad eggs"." Lawbert stared at Wettle expectantly. After realising what was happening, Wettle drew a slimey pickled egg from his pocket and offered it to his majesty. Lawbert scarfed down the snack before continuing, "Today I am decreeing that you are from now to be my lawbringer who must bring me all those whom break my laws and assists me in establishing and maintaining the peaces which will allow our nation to remain unharmed by criminals both inner side and outer side."

"What kind of punishments were you thinking? And what laws exactly?"

Lawbert entered a deep think for approximately 13 minutes.

As he awoke, he watched with disinterest as the molded and water-damaged seat Wettle had found collapsed beneath his weight.

"You must scribe my words as I speak and do not repeat them."

"Scribe with what?"

"Would you prefer if I were to give you the short explanation as to why you should use your electronic device you call a smart phone or would it be better if I were to simply begin speaking and you can arrive at the correct conclusion upon your own timings following complete memorisation of the speech I plan to speak unto you?"

With a blank stare, Wettle reached into his pocket and pulled out his pickled egg-coated phone before opening the notes app.

-----

Following investigation into the incident, a list was found entitled "THE LWA" on Doctor William Wettle's phone. The first page can be found below. For the complete 213 page list, send a request to Director G. Willikers.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
No Killing: Personal Recommendation by Doctor William Wettle following payment of one (1) pickled egg. -- Permanent Imprisonment.

No Dying: Interversal Law 12.b.1 -- Corporal Punishment.

No Intentional Harmening of the State: Skullduggers' Guide to Kicking Ass Page 3 -- Permanent Imprisonment.

Thou Shall not Steal: Lawbert's Lifecode Chapter 4003 -- Permanent Imprisonment.

No Interference with External Politics: At Request of Neighbouring State[[footnote]] Later identified as a local family, who the group appeared to have stolen a flat screen television from.[[/footnote]] -- Permanent Imprisonment.

Eat Your Vegetables: Jenny's Guide to Parenting Page 12 -- Permanent Imprisonment.

No Ball Games: A Rusted Sign Outside -- Permanent Imprisonment.

No Phones: Mr. Lambs' Classroom -- Permanent Imprisonment.

No Cannons: SCP Wiki Unspoken Rules --Permanent Imprisonment.
[[/div]]

-----

On day 1, three anomalies were discovered secretly eating pickled eggs without sharing any with Lawbert. This discovery was quickly reported to Lawbert, who approached the anomalies to confront them.

"Is it a factual statementication to claim you have perpetrated Lawbert's Lawbook Rule 3017.b following consumption of an excess of two (2)[[footnote]] Yes he actually said this out loud. [[/footnote]] pickled eggs without extendening an offer to other parties who may contain interests in consumering them?"

The three anomalies, all humanoid and keter in their original homes, laughed at Lawbert as he finished, one even spouting "Woah! Easy there Grubby! Just having a light snack after all of our hard work." Lawbert did not like this. Not one bit. In a second, Lawbert began screaming, the trio lifted from the ground and psychic links binding their hands together.

"Speaking without first raising your hand is a clear violation of codification sub-clause 43 of Lawbert's Lawbook Two Rule 6, which calls for the arrest of all involved parties including those that did not interfere with the violator, as per aboveclause 12 of Lawbert's Lawbook Rule 812 stating that "all parties involvening themselves with a crime participant are also to be considered involvening themselves in the crime participated withinside," thus, all of you will be placed into immediate arrest for the following eternity."

And thus, the first prisoners of Lawbert's Land were taken. Time moved forwards without their efforts. This kingdom needn't rulebreakers in its folly. It would do fine without them. But soon enough, the breakers piled up.

"Both yourself and the bicycle you find yourself mounted upon are in breach of law TNIC.32.9 "Don't be cringe" and will now experience obligamatory arrestification."

"You are going to be placed into a cell until you have calmed down and then continually after that moment henceforth forevermore following your breakage of code 12.c of Lawbert's Lawbook Rule 6 Condition 12, "Any and all parties must looks me in the eyes when I'm talking to them"."

"I just don't like you."

-----

Watching this unfold, Wettle spent the week quietly nodding along, agreeing with every proclamation Lawbert made. One by one, each and every subject was locked away for something that wasn't their fault. They didn't choose to be brought here. They didn't choose to have these impossible rules to follow. For a moment, Wettle almost learned something. Thankfully, he didn't find himself having to look inwards, instead having to look outwards as Lawbert approached him on the thirteenth day.

"Hello Mister William Wettle I am requesting one (1) pickled egg as a treat for imprisonment of the roudy lot that remained."

Wettle went to oblige, reaching into his pocket to find but a sludge gracing his hands. Fuck. He had run out of eggs! He had to play it cool. Breathe slowly. Not that slowly! No, now too fast! Pull yourself together man!

"Egg please."

Wettle froze. Lawbert looked mad. Two large eyebrows had appeared above his eyes and they looked mad.

"Egg."

The last thing Wettle remembered was turning to run towards the window before being lifted from the ground and Lawbert screaming at him about some random penal code. Next thing he knew he was marching with the other anomalies back to Site-343. In front, Lawbert led the charge, dragging his prison back to their home in chains.

-----

Later on, after the hours of interrogations and interviews, Wettle found himself face to face with Lawbert once again, who looked at him as though they'd not once spoken before.

"Why did you take us back?"

"My leadermication conceded its position within my body upon the conclusion of the 1 week period, allowing me to return myself and my former subjects to their homes."

Wettle stood aghast. Did the last week really mean so little? Lawbert stared at him as he stay there frozen, until finally he mustered up just the right words.

"Fuck you."

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Lawbert Establishes an Independent State

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