Link to article: Levealuto Aston Promises That Sapient Clowns Will Turn The Human Race Into Livestock!.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] There is a difference between clowns and ‘sapient’ clowns. Like the great apes and humans, the unevolved and the evolved. Sapient clowns are not human, nor humans dressed as clowns (//those are known as ‘clownies’//). Sapient clowns are in the same family as livestock clowns, but don’t deserve to be livestock. Sapience gives them ideas, and we should be giving them more than they deserve. I am //Levealuto Aston//, activist in favour of sapient clown rights and enthusiastic for their eventual takeover of the human race. I am human myself, but I believe in our red-nosed overlords' grand future plans. Today, I will explain the difference and unique features of the sapient clown, what this means for us, and even my first-hand experience! I am raising a chucklet I have fondly named //Cosmo//. __The sapient clown__: Delicate layers of white greasepaint instead of layers of skin, dawning bright clothes and plumage (though, we shouldn’t talk about them like animals. In fact, they are above us) and a big, bright grin on their face. ‘//Just like regular clowns//’, you’d think, but by the time you think that you’ve already made several mistakes. Sapient clowns are above your average clown. They do not want to be treated like animals, showing off party tricks or slaughtered for meat. They want to be treated as human, which is also our mistake. Sapient clowns should not strive to be human. They should aim for more than us. But it is hard when you’re lumped together with your brainless brethren, the domestic clown. As chucklets, there is nearly no difference between a clown and a sapient clown. They are raised on the same farm, eating the same slop and leftovers. Many are born as runts, smaller but smarter. Not noticing the early signs of a sapient clown within a litter does damage to the clown’s mental well-being. Imagine, being treated like an animal, a //pet//, until someone comes by to save you and turn you from livestock to laughing stock… In some ways, I can relate. Firstly, a sapient clown will be miraculously capable of speech, unlike their siblings who communicate in honks. This leaves their honks underdeveloped, though, and other clowns think they’re hard to understand. A sapient clown will also act less cheeky and opt-out of the usual clown tomfoolery. They will usually stray towards more sophisticated activities, like opening portals with the Time Clowns. Take my lovely boy //Cosmo// as an example! He is quite clever and witty, in a way a ‘straight-man’ may be played in the circus, or like a little gifted child who knows he’s better than the //hogs// he was raised with. He even knows how to trap a Jack-in-the-Box in it’s own box! My, he’s a little charmer. I can’t wait for him to grow up and dismantle the very core of human society. So, what does the rise in sapient clowns mean for us humans? It means we should be ready for change. Good change. We will have new leaders, capable of things we can’t even comprehend. We should welcome this change, and let the sapient clowns stop us from humiliating ourselves any further. I believe this change is the only way of truly solving the problems humanity has brought upon itself. If we were all treated like one lesser species, like the clowns today, we could maybe have as much //fun// as them. Maybe I //want// to go back to being livestock. I think it’d be better if we could finally put our disagreements to rest, if we all had one thing in common: our meat. I’ve been raising my clown, Cosmo, with this worldview. I believe he will make me proud. I could relate to him, I guess. When I was looking through one of my friend’s clown litters and saw him climbing on one of the Stilts Clowns legs, I knew what it felt like. Being left to do everything yourself, then grow to perform for others for a sliver of spotlight, and reaching up to the heights to bathe in that glow. I could see myself in something non-human. I was above my species, so was he. Working with a sapient clown is much tougher than you’d realise. They know they’re smart, so they’ll immediately have a distaste for normal clowns and in extension, other animals. This is why you single out a sapient clown A.S.A.P when they’re young, hahah! Cosmo was always a little trickster as a chucklet. I always had to keep an eye on him. Finally, make sure to maintain a good relationship with your sapient clown, too. And tell them to make an //exception// for you, so they’ll despise every human except you. I might have to try again, as [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4730 Cosmo] has not visited in awhile. In conclusion, I want you to be prepared for the gradual shift in power. I hope you’ll all look at the bigger, brighter picture, and sit down and take it with happiness and glee in your heart. I want to spread this message to my //followers// as well. Please, if anyone else is interested in my word, bring them along to the next meeting. Thank you for listening. [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [!-- N/A (No Images) --] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]