'SmartHex' (SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9)

Link to article: 'SmartHex' (SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9).
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||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9||
||~ Status||Selling||
||~ Demand||Medium||
||~ Value||12000-18000 GBP/15600-23400 USD per contract||
||~ Availability||Unlimited||
||~ Identifier||SmartHex||
||~ Description||SmartHex refers to a line of smart contract templates specifically designed for deals with demonic entities. By simply inputting the True Names of all parties along with all other relevant information into a SmartHex contract, demonic signatories become thaumaturgically bound to fulfill their part of the agreement once the mortal signatories have met theirs. SmartHex is ideal for individuals who possess minimal knowledge of the laws of Man and/or God.||
||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||

||||||||~ Initial Report||
||~ Author || Iris Dark||~ Date ||  March 1st, 2018||
||~ Interest||High||~ Identifier|| SmartHex ||
|||||||| After we got all the bugs worked out of our electro-thaumic server farm, my thoughts naturally turned to what else we could do with it besides [[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-dark-web-dke79-o2rg5-4jlw6 | The Dark Web]]]. I decided to create an anomalous blockchain using //darkrunes//, the same thaumic code I invented and used for the Dark Energy operating system and the Dark Matter software suite. _
 _
As my tech team (and I would hope most of our other staff) are aware, blockchains are encrypted digital ledgers, mostly used for cryptocurrencies like bitcoin. While I admit I did toy with the idea of creating an anomalous altcoin, the amount of energy required to mine them would make regular coin farms seem like a tea kettle.  _
 _
Instead, I elected to create SmartHex. The code of these contracts works similarly to the [[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/grant-request-for-utilization-of-electro-thaumic-computers-t |Hoffman Portable Electro-Thaumic Units]]] developed by Prometheus Labs. SmartHex's software is capable of emulating the required rituals within electro-thaumic hardware, binding mortals, demons, and most other sapient entities to the agreed upon terms, so long as it's provided with their True Names. _
 _
Although this could technically be used for contracts between mortals, I think the most popular application will be between mortals and demons. Demons are rather infamous for taking unfair advantage of the desperation and ignorance of mortals, pressuring them into hastily signing unread or poorly understood contracts, charging biblical fees while seldom offering anything of equal value in return.  _
 _
With SmartHex, not only will mortals know precisely what they are agreeing to and what they will get in exchange, they will also have the power to negotiate with demons on equal footing. The Hexchecker software included in each contract automatically reviews it and highlights any potential errors, conflicts or loopholes, as well as potentially inequitable deals before the contract can be enforced. _
 _
Though I wrote the software personally, the legal aspects of the SmartHex product were worked out by the A-78xD United Eidolonic Collective (Legal Department) with consultation from Hr'asm'Kal (Tartarean Liaison and VP of Product Development) and Esquire Darke (Senior Partner and Alchemical/Occult Consultant). As the expertise of the Eidolonic Collective is recognized both in our Realm and the Tartarean Plane, Hr'asm'Kal retains good relations with his people, and Darke once literally out-negotiated the Devil Himself (Emperor of Undervast technically, but it hardly matters), I am satisfied that SmartHex will exceed all expectations.  _
 _
Keeping with my preference for dubiously auspicious launch dates, SmartHex contracts will be available beginning on the Ides of March.  _
 _
 ||
||||~ File Opened Under:|||| SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9 ||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||

||||||||~ Second Quarter Sales Report, 2018||
||||||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9  ||
||~ Sender || Hr'asm'Kal||~ Recipient || Iris Dark||
||||||||  SMARTHEX CONTRACTS HAVE BEEN SELLING NICELY (NUMBERS ARE IN THE ATTACHMENT). WE'RE EVEN SEEING REPEAT CUSTOMERS, WHICH IS A RARE THING FOR DEMONIC CONTRACTS.  _
 _
AS EXPECTED, NONE OF THE BIG GUYS TOOK AN INTEREST IN THESE THINGS. THEY'RE NOT WILLING TO JUST HAND OVER THEIR TRUE NAME, PLUS THEY'RE TOO OLD FASHIONED TO WANT TO DIGITIZE THE PROCESS. FOR THEM, IT'S A VELLUM CONTRACT SIGNED IN BLOOD OR BUST. _
 _
BUT FOR THE LITTLE GUYS, IT'S A DIFFERENT STORY. THEY'RE MORE THAN WILLING TO SCOOP UP CUSTOMERS THE BIG GUYS PASS OVER. SMARTHEX ENSURES EVERYONE KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE AGREEING TO AND GETS THEIR DUE, AND HAPPY CUSTOMERS ARE RETURN CUSTOMERS. _
 _
I THINK WE MAY ACTUALLY HAVE FOUND A SUSTAINABLE BUSINESS MODEL FOR SATANIC BLOOD PACTS.||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||

||||||||~ Incident Report 01 ||
||||||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9 ||
||~ Author || Jim Tully ||~ Date || July 13th, 2018 ||
|||||||| Last night at 3 AM Greenwich Time, a nine-foot ring of fire suddenly appeared inside the server farm. It appeared to be a portal to the Tartarean Plane. Fortunately, it was detected by the security system and the servers automatically emulated an exorcism to close it before anything could get through. _
 _
It also activated the fire suppression system. _
 _
Between 3-4 AM, I counted 19 of these portals opening up at various points in or near the building, all of them being automatically excised within seconds. Based on the sheer persistence of these portals, I can only conclude that someone from Tartarus was trying to attack us. Most likely over the SmartHex Contracts. _
 _
I minored in demonology at [[[about deer | Deer College]]], so I know that if they're not summoned, demons can only create a portal to our plane during specific times i.e. the Witching Hour on Friday the thirteenth, because of the power we assign to those times. Basically happy hour for demons that feed on superstition. _
 _
The good news is I'm pretty sure that the next time they'll be able to pull a stunt like this is 3 AM November 1st, Halloween night. That gives us some time to prepare, but since this time didn't work I'm guessing next time they'll come at us even harder. _
 _
Maybe it would be best to see if we can work out a diplomatic solution before then.||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||

||||||||~ Memo 01||
||||||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9  ||
||~ Sender || Hr'asm'Kal||~ Recipient || Iris Dark, all executive contacts||
|||||||| JUST GOT OFF THE HORN WITH THE UNNAMED MALIGNANCY AND IT SEEMS WE'VE TAKEN A PRETTY DECENT CHUNK OUT OF HIS SECOND QUARTER EARNINGS WITH OUR SMARTHEX CONTRACTS. _
 _
IT'S NOT JUST HIM EITHER. A LOT OF THE ASCENDED FALLEN HAVE BEEN LOSING BUSINESS TO LESSER DEMONS THANKS TO US, AND IT SEEMS THEY'VE DECIDED THE BEST SOLUTION IS TO TAKE THE PROBLEM OUT AT ITS SOURCE RATHER THAN HUNT DOWN EACH OFFENDING DEVIL INDIVIDUALLY.  _
 _
FROM WHAT I'VE BEEN ABLE TO GATHER, AT THE STRIKE OF THE WITCHING HOUR ON ALL HALLOWS' EVE, AN ARMY OF THE DAMNED TEN THOUSAND STRONG WILL OVERWHELM OUR THAUMATURGICAL DEFENSES, BURN ALL OUR HOLDING TO CINDERS, AND DRAG EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US BACK TO HELL.  _
 _
MAKE A NOTE ON YOUR CALENDARS NOT TO SCHEDULE ANYTHING IMPORTANT THAT DAY. ||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||

||||||||~ Incident Report 02 ||
||||||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9 ||
||~ Author || Jim Tully ||~ Date || November 1st, 2018 ||
|||||||| Well, we're all still here. _
 _
Like most of you, I spent last night in a church just to be safe, so I'm not a hundred percent sure where to start here.  _
 _
After Hr'asm'Kal's negotiations with Tartarus broke down, the Dark(e)s began making preparations for the inevitable attack. Ms. Dark wrote a number of rituals for the electro-thaumic computers to emulate. She claims it's the ritualistic equivalent of 1001 thaumaturges, but I have no idea how you'd actually quantify something like that. Since the electro-thaumic servers are what make SmartHex possible, we assumed that the Tartareans would target them and had them moved to a secured warehouse. _
 _
The Elder Darke managed to acquire a ludicrous amount of Holy Water with the highest Akiva levels I'd ever seen, and had me hook it up to the fire suppression system. _
 _
He was there, in the building. I saw him. He spoke to me. It was surreal. _
 _
Anyway, Darke also had some sacramental salt that he used to make barriers at strategic entry points and a salt labyrinth on the main floor. The salt crystals were fairly large so they wouldn't be easily washed away by the Holy Water. Darke also made a salt perimeter around the building, but intentionally left a small breach in it to serve as a bottleneck. He said that the Tartareans would be able to breach the perimeter anyway, so it was best to use it to funnel their movements. _
 _
Mr. Carter, somewhat surprisingly given his mutual animosity with the Dark(e)s, volunteered to serve as a sniper using high-capacity beryllium-bronze bullets inscribed with excising warding grids. Apparently, the Tartareans have a [[[a pound of flesh a piece of meat | price on his head]]], and he's a bit sour about that. _
 _
We evacuated the building of personnel and non-fungible assets (other than the electro-thaumic hardware) prior to the attack so it was just the Dark(e)s and Mr. Carter in there at the time. I've been reviewing the security footage to try to piece together what happened, since none of them were in any mood to give me a detailed account. _
 _
Ms. Dark had set up a command centre in the panic room that Darke had fortified with thaumic wards, so that she could coordinate the electro-thaumic computers. Exorcisms are more art than science, and we couldn't trust a bot to deploy the correct spells in a situation as unusual and as large as this. _
 _
At three AM last night, a thick fog came out of nowhere and surrounded the warehouse. I guess the demons wanted some cover, since any Foundation or Coalition interference wouldn't have worked in their favour.  _
 _
They came out of the mist from all directions, and all in corporeal form (it makes them harder to excise and they can do more physical damage). I didn't count them, but I don't think there were ten thousand. It looked more like hundreds. Let's just say there were six hundred and sixty-six of them. _
 _
They started by assaulting the perimeter but couldn't get past the salt. Ms. Dark had set up ectoluminescent projectors both inside the building and out, and so was able to start excising them even before they had broken the front lines. There were speakers too, blasting some kind of chanting. I think it might have been Chaos Tongue. Whatever it was, the demons hated it. _
 _
They found the breach in the perimeter soon enough though. They seemed hesitant at first, likely suspecting a trap, but the chanting and the emulated rituals were already starting to wear at them so they had to either press on or retreat, and they pressed on. _
 _
The first one to make it into the warehouse got a bullet straight between the eyes and vanished in a puff of smoke and ash. Mr. Carter, if you're reading this, you're one hell of a marksman.  _
 _
Between Carter in his Crow's Nest, and Dark in her control room, the demons were being excised pretty efficiently for the first ten minutes or so, but inevitably they started breaking in faster then they could be excised. The salt labyrinth helped to herd them into spots where they could be excised on mass, but that still wasn't enough, so that's when they turned on the Holy Water. _
 _
It wasn't as effective as I would have thought. The demon's skin started smoking, and they were clearly in pain, but they weren't really immobilized.  _
 _
That's when Darke came out with a red-hot branding iron in each hand. _
 _
Skirting the edges of the salt labyrinth at superhuman speed, he took advantage of their distracting pain and branded them with a thaumic ward, excising them immediately, and dashing away before the surrounding demons could attack him. When his branding irons got cold, he disappeared to wherever he came from and reappeared with a pair of fresh ones. _
 _
Despite efforts to minimize disturbance to the salt labyrinth, in all the chaos the lines were broken and the demons had free reign of the warehouse. They knocked Mr. Carter from his Crow's Nest and tore him apart. Fortunately Ms. Dark immediately emulated a ritual to save his soul from them, so he'll be back in a new body in no time.  _
 _
Then the electro-thaumic computers crashed.  _
 _
We knew that was always a possibility, with all the rituals they were emulating, and there were still enough demons to breach through the wards protecting Dark before the Witching Hour was up. I couldn't make out the audio with the cacophony from the demons, but it looked like Esquire Darke was attempting to convince Ms. Dark to abandon the computers and escape, but she refused and instead they started making a nine-foot spell circle out of some of the salt they had left. They sat across from each other and began reciting incantations.  _
 _
I don't know exactly what this Hail Mary ritual of theirs was, but when the demons finally broke through the wards, the casting circle exploded into some kind of ontokinetic shock wave, de-manifesting the physical forms of every Tartarean entity in or near the building, and presumably sending their spirits back to Hell, since that was the end of it.  _
 _
Bottom line, we did not permanently lose any personnel in the attack, the damage sustained by the warehouse can be easily repaired, and none of our other locations appear to have been targeted. The electro-thaumic computers have been rebooted and I will see that they are returned to the London Office as soon as possible.||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||
 
||||||||~ Memo 02||
||||||||~ SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9  ||
||~ Sender || Iris Dark||~ Recipient ||Hr'asm'Kal||
|||||||| I'd just like to make an addendum to Mr. Tully's report. _
 _
The thaumic emulations I employed against the Tartareans were not merely exorcisms, but also revealed and logged the True Names of each demon that they deported to Tartarus. I'm very happy to report that this information was not lost when the servers crashed, and we now have the True Names of 221 of the Unnamed Malignancy's legion. _
 _
While I would consider it poetic justice to enter these names into SmartHex contracts and bind my attackers to do my bidding, I am more concerned with preventing future assaults. _
 _
Please ensure that the Unnamed Malignancy is aware that we have this information, and if he would like us to not abuse it then he is never to interfere with our operations, violently or otherwise, again. Doing so will result in us turning his own demons against him, and any attacks on us will, in all likelihood, result in us learning more of their True Names. _
 _
Thank you.  _
 _
P.S. You know what the queerest thing about this whole experience has been? That even after Hell itself tried to shut me down, I'd still rather be in my position than Zuckerberg's.||
||||||||~ Marshall, Carter and Dark, LLP||
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'SmartHex' (SMR82/H0EX3/4DNV9)

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