MY COWORKER IS FUCKING SATAN

Link to article: MY COWORKER IS FUCKING SATAN.


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+ MY COWORKER IS FUCKING SATAN.
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source start=--
|name=FigaroFigaroFigaro]]
One of my many ideas. 

This may have a non-obvious message, so it may be rewarding if you take the time to read carefully.
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+ **September 30, 2025** [Tuesday]

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I was writing this down, perhaps just to vent or to get this off my chest, but it felt like my coworker is Satan himself.

His name was Stan (how apt), and the only thing he did was point out and often report my failures.

Like the time I had been two minutes late to work. 

Somehow I had been written up for that. I hadn't even seen him there anyway; how could he possibly have known?

I tried to talk to him about it the day it happened. I told him to loosen up.

"Stan, I can still do my job even if I'm a little late."

I remembered his reply referred to site policy, which felt pretty annoying.

What was more annoying was how useless HR had been. When he reported me, Stan got called in because, obviously, anyone could see how pedantic and petty this situation was.

Stan's only response had been, "If you do not enforce this rule, what other rules are you not enforcing? If you do not handle their mistake, you are liable for their next big mistake."

I was verbally warned, and there was an attempt to warn Stan, too.

But he had been perfectly compliant.

What a bum.

At first, I had been convinced this was insecurity, but he was perfect at his job. I had genuinely never seen him mess up; it felt supernatural how efficient he was.

I hated my job at this site, but it paid me enough to live more than comfortably.

-- Aaron T. Wolders

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+ **October 1, 2025** [Wednesday]

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The more I spent with Stan, the more I was convinced that he was actively after me. He was my coworker, so I saw him every day and he //saw// me everyday.

And so I thought, was there a way, any way I can maybe request a transfer? He hadn't actually done anything wrong; his presence just made me uneasy. Could I at least ask to be moved away?

And so I tried, but it had been denied. HR said it was a bad-faith attempt to evade corrective oversight. Stan was the highest-performing employee, and also the most observant.

And now he'd see more because I had now been put on a performance improvement plan. I was just glad they didn't fire me there and then; I guess it showed they saw something in me.

It's not like it was just me either. It was everybody here. They were all afraid of Stan. Didn't HR get annoyed at the constant reports? I guess not, since Stan was probably getting rewarded for this.

I knew this because I confronted Stan again. I talked to him about his morals. I asked him if I had done anything to wrong him, since he seemed to be against me. Yet he said I hadn't done anything of the sort.

It was a lie. I knew it was a lie; it was very obvious because no sane human would file reports against me over very minor infractions basically every single day; yet he had the audacity to say all of his acts were acts of kindness.

So he did have morals; he just had very twisted morals.

I wanted to punch him after his response, yet I resisted. Here was my best recreation of it in my memory:

"If you do not wish to be observed, it can only be implied that you desire for darkness so that your works may remain hidden. You fear my light, my accountability. Because I am accountable, friendship does not supersede my obligation to report violations. Even a little yeast leavens the whole lump. I report all violations, no matter how minor they are, and you are free to report me if I have violated any statutes. I now have to report your act of intimidation against me for your //tu quoque// fallacy. You have harassed me by admitting you want to blame me to stop my audit of you."

Of course, there were some parts I forgot, but this was just my best recollection. I didn't even care about my job anymore. I had to stop Stan, and I knew everybody else shared this same goal.

He made everybody uneasy, and yet he claimed to promote efficiency. I wished I had had the opportunity to try to accuse him of his hypocrisy.

I wonder if it'd work on him. 

Yet now he reported me, and I thought I'd probably be fired the next day. Stan needed to be stopped.

Then again, I thought I would be fired the other times he reported me.

But harassment wasn't minor.

-- Aaron T. Wolders

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+ **October 2, 2025** [Thursday]

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My entire work life was ruined. I had just found out that apparently HR liked Stan. Was I surprised that HR liked the embodiment of Satan? No.

But HR really liked this guy (he was basically a free regional auditor). This means he was getting promoted. Promoted to a role of higher power. After only three or so days of being at this site.

It took me eight months to even get considered for such an opportunity. Clearly something was off; were we sure this guy wasn't just a foreign agent sent to compromise us? 

I say that because he actually called me into his new office.

He had an office now.

And I would never forget the words he said to me, because it was the first time I had ever heard him make a mistake:

"Your attempt to help your coworkers is a conspiratorial act against this site. By performing their tasks, you are hiding their incompetence from the shareholders. You are not a good worker because you prevent people from achieving the efficiency required by the manual. I want you out. Do you have anything to say to defend yourself?"

First of all, I hadn't even known we had shareholders, I thought the Foundation was a non-commercial entity. Perhaps he was referring to the Ethics Committee or the O5 Council? It was also very likely that he was fabricating evidence.

I was a hard worker; it's true, but in what context was that ever a weakness? Isn't he ironically accusing himself, since he made everyone else fail in efficiency? But I knew it wasn't a valid accusation, so I never asked it.

"What do you want to do with me, Stan?"

"I am going to request your removal, but according to site policy, a conference must first take place. This is our conference. Speak."

Shareholders.

"The Foundation doesn't have shareholders."

"An irrelevant red herring. We are done here, I will not see you again."

This guy had been at the Foundation for less than a week, but this is beyond stupid. He was a fraud, and I finally had an accusation against him.

"You ar-"

"We are done here, I will not see you again. That is a cease and desist order."

What? 

Well, I had no choice but to leave.

Was I about to get my employment terminated? I was so confused.

At least I finally had dirt against him. Thank God.

-- Aaron T. Wolders

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+ **October 2, 2025** [Thursday]

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I went to try it. I was going to try and get Stan demoted. It would have been easy considering how fast they promoted him; surely they would think they'd made a mistake. Now I was thinking like Stan himself. This was brilliant! I loved my new scheme.

I requested to meet with HR about Stan for the final time.

Stan was present, which made me quite nervous, but I was confident that my new plan would work.

"Stan has been here for three days, correct?"

They all agreed.

"In my private recorded conversation with Stan, he claimed the Foundation had shareholders. We are all aware the Foundation is a non-commercial entity, right? It doesn't have shareholders! Stan does not belong in his position, not to mention how he harassed me in our conversation. Go ahead and play it."

...

It wasn't actually recorded. I had been operating under the false assumption that all conferences were obligated to be recorded.

Stan said only one thing and it made my heart drop:

"Shareholders? No, I said 'Aaron Wolders,' that's your name, right?"

I had misheard. Dear God.

I would rather not describe the rest of the conversation; it was very embarrassing for me, but I was fired for slander.

They'll learn when they finally figure out Stan was secretly Satan or something.

I don't even know what could possibly happen now that I was fired from Site-1388. Would I be murdered? Oh God, I was shaking just thinking about it.

Later, Stan talked to me in private, just before I left the site.

"I love how you change your demeanor because you feel threatened."

I did the rational thing and cursed him out. It was embarrassing to write out; I would really rather not.

"When you respond to hatred with kindness, not only do you bring them shame, but you are unaccusable. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

What? Why would Stan tell me this? So much for that "cease and desist."

"Stan, I will respond to pettiness with pettiness."

"A person that only reacts to external stimuli has, by definition, surrendered all initiative. You are a slave, and you have willingly made your enemy the master of your own actions. A superior model is one of proactive and asymmetrical action. You don't mirror their attack (like you are doing), you ignore the enemy and force them to react to a move they cannot predict. This is how one seizes control of the engagement. It is a choice between being a pawn and a player."

Why... would Stan tell me this? I hoped I get to see tomorrow's sun. I knew I would. I had time to write this down, of course I would.

I couldn't even tell HR about it. I was already fired from my position.

-- Aaron T. Wolders

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------
++ Goodbye, **Stan Anomia**.

Review another entry?
**[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-researcher Yes]**[[footnote]]Unrelated to Site-1338.[[/footnote]]/**[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/ No]**

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MY COWORKER IS FUCKING SATAN

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