Nash Pinkle's Guide to the Foundation

Link to article: Nash Pinkle's Guide to the Foundation.

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**Nash Pinkle's Guide to the Foundation**
**Author:** [[*user CityToast]]

The tale that is 8 years in the making. This tale is based on a conversation I had in 2012 over IRC with one basic premise: How can you explain concepts about the Foundation //badly//...but //correctly//? 

It started with tags, moved on to SCPs, and even Foundation staff. I apparently kept a list in a notepad file that's been sitting in my documents folder since then, and I stumbled across it this week while looking at old SCP files on my laptop. Enjoy.

Thanks to [[*user Croquembouche]] for CSS help.

[[[reixis personnel file|More from this author]]]
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//Nash Pinkle was a facilities specialist employed by the SCP Foundation. Though his employment has recently ended, he did express interest in becoming a Foundation researcher, and at one time attempted to submit the following “guide” as a body of research work for review. It remains here for archival purposes only and **should not be used for reference**.//

> "Someone wouldn't really use this for reference, now would they?"
> "..."
> "Don't look at me like that. Please don't tell me someone used this for actual reference."

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Nash Pinkle’s Definitive Guide to --Amono-- --Anemo-- --Anime-- Weird shit
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Ello, I’m Nash Pinkle. And this is my guide to the different kinds of weird shit at the Foundation. See, all o these things can be grouped into “groups”, or “[http://05command.wikidot.com/tech-hub-tag-list another word for groups]”, that you can define by asking one simple question: **wot if?**

//Editor's Note: Text below contains only highlights from the original 57-page list.//

||~ Word||~ Wot it mean||
||Safe || Wot if you could lock scary things up? ||
||Euclid || Wot if you could lock scary things up, sorta? ||
||Keter || Wot if you couldn't lock scary things up? ||
||Thaumiel|| Wot if it locked OTHER scary things up?||
||airborne || Wot if scary could fly??||
||aquatic || Wot if scary could swim?||
||sentient || Wot if scary could think?||
||alive || Wot if scary was alive?||
||autonomous || Wot if scary was alive but NOT alive?||
||automaton || Wot if robots were scary? Fukken hell, robots are scary.||
||hostile || this is all of them, u can’t tell me diffrnt||
||skeletal || SKELTALS||

> "This is..."
> "Incredible, right?"
> "It's something. I don't know what it is. But it's something."

||bovine || Wot if cows were scary? I could punch a cow y’know||
||canine || Wot if dogs were scary?||
||arboreal || Wot if trees were scary?||
||humanoid || Wot if people was scary?||
||mathematical || wot if numbers was scary||
||narrative || wot if stories was scary||
||religious || Wot if church was scary? A nun smacked me once||
||artistic || Wot if art was scary?||
||sculpture || Wot if art was scary IN 3-D??||
||arachnid || SPIDERS||
||concept || Wot if ideas was scary?||
||contagion || Wot if germs was scary?||
||electrical || Wot if batteries were scary?||
||meta || wot if SCARY was scary||

> "You alright?"
> "I'm feeling lightheaded."
> "Really?"
> "Yeah. Like...what //if// scary was scary. Think about it, John. What //if//?"

||cognitohazard || Wot if it was scary to see or hear it?||
||memetic || Wot if it was scary to know about it?||
||infohazard || Wot if it was scary to talk about it?||
||memory-affecting || wot if you didn’t know about scary||
||antimemetic || wot if you didn’t know about scary and IT WOODNT LET U||
||mind-affecting || Wot if scary got in yer head||
||compulsion || Wot if scary made you do stuff?||
||Hallucinatory || wot if scary made you see stuff?||
||Transfiguration || Wot if scary made you INTO stuff?||
||future || wot if scary was LATER||
||historical || Wot if scary was EARLIER||
||extradimensional || Wot if scary was somewhere else||
||extraterrestrial || Wot if scary was FROM somewhere else||
||language || Wot if scary could talk||
||mobile || Wot if scary could walk||
||immobile || Wot if scary couldn’t walk||
||predictive || Wot if scary KNEW stuff||
||knowledge || Wot if scary made you KNEW stuff||

> "That's...oddly poetic."
> "I know, right?"

||location || wot if u could go to scary city||
||online || Wot if u could go to scary dot com||
||loop || wot if scary again||
||media || wot if scary was on tape||
||reanimation||ZOMBIES||
||adaptive || Wot if scary got scarier?||
||empathic || Wot if scary had feels?||
||self-repairing || Wot if scary had heals?||
||carnivorous||Wot if scary had meals?||
||miniature || wot if scary was small||
||microscopic || Wot if scary was really small||
||observational || Wot if it was scary when you looked at it||
||ocular || Wot if it was scary when it looked at you||

> "The most terrifying thing about this is that it's just so...accurate."
> "Gives me chills."

||visual|| wot if you could see scary?||
||interactive || wot if you could touch scary?||
||acoustic || Wot if you could hear scary?||
||olfactory || what if you could smell scary?||
||food || wot if you could eat scary?||
||toxic || wot if you COULDN’T eat scary?||
||gaseous || Wot if you could breathe scary?||
||clothing || Wot if you could wear scary?||
||game || Wot if you could play with scary?||
||furniture || wot if you could sit on scary?||
||tool || Wot if you could use scary?||
||ontokinetic || wot if scary could do anything||
||paradox || wot if scary broke everything||
||predatory || wot if scary hunted you||
||self-replicating || Wot if scary made more scary||
||sexual || fuckin’ scary||

**BONUS: SPECIFIC THINGS AND PEEPL**

> "Oh no."
> "Yep."

||Dr. Gears || Wot if smart people was scary||
||Director Actus || wot if old people was scary||
||SCP-682||Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t kill it||
||●●|●●●●●|●●|●||Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t write about it||
||SCP-055||Wot if it was so scary u couldn’t know about it||
||SCP-4885||Wot if Waldo was scary||
||SCP-096||Wot if a face was scary||
||SCP-426||Wot if I was a toaster (and scary)||
||SCP-999||Wot if jello was scary||
||SCP-871||Wot if cake was scary||
||SCP-3930||Wot if nothing was scary||
||SCP-3393||wot if u were scary||

> "This is awful. It's the same question over and over again. It's not in any discernible order."
> "But?"
> "But like...I feel like I understand the subject matter better now. I feel ashamed."
> "We all do, doctor. We all do."

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|author=Sam Swicegood (CityToast)]]
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