Link to article: Anderson Robotics' Installation Guide: Your New Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton!.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] ++ Thank you for purchasing the [[[the-foundation-wants-a-robot-army|Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton]]]! ++ To walk you through installation, usage and safety precautions, please welcome our feathery friend: Finn the Falcon! ---- [[include theme:ar]] [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=left | birb-mood=friendly | birb-direction=right | big-text=Hi! | small-text=I'm Finn the Falcon, your feathery friend from Anderson Robotics! | lengthy=false | class= ]] I'm here to teach you all about your new purchase, the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton! With old age being [[[end-of-death-hub|a growing problem]]], you made the right decision to get out of your impermanent organic body to switch to one that'll keep you looking young, strong, and healthy, forever! [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=right | birb-mood=sunglasses | birb-direction=right | big-text=Features! | small-text= | lengthy=false | class=no-body ]] Our product has a wide variety of features to give you all the feeling of a real body and the safety of a near-indestructible exo-suit! > + Customizable Appearance > Thanks to our collaborative efforts with Prometheus Labs, the material from which you'll be constructed will feel just like the real thing! > > You'll experience true comfort in your new body, being able to be who you want to be; change all sorts of things about you when ever you want! For example, you won't have to worry about a haircut because you can simply //will// your hair to grow! It can be up to three feet long and as short as completely bald; simply think about the hairstyle you want, and the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton will grow or cut your hair for you! > > Additional customizations are included too, such as eye color, height, build, and even sex, should you feel like taking a different gender for a spin![[footnote]]If you experience body dysphoria, do not change your gender without your doctor's permission.[[/footnote]] > + Reinforced Plating > Of course, making a vessel that could easily be destroyed or worn down would defeat the point of being in a robotic body. To avoid this, the plating has been enhanced to be super resistant to the wear and tear of not only daily life, but even more extreme situations too! > > Ever felt like skydiving? This exoskeleton can withstand a fall from 15,000 feet, so you won't need to worry about a parachute! It's even got temperature regulators so you can take a pleasant trip to the harsh volcanos of Hawai'i or the frigid landscapes of Antarctica! > > It'll enable you to do //anything// you want to do, without fear! > + Realistic Sensations > Just walking around feeling numb isn't going to be the way you'd want to live the rest of your life, so we made sure to add in a way to truly //feel// human! > > All sensations work, and can be turned on and off for certain body parts using discrete dials within your new body! Sight can be magnified, smells and tastes can become more enhanced, sounds can become clearer and you can just forget about how sensitive you can make your sense of touch![[footnote]]Please do not go beyond Level 3 sensitivity for sense of touch and taste without your doctor's permission.[[/footnote]] > > Finally, there's the one thing that people have been hoping for: a sleep function! Once you activate your exoskeleton's specific key-code, you can fall asleep for as long as you like! There will even be an option to wake you up from an outsider's perspective, in case you need to get off your lazy circuits and do something with your life! > + Adaptive Oxidizer > To top it all off, you won't even need to worry about breathing or eating or any other kind of "refueling" with this product! The exoskeleton can absorb carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and use it to keep your brain healthy, preventing memory loss typical of un-augmented individuals reaching old age! Heck, it can even gather oxygen out of water, making it possible for you to take a pleasant stroll on the ocean floor! The possibilities are endless! [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=right | birb-mood=shock | birb-direction=left | big-text=Installation! | small-text=Be careful here! | lengthy=true | class= ]] Fortunately, you don't have to worry about installation with this product! Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeletons are custom-made per customer, and careful surgical operations are done in order to install their brains into the new system! However, you will need to go through a series of tests to ensure that there wasn't a mistake in the operation or a flaw in the construction of the product. + Sight Test One of the first sensations you will feel after being installed in your Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton is sight. If you are conscious and cannot see, then please attempt to alert your doctor for there may have been a malfunction in the surgery or construction of the product. This test is necessary as sight is one of the most requested things that people want in their new body, what with eyesight almost always fading to near uselessness once you hit 100! + Motion Test If for any reason you are unable to move a body part after installation, stay still and attempt to focus on moving that particular body part. Certain body parts may require this process as the adaptation from organic to mechanical muscles may need a "jump start". Should the problem persist beyond this, please alert your doctor. While your body may be able to move fine, be sure to regularly test your limbs every two months to make sure if any repairs or replacements need to be made. + Speech Test Attempt to make basic sounds with your new mouth before trying to form sentences. Work your way from vowel sounds to simple words to familiarize yourself with the process. If you cannot recognize the sounds coming out of your mouth as words, please alert your doctor as there has been a language recognition error during the surgery. This test is not necessarily needed for people who are born mute, as learning to speak without an impediment takes consistently more time, however communication is key for most other people! + Sensory Test Beyond sight, you will need to test if hearing, touch, smell and taste are also functional in your new Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton. Attempt to differentiate different sensations using your new body, and should any of them feel diluted or non-existent, it may be caused by your sensations beginning on lower settings. Should the problem persist after increasing the sensitivity of the product, please alert your doctor. This test is especially crucial for those who ordered custom sensitivity settings, such as enhanced sight or hearing. [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=left | birb-mood=sunglasses | birb-direction=left | big-text=Proper Usage! | small-text= | lengthy=false | class=no-body ]] With basic tests out of the way, you'll need to know about the proper usage of your new body now that you're in it! This part is the most simple, though it still needs a little explaining. Put plainly, live your life! Be careful for the first few months that you're wearing your new body. Don't go skydiving or water walking or rapidly changing your appearance the moment that you get it figured out -- go into your new life carefully at first. You need to watch for certain bugs that might not have shown up in the initial tests, or, in a worst-case-scenario, a part needing to be replaced. Be sure to contact your doctor to order a replacement part, because being without an arm or a leg could be an uncomfortable way to get around in a body that's supposed to be an improvement over your old life. Once you're comfortable with your body, feel free to start getting more extreme![[footnote]]With your doctor's explicit permission.[[/footnote]] This is the point where you can start becoming a stunt driver or a brave explorer, or just stay in the more calm life you were in before! What you do with your new life is up to you, and with the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton, your life is the least of your worries from now on! [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=right | birb-mood=threat | birb-direction=left | big-text=Warnings! | small-text=The following list is a list of prohibitions once you are installed into your Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton. Please read and follow this list. | lengthy=true | class= ]] > +++ Do not leave Earth's atmosphere. > The Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton is unfit for space travel at the current time, as the product itself has been prone to disassembling in certain low-gravity scenarios. > +++ Do not expose your exoskeleton to hazardous materials. > Do not expose your exoskeleton to hazardous materials for prolonged periods of time without proper equipment. Certain corrosive or extreme temperature substances have been seen to irreparably destroy mechanical nerve endings with the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton if in contact for too long. If necessary, handle said materials with extreme caution and proper supplies. > +++ Do not remove your brain from your new exoskeleton. > The surgical process to install a brain into a Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton renders the brain non-functional if removed, and cannot be re-installed into an exoskeleton or new body beyond removal. > +++ Do not do any other activities that exceed your assigned dopamine limit. > Do not produce quantities of dopamine that exceed the limit stated by your doctor. Dopamine and other similar hormones are known to interfere with the connection between the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton and your brain. Avoid activities that cause increased dopamine production. Such activities include eating particularly indulgent food, listening to loud music or recreational drug use.[[footnote]]After extensive background checks, your doctor should provide a list of activities you specifically should avoid.[[/footnote]] Should you notice signs of sluggishness or difficulty with senses while participating in an enjoyable activity, please stop enjoying yourself. > +++ Do not orgasm. > Whether self-induced or induced by a partner, orgasming is one of the most common exceeders of the Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton's dopamine limit. Unless given explicit permission by your doctor, sexual intercourse or masturbation to climax is incredibly dangerous. If you wish to have children, please be sure to store a suitable amount of eggs or sperm before your upcoming surgery. > Should any of these warnings be ignored, Anderson Robotics is not liable for any irreparable damage to your Buteo Series Mechanical Exoskeleton. [[include :scp-sandbox-3:component:finn-the-falcon | birb-position=left | birb-mood=friendly | birb-direction=left | big-text=Final Words! | small-text=With all this in mind, please enjoy your product, and your new life! Anderson Robotics thanks you for your purchase! I've been Finn the Falcon, and I hope you have a better future, today! | lengthy=true | class= ]] [[html]] <html ng-app="buteo" ng-controller="ButeoController"> <script src="https://ajax.googleapis.com/ajax/libs/angularjs/1.7.2/angular.min.js"></script> <script> "use strict"; /* global $, angular */ (function(){ var buteo = angular .module('buteo',[]) .controller('ButeoController',ButeoController); ButeoController.$inject = ['$scope']; function ButeoController($scope){ $scope.schedule = "Your surgery is scheduled for "; var date = new Date(+new Date + 3*86400000); var month = "January,February,March,April,May,June,July,August,September,October,November,December".split(",")[date.getMonth()]; $scope.schedule += date.getDate()+nth(date.getDate()) +" "+month+" "+"2130!"; function nth(d) { if(d>3 && d<21) return 'th'; switch (d % 10) { case 1: return "st"; case 2: return "nd"; case 3: return "rd"; default: return "th"; } } } })(); </script> <style> @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css?family=Raleway'); #date { color: #295183; font-family: Raleway,sans-serif; font-weight: bold; text-align: center; font-size: 1.52em; } </style> <body> <div id="date">{{schedule}}</div> </body> </html> [[/html]] [[footnoteblock]] @@ @@ [[include component:earthworm first=true | last=false | hub=yes | previous-url=/ | previous-title=/ | next-url=/eat-your-greenes | next-title=Eat Your Greenes | hub-url=/end-of-death-hub | hub-title=End of Death | ]]