No Such Thing as a Free Lunch

Link to article: No Such Thing as a Free Lunch.

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[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source start=--
|name=WhoIsCthulhu]]
At least there was Taco Tuesday.

My author page: [[[cthulhu-corner|]]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source end=--]]

[[image lunchplan1.png width="100%"]]

"And will that be all for you, Eddie?"

Eddie, actively spacing out, did not notice.

"Thompson!"

"Huh?" A moment of panic. "Oh." He grabbed his tray. "Yes, that's all."

"Alright. You have a good day now."

"Yeah, you too."

Eddie made his way to his usual spot, a table in the corner with two broken seats. There, he joined his friends Drs. Dominique Bell and Terri Ingraham in idle chit-chat.

"I just don't know how much more of this I can take," said Dr. Ingraham. "Anything else and I'm going have to start drafting my Letter of Resignation."

"So do it already," retorted Dr. Bell. "You've already threatened to quit who knows how many times; if taking away free lunches doesn't cross the line for you, then what does?"

Dr. Ingraham pursed her lips. "Well... all I know is that it can't keep going on like this."

"And yet it has, for almost a year now. And here you still are."

"I mean, what other opportunities am I gonna have?"

Now Eddie chimed in. "You serious? I feel like there's a ton of demand for appraisers like you. Are We Cool Yet, MC&D— hell, I bet you could get a job as Adjunct at Deer College if you really wanted to."

"You really think so?"

"I do. And they all probably pay better than this place."

"Definitely," replied Dr. Bell. "Not all that hard to accomplish at this rate."

"I think you just need to get the idea that the Foundation is prestigious out of your head," continued Eddie. "Honestly, we're lucky if it lasts another decade at most. If there were ever a time to polish a resume, it's now."

"Maybe you're right," admitted Dr. Ingraham. "I just still remember that first day, the absolute child-like wonder it all filled me with."

"And terror, surely," remarked Dr. Bell.

"No question. Day one, I get given a dossier about a painting. Need to figure out what kind of brush was used to make it. Can I look at it? No, if I do I'll dry drown. So I have to do it all in pitch blackness, with infrared goggles. Wiped the smile off my face pretty quick— which, in hindsight, was probably for the best."

Eddie started spacing again. His eyes glazed over as he studied the breading on his chicken tenders.

"What about you, Eddie?" Dr. Bell looked at him expectantly. "Where are you headed when the ship finally sinks?"

"Oh man, I don't know." Eddie stopped and considered the question for a few moments. "I'm not convinced there's much of a niche for theatre people in this space, beyond the odd performance or two in Backdoor SoHo, I guess. Maybe I could do dinner theatre with Ambrose. Wouldn't that be something?"

Dr. Bell's eyes narrowed. "You never know. People have need for specialists of all shapes and sizes."

At this, Eddie chuckled. "I guess if someone needs an emergency understudy for Mark in //Rent//, then I'm set."

"I'm serious. Maybe someone finds a cursed play, or an archival performance that does something memetic, I don't know. My point is, that specialized knowledge isn't that important until it's suddenly **extremely** important."

"Yeah." Eddie sighed. "Maybe you're right. Just gotta cross my fingers, I guess." He took a bite of his bone-dry bread roll. "And, of course," he said between chews, "get back into voice lessons."

"And you, Dom?" Dr. Ingraham stared expectantly at Dr. Bell. "What's your plan?"

"I mean, everyone needs tech support, right? I guess the Church makes the most sense, but I can't imagine there's a lot of companies out there that couldn't use a programmer. Just have to see what I can find."

Eddie nodded, then returned to his very dry lunch. The Foundation's cafeteria food had never been exceptional, to be sure, but at least before it was **free**. Now //he// was paying his //employer// to feed him absolute crap. Soon enough, he figured he wouldn't even get paid enough to make up the cost of lunch every day.

But at least— at the //very// least— they had Taco Tuesday to look forward to. If there was just one thing he would miss about working here, it was the marinated chicken the kitchen staff of Site-32 prepared every Tuesday afternoon, complete with salsa verde, cotija cheese, and fresh corn tortillas. They could take a lot of things from him, but he'd always have Taco Tuesday.

-----

[[image lunchplan2.png width="100%"]]

"It’s a sausage."

"I get that." Dom sighed. "What I’m asking is, what is it //made of//?"

"Listen, I don’t manufacture this stuff. I take what they give me and I heat it up, alright?"

Dom sighed again in frustration, then reluctantly grabbed her tray and headed to the corner table. Drs. Thompson and Ingraham were already in heated discussion.

"What does it matter?" Dr. Ingraham glared at Dr. Thompson. "How much junk do any of us get from the store and just not even question where it came from?"

"I’d just like to know what it is I’m //eating//, at least," replied Thompson. "And nobody seems to be able to answer that question."

"Nothing new there." Dom took her place with her friends. "Nothing seems to get done in a timely manner around here. Not that it really ever did, but it’s only gotten worse."

"Yeah." Thompson. poked at his burger with a fork. "I just don’t know if I’m willing to put this… //mystery meat// into my body."

At this, a technician from the adjacent table leaned in. "Wanna know what I’ve heard?"

Dr. Thompson looked up with curiosity. "What’s that?"

"They’ve decided they don’t wanna buy anymore food, if they can help it. So they’re making it all in-house."

Dr. Ingraham scoffed. "With what, exactly?"

"Oh anything, really. That [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-124 patch of dirt], the [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-038 tree that clones things]— heck, most of the water bottles here, they fill with [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-109 that canteen]."

Dom’s brow furrowed. "You’re telling me that they’re feeding us anomalous food?"

"Yeah. Well, the //food// isn’t anomalous— probably. But I mean, if they have these things locked up, why not use ‘em, you know? Play with the hand you’re dealt, and all that."

Dr. Thompson quickly grabbed his tray and made his way to the nearest trash can, dumping his entire lunch. "Not a chance."

"But hey!" The technician leaned in even closer. "At least we still got Taco Tuesday, huh?"

"True enough." Dom sighed and hesitantly took a bite of her sausage. Immediately, it felt as though she bit into a dry sponge, and all the moisture seemed to wick from her mouth into the link. She forced herself to swallow, and it landed in her stomach like a rock. She took a deep breath and put her head in her hands.

At least there was Taco Tuesday.

-----

[[image lunchplan3.png width="100%"]]

"Are you serious?"

"Sorry. Wasn’t my decision."

Theresa sighed in disappointment, grabbed her tray, and made a beeline to her corner table. Dr. Thompson was already practically in revolt.

"I mean, what’s left?" Thompson looked about ready to flip the table over. "They lay off staff, they cut our pay, they close facilities– and now this bullshit."

Bell narrowed her eyes. "I really think we have bigger fish to fry here."

"But that’s just it, Bell. If they won’t even let us have the little things anymore, then how much longer until we have nothing left to lose?"

"I guess."

"Like, at this point," exclaimed Thompson, standing now, "I’m half-convinced they’re just daring us to quit. Think about it! If they lay us off, we get severance pay; but if we choose to leave, they don’t owe us a cent."

Now Theresa spoke up. "You really think they’re that desperate?"

"Terri, take a look around. Does this look like a company that isn’t desperate? There’s a broken window in Testing Room 3 that hasn’t been fixed in four months. Six toilets in the East wing men’s room are out of order. We’ve had two separate termite infestations. What word would you use to describe that?"

"I guess I just don’t think that Taco Tuesday is that important!"

Silence fell over the cafeteria. Technicians, researchers, even janitors all looked on Theresa in shock and disgust.

At this, she made a fatal mistake. "They’re just tacos!"

Now every other table seemed ready to riot. Forceful shouting and gestures of exasperation filled the cramped concrete room. Several staff members began to make their way to Theresa, looks of determination on their faces.

And then, Dr. Bell had an idea. "Hey, everyone, listen!" But she was drowned out by the sea of angry Foundation employees. Thompson, noticing this, jumped atop their table, inhaled deeply, and–

"HEYYYYYYY!"

The crowd turned to face Dr. Thompson, who was doubled over gasping for breath.

"Dom has something to say." He hopped back down from the table and gestured to Dr. Bell. "Take it away."

"I just think, if you’re all so upset about this, why are you taking it out on Dr. Ingraham? Why not actually do something about it?"

The staff turned to look at one another, confused.

"What I’m saying is, we lost Taco Tuesday, you’re all upset. Why not take that anger to the people actually responsible for it?"

A quiet murmuring among the gathered staff members, before they all seemed to come to the conclusion that Bell was making a lot of sense. At this, they began to make their way out of the cafeteria and over to the office of Site-32’s Site Director, Troy Sanderson.

But just as they closed in on the door to his office, they stopped in their tracks. A most familiar smell struck their nostrils– one which they’d come to know and love over their many weeks at the Site. This time, however, it conjured no feelings of relief or contentment; all which bubbled within the facility’s workers was a profound sense of betrayal and outrage.

Closer still to the office, and they could hear laughter and conversation emanating from within. Sanderson– as well as the other higher ups at Site-32– seemed to be enjoying each others’ company, between bites of food.

Just then, Dr. Thompson threw open the door to the office. The assembled staff saw the Site Director, taco in hand, an assortment of toppings strewn about on the table before him. His eyes grew wide, and he dropped the taco on the table, looking not unlike a child who’d just been caught sneaking a cookie from the cookie jar.

Beside him, the Site’s Chief of Security, Chief Technician, and Chief Accountant all froze, eyes darting around the room, apparently searching for some form of escape.

But there was no time for escape as nearly the entire staff of Site-32 stormed Sanderson’s office, snatching tortillas and chicken from the table, slathering salsa verde upon them, and devouring them like a pack of ravenous hunting dogs.

Sanderson fled behind his desk. "Stop it, all of you! That is an order!"

"Yeah?" Thompson met Sanderson’s frantic gaze with a very intense one of his own. "What are you gonna do, Troy? Fire us?"

"Yes! I have that authority!"

Just then, the Chief Accountant stood from the table. "Actually, all due respect, Site Director, but the Foundation doesn’t have the money for severance right now. So I’ll have to ask you to refrain from letting anyone go for the time being."

"What?" Sanderson dodged a stray dollop of sour cream. "So what the fuck am I doing here then?"

"I don’t know. That’s above my pay grade." The Chief Accountant then sat back down and returned to his taco.

Thompson grinned at Sanderson. "So Taco Tuesday, huh?"

"If I could, I would. But it just costs too much."

Thompson gestured wildly at the table, then back to Sanderson.

"That… is pure coincidence."

"Right. So here’s the deal: we could all probably just walk out of here right now and get better paying jobs somewhere else. True?"

The Chief Accountant chimed in again. "True."

"Thank you. So what leverage do you have over us, Troy? I mean, really?"

"I–" But Sanderson couldn’t come up with an answer. He collapsed into his chair, anger written all over his expression.

"So," said Thompson, leaning against the desk, "I think it’s in your best interest, as Site Director, to make sure that you don’t lose your entire workforce."

"What exactly are you suggesting, Thompson?"

"Man, just give us Taco Tuesday back, for the love of God."

-----

Troy watched Thompson, Bell, and Ingraham from across the cafeteria. Thompson was rambling animatedly about something or other, Ingraham was listening with furrowed brow, and Bell was simply eating her lunch. Thompson met Troy’s gaze and cocked his neck; Troy returned to looking at the table.

Of course, Troy had never really intended to axe Taco Tuesday. He knew it would anger the Site. He knew they’d never let it happen. And most importantly, he knew that they’d forget all the other bullshit.

Because as soon as they got their day back, they’d feel like they’d won. They’d bested him. So what if they had to eat plastic meat and cardboard apples? At least there was Taco Tuesday.

And if he had to be the lightning rod for their anger every once in a while, oh well. He had bills to pay just like the rest of them; if being Site-32’s hate sink meant earning six figures– hell, he could do this for the rest of his life.

Because when push came to shove, nobody else was going to pay for his brother’s education, or his aunt’s chemo, or his brother-in-law’s funeral. Certainly not his brother– [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-7166 Roger] was a good kid, but wore his heart on his sleeve, and that wasn’t going to get him anywhere.

Everyone always said that being a Site Director was among the most stressful positions one could take at the Foundation. Troy resented this; he felt like his entire tenure had been filled with significant dread, a feeling that any small mistake could end his career. Watching the younger staff carry out their duties effortlessly, without apparent anxiety– he didn’t get it. Especially now– when the structure of the Foundation was held together with shoelaces, chewing gum, and a dream– there were plenty of reasons to panic; and yet despite it all, they still found time to relax and have fun.

Troy cleared his throat. He looked down at his taco– he’d gotten so lost in thought, it had grown cold. Not like he had much of an appetite; these days, he was lucky if his stomach wasn’t in knots all the time.

But just then, something he hadn’t predicted: Thompson rose from his seat and made his way to Troy, planting himself in the seat directly opposite him.

"Can I help you?"

"Ease up, Troy. You just looked kinda… upset, that’s all."

"I did?"

"You kidding me? Look, your hands are shaking as we speak."

Troy looked down at his hands; indeed they were. He folded them in his lap, out of sight. "Why do you care?"

"Well, you’re part of the Site too, aren’t you?"

"Obviously."

"So… I just wanna make sure you’re alright."

Troy scoffed at this. "You and the entire Site just ransacked my office, and you’re asking if I’m alright?"

"Well, yeah. The goal of that wasn’t to upset you, we just wanted our tacos back."

"Right, of course."

Thompson stared at Troy, who now refused to meet his gaze. This continued for around a minute and a half, before finally Thompson tapped his knuckles against the table. "Well," he said as he rose from his seat, "good talk."

As Thompson returned to his usual table, Troy’s brow furrowed. What was that all about? Why was he so interested?

After a moment, Troy pulled out his phone and texted Roger:

"Hey, just wanted to say I hope you and Adrian are well. Give me a call sometime."

He sent it off, and about two minutes later he looked down and saw that it had been read.

And then he waited.

And waited.

And waited.

[[module CSS]]
/*
  Created for the poor-foundation-hab
  By yzkrt, kskhorn
  http://scp-jp.wikidot.com/buried-hubのCSS(by Sekai)を元に制作されています。
  CC BY-SA 3.0
*/

div#header h1 a span {
    font-size: 0px;
}
div#header h1 a:before {
    content: "poorfoundation";
    color: #eee;
    
}
div#header h2 span {
    font-size:0px;
    padding: 4px;
}
div#header h2:after {
    content: "Secure, Contain, Protect";
    font-weight: bold;
    color: #f0f0c0;
    padding: 19px 0;
    text-shadow: 1px 1px 1px rgba(0, 0, 0, .8);
    white-space: pre;
}

div#container-wrap {
  background-image: url(http://scp-wiki-cn.wikidot.com/local--files/buried-hub/body_bg_grey.png);
  background-repeat: repeat-x;
}
#header, #side-bar {
  -webkit-filter: grayscale(100%);
  filter: grayscale(100%);
}
#header {
  background: none;
}
#header::before {
  display: block;
  position: absolute;
  width: 90%;
  height: 140px;
  top: 0;
  left: 0;
  z-index: -1;
  content: "";
  background: url(/local--files/component:theme/logo.png) 10px 40px no-repeat;
  background-size: 100px 100px;
}
@media (max-width: 479px) {
  #header::before {
    background-position: 0 5.5em;
    background-size: 55px 55px;
  }
}
@media (min-width: 480px) and (max-width: 580px) {
  #header::before {
    background-position: 0.5em 4.5em;
    background-size: 66px 66px;
  }
}
@media (min-width: 581px) and (max-width: 767px) {
  #header::before {
    background-position: 1em 4em;
    background-size: 77px 77px;
  }
}
@media (min-width: 768px) and (max-width: 979px) {
#header::before {
    background-position: 1em 4em;
    background-size: 88px 88px;
  }
}
#header h1 {
  -webkit-animation: flicker-1 10s infinite;
  -o-animation: flicker-1 10s infinite;
  animation: flicker-1 10s infinite;
}
#header::before {
  -webkit-animation: flicker-2 10s infinite;
  -o-animation: flicker-2 10s infinite;
  animation: flicker-2 10s infinite;
}
#header h2 {
  -webkit-animation: flicker-3 10s infinite;
  -o-animation: flicker-3 10s infinite;
  animation: flicker-3 10s infinite;
}
@keyframes flicker-1 {
  53% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  53.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(60%);
    filter: brightness(60%);
  }
  54% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  54.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(50%);
    filter: brightness(50%);
  }
  55% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  64% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  64.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  65% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  65.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  66% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  96.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  97% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(70%);
    filter: brightness(70%);
  }
  97.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  98% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
}
@keyframes flicker-2 {
  54% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  54.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(60%);
    filter: brightness(60%);
  }
  55% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  55.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(50%);
    filter: brightness(50%);
  }
  56% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  65% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  65.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  66% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  66.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  67% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  97.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  98% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(70%);
    filter: brightness(70%);
  }
  98.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  99% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
}
@keyframes flicker-3 {
  55% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  55.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(60%);
    filter: brightness(60%);
  }
  56% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  56.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(50%);
    filter: brightness(50%);
  }
  57% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  66% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
  66.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  67% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  67.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(80%);
    filter: brightness(80%);
  }
  68% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  98.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  99% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(70%);
    filter: brightness(70%);
  }
  99.5% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(40%);
    filter: brightness(40%);
  }
  100% {
    -webkit-filter: brightness(100%);
    filter: brightness(100%);
  }
}
#page-title {
  color: rgb(34, 34, 34);
}
h1, a {
  color: rgb(200, 0, 5);
}
a:visited {
  color: rgb(100, 3, 15);
}
#top-bar ul li.sfhover a,
#top-bar ul li:hover a,
#top-bar ul li ul a,
#top-bar a:hover,
#side-bar a,
#side-bar a:visited,
#side-bar .collapsible-block-unfolded-link .collapsible-block-link,
#side-bar .collapsible-block-unfolded-link .collapsible-block-link:hover,
#breadcrumbs a,
.page-tags a,
#page-options-container a,
#license-area a {
  color: rgb(41, 41, 41);
}
div.page-rate-widget-box .rate-points {
  background-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
  border-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown {
  background-color: rgb(247, 247, 247);
  border-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a {
  color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .rateup a:hover,
.page-rate-widget-box .ratedown a:hover {
  background: rgb(62, 62, 62);
  color: rgb(254, 254, 254);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel {
  background-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
  border-color: rgb(62, 62, 62);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a {
  color: rgb(113, 113, 113);
}
.page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover {
  background: rgb(62, 62, 62);
  color: rgb(254, 254, 254);
}
.rate-box-with-credit-button .page-rate-widget-box .cancel a,
.creditButton a,
.creditBottomRate .page-rate-widget-box .cancel a {
  color: rgb(247, 247, 247) !important;
}
.rate-box-with-credit-button .page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover,
.creditButton a:hover,
.creditBottomRate .page-rate-widget-box .cancel a:hover {
  color: rgb(164, 164, 164) !important;
}
.rate-box-with-credit-button .creditButton {
  background-color: rgb(62, 62, 62) !important;
  border-color: rgb(62, 62, 62) !important;
}
.modalbox {
  box-shadow: 0 2px 6px rgba(22, 22, 22, .5) !important;
}
.close-credits, .credit-back {
  filter: grayscale(100%);
}

}
div.yui-navset ul.yui-nav a:hover,
div.yui-navset ul.yui-nav a:focus {
    background: rgb(200, 197, 197);
}
div.yui-navset ul.yui-nav .selected a,
div.yui-navset ul.yui-nav .selected a:focus,
div.yui-navset ul.yui-nav .selected a:hover {
    background: rgb(88, 84, 84);
}

a,a:visited {
    color: rgb(97, 97, 97);
}
h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 {
    color: rgb(0, 0, 0);
}
[[/module]]

[[include :scp-jp:component:jstyles]]

[[module css]]
span[style="text-decoration: line-through;"] {
    display: inline;
}
[[/module]]