Passing the Torch

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[[module Rate]]
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[[div class="blockquote"]]
As of 5/6/2031, following a complete lack of manifestations of SCP-2030 since 2028, and a lack of unique manifestations since 2025, SCP-2030 has officially been reclassified as Neutralized.
[[/div]]

//Beep.// //[[size 150%]]Beep.[[/size]]// //[[size 200%]]**Beep.**[[/size]].//

A washed up old man clutched what we can only presume was his head as he attempted to shield his, well everything, from the assault on the senses that was his alarm clock. Burying himself in his blanket was no use as it beamed the flashing colors of a strobe light directly into his brain. Not to mention the smell of rotting flesh that would begin to permeate from the machine if he stayed in bed longer than ten seconds.

That function would prove to be irrelevant as the man smashed the clock with a hammer.

He rolled around in his bed, probably looking for any excuse to stay just a little bit longer. That damn clock always went off at the worst times to wake up.

What would be a good time? Don’t be silly, waking up is never a good time.

Eventually he gave in, and sluggishly rolled out of bed, landing on the cold ground with a sad thud. Sprawled on the ground, he struggled to gather the strength to not close his eyes and fall asleep again there and then.

Alas, if yesterday taught him anything, it is that although sleeping was //like// death, it lacked its permanence, and if he stayed, he was just going to wake up three hours later.

Or five.

Or seven.

Dragging his body practically kicking and screaming off of the ground, Laughy McLaugherson begrudgingly decided to start his day. The first order of which was shoveling half a bottle of aspirin down his gullet. His head was still throbbing from last night’s [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-1921 milk], so he decided to play it safe. As much as he hated them, those clowns did know how to party.

Upon his very responsible attempt at self-medication, he trudged over to the giant pile of identical suits and variety of tacky ties. He considered throwing caution to the wind, to not bother even getting dressed properly for the day.

It’s not like he was going to be filming anything today anyways. Who was even going to stop him? He owned the place. McLaugherson silently dissuaded that notion, slapping himself out of it. He was already at rock bottom, no need to start digging down.

He was mildly impressed that he managed to resist the urge to not change clothes as he launched himself into the pile, before resigning himself to the grey sludge of emotions that he had been feeling for the past two years.

A split second later and he emerged from the pile of clothes, completely dressed. He had decided that yellow-on-purple polka dots would suit him very well today. As the triumph of being able to dress himself for the day quickly faded, he mentally prepared himself for another day of worthless monotony as he walked through his doorframe.

“No, no, it’s another wonderful day of production.” McLaugherson lied to himself as he descended the spiral stairs. He was now fully prepared to dissociate his work hours away until he could embrace the sweet oblivion of dreamless sleep.

It wasn’t like he hated his job, no, if he absolutely despised every thought even remotely relating to the show, he wouldn’t be working there! No, he just hadn’t been //feeling// it lately, he was in some temporary funk, probably not enough arsenic in his diet. He just hadn’t been laughing as hard as he used to, he was getting soft. He just needed to keep himself in the loop, exposure therapy was the word humans called it.

Even if he wasn’t doing anything productive at all, surely being around the organs of his show’s production would get him laughing again soon. And then the next season could be off and published without a hitch!

It didn’t matter that the studio was emptier than Chernobyl these days or that the employees that hadn’t been fired or //consumed// were hardly more jovial than he was. All he needed to do was to never stop thinking about his show.

About how it's falling apart and everyone hates him.

About how he couldn’t think of a single good skit idea in two years.

About how he won’t do a single thing for it, yet insists that it’s his calling.

Yeah, he just needed to keep all of that in mind and surely he would get that spark back, and everything would be how it was. Surely.

Arriving at the bottom of the stairs, McLaugherson stood at the entrance to his studio taking in the sorry state of it all. It was about as lively as he remembered it being two years ago, that was to say it wasn’t at all. You could throw a stick and make it to the other end of the studio, if you were careful.

While lamenting the dwindling number of people, squids, arthropods and higher dimensional employees he had, he saw the old stage out of the corner of his eye. He pretended not to have seen it. Back before he hit the wall, back when he still had a bit of a laugh in him, the stage was where he was to begin the first ritual of the day, a good pep talk to cheer everyone in the building up. Raise their spirits, get their laughs in order.

The last time he’d actually done that was… far too long ago. He didn’t even remember what he said. Not that it was anything particularly rousing or insightful, anyways.

The only thing that the stage hosted nowadays was a thick layer of dust. Sometimes McLaugherson would ideate trying to go back up there, a stepping stone towards getting his groove back, but the same wave of apathy tinged with regret always washed over him.

“What’s that going to do? No point, really.” Was the excuse he honed through months of half assed pep talks and sweet nothings. Today was no different. Entering the studio proper, McLaugherson traversed the vacant concrete paths, brushing past the errand employee still inane enough to retain their employment.

Those employees, more often than not, scattered when that happened, regardless of their lack of fault. McLaugherson wasn’t only crucifying himself for the failure of Laugh is Fun.

After all, ever since “the incident” of ‘25, McLaugherson had never really been the same, which was an open secret amongst his coworkers and peers. Newer hires question what could’ve possibly happened at the incident for him to spiral like this. To be honest, he didn’t even know himself. Maybe Cole’s words really did get to him. Maybe all the stress from that PR nightmare was still rearing its ugly head.

Maybe he was just losing it.

Whatever the reason may be, the result was what’s important. He stormed off set more (when he still filmed), he was frustratingly stubborn on random things (there’s a reason why the writers haven’t greenlit anything in two years) and was prone to violent outbursts. For example, locking an intern in the “black room” for 24 heliocycles just for spilling coffee on his shoes. All in all, he was not a very pleasant man to work with these days.

McLaugherson turned right towards his office, dodging the writers room as he had made a habit out of doing so. The writers would send their scripts to his office for him to not look at anyways. A few more minutes that felt like hours, and he was greeted by the familiar sight of his office.

The office, once a testament to his achievements, through McLaugherson’s neglect and overall spiraling mental state was now a reminder of how far he’d fallen.

His accolades and the shelf holding them were all covered in a fine layer of dust, the paint on his walls was flaky and peeling, and his couch could actually give a sigh of relief, as it had not been touched in two years. The only spot in the office that seemed to have been in consistent use for the last two years was his desk.

McLaugherson dropped himself on his worn out office chair, staring at his desk, which was empty despite the ocean of papers stacked surrounding it. He grabbed a stray paper, which detailed a possible acquisition in the form of some twenty-something single mom. Something about her making a good fit for an episode about appendicitis. Maybe he could write an episode about that or something.

With no passion or ambition, he mechanically grabbed a pen and went to fulfill his doomed endeavor.

Who knows, maybe he’d prove himself wrong. Today was a new day after all.

----

Unfortunately, McLaugherson ended up proving himself right, like he did yesterday, and the day before, and every other “new day” for the last two years. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, and although McLaugherson could go through the motions all he wanted, he couldn’t truly accomplish anything productive because deep down, he couldn’t. He didn’t want to.

Staring at the piece of paper he had been “working” on for the better part of five hours, he had hardly managed to write three pathetic sentences for an episode script. He needed to face facts. He didn’t think laugh was fun anymore.

At the realization he simply leaned back in his chair. He might’ve closed his eyes.

If he didn’t think laugh was fun anymore, then what business did he have running “Laugh is Fun”? Maybe the best thing he could do for the show was to leave it. But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t.

He is “Laugh is Fun”. Even though the show was circling the drain, and it would be only a matter of time until the suits canned him, he couldn't leave, even if that was the best thing to do for everyone involved..

Because he isn’t really anything outside of the show.

What that meant for the foreseeable future until he inevitably did get canned, nobody knew. Certainly not McLaugherson, as it looked like he was going to drift off to sweet oblivion, leaving the inquiry to be dealt with at an indeterminate “later” time.

That was until he heard his door creak open.

“Is everything going alright, Mr. McLaugherson?”

McLaugherson suddenly jolted back to reality, and looked up to see the eight-foot-tall fourth dimensional being looking down on him.

“Oh… yeah. Hey, Marlene. Yeah, everything's going... //great//.” McLaugherson lied.

"It sure looks that way." Marlene shifted a few of her polygons to indicate that she wasn't entirely convinced.

She was an old hire, she’d been working for the show back in 76’, all the way back when she was just a little spriteling. She was McLaugherson’s assistant, and a pretty damn good one at that. The suits sent her down since they figured that he would need a helping hand or two to deal with the show.

Unfortunately, even the brightest of minds couldn't dig the show out of the deep pit that it was in right now, not alone, at least. And when McLaugherson went off the deep end, she decided to take some time off to that new resort place everyone’s been talking about, explaining McLaugherson's surprise at her sudden appearance.

“So, I've heard things around here have changed much since I left.” Marlene rotated her faces until she landed onto that of an inquisitive 27-year old. "To be frank, I've been doing some thinking and I-"

“How was uh- how was [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/vacation-opportunity Greece]?” McLaugherson deflected.

“It was lovely, thanks for asking. They really know how to polish your tendrils over there. Anyways, what I wanted to say was that-

“Did you go to those- those lava spas they have?"

Marlene changed her smoke color from a neon purply-pink to a rustic grey, which was his cue to shut up.

"Laughy, I've actually been here for the last two weeks. You just haven't bothered to say hi or acknowledge me, really since I got back. You clearly have something on your mind. If I had to guess, it's been the state of everything lately." Marlene once again shifted her polygons, this time to accentuate her point.

McLaugherson saw the interrogation coming from a mile away, and gave her a preprepared excuse as to why nothing had been getting done for two years.

“Well, uh-, yeah the place has seen better days, but you’ll be glad to know that I’ve been working non-stop, all day and night to get the next season of “Laugh is Fun” on the air for our adoring fans to watch, and-”

“How’s that been going for ya?”

McLaugherson stammered and stuttered a bit, but could no longer conceal the truth. He sighed, which told Marlene everything she needed to know.

“Look, Laughy. I gotta level with you here. I-”

“I know I’ve been slacking off a bit as of late, but y’know the suits, the suits, they can't have a show that's not making any progress, no siree, so see //that's// going to force me to get everything together-”

Marlene's smoke plume took on a darker and darker color, which meant that McLaugherson had to shut up for real.

“Greece was fun and all, but it also was really good for me. It let me take my mind off of things, I was able to have a little fun for once in my life, but it also gave me some much needed perspective on things pertaining to the show. Get some fresh eyes on everything, so to speak.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I’m just gonna come right out and say it. Laughy, don’t you ever think you might need to step away?”

An uneasy silence followed Marlene's advice, which was soon broken by McLaugherson's nervous laugh.

"Ha, nice one Marlene."

“I wasn’t joking.”

McLaugherson just sat there in silence, because that’s all he could muster in response to that. Was he getting too old for this? Balderdash, of course he wasn’t. He wasn’t getting too old to laugh, you could never be too old to laugh. Laugh was for all ages and was forever.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, don’t you think you’ve done enough for the show? In all my years working here, I’ve never seen you take so much as a sick day off, and I think it’s really getting to you.”

“I get that, I //really// do, but I’m fine Marlene, really I’m //fine//. I know I’ve been getting a little all up in everyone’s business-”

“It’s not about that.”

“I know it probably //wasn’t// the most rational decision to feed Trey to wolves for that one episode, but I’ve moved past that-”

“It’s not about that either.” Marlene lowered herself to McLaugherson’s level, and looked him right in the face, with all 27,983 of her faces.

“Laugh is Fun has been airing for more than 50 human years. You’ve been the host for every single episode in all of those years. You’ve written the script for every single episode. You help design the set every episode. You can only use a hammer so many times until it wears down and you need to get a new one.”

No, she wasn’t saying what he thought she was saying. He can’t leave Laugh is Fun, not any time, not //now//, at least. The show is //this// close to cancellation, and she just wants him to throw in the towel?

“You, out of all people, should know we can’t cancel the show, Marlene. What would the fans say?”

"I think it's quite noble of you to keep the fans in mind, but I think there's someone you're forgetting."

Marlene lifted herself back up and glided over to McLaugherson's dusty accolades shelf, practically handing the answer to him without saying it.

“A great carpenter will always be a great carpenter, but at some point, they're going to have to replace their tools.”

Him, //the// Laughy McLaugherson, leave “Laugh is Fun?” He was a third of the name, for crying out loud! Jeez, did she hit her heads wrong in Greece or something? He’s not leaving Laugh is Fun because he //is// Laugh is Fun.

“You know the answer is no, Marlene. This is my show, my brainchild, and I’m not going anywhere. I have a duty, a //responsibility// not just to everyone working here, or even just the suits, but to all the people in the //world//, heck, the //world// itself to provide for them a good laugh. Everyone needs a good laugh, they’re always gonna need a good laugh, and as long as I keep drawing breath on this plane of existence, I’m not going anywhere.”

Marlene sighed. She could see how much this all meant to him, but she knew he needed to hear this.

"I think what you're forgetting is that the show isn't named after you, but rather the other way around. You wanna know why? It's because you loved the idea. You thought it was great. And it still is, but I don't know if you can earnestly say the same. And even if the show manages to stick around for another 300 years with you, it'll be a shame if you never enjoyed working on it in all that time."

She continued on.

“And you are right about one thing. You do have that responsibility. But responsibility isn’t just about doing everything you can for something, it’s also about the things you don’t do. Sometimes, for the good of something or someone, you need to let it go.”

Marlene locomoted back to where she entered the room from.

“We’re never going to forget you, Laughy. Honestly, I don’t even think we //could// forget you if we tried. We’re not going to replace you, either. Nobody could. But I think the show could use a fresh face, a new direction. It’s been going on for so long. Call it a reboot. Even now, there’s still hundreds of thousands of fans that would be ecstatic at just the opportunity. If not for your own sake you won’t go, think of all of them."

Between Marlene blurring through hundreds of thousands of faces, McLaugherson could've sworn he saw one sporting a little grin.

"And besides, there’s nothing stopping you from making a guest appearance.”

As much as he wanted to disagree with all of the points Marlene made, as much as he wanted to tell her that she was delusional if she thought he’d ever was going to step away in a million years, he couldn’t. He knew that at the very least, maybe she had a point.

“Think about it.”

With the thud of his office door, Marlene left the room, back to set up shop in her office to continue to do what little work there was to be done. McLaugherson was left alone physically, but mentally, Marlene's words continued to persist long after she left.

McLaugherson's gut reaction was to disregard anything she said, and go back to the same old trite routine he had gotten used to. But one line from her wannabe sage routine stuck with him.

"It'd be a shame if you never enjoyed it." McLaugherson mulled over those words over and over again. Those words brought him back many, many heliocycles ago when he was younger, when he hadn't yet been ground down by the world of show business. Back then, he wasn't worried about all these bells and whistles, about how good an episode would do in analytics, what those nebulous suits would think, none of it.

All he had back then was a simple idea that he believed in. Laugh is Fun. Over the years he seemed to have conflate that idea with the show as a whole, as evidenced by the fact that he was working on the show while hating every second of it.

Maybe he could laugh while stepping away from the show.

Tentatively, he picked up his office phone and dialed Marlene's office.

"Hullo."

“Where would I even go, Marlene?”

Although he couldn't be certain, he felt 27,983 smiles beam at him.

“I hear [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/wilson-s-wildlife-solutions-hub Boring], Oregon is very lovely this time of year.”

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Incident Report 2030-4-32:** On April 4th, 2032, Hurricane Nelson struck the southeastern United States, making landfall off the coast of South Carolina. This event was most likely non-anomalous, and largely ignored by Foundation meteorological devices. That was, however, until approximately 72 hours after Nelson’s landfall when claims of “raining flyers” were reported by residents of ██████, South Carolina, who had since sought out refuge in the city of Charlotte, North Carolina. Embedded Foundation assets were sent to ██████ and were able to substantiate these claims. All witnesses of the event, as well as persons notified of the event were amnesticized.

Over five million instances of the same flyer were recovered from ██████. As of the time of recording, all are currently stored in Warehouse B of Site-19. The content of the flyers with sensitive information redacted is transcribed below:

[[div style="border:solid 1px #999999; background:#f2f2c2; padding:5px; margin-bottom: 10px;"]]
[[=]]
++++ Do you like to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh until you have all the fun to laugh?
Do you like to watch the funny television or phone or computer screen to get more of your favorite laugh?

Do you wish you could be the ringleader of such laughful operations? Do you think that Laugh is Fun?

Well then you’re JUST IN LUCK.
COME ON DOWN TO LAUGH IS FUN™ OFFICES this --wdeendededns-- Wednesday for the chance of becoming the very next LAUGH IS FUN

For more information: ████████████.com
Required: Cover letter, resume, audition tape.
//In partnership with YWTGTHFT//
[[/=]]
[[/div]]

Research into a possible connection with SCP-2030 is ongoing.

[[/div]]
----

“Thank you for your time. Can you please get the gentleman with the iron allergy in here next?”

The [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3994 normal human person] got out of his chair and promptly walked into the side of a wall. He walked into it for a good 30 seconds before he realized that there was a door not two inches to the left of him. He kicked it open and proceeded to shake the next person in line violently, to indicate that it was their turn.

Laughy McLaugherson sighed, and poured a little cognac into his #1 Laugh mug. He was almost there.

Although he conceded that Marlene may have been right about giving the show some space, at least for a little bit, it took a whole lot of pestering for him to finally stop putting it off and to actually organize it. He wasn't exactly happy about the prospect of leaving his whole life’s work behind. To be honest, this whole process wasn’t exactly filling him with the hope and optimism that Marlene kept insisting it would.

57 applicants in, and not one of them he would even remotely consider to take up the reins of his half-century long titan of a show. It seemed like only half of them had actually read the information they put on their website, and it seems like somehow fewer had actually watched more than an episode of his show.

Were they even fans at all? If he didn’t know any better, he’d say that these people only saw an opportunity to inherit something that used to be a big deal, for a fraction of the cost. They didn’t care what it even was, just that it was basically free. Kind of like one of those going-out-of-business sales. Who was he kidding, that’s exactly what this was.

Out of the 57 applicants, he had to shoo away 13 of them for being clowns (he could’ve sworn he sent that memo in to blacklist everyone from [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/herman-fuller-hub that circus]), and the rest were nothing to write home about.

Washed up celebrities looking to become relevant again, comedians whose jokes never made it past open mic night at the bar, and even people who had nothing better to do that particular Wednesday, it was all a mess. No matter how many limbs, animal parts, or dimensions each of them may have had, they all just blurred in with each other a grey stew of mediocrity. At least he could tell Marlene that he tried, whereupon he drop himself in bed for another dreamless slumber. Yay.

A rabbit person with grey-ish skin trotted into his office, paying no mind to the years of history on display in the room. He stood behind the freshly vacant chair, and looked at McLaugherson as if he was expecting something.

“Well?”

“Oh yeah, please take a seat.” McLaugherson replied dryly.

The fae man obliged, sitting down.

“So, what’s your name?”

“I am a denizen of the forest that bears no description.”

“Okay, then. A little pretentious, but okay.” McLaugherson thought, mechanically flipping to the next question on his pamphlet. “Why do you want to become the next host of Laugh is Fun?” He inquired with the enthusiasm of wet concrete.

“Oh well, it's always been a dream of mine to leave the woods in which I was raised, and I believe your programming could provide me with just the chance to do that, and to spread awareness of our culture after the wretched attempts at undoing our people.”

That’s the fifth one today. Typical fae response. He was a bit flattered that his viewerbase was so diverse, but he was getting a bit annoyed at this type of response. His show wasn’t the History Channel, for crying out loud.

McLaugherson opened his cabinet and took out a picture of a man being gored to death by a water buffalo. He handed it to the fae.

“How do you feel about this image?”

Before the fae had time to respond, McLaugherson noticed the disgusted look on his face and knew that he didn’t need to see anything more.

“Out. And bring the next one in, please.”

The rabbit creature walked out of the room in a huff, and loudly closed the door behind them. For the surprisingly high amount of fae that apparently watched his show, none of them seemed to have a sense of humor. It might just be a cultural thing. Whatever.

The door opened just in time for McLaugherson to finish his cognac. He looked up and saw his last applicant for the day. She appeared to be an average human woman, sporting a white dress shirt, a suit jacket, a knee-length business skirt, and a pair of short black heels. It seems like she wasn’t being particularly ambitious with her presentation, which already wasn’t doing her any favors.

“Looks like someone’s secretary got lost on the way to a healthcare company”, he thought to himself.

He saw the woman’s relatively ordinary garb as a sign that he wasn’t going to be leaving off on a high note today. When he looked up to see her face, he found that he couldn’t quite describe, well, any part of it. If he tried to focus on any particular part of her face, he realized that he couldn’t find any distinctive facial features to focus on.

Not that she didn’t have a face, she did, or least she //probably// did, but he just couldn’t find any aspect of a face to anchor himself to, like looking at one of those images where nothing in it is real. It kinda disoriented him, so he stuck to looking at her below the neck.

He didn’t pay any mind to this peculiar situation, and simply resigned himself to thinking that the woman’s nondescript face would be reflective of how this interview was going to go.

Before he could tiredly ask the same questions for the final time today, he was interrupted by a loud, enthusiastic sounding voice.

“Hello Mr. McLaugherson! I just wanted to say that it’s //such// an honor being here with you today, and I’m so glad you accepted my application! I’ve watched all your episodes countless times, and I just almost can’t believe that I get to meet you, in //your// office as well!”

Oh. Maybe she does know a thing or two about Laugh is Fun after all.

“Why thank you. I really appreciate it”, he replied genuinely. “Let’s start with your name.”

The woman replied, her excitement not entirely concealed. “My name is Charlotte, but you can call me Charlie!”

Before he could move onto the next question, he was subject yet again to another burst of Charlie’s amazement.

“Wow, your office is even better than I imagined!” She looked up to see the row of accolades he had on display.

"Hey, I remember that one!” She pointed at a framed picture of McLaugherson shaking hands with an elderly suited figure, with various shark parts grafted to his skin. “ I watched the award show live and everything! Is that-”

“Yep, that was [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3477 Harold Holt],” McLaugherson humbly admitted, giving a courtesy chuckle.

“That’s amazing!” Charlie responded, astonished. “What was he like?” She inquired.

“Pretty nice guy, all things considered. Pretty quiet, pretty reserved. Had a penchant for raw fish. But he really enjoyed a good laugh.” McLaugherson indulged. “I guess that’s how we won Laugh Show of the Year 03’, huh?”

“Yeah, I bet.” Charlie craned her neck back towards the desk in front of her, but was immediately distracted by the kiddy cubbies he had besides his desk.

“Are //those// the cubbies from-”

“Episode 11, season 27, Learning is Fun”, the two of them said in unison. While trying her best to remain professional, Charlie couldn’t help but let out a little squeal.

“I have to say, Mr. McLaugherson, that was one of my //favorite// episodes. The way that those worms came out of Mrs. Fitzgerald’s eye sockets? That was just //genius//, and the children turning into little anteater type creatures? I was so obsessed with that for about a month! I kept trying to show my parents that episode, but they weren’t really interested.” Her voice deflated a bit as she managed to contain her excitement.

McLaugherson was a bit charmed by all the flattery, but he still wasn’t convinced of her aptitude for the job. After all, anyone can be a fan of something. It takes true dedication to commit to the craft day after day after day. And although she was nice, she was a bit all over the place. Not a good look.

“Why do you want to become the next host of Laugh is Fun?”

“Well, as you probably know already, I’m a huge fan! I’ve been watching your show since I was seven, and so it’s a pretty big part of my childhood. That’s why I was a little upset that it looked like you guys weren’t gonna do anymore seasons after 45, which don’t get me wrong, even I thought that wasn’t your best showing, but I hoped you guys would come up with something!”

Charlie stopped to take a breath.

“So when I saw your flyer, I was beyond ecstatic to say the least. I’m a firm believer in Laugh is Fun and to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh, and I just really want to make sure that this show keeps going for future generations, because the world can always use a little laugh.”

McLaugherson was almost impressed. He might’ve even raised his eyebrows. A lot of people have come up to him over the years to say that they thought his show was hilarious, or that the latest episode was their best yet, but Charlie seemed like the first to have been truly touched by the show.

She seemed to have really //gotten// its message, beyond the superficial enjoyment of watching somebody’s skin crawl with squirrels under it.

“Your show’s also helped me through a lot of hard times, like when my parents wouldn’t stop crying about my brother’s stupid car crash. It’s like //hello?// You have a daughter too, y’know. Get a sense of humor.”

Mildly amused, McLaugherson moved on. “What are your credentials?”

“Well, as I’ve put on my resume, I graduated from Deer College, full honors with a degree in ontokinesis, and a minor in theatre. After that I kinda drifted around from job to job, just trying to find myself y’know? I had an internship at Vikander-Kneed, then another one at Totleighsoft, eventually I managed to land a decent job breeding clowns. And now I’m here!”

Shame. One step forward, two steps back.

Charlie took notice of the picture of a man being gored to death by a water buffalo that he had forgotten to put away. She couldn’t help but break out in a bit of a snort.

“Aw man, that’s hilarious! Is that a frame from a future episode?"

McLaugherson skimmed through Charlie’s resume before he closed the pamphlet entirely. It was kind of disappointing, really. Although Charlie was far from lacking in enthusiasm, he just wasn’t convinced she had the experience to take the reins of something that was as big as this.

Show business is a fickle thing, and besides her minor in theatre, there wasn’t anything on her resume that would indicate she’s had any experience in the field, let alone in managing a production as big as this. He admired her gusto, but he just didn’t believe she was ready to host even one episode.

He was just about to thank her for her time, when she reminded him of something quite important.

“What did you think about my audition tape?”

Oh, right. Those. He was supposed to be checking those. He groaned internally, realizing that he had been forgetting to check one of the three things he specifically required applicants to have.

“Oh yes, thank you for reminding me. I actually check those //after// the interviews,” he lied. “I’ll be sure to give yours a good look. Thanks for your time, you can go back to the lobby now. I’ll have my assistant down soon to direct you guys to the exit.”

“Okay then! Again, it’s such an honor to have met you, Mr. McLaugherson-”

“The honor is all mine,” he quickly replied, as he waved her goodbye. Once he heard the click of the closed door, he allowed himself to audibly sigh in defeat. Not a single good one today.

Although he came to terms with that conclusion a lot earlier, Charlie’s interview gave him a twinge of hope that was promptly stepped on and extinguished, making it feel all the worse. He wondered if there was any more clown milk in the fridge so he could quickly stop thinking thoughts.

As he got up to leave, he noticed Charlie’s audition tape lying dormant on his desk. It was a VHS tape too, just like the ones that he used to use. She did say she was a big fan.

He //did// say that he was gonna take a good look at it.

He blew the dust off his ancient VHS player, and hastily connected it to his office TV, almost breaking it in the process. It had been a while. He put in Charlie's audition tape and sat back on his couch, which screamed in pain.

He hoped this one was short, as he wasn’t expecting much.

The tape came to life in what appeared to be in the middle of a shoot, no introduction, no themes, no nothing. Sloppy, so far. The camera appeared to be hidden across an empty table at a local restaurant. Not a fancy one or anything, but one of those hole-in-the-wall places you’d find crammed in a downtown area somewhere. This one appeared to be Italian.

The focus was on a young couple, likely still in or fresh out of college, who seemed to be in the middle of a heated argument. It soon escalated into a shouting match, with the blonde woman accusing her boyfriend of cheating, while presumably showing him the proof on her phone.

“We’re through! I knew you were sleeping around with that whore!” The woman yelled at him, and turned around to leave. Her boyfriend called her a dumb bitch in response.

Amateur work. And the swearing, so uncouth.

As the woman was about to open the door she stopped. And slowly turned around. Her face began to melt and slough off her skull, with the consistency of marinara sauce. As a matter of fact, it turned into marinara sauce once it reached the floor.

McLaugherson sat up on his couch, which made several cries of discomfort. This was interesting. He found himself wondering where this would go next.

Once nothing but the woman’s bright white skull was left above her shoulders, her jaw unhinged, and a tidal wave of living anchovies began to spill all across the room from her orifices. All the patrons and staff of the restaurant were screaming at this point.

“Alright,” McLaugherson conceded, “that was a good one.” He sat back, waiting expectantly for Charlie to enter the stage and to end the tape.

Instead, what happened next was quite peculiar. The anchovies then all entered the boyfriend’s body through his orifices, quickly changing his appearance to that of Benito Mussolini. Mussolini then walked //over to the hidden camera and picked it up//, taking the viewer with it as it exited the restaurant and boarded a nearby stopped bus.

McLaugherson was now glued to the screen.

The footage of Mussolini on the bus was then cut, with the perspective switching to that of a woman’s bedroom, with her still on her bed. It appeared to be the woman that the blonde lady’s boyfriend was cheating on her with. She was scrolling on her phone, evidently very pleased with herself.

“Amateurs,” she muttered under her breath.

Mussolini entered the scene from behind the camera, to which the woman perked her head up and met his gaze.

“Hey baby. Have fun at lunch today? Did you finally break the bad news to her?”

Mussolini then responded with several quotes from the Doctrine of Facism.

The woman responded.

“Well, I know you’re not a very big fan of socialism, but that shouldn’t mean you can’t share a little //laugh//.”

The camera turns around so that the woman and Mussolini are entirely out of view. A loud zipping noise, followed by several wet sounds of falling meat can be heard.

Mussolini stumbles backwards back into view, as if he was shocked or even traumatized, whereupon the camera turns back towards the bed, to reveal Charlie standing in front of the bed, the camera cutting her head out of view. A pile of meat was folded neatly on the bed.

The footage then switched views to a hidden camera posed in the top right corner of the room, giving an isometric view of the entire room (Charlie’s head was still out of view, of course).

On the other side of Charlie’s bed, was everyone who had ever made an appearance in the tape, including the blonde woman, still without a face, her boyfriend, and even the woman he cheated on her with. They were all crammed together in the room that should not have been big enough to accommodate everybody.

Mussolini fainted at the realization that he’d been pranked, only for Charlie to catch him mid-fall and whisper some garbled static in his ear, which caused him to come back to lucidity, incredibly relieved to see her, and began laughing. Everyone else in the room soon joined him, with Charlie leaving the room, camera following, to give the usual segment about the themes of the episode, and invite the viewer to come laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.

McLaugherson was awestruck, and stared blankly at the screen, until the footage ended, and the VHS tape was ejected. Wow. It was almost like rewatching his very first episode, back when he was just a nobody, and Laugh is Fun was just a faint inkling of a thought in the back of his head.

The familiar set up, the refreshing misdirection.

The experimental, yet wholesome humor.

And of course, a thoughtful ending address to leave viewers with something to chew on. It was all done almost flawlessly, of course there were some rusty areas here and there, but overall, he found himself laughing along with everyone on the tape, almost as if he himself was in the episode. This was what he envisioned Laugh was Fun to be, back all those years ago.

If his conversation with Marlene introduced him to the idea of retiring, viewing this tape was what finally led him to accept it. If not for himself, then for letting talent like this finally be known to the world.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Incident Report 2030-12-31:** On 12/7/2031, what is believed to be an instance of SCP-2030 was discovered in the library of ██████ University in the form of a VHS tape presenting itself to be a documentary on Benito Mussolini’s rise to power. The individuals in the tape are all believed to have died as a result of a bombing attack on a local pizza parlor which occurred a week prior. SCP-2030-1 is not present in the episode, however, a female presenting individual who fulfills the same role as SCP-2030-1 is, hereby designated as SCP-2030-2. Other notable discrepancies from other episodes of SCP-2030 are a lack of an opening segment, and no mention of “YWTGTHFT” anywhere in the footage.

Reclassification is pending.
[[/div]]
----

A man with a bright tie and a brighter disposition burst open his office door, and walked into a lobby, still filled with the 59 applicants he had reviewed and processed for today. He had never been happier that he neglected to make a phone call. He scanned the full chairs until he saw a young woman whose face he just couldn’t put a finger on.

“Young lady! Come with me!” He pointed her out, and didn’t wait for her to get up to motion to follow him.

Charlie was, of course ecstatic, but learned to temper her emotions. After all, she didn’t know if this was good news or not. She didn’t even know what was happening.

“So, Mr. McLaugherson, did you see my tape? I know it was a little avant-garde, and I messed up the editing in a few places, but-”

McLaugherson didn’t look back as she was talking, or even slow his pace down. He simply raised his fist up as a motion for her to stop talking. She quickly obliged.

The two faceless well dressed individuals made a right, and left, and right, and another right, and then turned the fifth direction, which led them to an opulent staircase, carved from mahogany wood and fitted with a red carpet going all the way to the top. McLaugherson began to scale the staircase without a second thought, with Charlie being a smidge more hesitant.

The two made the entire trip in silence, which took anywhere from two minutes to two hours until they finally made it to the top, where the only thing waiting for them was a small platform with a massive painting framed in gold.

“Wow… what is that?” Charlie airily asked.

McLaugherson straightened his tie as he prepared to give a version of the same speech that he was given all those years back when he was first brought into the network.

“That is a painting of Judy Winslow. The little girl from ‘Family Matters.’ Heard of it before?”

“I’ve seen a couple episodes, but it's more of something my parents would put on.”

“Ah, that’s okay then. Honestly most people that have seen ‘Family Matters’ don’t even remember who she is. Basically, she was the third child that Harriette and Carl had on the show. She was unceremoniously written out of the show to make more room for one of the other kids. One episode, she just went inside after a wedding and boom. Never seen or heard from again."

He paused a bit, wondering if the same would happen to him. Stomaching the thought of being forgotten, he continued on.

"In actuality, Judy Winslow was a weird sort of memory parasite that fed on the happy memories of viewers who had watched the show. She only appeared when they started filming episodes for the show, and nobody could recall anything about her between shots. Anyways, the feds finally managed to track her down and take her out, which they covered up with a simple story of the actress wanting higher pay and- I’m getting ahead of myself."

McLaugherson needn't have worried, as Charlie was just as lost in her thoughts as he was. Maybe she was contemplating the magnitude of the shoes she'd have to fill, or perhaps she was still chewing on his fever dream of a story.

"After Judy left, nobody on the show ever mentioned her name again, and the parents actually acted as if they only ever had two kids. When I was first brought on to host my show, the suits told me a similar story. They said that it’s a vicious world, the entertainment industry. You either stay on top, or get discarded and forgotten about like the trash you are. Eventually your viewers will forget about you, to focus on whatever the new up-and-coming thing is. You’ll disappear one day, like Judy Winslow.

Crossing the Rubicon, McLaugherson was about to finish the closing act, speaking his final words as host of Laugh is Fun.

"I’ve been on top for fifty years. I think it's time that I go inside.”

McLaugherson cleared his throat after finishing his lengthy monologue, and turned to look at Charlie, who was still processing his closing words.

“What’s your name again?”

“Oh, it’s uh- it’s Char-”

“That’s funny. Because I could’ve sworn it was Laughy McLaugherson.”

You didn’t need to see her face to know that Charlie was beaming ear to ear. Before she could let out any squeals or exclaims of excitement, the man placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Just no swearing. Not on video, at least.”

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Incident Report 2030-8-33:** On 8/8/2033, a confirmed instance of SCP-2030 was discovered by Foundation assets in ████, Texas, at a local convenience store. The contents are as transcribed below.
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Season:** 46 (2033)
**Episode Theme:** Remembrance
**Individuals Involved:** Conrad Sallinger, Mark Desmond, and Taylor Joy- MIA, presumed killed in combat during military action near Tabriz, Iran.

**Transcription:**

//[Two men, identified as Sallinger and Desmond are standing outside of Arlington National Cemetery, Virginia. The camera is positioned a moderate distance behind them.]//

**Sallinger:** I still can’t believe we made it back out alive, huh?

**Desmond:** Yeah, me neither. It just sucks that Taylor never got to make it back with us.

//[The camera zooms in as the two men put flowers on Joy’s tombstone.]//

**Sallinger:** Well, just look at it this way. Without Taylor, none of us would be coming back home at all.

**Desmond:** Yeah I know, man it’s just- it’s just-

//[Desmond attempts to hold back tears.]//

**Desmond:** It’s just not fair, y’know? Why did we ever have to get sent over there in the first place? And Taylor’s gone, all because-

//[Sallinger puts a comforting hand on Desmond’s shoulder]//

**Sallinger:** There, there. I wouldn’t waste time thinking about it. He’s gone now, and all we can do is move forward. It’s not like we can bring back the dead.

//[A few seconds after Sallinger finishes his sentence, the ground beneath Joy’s tombstone begins to move, whereupon the reanimated corpse of Joy emerges from the ground and bites Desmond on the shoulder.]//

**Desmond:** AAAAAAAAAAA-

//[Several more reanimated corpses of former service men emerge from the ground all over the cemetery and rush towards Desmond, who soon collapses to the ground as he is mauled to death by the various corpses. Sallinger is visibly distressed and goes to run away, who is eventually chased by several more corpses.]//

//[The camera follows Sallinger as he runs and cries for help. He eventually trips over a ledge, and falls face-first into a ditch, the camera entering the ditch as he does. The ditch spontaneously transforms into a World War 1 era trench, as the surroundings also quickly transform into an approximation of the Battle of the Somme.]//

//[The camera cuts to a closer shot of Sallinger in the trench, as he suddenly is dressed in a British army uniform circa 1916. Artillery shots and gunfire can be heard in the background. A canister is launched and lands in the trench next to Sallinger.]//

//[The canister then emits a cloud of dark black gas, which quickly engulfs Salligner and the camera.]//

//[Pitch black for a few seconds. The screams of Sallinger and the sound of bubbling and melting flesh can be heard.]//

//[The smoke clears, revealing a bloodied and emaciated looking Sallinger, with large portions of his skin missing and covered in blood and [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-young-man ooze]. Although the extent of injuries displayed on Sallinger should be sufficient to kill him, he does not seem to be suffering any adverse side effects other than extreme pain.]//

//[Sallinger looks up, and the camera follows to reveal a figure in a World War One era German uniform and gas mask, wielding an Mauser Gewehr affixed with a bayonet. The figure jumps down in the trench and stabs Sallinger, who screams.]//

//[The camera turns to only include Sallinger, as the figure takes off their gas mask and tosses it aside, which appears to greatly relieve Sallinger. The camera pans back at a lower angle to reveal SCP-2030-2, who has also removed the rest of its uniform, and is dressed in a black two piece suit, a black knee length skirt, and black heels. The camera pans back up to reveal SCP-2030-2’s face obscured by a tree branch. Another figure dressed in the same military uniform jumps down, and SCP-2030-2 removes their mask as well, revealing Desmond, who is smiling despite having his entrails hanging out.]//

//[The three figures all begin to burst into laughter.]//

**SCP-2030-2:** Well, folks, we might call it the “good old days”, but what we should really be calling it is the “laugh old days”, because there was quite a laugh or two to be found back then, don’t you think?

//[Sallinger and Desmond do not respond, and simply appear to laugh harder.]//

**SCP-2030-2:** All jokes aside, remembering is a fun, and important thing to do. You might remember the nice laugh you had with your family, the nice laugh you had with your friends, or even a nice laugh you had with people who aren’t around to share it anymore.

//[SCP-2030-2 walks towards the camera, grabs it, and proceeds to walk into the side of the trench. Camera cuts to footage of an apple tree at Arlington National Cemetery, whereupon SCP-2030-2 walks out of the trunk and looks around. Its head is covered by a tree branch.]//

**SCP-2030-2:** Poor guys. Screaming over there so we can stay laughing over here. Before I go, I just wanted to show you guys something a tad bit more personal to me. Not here, though, too many foxholes about.

//[SCP-2030-2 chuckles lightly, and then walks behind the tree. The camera follows it, and when it emerges on the other side in the tree, the scenery appears to have transformed into an open clearing.]//

//[SCP-2030-2 walks over to a giant statue in the middle of the clearing, its head cut off by the top of the screen. It stops and looks up at the statue, which appears to be a giant depiction of SCP-2030-1. The words “LAUGH IS FUN” are chiseled in stone at its feet.]//

**SCP-2030-2:** Now although he’s not sleeping forever like those guys over there, I still can’t share a laugh with him, although I bet he’s laughing it up wherever he is these days. For 50 human years, he taught all of us, including me, the importance of laugh. That laugh is life, laugh is laugh, but more importantly, that LAUGH. IS. FUN. Now, it’s my job to spread the good word. You might hear others or myself call me Laughy McLaugherson, but that’s just for television. Nobody could ever make others laugh like he does, and so I could never replace him. But that’s not important. What’s important is that we laugh. So remember, LAUGH. IS. FUN. Good night! And laugh with us. We love to laugh. Make laugh is to as for the good times. And laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. And let us in!

[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
SCP-2030 has officially been reclassified as Keter.
[[/div]]

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