Ruiz Duchamp: Ace Attorney

Link to article: Ruiz Duchamp: Ace Attorney.

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[[include :scp-wiki:theme:simple-yonder]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:toggle-sidebar]]

[[div style="display: none;"]]
Thumbnail for crom
[[include component:image-block name=https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/anactualcrow/aceattorney.png|caption=.]]
[[/div]]

[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]
[[div style="text-align: right; margin-top: -20px;"]]
[[size 80%]]##757575|by [[[AnActualCrow]]]##[[/size]]
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote" style="background: #e6e6e6; width: intrinsic; width: -moz-max-content; width: -webkit-max-content; text-align:center; margin: 10px auto;"]]
**[*https://youtu.be/avg_6K5Zn_k Recommended reading music]**
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Mister Duchamp, are you aware that you have been accused of assaulting and battering fellow anartist Julia Emmerson?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Yes... yes, your honor. Sorry, not used to this court business.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Mister  Duchamp, do you have a lawyer?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I'll represent myself, my man-- I mean, your honor. You know what they say: if you don't do it yourself, it ain't done right. My ex girlfriend used to say that to herself when we were together. Get outta bed, light up a smoke, disappear to the bathroom with her--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Please don't continue.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your honor, you can't possibly believe that this client is worth your time. He's clearly drunk.
[[/div]]

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[[/module]]


[[div_ class="femaledog"]]
OBJECTION!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
A couple Whiteclaws ain't shit, your honor. There's no way I can be drunk. It's preposterous. Absolutely absurd.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Let the record show that--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I'm not done yet! It's factually foolish. Ridiculously ridiculous. You'd have to be a smooth-brained baboon to assume to say that me, //the// Ruiz Duchamp, is drunk.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your honor, I'd like to conduct a breathalyzer test on the defendant.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
That's... understandable, to say the least. An officer should be over here in around 15 minutes.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
That's all the time I need to win this damn case.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Let the record show that you're currently far from winning "this damn case".
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Anyways, my client alleges that on June 3rd, 2021, he was approached by defendant Ruiz Duchamp. Duchamp offered to sell her, in his words: "Tarkan stones. These are rocks from the last island in existence we're talking about."
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="box"]]
When my client asked how this supposed island could be the last one in existence when the earth and multiple islands within it are obviously still present, Duchamp became belligerent. He began insisting that my client was questioning his methods and retrieved one of his alleged Tarkan stones from his jacket, which I would like to present to the court.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Anthony Stone pulls out a sealed bag with a rock inside of it, placing it on the table.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your honor, this is just a normal rock.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Ruiz Duchamp slams his hands on the table.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
He's stalling for time your honor. All this business about rocks is clearly deflecting from the __fact__ that I did not break Clara's nose by shoving a Tarkan crystal in her face!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Which brings us to our next piece of evidence. Your honor, the weapon used to assault my client.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Anthony Stone pulls out a sealed bag with a quartz crystal inside of it, placing it on the table.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
While you may not be able to see it from here, your honor, this piece of quartz has a price sticker on it. Clearly, this was purchased by Duchamp prior to his assault.
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="box"]]
It isn't from Tarkan, it isn't from some magical island at the end of the universe, it's just a hunk of quartz. Mister Duchamp is clearly deranged. Is it so hard to believe that a man in this mental state would attack an innocent woman such as my client?
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="femaledog"]]
HOLD IT!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
So you're saying that my "hunk of quartz", which I would like to remind you is also a rare Tarkan crystal, has a price sticker on it?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I wouldn't have to say it, since it's visibly present on the... crystal. But yes.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
And you're assuming, therefore, that I must have purchased it from a store prior to assaulting-- ALLEGEDLY ASSAULTING-- Ms. Emmerson?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Yes.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
And because there is a discrepancy in your belief that I purchased the Tarkan crystal from a store and my testimony that it is from The Last Island, you are claiming that I'm deranged?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Are you going to continue summarizing my arguments or are you planning on having an original thought?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
And you assume this discrepancy DESPITE the fact that, as a vendor of Tarkan minerals, I may have added the price sticker myself.
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="box"]]
You also assume this discrepancy DESPITE the fact that I may have purchased the crystal from a store on The Last Isle.
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="box"]]
In either case, I would not be deranged and your argument would fall to pieces like a sand castle at high tide.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Mister Duchamp.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Ye?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Did you add the price sticker to the qua--
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp glares at the judge. In Duchamp's eyes, the judge sees the wrath, the indignation, the scorched earth that would serve as his hometown's grave. There are no Four Horsemen, only an ungodly mass.//
[[/div]]
[[div class="box mid small" style="margin-top: 10px;"]]
//Hooves and skulls, manes and armor. A Nightmare.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
T-to the c-crystal? Sir.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp looks down and rubs his chin.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Don't remember.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp retrieves a Whiteclaw from his jacket.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Sir, you're not allowed to drink in the courtroom.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
It's mostly water, but if you insist...
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp places the opened can into his jacket.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Now, in regards to my defense, I would like to call a witness to the stand.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Please proceed.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp walks to the witness stand and crouches behind it. A sock puppet is raised above the stand.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line socko"]]Sock Puppet[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Hi, I'm Socko! I'm here to testify!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Let the record show that... Socko here sounds like Duchamp with a high-pitched voice and a sad excuse for a southern accent.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your honor, if you put up with this any longer this place will be closer to a circus than a courtroom.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Agreed. Mister Duchamp, remove yourself from the witness stand at once.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line socko"]]Socko[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...now, I've known Ruiz for a long time, and I can tell you that he's a fine, upstanding man. When there was a spider in his jacket, I saw him put it in a cup and release it instead of squashing it...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Security, can you ple--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
No, no, it's fine.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
//Duchamp finishes drinking his can of Whiteclaw, crushes the can underneath his foot, and returns to the defendant's table unassisted.//
[[/div]]

[[span class="line socko"]]Socko[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...and he told me that when he was a boy scout he would always wait with someone if they had to tie their shoes. And that man grew up to be an Eagle Scout!...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I-- er... Your Honor, I was planning on calling my own witness up to the stand.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Yeah... if we could just... security, can you remove Socko from the stand?
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
Security places Socko inside of a shoe box and removes her from the witness stand. Muffled testimony can be heard in the background for the remainder of the trial.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You may call your witness to the stand, Mister Stone.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Thank you. I would like to present Miss Alacia Thorton, who saw Mister Duchamp assault my client through anomalous means. Tell them what you saw, Alacia.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Okay-- so one day I was going through this anart exhibition, and I saw a piece called "POV: Me" which, might I add, is a pretty awful title.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
"Twilight Embrace" isn't much better, Alacia.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Why don't you start focusing on paying rent instead of going after the people who can.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Ms. Thorton, do you know Mister Duchamp?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Sure, I know him. Bargain bin anartist with garbage bin anart.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You literally draw furry porn.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I make enough money to support myself as a freelancer. Because I'm not some stuck-up, deadbeat--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Miss Thorton, can you please finish your testimony.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Sorry, your Honor. Anyways, "POV: Me" is a VR headset that shows you the world through Ruiz's eyes. I decided to put on the headset, and that was when I saw Ruiz hit that poor woman over the head with a geode. I saw it through his eyes!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Maybe you just need to spend some of your art money on a pair of glasses.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I wear contacts, dumbass.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Well, you clearly need better contacts. Talking about me swinging a geo--
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
Thorton Laughs.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You throw insults like you're in fifth grade. What's next? Are you going to say that you--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Order! Mister Duchamp, stop arguing with the witness and begin your cross examination.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Sorry your Honor, it's just everything she's said has been complete bullshit. As usual.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Mister Duchamp!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
What?! You told me to cross examine! I'm cross examining!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Anyways, you said that I hit Miss Emmerson with a geode.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
God, not this again...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Despite the fact that I h-- ALLEGEDLY hit her with a crystal.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
A geode is a type of crystal.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
What? No, a geode is a rock with crystals in it.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Duchamp's right. Geodes and crystals are completely different things.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Well-- I-- You know what I meant! I saw him do it!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Uh huh. And you said that I hit Miss Emmerson over the head with the crystal? I'm assuming you meant I used a sort of swinging motion?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
I... Well I don't know! Why don't you tell me how you did it?!...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your Hon--
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You little shit!
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
Duchamp glares at Thorton before turning to face the judge.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Your Honor, the prosecution claims that I broke Miss Emmerson's nose by jabbing a crystal into her face, while the prosecution's witness claims that I hit Miss Emmerson over the head with a geode.
[[/div]]

[[div_ class="box"]]
Something isn't adding up. I'd go so far as to say that my dearly despised Alacia Thorton didn't witness anything. She just made it up for the purpose of getting me prosecuted!
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You forgot to say "end cross-examination."
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
What?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
When you finish cross examining someone, you're supposed to say "end cross-examination." You forgot to say it.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Oh. So I just... end cross-examination.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
The Judge nods.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You may proceed.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
So, um... yeah, what I said earlier. She lied about the whole thing. Isn't a witness. I'm guessing you can, like, throw her out or something?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
No-- I'd-- I saw—
[[/div]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...
[[/div]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You want some honesty? Some honest fucking testimony? I wouldn't have been in this mess if you—
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid small"]]
Thorton points at Stone.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Had given me the right fucking details! And I wouldn't even have to be here if you--
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid small"]]
Thorton points at the judge.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
and your justice system weren't filled with money-milking, punitive bullshit! And none of us would have gotten roped into this shit if you--
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid small"]]
Thorton points at Duchamp.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Weren't so fucking weird all the time about your magic crystals! Nobody cares about them. So there. There's your witness testimony.
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
Thorton returns to the prosecution table.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
...
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Hey. How much did Emmerson pay you?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
More than you make in a year, jackass.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
So it wasn't just the art then.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
Where are you going with this?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line champ"]]Duchamp[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
It's just... I can understand why you mixed up where I'd hit her. It wouldn't be the first time your anatomy was off.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line thorton"]]Thorton[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
You little //fuck.//
[[/div]]

[[div class="box mid"]]
Thorton grabs the bag with the quartz crystal and climbs over the prosecution table. Duchamp is chased out of the courtroom while giggling to himself.
[[/div]]
[[div class="box mid" style="margin-top: 10px;"]]
Silence, with the exception of Socko's muffled speech, fills the courtroom.
[[/div]]

[[span class="line stone"]]Stone[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
So, what now?
[[/div]]

[[span class="line judge"]]Judge[[/span]]
[[div_ class="box"]]
... Court adjourned.
[[/div]]

 _
 _

[[collapsible show="You Might Also Like..." hide="Feel free to add this collapsible to your own articles!"]]
[[div class="blockquote"]]
Anything on the [[[Cool War 2 Hub]]]
[[[SCP-231-J]]] -- //0.453592 Kilograms of Flesh//, by [[*user daveyouFool]]
Anything from the [[[an-incredibly-importanterest-announcement|Creck Fection 2 Contest]]]
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Ruiz Duchamp: Ace Attorney

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