SCP-086-J

Link to article: SCP-086-J.
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:fade-in speed=1]]
[[include :scp-wiki:theme:basalt]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:acs-hybrid-text-bar-source
|version= hybrid
|item-number= 086-J
|clearance-level= 3
|containment-class= {{t h i n g}}
|include-secondary= yes
|secondary-class= Thingy
|secondary-icon= 
|disruption-class= AAAAAAAA
|risk-class= It broke the thing metre ;-;
]]

+++ SODDING CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES:
PUT THE {{THING}}. INTO THE TUBE. //IT’S NOT THAT HARD.// The amount of times I’ve seen some random BITCH just LEAVE IT ON THE SIDE, it’s NOT EVEN **FUNNY** ANYMORE. BUT GUESS WHAT, //EINSTEIN??// IT WAS NEVER F█CKING FUNNY!! I’M TALKING TO **YOU,** //**EUGENE!!**// **ALL OF YOU CAN GO TO HEL-**

//— As provided by our kind and soft-hearted Security Sergeant//

+++ Special Containment Procedures:
SCP-086-J is to be stored in a magnesium cylinder with a sealed cap, the currently provided cylinder being two metres squared in all directions. Security Sergeant ████ is to be restrained from handling the direct containment of the anomaly, despite their authority in its direction.

//— As provided by our incredibly mean and super 3:< Site Director//

+++ Description They Forced Me To Do

SCP-086-J is like, y’know, this {{thing}}. It’s, like, this one {{thing}} that does the… {{thing}}, y’know?[[footnote]]That one {{thing}}.[[/footnote]] Like a really…{{thing}}y…{{thing}}. The {{thing}} is really, //really// {{thing}}y. Like, I’m not even kidding.[[footnote]]So {{thing}}y. [[/footnote]] It’s the {{thing}}iest {{thing}} I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s like if someone got a bowl of {{thing}}, and put it on a {{thing}}”. **That’s** how {{thing}}y it is. Like, big.[[footnote]]Did I mention it’s {{thing}}y? [[/footnote]]

Even when it {{thing}}s, it //really// {{thing}}s. It’s {{thing}}ed so hard that it broke the {{thing}} metre.

------

[[include :scp-wiki:component:image-block-peppo
|name= https://ik.imagekit.io/Foogle/IMG_0352.jpeg?updatedAt=1749718932716
|caption=This is the {{thing}} metre. It is very sad.
|width=300px
]]

The {{thing}} metre was incredibly sad when the {{thing}} levels went off the charts. //That’s// the sheer amount of **{{thing}}** that SCP-086-J possesses.[[footnote]]Like, a lot.[[/footnote]]

It’s more {{thingy}} than the {{thing}}iest {{thing}} you’ve seen in your whole life.[[footnote]]Fr? [[/footnote]]

> “SCP-086-J is… most professionally put, literally just a {{thing}}. There is genuinely no other description for the anomaly rather than it being a {{thing}}. No matter what the hell we do to it or interpret it as, it’s always just been a {{thing}}[[footnote]]Refer to SCP-055 for a similar effect. That one not sphere {{thing}}.[[/footnote]]. It isn’t even antimemetic. It’s just some {{thing}}.”
> — //Research Director Arnold Hughes describing the {{thing}}//

> “**PUT THE {{THING}} IN THE TUBE, IT’S NOT THAT HARD, I HATE YOU ALL, DIE IN A FIRE, I HOPE YOU KILL YOURSE—**”
> //— Our lovely Security Sergeant, feeling they can express their feelings with our understanding Foundation personnel//

+++ Thing Attributes

So, like, SCP-086-J is covered in loads of hot, viscous {{thing}}, accompanied by extra outspurts and masses of {{thing}}. Many test subjects have reported seeing {{thing}}s on it, and others have said that the amazing extent of {{thing}} hurt their brain[[footnote]]Gang, the {{thing}} was just too much, don’t judge me [[/footnote]]. Here’s some random test a guy took of the {{thing}}:

[[include :scp-wiki:component:screenplay]]

[[div class="script"]]
+++ **ENTER SMART SCIENCE BOI**
+++ **ENTER SCARY ORANGE BOI**
+++ **ENTER TWO COOL WHITE P90 BOIS**
 
+ **SMART SCIENCE BOI (Prolly to Scary Orange Boi :P)**
Approach the thing.

+ **SCARY ORANGE BOI (Oh shet I was right)**
…That’s it? You can’t be bothered to say the name of the object anymore?

+ **SMART SCIENCE BOI (Tsk, silly billy Scary Orange Boi)**
It’s literally called the {{thing}}. Don’t question our methods.

+ **COOL WHITE P90 BOIS**
//Super ominous silence//
 
 
 
 
 
+ **SCARY ORANGE BOI (THE SILLY BILLY)**
Um… okay.

//The Super Scary Orange Boi stares at the {{thing}}. He stares some more.//

+ **COOL WHITE P90 BOIS**
//Intense lack of English//

+ **SCARY ORANGE BOI**
…it’s… just some {{thing}}.

+ **SMART SCIENCE BOI (Happi :3)**
Perfect, you will now be escorted back to your cell.

+ **SCARY ORANGE BOI (CONFUZ)**
The hell…? I’ve been here for 15 seconds!!

+ **COOL WHITE P90 BOIS (oh phuq)**
//Super cool steps towards Scary Orange Boi//

//The Smart Science Boi stares at the Scary Orange Boi with a nonchalant expression.//

+ **SMART SCIENCE BOI**
It’s a thing. Our job is done. :P
[[/div]]

------

I like Smart Science Boi. He gave me a cookie once.[[footnote]]Damn [[/footnote]]

The only thing test subjects are required to do with SCP-068-J is identify that it is a {{thing}}. As long as the Class - D can identify that it’s a {{thing}}, they are permitted to return to their containment cell. Because it’s, like, a {{thing}}[[footnote]]:0 [[/footnote]] . A really {{thing}}y one.

Records of Class - Ds who had not identified SCP-086-J as a {{thing}} were mercilessly beaten with mugs by every available Mobile Task Force on Site, due to mugs being the most convenient item at the time. Anyone who opposes to SCP-086-J being a {{thing}} (though very rarely), they shall be mugged alongside.

> //Various smashing and fracturing sounds of bones and mugs//
> //No audible voices throughout//
> //— A Class - D f█cking dying//

------

There have, however, been situations where SCP-086-J has not been a {{thing}}. It has a really spooky and scary counterpart called SCP-086-J-2, which is exactly the same, but with a sign on it saying “**I AM NOT A {{THING}}.**”. It shocked so many Foundation personnel that, as a result, the Medical Department had been overflowing with traumatised security the day SCP-086-J-2 was brought into the site. I mean, what the hell? It isn’t a {{thing}}? That’s treacherous. **Preposterous.** I- no, I’m done, I need to take a lie down… this is a lot to take in…

+ **WARNING**
++ **VERY SCARY LOG AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK**
+++ **ARE YOU SURE**
++++ **IT’S REALLY SCARY**
+++++ **OKAY SURE**
++++++ **GO AHEAD**
,,***SHUDDERS***,,
,,**;-;**,,

[[include :scp-wiki:component:screenplay]]

[[div class="script"]]
+++ **INTERACTION BETWEEN SCP-086-J and SCP-086-J-2**
++++ **(D:)**

+++ **SCP-086-J**
//Intense silence//

+++ **SCP-086-J-2**
//More silence//

//Enough silence to constipate a chicken//

+++ **SCP-086-J** **(:0)**
//Falls off table//

+++ **SCP-086-J-2** **(Damn)**
//Probably shocked at how offensive that was//

+++ **Scary Orange Boi holding the camera**
Dramaaaaaaa…

+++ **SCP-068-J-2**
//Doesn’t {{thing}} (intensely)//

+++ **Scary Orange Boi holding the camera**
//Dies//

+++ **SCP-086-J** **(D:)**
//Is probably very sad//

[[/div]]

> SCP-086-J-2 has since been destroyed. All we had to do was make it touch a {{thing}}, so a member of security removed the toaster from the site break room and forcefully lobbed it at SCP-086-J-2, much to the opposition and dismay of the rest of the security who were waiting for their toast. The anomaly proceeded to “**AGH—**“ and disappear with an over-the-top reverb.

------

++++ **Addendum SCP-086-J-A**

One of the site security members felt really bad for the {{thing}} metre, so she asked the Site Director if she could get authorisation to repair it. The Site Director put together a super cool temporary task force called Alpha-18 “That…One {{Thing}}” and set out to repair it.

I hope you sods like reading Addendums, because the Security Sergeant doesn’t like them. I don’t like the Security Sergeant. He doesn’t like creme eggs. I mean, who the hell doesn’t like creme eggs? It’s unheard of.

[[include :scp-wiki:component:screenplay]]

[[div class="script"]]
+++ //Enter Cool White P90 Gal//
+++ //Enter Peak Site Director//

+++ **Cool White P90 Gal** **(Scare)**
So… like, it just… detected too much {{thing}}?

+++ **Peak Site Director** **(Yup)**
Yes, that’s correct. I know it sounds stupid, but anomalous {{thing}}s lead to strange outcomes.

//The {{thing}} metre looks sad, a “3:” face being displayed on its screen.//

+++ **Cool White P90 Gal**
Okay, um… you said there was a taskforce?

//The Peak Site Director snaps their fingers.//

//A large taskforce equipped with FAMASes runs in, screaming at the top of their lungs to get down.//

//One of the members of the taskforce walks up to the {{thing}} metre.//

+++ **Alpha-18 Boi**
@@Be okay.@@

+++ **{{Thing}} Metre**
Okie!! :3 I gud now.

+++ **Cool White P90 Gal (Even more confuz)**
._.

…what?

+++ **Peak Site Director (Satisfied with gud wurk :>)**
There you go. Your problem has been solved.

+++ **Cool White P90 Gal**
I just… wh… //huh??//


[[/div]]

------

++++ **Addendum SCP-086-J-B**
A further audible representation of a Class - D being mugged after denying SCP-086-J being a {{thing}}:

> “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA— OUGH, OW— **PLEASE…** OW, AGH, HELP-“
> — D-8715 perishing via ceramic

++++ **Addendum SCP-086-J-C**

(As recorded by Site Director Teddy Tanaka) — SCP-086-J is only to be referred to as its full name “SCP-086-J” in general conversation. If personnel keep referring to it as “that {{thing}}”, the confusion will only devolve. Any other instances of the anomaly besides the original are to be terminated immediately to avoid any further consequences.

+++++ **[END LOG]**

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]]
> **Filename:** Icp machine.jpg
> **Name:** Icp machine.jpg
> **Author:** Rahman437
> **License:** CC-BY-SA 4.0
> **Source Link:** https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Icp_machine.jpg
> **Assistance Provided By:** [[*user Teddy05]] for assistance on the idea
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]
SCP-086-J

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