Link to article: SCP-100000-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SCP-100000-J **Object Class:** --Keter-- --Keterer-- Keterest **Special Containment Procedures:** A single culture of SCP-100000-J is to be set in a petri dish in a hermetically sealed, lead-lined titanium[[footnote]] Since pure titanium is gradually proving insufficient as a means of containment of SCP-100000-J, the construction of a prototype containment cell out of carbon nanotube weave reinforced with alternating diamond, adamantium, and neutronium layers is underway. [[/footnote]] sarcophagus filled with acid. The sarcophagus must be set in a hermetically sealed outer sarcophagus filled with no more and no less than 50 copies each of the following religious scriptures: * The Bible * The Quran * The Torah * The Tao Te Ching * The Book of Mormon * The Bhagavad Gita * //The Satanic Bible// by Anton LaVey * The Necronomicon * //The God Delusion// by Richard Dawkins The outer sarcophagus must, at all times, receive broadcasts from four loudspeakers of at least two members of the O5 council giving live monologues of how awful SCP-100000-J is and why it will never, ever escape, destroy humanity, or find true love. This area must be sealed in a hermetically sealed outer-outer sarcophagus, which is then placed 5km underground, separated from the surface by 5km of solid concrete blended with the ground bones of saints. Area-100000-J has been established as a 100km radius on the surface above SCP-100000-J. The fence on the perimeter of Area-100000-J is to be electrified, irradiated, and equipped with autoturrets with mounted .900-caliber railguns. The gate to Area-100000-J is to be guarded by one 500kg, 3m tall ogre equipped with one 300kg, 5m tall battle-axe. The ogre must be completely deaf, by surgical means if necessary. All personnel requesting entry to Area-100000-J must answer correctly the ogre's three impossible riddles, each of which are lethal auditory cognitohazards. Any civilians, non-O5 Foundation personnel, animals, plants, or microbes that have entered Area-100000-J are to be subjected to termination protocol 30-Übertöten. TP 30-Übertöten is to carried out as follows: # Subject will be incinerated. # Subject's ashes will be double-incinerated. # Incinerator used on subject will be incinerated. # Subject's ashes will be soaked in bleach for five hours. # The bleach-ash solution will be subjected to 50 krads of gamma radiation. # The irradiated bleach-ash solution will be locked in a hermetically-sealed capsule. # The hermetically-sealed capsule will be encased in a block of solid concrete. # The concrete block will be painted with the Latin version of the Lord's Prayer in lamb's blood and stored. # Stored concrete blocks will be placed on a Foundation spacecraft twice monthly and launched into the center of the Sun. # The Sun will be angrily flipped off four times monthly by all members of the O5 council. Any containment breach of SCP-100000-J can only be counteracted by activation of all seven of the O5 council's instant supermassive black hole generators. This will result in an XK-class end-of-the-world scenario, but failure to do so will allow SCP-100000-J to cause an █K-class "Dance of a Thousand [DATA EXPUNGED]" scenario. Any and all information about SCP-100000-J is restricted to level 4 personnel or above. As a result, the author of this page is to be termi--wait what the fuck guys I thought HEY JESUS FUCK OFF WHAT-- **Description:** SCP-100000-J is an indestructible, sentient, sapient, hostile bacterium[[footnote]] Formerly known in the scientific community as //streptococcus ectovorens//, colloquially as "soul-eating bacteria" [[/footnote]]. Its diet consists of souls, dreams, emotions other than sadness and fear, and small children's imaginary friends. Cultivation of SCP-100000-J on substrates composed of finely ground shattered hopes and broken dreams was exceptionally successful. It reproduces asexually and is capable of infecting a populated area of 50 square km every nanosecond. Infected organisms will die, rejuvenate, [DATA EXPUNGED], die again, then explode. SCP-100000-J is capable of speech, but speaks a language entirely composed of lethal cognitohazards, with no equivalent phrase for "please," "thank you," or "I'm sorry." It has also made disparaging remarks about the Area-100000-J Site Director's mother, which caused the Site Director's mother to die, rejuvenate, [DATA EXPUNGED], die again, then explode. **Addendum 1 - 10/2/14:** Implantation of 4,000 emergency nuclear warheads at Area-100000-J has been determined to be too frivolous and costly, and the application has been rejected by O5-11. However, implantation of 3,900 emergency nuclear warheads is gaining traction as a basic necessity, and is under careful consideration. [[footnoteblock]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]