Link to article: SCP-145-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block name=microwave.jpg|caption=Piece of shit actively ruining my frozen burrito.|width=300px]] **Item #:** SCP-145-J **Object Class:** Safe. It should be neutralized, but the Site Director's too goddamn cheap to buy a new one. **Special Containment Procedures:** Due to "budget cuts", SCP-145-J is housed in Site-16's main staff kitchen, and is available for general use. It isn't recommended, though. A pair of oven-safe mitts have been provided to assist in SCP-145-J's operation. Injuries sustained during SCP-145-J's use should be treated with aloe vera cream and a stern talking-to by Site-16 Lead RN █████ Clemens for thinking you could handle a hot plate with your bare hands, you brain-dead idiot. To date, SCP-145-J has resulted in 141 cases of first-degree burns, including 63 D-Class, 56 junior and senior researchers, 21 MTF agents, and one O-5. I call that one 0-5 now. **Description:** SCP-145-J is an SHARP-brand 1000W/R-21LC commercial microwave whose use can cause one of several anomalous effects on what is placed inside of it: * It doesn't heat anything. * It burns everything. * The edges get roasted but the center is still frozen. * The whole damn thing is ice cold but the plate it's on is molten lava hot. * Smoke. Lots of smoke. * The tray doesn't spin. * --The tray alternates between spinning clockwise and counterclockwise-- it's supposed to do that, never mind. At present, all requests to disassemble SCP-145-J in the hopes of finding the source of its anomaly are uniformly denied, because if it doesn't work afterwards, then we don't have //anything//, and that's worse than trying to work with this crap. Sometimes I want to bring in a hot meal and not go out to eat. Have you //seen// how expensive the places around town are now? Did we really need to have this facility near a major metropolitan area? Property taxes must be through the roof, that's probably the reasoning behind why we can't afford a replacement. Attempts to heat food without a plate have been approved, but that's pretty unsanitary and it looks gross in there. During a yearly audit of security procedures at Site-16, including a review of old security footage, it was discovered Agent ██████ used SCP-145-J to heat up a Hot Pocket without putting a plate under it and it exploded. He didn't even clean up afterwards, he just left like he thought no one was watching. Grounds for disciplinary action, right? That's what I thought, too, but fuck, he's still here. We've incinerated D-Class for less, just because he has a Foundation star of brown-nosing or whatever he gets away with being stupid //and// lazy. SCP-145-J has a secondary memetic effect that has, at time of writing, affected all staff in the vicinity. Morale among Foundation employees at Site-16 has shown a marked decrease in recent months, and confidence and faith in Foundation management is at an all-time low. //What a fucking surprise//. How the fuck can't we afford a new microwave? Don't we have a skip that //makes gold?// We shouldn't even //have// a concept of a budget, we're the Foundation for christ's sake; we spend //billions// of dollars for some overly-fancy storage locker with a bunch of dumbass redundancies so no one goes near a box that doesn't even //have// anything in it, by the way. **Addendum:** Really? This article got through to the system? Who the fuck maintains our database, lobotomized monkeys? God, I swear, it's like no one else works here. I hate this place.