SCP-1969-J

Link to article: SCP-1969-J.

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[[include :scp-wiki: theme:calibri-logos |inc-s9-usa= --]]]

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    --header-subtitle: "FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM”;
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+* WARNING
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 _
+* LEVEL 8 INFOHAZARD
The following file details, and therefore constitutes, a Level-8 Infohazard. Access is restricted to Level 4 personnel consumed by American exceptionalism.
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+* 4/1969-J
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-----
[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source start=--
|name=StrangerSwing
|no-right-margin=*]]
= **THE FREEDOM FOUNDATION OF THE UNITED STATES**
= Written by [[*user StrangerSwing]]
----
= Read more from me at [[[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/the-stranger-swings | my author page.]]]
----
[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source end=--]]
[[/>]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:anomaly-class-bar-source
|item-number= 1969-J
|clearance= 4
|container-class= keter
|disruption-class= amida
|risk-class= critical
]]

**Special Containment Procedures:** The freedom of the United States must be secured at all costs. The O5 Council and the Pentagon will authorise any use of public spending, on the condition that it aids the containment of SCP-1969-J[[footnote]]"Go buckwild, fellas." -R. Nixon.[[/footnote]]. Members of the upper class, third estate and political institutions are to contain SCP-1969-J as amorally and inconsiderately as humanly possible, with zero consideration for the future of the nation. Godspeed.

**Description:** SCP-1969-J is a leather-bound book titled “███ █████████ █████████” by ████ ████. It covers a wide variety of subjects, including class structure, economic disparity, collectivism, workers rights, and other lethal infohazards from places that are not the United States. The anomaly appears to be integrating itself into wider society[[footnote]]According to nitpickers in the Foundation and press, SCP-1969-J has been a widespread phenomenon in Europe since at least the mid 19th-century. To circumvent these criticisms, the O5 Council has voted to redefine ‘wider society’ to refer to --North America-- --the United States-- small subsections of the United States familiar to most audiences.[[/footnote]] at an alarming rate. After having the [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/anomaly-classification-system-guide ACS] explained to him, the US Secretary of Defense insisted on SCP-1969-J’s current classification[[footnote]]Redesignation to Apollyon pending.[[/footnote]].

Although the text itself is too complex and unengaging for wider society to stomach, its aftereffects seem to resonate with a disturbingly large portion of the population. Its effects appear to be the most acute when applied to:
* Youth under the age of 25 (hippies);
* Blue-collar workers;
* The poor;
* Europeans[[footnote]]Eastern Europeans appear to be the most volatile in this regard, but given the high memetic susceptibility of the French, best to keep an eye on them both.[[/footnote]];
* Men who cameo in history books and boast comically long moustaches;
* Anyone who went to college;
* The lame and stupid;
* My ungrateful son.
These traits typically render individuals of little concern to the upper class, as they are usually occupied with producing labor and consuming psychoactive substances. But in the majority of cases, SCP-1969-J has spurred victims to form or join highly anomalous organisations within their workplace (henceforth referred to as SCP-1969-J-A instances).

SCP-1969-J-A is a form of civil society in which those affected by SCP-1969-J threaten to gain equal footing amongst the upper class. It achieves this by assessing the upper class’ fundamental weaknesses, and refusing to work when their demands are not met. The US government has struggled to contain SCP-1969-J-A’s effect on wider society, resulting in the following catastrophes:
* Healthcare expansion;
* The 40 hour work week[[footnote]]Including the creation of the weekend.[[/footnote]];
* Unemployment benefits;
* Work, health and safety;
* Pension;
* The abolition and stigmatization of child labor.
Following these events, SCP-1969-J was redesignated as Apollyon.
-----
[[div class="log-header"]]
+++* Video Log 1969-J-1
----
**Foreword:** After consolidating the tremendous losses caused by SCP-1969-J-1, a summit was hosted by the Foundation with the aim of containing or neutralizing the anomaly.

**Attendees:**
* O5-1, SCP Foundation
* Garrett O'Connell, Executive Office of the President of Wider Society
* Amos Marshall, Marshall Carter and Dark Ltd.
* Ivan Novak, Church of the Broken God
-----
**O5-1:** Thank you all for coming. I've invited you all here today to resolve the various conflicts surrounding SCP-1969-J. Let us begin with a briefing from Mr. O'Connell, representing the Executive Office of the President.

//O'Connell retrieves a document from his briefcase. He stands up, and begins reading from it.//

**O'Connell:** My fellow Americans, our great nation is coming under attack once again. Our foes seek to upheave the essential balance that forms the very fabric of wider society: economic disparity. As you're all aware, economic disparity is the lynchpin upon which all value of labor rests. For in a truly capitalistic society, the lame and poor look upon the luxuries of the rich, and they smile, knowing all that stands between them and us is a hard day's work. Fortunately for us, the poor are incapable of such a thing.

**O'Connell:** And yet, as to be expected from the Foundation's typical workload, anomalous forces seek to overturn this sacred equilibrium. Our foes have been plagued by the hedonistic and self-contradictory literature of the youth. They have become convinced that labor should be a burden for all.

//Marshall gasps.//

**O'Connell:** Even the thought shakes me to my core. Every man in this room has toiled restlessly for their place in this room. One, you built this miraculous institution from the rubble of the past, and combat horrors the American public has the privilege of never knowing. Mr. Marshall, you twisted the arm of the most wretched underworlds, and used your wealth to construct this nation anew after six years of-

**Marshall:** Garrett, I haven't paid income tax in over a century. The largest donation I ever made was lobbying against paraweapon regulation, and I made sure it was tax-deductible.

**O’Connell:** Well, as they say, follow a man’s heart, not his wallet.

**Marshall:** Please do. I sold pig iron to the Japs in the ‘40s, and I’m stoking gang wars in the mafia to sell them thaumic oscillators.

//O’Connell leans forward and points in accusation at Marshall.//

**O’Connell:** Look, pal. Do you have any idea how long it took me to write that speech? I oughta give you a piece of-

**O5-1:** Alright, let’s settle down, gentlemen. Mr. Novak, what are your thoughts on the anomaly?

**Novak:** Well, I’ve been mulling this one over with the clergy, and... we fail to see what’s wrong with it.

**O’Connell:** //[to O5-1]// You fucker! You told me you’d screen everyone before we came here! Do you have any idea what you’re risking?

//O5-1 leans away from O’Connell and towards Novak.//

**O5-1:** Would you care to elaborate?

**Novak:** We’ve assessed 1969-J, and, are you really surprised we’re on board with this? Here’s an excerpt from your organisation’s file on us: “The Cogwork Orthodoxy regards the mass-production of analogue, steam and clockwork-driven machinery as a form of prayer.” One, this book is dedicated to making sure all forms of labor and production are rewarded fairly. That’s like, our whole deal.

**O’Connell:** “Ivan”, huh? That ain’t a Yank’s name. Where you //really// from?

**Novak:** Uh, I was born in the States, but my parents are from Eastern Europe.

//O’Connell snorts.//

**O’Connell:** Don’t you fuck with me, boy. I served long enough to know “Ivan” ain’t no Kraut name.

**Novak:** W-What? No. Further than Germany. Eastern Europe.

**O’Connell:** Whatever you say, bud. //[to O5-1]// Look, if you could just shoot-

**O5-1:** No, he’s right. In fact, that’s partly why I called you all here. We sent a D-Class to Eastern Europe to assess the damage of the anomaly, and we discovered an even //Easter// Europe.

**O’Connell:** What?

**O5-1:** No- like- that came out wrong. Just... take a look.

//A monitor on the far wall turns on. It displays dashcam footage from a standard-issue Foundation Exploration Vehicle as it drives through a rural Polish road.//

[[div class="log-header"]]
-----
**D-1969-J:** Aight, so, Germany recap. Weird shit. One half is this, like, alternate timeline of the States where they eat hotdogs without buns and speak in tongues or something, but the other side was all... ██████ ████████ ██████ ████ ██████ ██████ ████████ ██████ ██████ ███████ ███ ████ ███ █████ ██████ ██████
██████ █████████ █████████████ █████ ████ ████ ███ ███████ ██████ █████ ████ █████ ██████ ████████ ██████████ ███████ ███ ████████ ████ ███████ ███████ ███████ ████████████ ████████ ██████ ████████ ██████ ██████ ███ ████ ██████████
So I decided not to take my chances with Poland. I don’t want to risk an encounter with the locals, so I’ve followed the road signs to the least populated areas. The naming system takes a while to get used to - but I think the more Zs and Cs they put in them, the more remote it is. Take a look at this sign up ahead. Zamość? Empty. Cieszyn? No one. U.S.S.- hey, this one’s different! “U.S.S.R. - 2km AHEAD.”
...
...
Wait, but that doesn’t-

//D-1969-J puts the vehicle on autopilot and retrieves the field map from the glovebox.//

They told me there was a beach here. They told me to turn around!

//D-1969-J turns on the two-way field radio.//

Uh, guys? I-I’m on the east coast of Poland, a-and, the road, it’s-

**Command:** Yes?

**D-1969-J:** The road doesn’t end! The signs say U.S.S.R. up ahead, a-and, I don’t know what that means. Please, just let me turn around, and-

**Command:** 1969-J, need I remind you that this is a reconnaissance mission, which includes mapping any uncharted-

**D-1969-J:** //Shit//!

//The vehicle is about to slam into two border patrol guards when D-1969-J slams the brakes. The guards are two burly Europeans equipped with red and black rifles of unknown make. They appear extremely agitated, and order D-1969-J to exit the vehicle.//

//D-1969-J exits the vehicle. The guards are shouting in what sounds like a heavily broken Polish dialect.//

**D-1969-J:** Fellas, I-I’m sure we can all work this out- I just- there’s a translator tool in the trunk, let me-

//D-1969-J runs out of view. The guards appear startled, then raise their rifles and open fire. A wet thump is heard.//
-----
[[/div]]

**O’Connell:** Then what?

**O5-1:** After this discovery, we sent in a few agents, and we found a sort of... ‘hive’ for -A instances.

//O'Connell gulps.//

**O'Connell:** How big is it exactly?

**O5-1:** //[takes a deep breath]// 8.6 million square miles.

//Marshall pulls out a paper bag and begins hyperventilating. O'Connell starts babbling uncontrollably.//

**O'Connell:** //[half-babbling]// Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee, blessed art thou-

**Marshall:** //[into paper bag]// We- we're all- we're all gonna- guillotines, and- men on pyres, and- liberals storming the-

**???:** May I suggest a proposal, gentlemen?

//Silence. A figure is positioned in a dark corner of the room with his features concealed. O'Connell looks to O5-1, who shrugs.//

**O5-1:** Who are you, and how did you get in here?

//The figure leans into the light, revealing himself.//

**The Engineer:** I'm the head of the Chaos Insurgency, and, well... you don't wanna know how I got in here.

//Novak, Marshall and O'Connell look terrified and intrigued. O5-1 pinches the bridge of his nose.//

**O5-1:** Oh, for- you are the //last// person I need right now. How the fuck are you still around?! No one likes the Chaos Insurgency!

**The Engineer:** Hey now, that's not true. The CI aesthetic is undeniably badass.

**O5-1:** Your entire 'aesthetic' is being anti-establishment terrorists. Ring ring! Oh look, 2000s Internet culture is calling.

//The Engineer is upset.//

**The Engineer:** Look, just, do you want my help or not?

//O5-1 is furious. Marshall and O’Connell gesture for him to reconsider. A moment of silence passes.//

**O5-1:** Fine. But then you leave, got it?

**The Engineer:** Got it.

**O5-1:** And don't come back as a GoI with a new name appearing in some poorly-written article. Got it?

**The Engineer:** Fine! Alright. //[he clears his throat, then smiles melodramatically and lowers his voice]// I’m glad we’ve come to an agreement, gents. Allow me to contact my associate.

//The Engineer pulls out a heavily battered iPhone and begins dialling. O5-1 snickers.//

**O5-1:** You know we //own// Apple, right? We’ve been able to predict literally all of your military ambushes.

**The Engineer:** //[mumbling]// I knew that.
...
...
Ah, Delta-16.
It’s time.
-----
[[/div]]

+ TO BE CONT-

[[div class="log-header"]]
**The Engineer:** No, I said //don’t// send those codes! I’m in the fucking room with him, you seriously think I’d nuke a-
...
...
Yes, yes, I know I said ‘It’s time.’ I thought we were talking about the other thing.
...
...
I know. I know. I’m sorry.
-----
[[/div]]
+ TO BE CONTINUED...

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| hub-url=https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/joke-scps | hub-title=Joke SCPs
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SCP-1969-J

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