Link to article: SCP-2845-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block | name=http://scp-sandbox-3.wdfiles.com/local--files/the-deer-that-won-t-stop-eating-my-strawberries/deeeeer.PNG | caption=SCP-2845-J, currently contained on my lawn, attempting to cause an SK-Class[[footnote]] Strawberry-Killing [[/footnote]] Scenario. Must be relocated to any fricking elsewhere. | width=WIDTH-GOES-HERE]] **Item #:** SCP-2845-J **Object Class:** Ket-off my lawn **Strawberry Consumption Procedures:** The residence of Dr. Sage Evergreen, hereby designated Site-100-J, is to be quarantined from all SCP-2845-J instances. Use of anomalous resources is authorized to maintain said quarantine. Current measures utilize: * **Procedure 173**: Several copies of SCP-173 placed around Site-100-J without any supervision, nor scheduled cleanup, as the entity is a good source of fertilizer. [[footnote]] //"Trust me, I'm an ecologist,"//- Dr. Evergreen [[/footnote]] * **Procedure 682**: SCP-682 has been allowed to freely roam Dr. Evergreen's neighborhood. No concealment is deemed necessary given Site-100-J is located in Florida. * **Procedure 504**: Multiple SCP-504 instances may be planted on the outer rim of Site-100-J. D-Class are to be stationed within hearing distance of these instances and provided with deer-related puns. The reaction of SCP-504 to said puns has been shown to decrease SCP-2845-J's morale. **Description:** SCP-2845-J is the designation for several punk-ass, thieving White-tailed deer //(Odocoileus virginianus)// hell-bent on destroying all Dr. Evergreen knows and loves[[footnote]] Strawberries. [[/footnote]]. Though several non-anomalous measures have been used to ward off SCP-2845-J[[footnote]] i.e. fencing, deer repellent, domestic animals, firearms, flamethrowers, and land mines [[/footnote]], none have proven permanently successful, hence current Strawberry Consumption Procedures. Removal of all SCP-2845-J from Site-100-J has been deemed a top priority by the Strawberry Protection Coalition.[[footnote]]Current membership: Dr. S. Evergreen.[[/footnote]] **Addendum-2845-J-001:** > **Foreward:** Interview between Wysteria Polinski, containment specialist, and Dr. Evergreen. > > ------ > **Polinski**: Don't you think this is just a //little// much, Evergreen? > > **Evergreen:** I seem to recall you saying something about not cutting corners in our work? > > //Several gunshots and screams can be heard from outside Site-100-J.// > > **D-2857:** //(in background)// What did the wife say to her deer husband when he came home drunk? > > //Multiple SCP-2845-J instances flee Site-100-J's front yard before the punchline can be recited.// > > **D-2857:** //(shouting after instances)// I can't bucking believe you! > > //A crash is heard as an SCP-504-instance strikes D-2857's face. On-site medic Fawna Leola attends to his wounds.// > > **Leola:** I don't know if the Foundation has the doe to keep treating all these injuries. //WAIT NO-// > > //Another SCP-504 instance strikes Leola.// > > **Polinski:** I'm all for superfluous use of funding, but even this is too far. > > **Evergreen**: Are you saying //my strawberries// aren't important? > > **Polinski**: Frankly, your strawberries suck. > > **Evergreen**: //What.// > > **Polinski**: And I hated that homemade strawberry cheesecake you made for that potluck. > > **Evergreen**: YOU F-- > > //A loud rumbling is heard from nearby. Evergreen looks outside to see SCP-682 standing in her garden, eating strawberries alongside an SCP-2845-J instance.// > > **Evergreen:** NO! MY STRAWBERRIES! [[footnote]]Given [[[SCP-7333]]]'s love of strawberries, I should've seen this coming. [[/footnote]] > ------ > **Afterword:** SK-Class "End-of-Strawberries" scenario declared. ------ [[collapsible show="Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!" hide="Subject: Dammit Sage"]] > **From:** DDDerekson@scp.foundation.net > **To:** SEvergreen@scp.foundation.net > **Subject:** Note From Your Supervisor > ------ > Junior Researcher Evergreen, please stop writing SCP Fanfiction and get back to work. > > Sincerely, > [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/mr-carbon-personnel-file Dr. Derrick D. Derekson] [[/collapsible]] ------ [[footnoteblock]]