Link to article: SCP-314-J.
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[[include info:start]] **SCP-314-J**: Numerical Proofs That You Suck **Author:** [[[weizhong]]] [[include more-by:weizhong]] [[include info:end]] **Item #:** SCP-314-J **Object Class:** Safe, but kind of an asshole. **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-314-J is to be stored in a standard anomalous item containment locker. Researchers who are big babies[[footnote]]I'm looking at **you,** Kyle.[[/footnote]] are not allowed to conduct research with the item. **Description:** SCP-314-J is an anomalous mathematical textbook entitled //"Numerical Proofs (That You Suck)".// Individuals who open the textbook are greeted with a blank page that begins to populate itself with a series of mathematical proofs, diagrams, flow-charts, bar-charts, pie-charts, and cake-charts that culminate with a logically consistent rationale for why each individual is a terrible person. This invariably results in said individual not being able to be chill about this.[[footnote]] Seriously, Kyle, it's just a textbook. [[/footnote]] **Experiment Log SCP-314-J:** The following is a log of various tests involving different personnel and SCP-314-J. > **Individual:** Researcher Zhang Wen > **Result:** SCP-314-J flipped open to a page with a hypothetical proof with unknown variables. When Researcher Zhang finished working out the proof to confirm that the two compound matrices A and B were in fact identical, the book flipped open to the next page to reveal that A = "Your Mom" and B = "Dumber Than a Sack of Bricks." > **Notes:** //"My mom's dead, man. What the hell."// -Researcher Zhang Wen. > **Individual:** Agent Stephen Adams > **Result:** When Agent Adams opened the book, a single line proof by intimidation appeared: "The proof of why Agent Adams sucks is trivial, and left as an exercise for beginning students." > **Notes:** //"Where the FUCK do you get off you little shit? Square up, I'm about to-"// -Agent Stephen Adams to SCP-314-J, prior to being physically restrained and dragged out of the testing chamber. > **Individual:** Researcher James, Age 11 > **Result:** SCP-314-J opens to a random page, showing the following equation: "1 + 1 = ur a lil' bitch." > **Notes:** Researcher James was officially consoled with a juice box and a promise to take him to McDonalds after work. > **Individual:** Junior Researcher Riemann > **Result:** SCP-314-J opened to a complex mathematical proof about sets or something. Junior Researcher Riemann was heard to exclaim "Finally! Something that appreciates my work!" Following 3 weeks of work on the proof, Junior Researcher Riemann went into the testing chamber, only to run out 3 minutes later, in tears. > **Notes:** Junior Researcher Riemann officially reprimanded and told to grow up. Jesus, I thought you liked math shit? [[footnoteblock]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]