Link to article: SCP-3467-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SCP-3467 **Object Class:** Keter **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-3467 is to be made fun of at every opportunity. Heckling, practical jokes and pranks are good examples. Filming the more spectacular procedures is a must. **Description:** SCP-3467 is a six (6) foot tall, two hundred (200) pound man eating chicken. Subject is thirty five (35), slightly balding, dark brown hair and eyes, and slightly overweight. Name is Hank ██████████, and he has worked as a Level 1 cleanup crew for the past three years. Hank is never seen without a bucket of chicken and only stops eating it when actually working, which is a rare occurrence in itself. It is known that Hank still lives in his mom's basement, and hearsay amongst the female staff is that he is still a virgin. **Additional Notes:** All video footage of the more impressive "procedures" performed on Hank are available in the central reading area. **Document 3467-01:** "//Dammit guys, this isn't funny. The system still freaks out when I enter the building, and I don't have clearance to delete this stupid file. Thanks a lot, assholes.//" Hank ██████████ **Document 3467-02:** "//Now this is a bit unfair. I mean, it's not his fault he's fat, balding, still lives with his mom and... No, no, sorry, I can't say that with a straight face. Come on, alright, let me try it again, I'll do it properly this time, I promise.//" Dr.██████ **Document 3467-03:** In accordance with SCP protocols associated with this item, the following record of Special Containment Procedures carried out by Dr. Gears is submitted. After Incident [DATA EXPUNGED]. With its incapacitation, [[[SCP-682]]] regeneration was being monitored via a sealed observation booth. This booth projected twelve feet into the current containment area, constructed of transparent super dense plastic developed by [DATA EXPUNGED]. SCP-3467 was instructed to clean the observation booth. When SCP-3467 was at the far end to the booth, the security door was locked. The sounds of SCP-3467 attempting to escape and Dr. Gears's uncontrollable laughter attracted the attention of a 67% regenerated [[[SCP-682]]]. [[[SCP-682]]] attempted to attack SCP-3467; however, its current state posed no danger to the structural stability of the booth. Dr. Gears observed SCP-3467 to emit a loud, extremely high-pitched scream not unlike a small female child. SCP-3467 proceeded to whimper like said small child and ask for “Mommy”. SCP-3467 was instructed to “bark like a dog” if he wished to exit the booth. SCP-3467 proceeded to bark like a small, frightened canine for 48 seconds, after which the security door was opened. It was observed that SCP-3467 had defecated himself at some point during the event. Recordings of the event are available via a request to Central Records, or Dr. Gears. //“He got on all fours when he barked; I didn’t even ask him to do that!”// – Dr. Gears [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]