Link to article: SCP-3556.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block name=durbal.JPG| caption=SCP-3556 prior to containment ]] **Item #:** SCP-3556 **Object Class:** Safe **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-3556 is currently contained in a containment locker in Site-77's Containment Vault. The item is to be placed within a sound-proof container in order to minimize distractions to nearby personnel. Access to the item is restricted to any personnel of Level 2 security clearance or higher. Personnel of Level 1 clearance or lower must receive written permission by Dr. Beck, head of SCP-3556 research, to handle SCP-3556. **Description:** SCP-3556 is a yellow adhesive note pad, measuring 2.5 cm by 5 cm, depicting a crude drawing of an unknown creature with the word “Durbal” being written near the drawing. Placing SCP-3556 on any object will cause the drawing to animate and vocalize any flaws the anomaly perceives of the item it is placed upon. SCP-3556's criticisms will become increasingly illogical the longer it remains on an object, eventually going off topic and become tangentially unrelated to the item it was affixed to. SCP-3556 has only been recorded speaking English. It is theorized that SCP-3556 is sentient, though it has refused to cooperate during attempted interviews. [[collapsible show="Addendum-3556-1: Experiment Log" hide="Close Addendum-3556-1"]] The following are a series of transcripts recorded from experiments using SCP-3556. > **Foreword:** Object was placed on a cracked mirror. > > **<Begin Log>** > > **SCP-3556:** Mirror is obviously cracked intentionally. > If left untreated, may result in total mirror failure. > Mirror is slightly smudged due to clumsy workers. > Mirror is even more smudged by me. > Mirror does not correctly reflect light as human eyes see it. > Mirror is not a true mirror. > Mirror absorbs a small amount of green light upon reflection. > Mirror is a cheating mirror that steals people’s hard earned light and deserves to serve 30 years in prison for stealing light. > Mirror may also be given the death penalty in several jurisdictions, and frankly deserves it. > Mirror is scum of the Earth... > > **<End Log>** > > **Closing Statement:** //The unedited audio files all amount to approximately 33 days of audio. The remainder of this transcript was cut for the sake of brevity. SCP-3556 may be capable of following an infinite number of tangents in its rants.// -Dr. Beck > **Foreword:** Object was placed on a file containing multiple documents. All documents consisted of untrue facts. > > **<Begin Log>** > > **SCP-3556:** File is an inadequate way to store data, considering the rise of digital data. > Data contained within file is false. > First page states frogs are mammals. > Frogs are amphibians. > Amphibians are both fish and mammals. > Frogs are indecisive in their place in the animal kingdom. > Second page states computers emit sugary liquids. > Computer technology is yet to reach the state of sugary liquid emission. > Sugary liquids cause diabetes, heart disease, obesity… > > **<End Log>** > > **Closing Statement:** //The remainder of this transcript was cut for the sake of brevity. It appears SCP-3556 is able to criticize the contents of media, not just the media itself.// -Dr. Beck > **Foreword:** D-8913 was instructed to hold SCP-3556. D-8913 had their left arm amputated at birth. > > **<Begin Log>** > > **SCP-3556:** D-8913 is missing an arm. > D-8913’s arm was removed because she is genetically inferior to other human organisms. > D-8913 lacks confidence. > D-8913 swears too much. > D-8913 wears terrible orange jumpsuits because she lacks confidence. > D-8913 wears glasses because her eyes were screwed up by staring at a TV too much. > D-8913 dyes her hair to forget about the fact their hair is ugly and boring. > D-8913 hates legitimate criticism. > D-8913 doesn’t know how she gets into terrible situations and chooses to blame those around her. > D-8913 has a terrible relationship with her mother. > D-8913 has committed murder and deserves to be here. > D-8913 is a terrible singer and can’t take a hint that she is a terrible singer. > D-8913 listens to Korean pop music, which is the worst kind of music. > D-8913’s voice is literally incapable of sounding good in any circumstance. > D-8913 has anger management problems. > D-8913 hates pape- > > //D-8913 placed SCP-3556 on a nearby wall and attempted to leave the testing chamber. D-8913 refused to comply with further testing orders.// > > **<End Log>** > **Foreword:** Dr. Beck was instructed to hold SCP-3556. > > **<Begin Log>** > > **SCP-3556:** Jim Cyrus Beck does not have children, and as such is an evolutionary failure. > Jim Cyrus Beck does not want children because he doesn’t want to become like his father. > Jim Cyrus Beck is also incapable of having children due to his erectile dysfunction. > Jim Cyrus Beck does not realize he is already like his father. > Jim Cyrus Beck drinks an entire beer once he gets home from work, like his father. > Jim Cyrus Beck fails to please his significant other both sexually and romantically, like his father. > Jim Cyrus Beck hates his job and regularly questions why he hasn’t quit. > Jim Cyrus Beck is allergic to bees. > Jim Cyrus Beck cannot become a bee farmer. > Jim Cyrus Beck is also allergic to honey. > Jim Cyrus Beck can never affiliate himself with any bees of any k- > > //Dr. Beck set down SCP-3556.// > > **<End Log>** > **Foreword:** SCP-3556 was presented with SCP-3556’s file. > > **<Begin Log>** > > **SCP-3556:** I am perfect in every way. No further comment. > > //SCP-3556 remained silent for the remainder of the test.// > > **<End Log>** [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="Addendum-3556-2: Recovery" hide="Close Addendum-3556-2"]] SCP-3556 was recovered from the apartment of ██████ ████████ (PoI-3556), a writer and illustrator for various children’s books. Foundation agents planted in local police stations apprehended SCP-3556, as well as PoI-3556 and the personal journal of the subject as evidence following a suicide attempt by PoI-3556. Below are the most recent entries in PoI-3556’s journal pertaining to SCP-3556. > jesus christ i cant get past this artists block. ive had 2 weeks to make a new character and nothing is coming up. come on brain think. > i just doodled a little thing. looks kinda good. gonna sleep on it since im not to sure on it. > holy shit it started talking. and it wont shut up. like at all. > its judging an old draft i have. gotta admit, its actually kinda helpful. i might keep it around a bit longer. > ok seriously it wont shut up. i just stuck it on my pen and it wont stop talking. also apparently metal pens are a fire hazard if you have kids. they could stick them in electrical sockets. > note to self: get those little plastic covers for electrical sockets so i dont jab my pen in there and kill myself. > this thing isnt making any sense. its never satisfied with any of my drafts and keeps finding something wrong to talk about. but its stuff that doesnt make sense. > “current draft doesnt have enough swans” WHAT THE [EXPLETIVE] DOES THAT MEAN?! > [The following page consists of 37 crude drawings of swans.] > is this enough [EXPLETIVE] swans for you?! > now there are too many swans. > i cant sleep with that thing. every time i try to get close to it i feel like vomiting and i have to leave. > what if i set my room on fire? > what if i set myself on fire? cant listen to durbal if youre dead amiright? > [EXPLETIVE] my lighter is in my bedroom. durbal is in my bedroom. maybe he will set himself on fire. > can you be tried for murder if you burn a sticky note that yells at you? > is it a crime to cause someone to go insane by yelling at them? if it is durbal is a wanted felon haha > “hey police im gonna [EXPLETIVE] jump out a window cuz a sticky note is yelling at me” does that sound believable? > ok ill try it if i die sucks to be me. > all of my possessions go to durbal, my one true friend and worst enemy jesus [EXPLETIVE] i hate him see ya cruel world Subject was administered Class-B amnestics before being released to a local psychiatric hospital. Monitoring of subject for further anomalous activity is ongoing. [[/collapsible]] [[footnoteblock]] [[div class="footer-wikiwalk-nav"]] [[=]] << [[[SCP-3555]]] | SCP-3556 | [[[SCP-3557]]] >> [[/=]] [[/div]]