SCP-3943

Link to article: SCP-3943.
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= **SCP-9343** - Taco Man by [[*user PeppersGhost]]

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**[http://www.scpwiki.com/peppersghost More by this author]**
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**Item #:** SCP-3943

**Object Class:** Keter

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-3943 is to be regularly promoted among demographics who are generally inclined to be cooperative with food service employees and to leave positive feedback for said employees. 

SCP-3943-1 is to receive regular training in performing its service duties in an expert capacity and in a sexually attractive manner. Any businesses occupying the floors of SCP-3943-3 must include an employee policy restricting the discussion of American or Mexican politics.

Mechanical devices may be provided to SCP-3943-1 in the event that its displacement restricts the necessary movement of its available arm in performing its service duties. 

**Description:** SCP-3943 refers to an anomaly which affects an entity resembling a Filipino-American male (**SCP-3943-1**)[[footnote]]SCP-3943-1 claims to be an individual named █████ ██████ from Ada, OK, though no corresponding individual exists in any available records.[[/footnote]] and a standard taco vending cart (**SCP-3943-2**)[[footnote]]Branding on the signage refers to "Real Talk Tacos", which does not correspond to any registered business. However, a maker's mark on the underside of the cart indicates an affiliation with [[[SCP-2030|YWTGTHFT]]].[[/footnote]] which are laterally displaced partway into the side of a commercial building (**SCP-3943-3**) in the Paseo district of Oklahoma City. 

As of present writing, SCP-3943-1 merges with the building on the left side of its body at a precise vertical angle extending at a point 4mm to the right of the crown of the head, down to the corresponding points in the soft palate, shoulder, pelvis, and so forth. SCP-3943-1 and SCP-3943-2 are only visible from the exterior of SCP-3943-3, even when the depth of displacement would logically imply its emergence on the opposite side of the façade.

Despite the immobility caused by this displacement, SCP-3943-1 displays no physical discomfort, and has expressed extreme fear at the prospect of being forcefully extricated from the architecture. SCP-3943-2 is consistently stocked with the goods needed to construct any taco requested by a patron, even if said taco includes ingredients which are uncommon or even inedible. Tostadas are also available on request. 

Any individual who encounters SCP-3943 will not be conscious of any abnormalities unless informed of them beforehand, and will understand any vocalizations SCP-3943-1 attempts to convey, regardless of speech impediments caused by its physical restrictions. 

SCP-3943 will be displaced 1mm further into the building if any of the following circumstances occur:

* No tacos are sold on a given day.[[footnote]]Tostada sales are irrelevant in this event.[[/footnote]]
* A patron pronounces the word "tortilla" with a hard L sound. 
* Someone orders a product which cannot be considered either a taco or tostada.
* The governmental politics of either the United States or Mexico are mentioned in casual conversation with SCP-3943-1 or within SCP-3943-3.
* A patron orders a taco for the primary purpose of extricating SCP-3943-1 from the building. 
* SCP-3943-1 takes more than 1 minute to serve a patron their ordered meal.
* SCP-3943-1 accepts a tip that is less than twice the value of the goods purchased by the patron.

SCP-3943 will be displaced 1mm further //away// from the building if any of the following circumstances occur:

* 100 unique customers per month are served.
* 20 unique customer surveys [[footnote]]URL provided at the bottom of receipts generated by SCP-3943-2.[[/footnote]] are filled out with positive feedback.
* SCP-3943-1 receives a kiss[[footnote]]The location of the kiss on SCP-3943-1's body is irrelevant as long as it comes in contact with bare skin.[[/footnote]] from a unique individual who feels a sincere sexual attraction to SCP-3943-1 as a result of its customer service.  
* A civilian with no prior convictions is devoured by an adult female lion within a 12m radius of SCP-3943.[[footnote]]Mentioned among the other rules on a list posted to the back of SCP-3943-2. As of writing, this scenario remains untested.[[/footnote]]
* SCP-3943-1 constructs a taco which perfectly resembles the example photo displayed on the front of SCP-3943-2.
* An individual of any gender strips naked within visual range of SCP-3943-1. 
* SCP-3943-1 accepts a tip in excess of twice the cost of the product served. 

Any situation which causes further displacement into SCP-3943-3 will cause SCP-3943-1 significant physical and emotional distress. Any individual who has prior awareness of the anomalous properties of SCP-3943 will be unable to affect its displacement in either direction.

Despite the general inability to open or close its jaw, SCP-3943-1 will attempt to consume (or express an interest in consuming) any soft organic matter held within close proximity[[footnote]]Typically between 5 to 15 centimeters.[[/footnote]] of its face, including living human tissue. Individuals within close proximity to SCP-3943-1 have described it as having a slightly sweet body odor.[[footnote]]Specifically described as ‘like honeycomb nestled in fresh blood’ on several occasions.[[/footnote]]

**Interview Log:** The following interview was conducted on the 19^^th^^ of August, 2018, at 1:30 pm. Please note that transcription of SCP-3943-1's speech is only approximate, due to the severe nature of its impediments. 

> **Interviewed:** SCP-3943-1
> 
> **Interviewer:** Dr. Pepperino
> 
> **[Begin log]**
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** Good evening. Having difficulty sleeping?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** Yeah. You'd think after all this time, it'd get easier to sleep standing up, stuck inside a wall, but nope. The struggs is real, my man. 
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** If you don't mind me asking, how did you end up in your current state?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** Not sure. I'd been working out here for a couple years. One day I was just leaning against the wall and I found that the pinky on my left hand was stuck inside. After that it just got worse. 
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** I'm sorry to hear that. How are you holding up?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** I wish my family would visit more. They only visit a couple times a week, and when they do, it's for twenty minutes max. I think my marriage is at the breaking point. Haven't been spending enough time at home, you know. 
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** And how long has this been going on?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** God, I don't know. It's hard to remember a time I haven't been here. Barely remember being a kid. But you know, the past isn't important. I just think about my future, where I'll be when I get out of here. You feel me?
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** I hear you loud and clear. Do you remember any other unusual events occurring prior to finding yourself in your current predicament?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** Hmm. The night before this started, I had a dream where I was a lion in ancient Rome, and there were all these gladiators around me. I ate them one by one, scraping every morsel of flesh from their bones with the rough edge of my tongue. I was glad to see their loved ones weep at the sight. But besides that, nothing unusual, no. 
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** Okay. Moving on from that, anything else you'd like to comment for the record?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** Yeah, man. Flamingo meat may not sound like your average taco staple, but it's sublime with cilantro. And I dunno if "long pork" is your thing, but Lawrence Fishburne's right kidney on a blue corn tortilla with all the fixings and Oriental crab sauce? I know how it sounds, but it is the //shit//, man. Trust me. I've tried a lot, and nothing's beat that. 
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** The right kidney, specifically?
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** It's just a hair tangier. Take my word for it, I been here long enough to know.
> 
> **Dr. Pepperino:** I'll be sure to make a note of that. Thank you very much for your time.
> 
> **SCP-3943-1:** No worries. Now what can I get you tonight?
> 
> **[End log]**

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SCP-3943

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