SCP-5283

Link to article: SCP-5283.

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**Item #:** SCP-5283

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** Due to its nature, SCP-5283 is currently self-contained at Site-37.

**Description:** SCP-5283 is an immovable, third-party Nerf N-Strike Elite Universal suction dart stuck to the ceiling of Site-37's central cafeteria.

**Addendum-1:** Removal Attempts
||~ Attempt ||~ Method ||~ Outcome ||
||= #1 || Researcher Harbor Wilson attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. || Failure ||
||= #2 || A different staff member attempts to pull SCP-5283 from the ceiling. || Failure ||
||= #3-8 || Dr. Wilson directs six other staff members to attempt to remove SCP-5283 || Failure ||
||= #9 || Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a knife. || Failure ||
||= #10 || Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a motorized saw. || Failure ||
||= #11 || Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a chainsaw. || Failure ||
||= #12 || Dr. Wilson attempts to cut SCP-5283 from the ceiling using a PLS.[[footnote]]Portable Laser Saw.[[/footnote]] || Failure ||
||= #13-16 || Dr. Wilson attempts to remove the entire ceiling tile SCP-5283 is attached to.[[footnote]]Four separate attempts are made using; a knife, motorized saw, chainsaw, and PLS.[[/footnote]] || Failure ||
||= #17 || Dr. Wilson attempts to burn SCP-5283 using a lighter. || Failure ||
||= #18 || Dr. Wilson attempts to melt SCP-5283 using a flamethrower. || Failure ||
||= #19 || Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 using three minuscule detonation charges. || Failure ||
||= #20-23 || Dr. Wilson attempts to destroy SCP-5283 with a shotgun. || Failure ||
||= #24 || Dr. Wilson attempts to destabilize the local reality around SCP-5283 to result in its disconnection from the ceiling. || Failure ||
||= #25 || Dr. Wilson prays for SCP-5283's removal. || Failure ||
||= #26 || Dr. Wilson prays for his removal. || N/A ||
||= #27 || Dr. Wilson spends approximately 78 minutes shouting at SCP-5283, demanding it fall off of the ceiling. || Failure ||
||= #28-███ || Dr. Wilson attempts to punch SCP-5283 off of the ceiling. || --Fuck This-- Failure ||
Further attempts are pending.

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**To:** Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (larson_r@secure.scipnet)
**From:** Researcher Harbor Wilson (wilson_h@secure.scipnet)
**Subject:** THE DAMN NERF DART
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I say this in the most respectful way possible: What the hell do you expect me to do about the nerf dart? Seriously. I have tried everything. Manpower. Blades. Saws. Fire - no, you do not need to remind me of how big of a failure that was. Detonation charges. I even spent over an hour shouting at the damn thing! No matter what I do, it doesn't budge. Nothing! I feel like I'm going insane. I've become a laughingstock here. The guy who "can't even move a nerf dart." It's degrading.

If you have any ideas, I'd //love// to hear them. Because I am this fucking close to submitting my resignation letter.
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**To:** Researcher Harbor Wilson (wilson_h@secure.scipnet)
**From:** Senior Researcher Rebecca Larson (larson_r@secure.scipnet)
**Subject:** RE: THE DAMN NERF DART
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Have you tried asking it nicely?
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Following this email correspondence, Dr. Wilson was seen walking into Site-37's central cafeteria while muttering the phrase "What kind of bullshit idea is that?" He then reportedly walked over to SCP-5283 and asked, "Can you please get off of the ceiling, SCP-5283?" He was immediately met with the laughter of most nearby staff - much to Wilson's seeming embarrassment - though it ceased moments later when SCP-5283 seemingly obliged the request, falling from the ceiling. Since its removal, all anomalous effects have ceased and SCP-5283 has been reclassified as "Neutralized."

Dr. Wilson has since started seeing a Foundation therapist.

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SCP-5283

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