Link to article: SCP-5544.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item:** SCP-5544 **Object Class:** Safe **Special Containment Procedures:** As repeated attempts to prevent SCP-5544 have failed, and the resource cost of attempts at prevention are significantly greater than allowing its occurrence, no further attempts to contain SCP-5544 will be made. Every December 26th, at no later than 11:00PM, Researcher Zachary Parker will enter the main dumpster of Site 93 and remain within it for no less than 45 minutes. A Foundation security officer and Foundation psychologist will be posted nearby to help with the recovery of Researcher Parker from the dumpster. A mandatory psychological evaluation of Researcher Parker should begin immediately after, to assess his mental well being. **Description:** SCP-5544 is a repeating anomalous incident where Researcher Zachary Parker will end up inside the dumpster located directly behind Site 93. This anomaly occurs annually on the date of December 26th at roughly 11:41 PM. This event occurs regardless of the subject's previous location or any attempts to contain the subject elsewhere. Researcher Parker and the Foundation have attempted to prevent an SCP-5544 event for five years with no success. This recurring anomaly first began after the unintentional destruction of an anomalous item when transporting it to a different storage locker. The destroyed item was a sticker that never lost its adhesive and changed in shape and color to mimic the look of the person who last touched the sticker. The sticker was accidentally torn in half by Parker on December 26th, 20██ at roughly 11:14 PM. Due to a series of unusual incidents after the destruction of the anomalous item, Researcher Parker was found at 11:41 PM in the main dumpster behind Site 93 in a severe state of emotional distress. The incident began to repeat itself annually and has so far surpassed every attempt by the Foundation to prevent its occurrence. A list of SCP-5544 incidents can be found below, as well as post-incident interviews with Researcher Parker. [[collapsible show="+ SCP-5544 Incident #01" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Anomalous Workplace Incident Report**__ > > **Date:** 12/26/20██ > > **Anomalous Event:** After the accidental destruction of a minor anomalous object, Researcher Parker claims to have almost immediately slipped on a wet section of the Site 93 floor.[[footnote]] No wet floor sign was present and the floor had not recently been cleaned. [[/footnote]] After a fall, the now disoriented Researcher accidentally mistook a janitorial closet for his office and knocked over a bottle of floor wax. The bottle's top was apparently unsecured and the Researcher's lab outfit was damaged. After a change of clothes, Parker went to the on-site garbage chute to dispose of their old clothing. When using the garbage chute, Parker again slipped and slid 8 meters into the dumpster on the site's exterior. > > **Condition of Employee:** Parker suffered from several cuts and bruises but no long term injuries were sustained. Parker was mildly distressed when reentering Site 93 but recovered quickly and was in a jovial mood the following day. > > **Re-occurrence Prevention Plan:** Incident was likely an unexpected side effect of the damage sustained by the anomalous item Parker was transporting. No incidents were reported in the following week and Researcher Parker has not reported any further anomalous events. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Post Incident Interview #01" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Post-Incident Interview**__ > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Avia Cedari > **Subject:** Researcher Zachary Parker > > **Begin Log** > > **Parker:** Is it typical to perform a psychological examination every time someone falls in the trash? > > [Cedari laughs] > > **Cedari:** Well, this is the first time so I guess so. Its routine to perform an evaluation after a possible anomalous event, and your event ticks all the boxes for an anomalous incident. > > **Parker:** I don't think there's going to be any long term damage from ripping a sticker in half. > > **Cedari:** Probably not. Just a routine. Have to make sure you're not being possessed by the sticker. > > [Parker laughs] > > **Parker:** Other than my knee still having that nasty bruise and a little bit of a limp, I honestly wouldn't know the difference. I was a bit panicked and worried when I was in the dumpster but I'm not feeling any different today. > > **Cedari:** No intrusive thoughts? No new fears or concerns. > > **Parker:** I guess I hate the smell of garbage a little bit more. > > **Cedari:** Anything else? > > **Parker:** Come on Avia, you know I'm fine. If I was possessed by a spooky sticker ghost, I wouldn't still be the only one pronouncing your name correctly. > > [Cedari laughs] > > **Cedari:** I'm used to it at this point. > > **Parker:** Ahh-via, not Ayy-via. Not hard to remember. > > **Cedari:** Most people don't see me too often. You're the only one who regularly checks in. > > **Parker:** We're coworkers. We're all supposed to be a team, help each other. Helps to know each other a little bit. My girlfriend hates all her coworkers at her job and she feels like she can never ask for help. I'd hate to be in that kind of workplace, where someone thinks they can't get help. And I'm not just saying that because the microphone is on. > > **Cedari:** Well, I see that sticker hasn't changed your personality any. > > **Parker:** Woo, I'm cured. > > [Cedari laughs] > > **Cedari:** You seem fine. No need to keep chatting on company time. Go ahead and get back out there. > > **Parker:** See you for lunch. > > **End Log** [[/collapsible]] @@ @@ [[collapsible show="+ SCP-5544 Incident #02" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Anomalous Workplace Incident Report**__ > > **Date:** 12/26/20██ > > **Anomalous Event:** Researcher Parker was performing a routine nightly check-in on [[[SCP-2974]]] at 11:14 PM when the door knob to the standard containment room that SCP-2974's terrarium is stored in was damaged by unknown means and the door became unable to open. Calls for help from Parker were unheard due to the unexpected failure of his radio communicator. After attempting to open the door and for roughly 17 minutes, Parker managed to open the emergency window[[footnote]] The fire alarm failed to sound when the window was opened. [[/footnote]] located in the room and successfully climbed to the roof of Site-93. After discovering severe damage to Site-93's fire escape [[footnote]] This damage was not previously noticed, despite the fire escape being in clear view of several offices.[[/footnote]], Parker decided to jump into the dumpster located behind the facility. > > **Condition of Employee:** Parker was injured in the fall and suffered a fractured ankle and several cuts on his lower body. Parker's radio communicator began working properly after landing and the Researcher was able to call in for help immediately afterwards at 11:41 PM. Parker was highly distressed and required a two day stay in the Site 93 infirmary. > > **Re-occurrence Prevention Plan:** Damage to the facility was immediately repaired. Site-93 has passed a safety inspection only one month prior to the incident and the noticeable damage to several parts of Site 93 and the failure of Parker's radio communicator were considered anomalous. After finding commonality with the anomalous event that took place one year prior, this was ruled a re-occurrence of SCP-5544. To avoid potential of a further re-occurrence of the anomalous incident, Researcher Parker will be given a paid day of vacation on 12/26/20██ as a preventative measure. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Post Incident Interview #02" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Post-Incident Interview**__ > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Avia Cedari > **Subject:** Researcher Zachary Parker > > **Begin Log** > > **Cedari:** Hello Zac. > > **Parker:** Hello, wish this was under better circumstances. > > **Cedari:** We all do. Recovering from the fall alright? > > **Parker:** Yeah, the doctors here do a fantastic job, the cast I'm in is incredibly small and I don't need to wear it for all that long. I should be walking again in a week or two. > > **Cedari:** And mentally? > > **Parker:** As far as I'm concerned, it could have been a lot worse. I'm not going to lie, I was incredibly panicked for a good couple hours after it happened and I was terrified when I realized I was trapped in that room without a radio communicator. Really I should have just waited instead of desperately trying to get out. I didn't have a plan to deal with that, much less a decent explanation. I didn't even put two and two together that the sticker thing happened exactly at that time last year until someone told me. > > [Parker laughs nervously.] > > **Cedari:** It isn't uncommon for people to panic in anomalous situations. You're certainly not in any trouble as far as I'm aware. This seems like a repeat of the sticker incident that happened last year. You were near by the hallway where it happened last year. > > **Parker:** Same place, same time, I had the same thought. > > **Cedari:** Are you distressed by this happening again? > > **Parker:** I was at first, it would suck if there was one day every year where I have a workplace accident and end up in a trash can. I've been told I'll be getting a paid day off next year though. That set my mind at ease, I guess. I really can't end up in the dumpster from the comfort of my own couch. > > **Cedari:** I'm glad you've got a positive outlook on it. > > **Parker:** Hey, you can't just hate yourself because of some weird anomaly messing with your life. That's just an occupational hazard around here. I have to deal with a distant parking spot, an office with a window view of a brick wall, and vindictive sticker trying to dump me in the trash. You've got to deal with an oddly cold office and no one ever remembering how to say your name. We've all got different battles. > > [Cedari laughs.] > > **Cedari:** People are getting a little better on the name front at least. I still kind of regret not going by my middle name though. > > **Parker:** Your middle name? > > **Cedari:** Louise. I don't think anyone could mess that up. > > **Parker:** You'd be surprised. You could end up being Louie. Or Lois. And let me tell you, I'd rather have everyone mess up my name than have to explain to everyone that I'm apparently cursed to end up in trash if I ever end up working the day after Christmas. > > **Cedari:** Do you feel a loss of status from the incident? Is that an issue? > > **Parker:** I can laugh it off. I get the humor in it. Too much weird stuff happens in our line of work for the jokes to stick anyways. Something else will happen and people will move on to making fun of that. > > **Cedari:** Glad to see that nothing keeps you down. > > **Parker:** Not down for long at least. > > **End Log** [[/collapsible]] @@ @@ [[collapsible show="+ SCP-5544 Incident #03" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Anomalous Workplace Incident Report**__ > > **Date:** 12/26/20██ > > **Anomalous Event:** Researcher Zachary Parker was discovered in the dumpster behind Site 93 at 11:41 P.M. Parker had been given the day off and had only arrived at the site minutes prior to his discovery. Parker claimed that he had a serious argument with his long term romantic partner in which their relationship ended. Parker explained that he was without a place to sleep that night and had driven to Site 93 in hopes he could stay in his office for the night. While attempting to enter Site 93 Parker's access card broke in two and the door failed to unlock. In an attempt to gain entrance to the facility, Parker climbed on top of the dumpster and signaled to Dr. Gary Mander-Bassen via his office window. After Dr. Gary Mander-Bassen noticed Parker's presence, Parker lost his footing and fell into the dumpster. Security forces arrived and escorted Parker into the building after confirming his identity. > > **Condition of Employee:** Researcher Parker was uninjured but severely distressed after being escorted to the Site 93 infirmary. Parker remained distressed for the next eight hours before finally sleeping at 7:53 A.M. the next morning. > > **Re-occurrence Prevention Plan:** In an attempt to counteract the cyclical nature of SCP-5544, Researcher Parker will be contained in a secure location on December 26th of the next year. Research into similar recurrent anomalous events shows that creating a physical barrier to separate Researcher Parker from the location of the event is the most likely way to prevent another incident. Arrangements have been made with the nearby Site-60 to house Researcher Parker in a secure containment cell on the date of the next expected incident. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Post Incident Interview #03" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Post-Incident Interview**__ > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Avia Cedari > **Subject:** Researcher Zachary Parker > > **Begin Log** > > **Cedari:** Well Zac, I'm sure that you're still very upset but I think it is important that we talk about it. > > **Parker:** I'm not saying anything. I still don't know how to comprehend what just happened. > > **Cedari:** You've made a full physical recovery, the Foundation is providing temporary housing. I think the worst is over. > > **Parker:** This is never over. I'm never going to undo the damage that has been done, I'm never going to have a magical fix that is going to resolve what happened. This curse has gone from something that I can laugh off to something that has fundamentally changed the course of my life. > > **Cedari:** No, of course not. You can't change the past, but you can work towards a better future. > > **Parker:** What, and fall madly in love with another beautiful woman so that she can scream in my face and leave me too? I can't hurt another person that way. Anjela... This is on me. We went from fine to all of our problems snowballing into a night where she can't even look at me. This anomaly...this is a curse. Anjela... All I'm going to do is hurt someone else if I let them get close. She was distraught. She couldn't think of anything to do other than send me away and try to never see me again. Five years. Nearly five and a half. I thought I was done. Now, I am done. I don't think I could ever hurt someone else the way I hurt Anjela. I can't... > > **Cedari:** You can't blame this on yourself. > > **Parker:** I can and I have. Avia, you're married. You know exactly how much you are not prepared for this. And I wasn't prepared for the potential that this problem would hurt someone else. Clearly whatever this sticker wants from me, it involves me ending up in that dumpster. It is painfully clear to me that it doesn't care //how// I get there. I can survive this but... I don't want to hurt anyone else that way. > > **Cedari:** What even happened? What did Anjela say? > > **Parker:** Anjela... That I'm not as supportive as I used to be. That my family doesn't respect her. That I take too long to make decisions. That I never want to do the things she wants to do. That I don't make enough time for her any more. That I do nothing to stop bad things from happening to her. I'm just an increasingly selfish asshole. > > **Cedari:** Did she really say all that? > > **Parker:** Those are her words, not mine. I was floored. We didn't have a perfect relationship but we were pretty good at understanding each other. It was like all the issues just converged out of nowhere. My little workplace curse must have had some sort of effect on her. On her thoughts, on her feelings. That's terrifying. All it took was one anomaly to take the sweetest person I've ever met and make her leave without saying goodbye. I'm not very good at talking about this stuff. I'm probably making her sound worse than she deserves. This is on me. Not her. Lesson learned I guess. > > [Parker pauses and wipes his eyes.] > > **Parker:** I brought something dangerous home from work and it hurt her. I'm not sure if she'll ever see me the same again. I have to think this is all just because of the anomaly, that the issues would have been things we could have worked through on any night but December 26th... but I can't ask her now, and she'd be the one if anyone knows. I asked what I could do, what I could change, how I could make this work. She said there was nothing I could do. She only wanted to be left alone. I'm going to respect that. I wish there was a way back. Back before the other night. Back before I ripped that damned sticker in half. > > **Cedari:** You had no way of knowing. > > **Parker:** I had two years of fair warning. This is no longer a goofy little anomaly. I need to realize this is going to be an issue. It's going to be my job to make sure nobody else gets hurt. > > **Cedari:** The Foundation isn't going to give up on you, Zac. This is our bad, not yours. You aren't going to have this hanging over your head for the rest of your life. Someday you won't have to worry about this any more. > > **Parker:** I really, really hope that you are right about that. > > **Cedari:** You shouldn't give up, some day you'll beat this. > > **Parker:** I'm going to keep trying, I hope no one has to deal with this ever again. This is just going to... take a while to process. > > **End Log** [[/collapsible]] @@ @@ [[collapsible show="+ SCP-5544 Incident #04" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Anomalous Workplace Incident Report**__ > > **Date:** 12/26/20██ > > **Anomalous Event:** Multiple security failures at Site-60 led to an accidental containment breach of several Euclid level objects including [[[SCP-1759]]] at 11:14 P.M. Although none of the objects were of an immediate threat to the facility, an evacuation was ordered as a precautionary measure. No one was on hand to escort Researcher Parker from the secure containment cell. The locking mechanism of Parker's cell failed immediately upon the containment breach and Parker was unable to find an exit from the facility. Deciding instead to hide, Researcher Parker crawled into a large crate inside the Site-60 hangar. The crate, used to store parachutes, was loaded into a Foundation jet [[footnote]] Call sign Eagleton-716 [[/footnote]] at 11:23 P.M. which took off from Site-60 and pursued SCP-1759 east to keep visual contact on the object. > > At 11:37 P.M., the jet began to experience turbulence as well as multiple systems failures. Parker managed to get the attention of co-pilot William Sanadora who released him from the crate. After a brief conversation with Sanadora, Parker believed himself to be the source of the jet's sudden difficulties and volunteered to exit the jet. The jet descended to allow Parker to disembark. Parker successfully deployed his parachute, landing safely in the Site-93 dumpster at roughly 11:41 P.M.. The jet then regained control of systems and was able to successfully perform an emergency landing. The containment breach at Site-60 led to the death of D-14145 who was found in the cockpit of [[[SCP-1759]]]. No other Foundation personnel were injured in the breach and all anomalous objects were placed back into containment by the following morning. An investigation into the cause of the original containment breach was inconclusive as it coincided with the failure of the on-site surveillance system. > > **Condition of Employee:** Researcher Parker was uninjured in the incident but was in extreme emotional distress for several days after the incident. Researcher Parker was given clonazepam and escitalopram after the feelings of distress continued to persist for over several weeks. > **Re-occurrence Prevention Plan:** --The distance of SCP-5544's effect are being taken into consideration for future containment plans. Researcher Parker will be sent to Lunar Area 32 upon the date of the next anticipated anomalous incident.-- New containment method in place, transportation of Researcher Parker deemed unnecessary. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Post Incident Interview #04" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Post-Incident Interview**__ > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Avia Cedari > **Subject:** Researcher Zachary Parker > > **Begin Log** > > **Cedari:** Well Zac, we.... > > **Parker:** Are you sick of me? > > **Cedari:** What do you mean? > > **Parker:** Are you sick of seeing me here, year after year, because of some disaster that I'm responsible for. > > **Cedari:** The sticker, that's why all this is happening not you. > > **Parker:** That isn't the important part. I made the decision to put others at risk. They're claiming that no one died but I'm doubting that highly. > > **Cedari:** You were put in a secure location. Not your fault. > > **Parker:** You can't just say that it isn't my fault. This is my choice. My choice to live like this. I know...I know that this will happen. I know the circumstances under which it will happen. Other people have been hurt by this. I can fight and fight and try to cure this but I'm just fooling myself. This is a part of me and it isn't going away. I'm tired of thinking it will go away someday. It isn't going away. I can do the world a favor and stop asking for help. > > [Parker sighs and shakes his head.] > > **Parker:** What does it matter anyways? I'm just one person. My life is not nearly meaningful enough for anyone to put this much effort into it. You have my word, no one is ever going to suffer on my behalf ever again. No matter what. > > **Cedari:** You can't give up on yourself, Zac, you're still a great person. Everyone thinks it is unfair that you have to go through this. > > **Parker:** That's the way it always starts. People think it is "unfair". Then they are "concerned" or "worried". Then they start to treat you differently. Then people start to distance themselves. Then most of them start to ignore you. They know something is wrong with you, they don't want to talk about it. They don't want to help. They just stare from a distance. I've got barely anyone else left. You're one of the few people who can even look at me with an honest face. And how long will it take? It'll be only a few more incidents until I've lost absolutely everyone. > > [Parker begins to sob.] > > **Parker:** Anjela was right to get the fuck away from me. I'm a walking disaster. It'll just keep happening and I'll lose everyone's respect. Over and over again. It just keeps happening. > > **Cedari:** Are you sure that they feel this way? Maybe they just can't find the right words, or they think it is better to give you some distance? > > **Parker:** If so I'm the only one. Everyone else gets genuine sympathy when something goes wrong because it is unexpected. When something goes wrong for me, its just time to reset the counter. They know that it'll happen again, and that means there is no reason to even pretend to care. I'm just a freak to everyone now. If I wasn't a security threat once per year, I honestly think that they'd put me in a cell to rot. > > **Cedari:** The Foundation will never turn on one of their own just because of a workplace incident they had zero control over. > > **Parker:** You say zero control, I say personal responsibility. That blood is all on my hands. No one else. Some people think that life just grabs for your hand and drags you along. I know I took a path that led to this. If I can't cope with the fact that I'll never be normal again, that's my own failure. I can dream that on the day after Christmas, I'll be away to some place mystical and warm, with someone I love in my arms and a smile on my face... or I can accept that it will never happen. > > [Parker continues to sob and turns to look out the window.] > > **Parker:** I had that life, and I made the decision to out that in danger... and I lost that. I lost my right to a good ending. I lost my right to genuine happiness the second I made my curse someone else's problem other than my own. I'm glad people are distance. You and a few others still prod, saying "you don't need to hide yourself away". But I do. The more people trying to help, trying to care, the more people I'm putting at risk. > > [Cedari hands Parker a box of tissues.] > > **Cedari:** Zac, you aren't going to stop people from caring about you. That's not even your choice. We care about you because of the good you've done for us. You've always been a reliable colleague. You've been a friend. Of course we're going to care. > > **Parker:** Little consolation. Being a freak that people feel bad for isn't much better than being a freak that people laugh at. All my life, before joining the Foundation, I was a freak. Ugly, short, a misfit. But then I found Anjela, and I got my job here, and things were on the upswing. Turns out I actually was a freak, I just fooled all of you. That sticker is just setting the record straight. I've always deserved this treatment. > > **Cedari:** Zac, I hate to do this to you, but if you're experiencing such self-hatred, I don't think I can recommend that you return to work yet. > > **Parker:** Why not? At least I can feel some sort of emotion getting work done. I'd rather be a useful pariah that hated and unhelpful. I owe the Foundation for all the shit I put it through. I'll still work as hard as I can to make up for all the increasingly obvious flaws. I'm going to blame myself, but I need some outlet... So any nasty things I say are purely therapeutic. > > **Cedari:** That doesn't seem right. You are clearly incredibly upset. > > **Parker:** Maybe I am, but I can't really keep it up for very long. What I've learned is that I'm not really all that important. If I'm not worth all the attempts to stop this incident from repeating... well then I'm certainly not worthy of anyone's pity. Even my own. > > [Cedari and Parker are silent for several seconds.] > > **Cedari:** Do you mind going over the last incident? > > **Parker:** You mean the one where I probably got someone killed and nearly crashed a plane? Yeah, I suppose I can relive that nightmare. > > **Cedari:** You don't need to talk if you aren't ready. > > **Parker:** I'm ready. I have to own up to my mistakes after all. > > **Cedari:** What ended up happening? > > **Parker:** The sound of mass confusion. Door props open, lights go out. Every corner I turn is either a blocked off hallway or some anomaly that I've never seen before and never been briefed on. I followed the Foundation standard of assuming that every thing I encounter and don't recognize in a containment breach is something that can kill me and I book it in the other direction until I take a zigzagging path to the hangar. I figure hiding is safer than running, plus I'm exhausted. Hide in a crate, admittedly not a great choice. I get stuck, drag into a plane ride. They can't hear me over the sound of takeoff. Then I'm up in the sky. By the time the jet started shaking, I knew exactly what was going to happen. Thank god the co-pilot noticed me in time. > > **Cedari:** How severely were you stressed? > > **Parker:** Oh I beyond stressed. I was panicking. No greater fear in my life. Until I pull the chord on my parachute and saw what I drifting towards. Then the panic went away. All I felt after that was dread. > > **Cedari:** Dread? > > **Parker:** Dread. I knew exactly what was about to happen, and I know that it is going to happen again. That's the new fear above my head, every day. I know I'm just ticking down closer to the next incident. It isn't if, it is when. And knowing exactly when... down to the hour and minute, doesn't make it any less terrifying. > > **Cedari:** Zac, we're going to help you beat this. > > **Parker:** You can't beat this I'm afraid. I think we'd all be better off accepting it. I'm going to push hard for a different containment plan. I'm sick and tired of trying to fight the inevitable. > > **Cedari:** The Foundation fights for their employees. It is our duty to keep you safe. > > **Parker:** And it is my duty to make sure that my safety doesn't take priority over everyone else. Please, let me walk out of here and get back to work. I've got a year of making up for all my failures to get started with. > > **Cedari:** If you think that's the best way to heal. > > **Parker:** It's the only way I know how. > > **End Log** [[/collapsible]] @@ @@ [[collapsible show="+ SCP-5544 Incident #05" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Anomalous Workplace Incident Report**__ > > **Date:** 12/26/20██ > > **Anomalous Event:** After a brief meeting with the Site Director a week prior, Researcher Parker's planned relocation to Lunar Area 32 was cancelled and a new containment plan developed by Researcher Parker was put in place. At 10:58 PM on 12/26/20██, Researcher Parker left Site-93 and entered the Site 93 dumpster. Researcher Parker stayed inside the dumpster until 11:46 P.M., at which point Parker left the dumpster and re-entered Site-93. Parker entered a lavatory with a fresh set of lab clothing and after changing, returned to his duties. > > **Condition of Employee:** Researcher Parker suffered no physical injuries and was not visibly distressed. When asked to state his mood, Researcher Parker told Foundation medical personnel that he felt "acceptable". > > > **Re-occurrence Prevention Plan:** Due to the low risk nature of this incident, arrangements have been made with Researcher Parker to normalize this procedure as the primary method of containment. Psychological examination of Researcher Parker after each incident is still required. [[/collapsible]] [[collapsible show="+ Post Incident Interview #05" hide="- Access Granted"]] > __**Post-Incident Interview**__ > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Avia Cedari > **Subject:** Researcher Zachary Parker > > **Begin Log** > > **Cedari:** Hello Zac, how are you? > > **Parker:** Alive. > > **Cedari:** Less stressed than normal for this time of year? > > **Parker:** I guess, maybe not to the extent that everyone thinks, but yeah. I'm not screaming and crying right now. I got that out of my system. > > **Cedari:** Out of your system? > > **Parker:** I was crying and freaking out for a good half an hour or so in that dumpster. > > **Cedari:** Why is that? You climbed into it of your own volition. > > **Parker:** I didn't have a choice this time. I haven't actually had a choice about it ever. I was just tired, tired of so many people cleaning up the mess I've made. So many people fought for me thinking that some day it'd be over. Someday it would never happen again. All of them were wrong. There's never going to be a year where I don't end up inside that dumpster, weeping and screaming, on the day after Christmas. > > [Parker rests his face into his hands] > > **Parker:** I tried to get help and I alienated so many people thinking that the help would be in any way meaningful. The average person wouldn't stand out in the rain for someone else's benefit. Putting entire facilities at risk was too high a price. I'm just not worth it. That's what made me cry. I'm disposable. I can be dropped the second people are tired of dealing with me. No wonder I end up in a dumpster. I belong there. > > **Cedari:** That's very harsh on yourself, Zac, you aren't defined by one bad day out of the year, one that you didn't choose. > > **Parker:** Oh but I am. This is the most notable thing about me. No other quality will ever quite stand out as much. This is who I am, and trying to fight it just makes it more obvious. You're always looking for the future, when this is something we as an organization can check off as resolved. I'm not looking for a resolution, I'm looking for a moral to the story. The moral to me is I can fight against this for the rest of my life and lose every time, dragging in more and more innocent people every single time. The alternative, I can just accept being the trash guy. I get hurt, I get embarrassed, I lose face. > > [Parker inhales deeply and begins to cry.] > > **Parker:** That's inevitable, but I can prevent anyone else from being hurt by it. I'd rather be a joke than a tragedy. > > **Cedari:** I think there's still hope that someday we find a way around this. Obviously this is the safest method of containment for now, but I think you shouldn't give up. This has clearly taken a toll on you. > > **Parker:** Would you really go that far just to prove somebody wrong? It is a toll on me. It is a toll on anyone who spends time with me, which I why I try to socialize less. It is a toll on anyone in a relationship with me, which I why I consider myself retired from dating. It is a toll on my family, so I keep in touch but I try not to get so entangle that someone might end up worrying about what I'm up to the day after Christmas. So they don't invite me out to a party or on a trip somewhere. It is forever my duty to make sure this is my burden to bear, and that I bear it in silence and indifference. > > **Cedari:** That's not a healthy long-term coping mechanism, Zac, you're only making it worse for yourself. You need friends, you need family, and I really do think you were happier when you had a healthy relationship with someone. Turning away from those just because you might someday hurt someone isn't healthy for you. > > **Parker:** We've seen what this anomaly can do. How could I sign somebody up for that against their will? We know that the anomaly can change the behavior of other people, we know that it can cause cause things to break and malfunction. If I'm friends with someone, they're at risk. If I date someone? They're at a much higher risk. You'd do that to a woman? You wouldn't put Rosemary in that kind of situation, you really are the perfect wife for her. You wouldn't think for a second about putting her in danger. I have a little more respect for people than that. > > [Parker pauses, wiping away a stream of tears.] > > **Parker:** I'm already not quite the catch. I'm already kind of a shitty friend. I'm already kind of a black sheep in my family. To let anyone think otherwise at this point, with the added risk... that's just underhanded. I don't want any unearned admiration. I just want to know that no one is suffering for my sake. > > **Cedari:** You are suffering, Zac. You are suffering and you count just as much as everyone else in the world. > > **Parker:** I am suffering. I went to bed crying the night before... Sobbing right up until I drifted off to sleep. I felt miserable when it was time to go to work the next morning. Nobody else probably felt that way though, I consider that a victory at this point. That makes me feel just a tiny bit better than I would otherwise. > > **Cedari:** You really, genuinely think that this is better for your mental health? > > **Parker:** Yes. There's no perfect answer here, but knowing that this method keeps other people safe... that makes it something I can live with. > > **Cedari:** Well, if this is the best available method... I guess that works for now. > > **Parker:** I agree. Am I good to go back to my duties? > > **Cedari:** Yes you are. Take care of yourself, Zac. > > **Parker:** I'll try... I'll do my best at least. > > **Cedari:** That's all I ask. > > [Parker exits the office] > > **Cedari:** I haven't seen the last of him. 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