SCP-5921

Link to article: SCP-5921.


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[[include component:image-block | name=http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/ohohihmain/mart.jpg | caption= East wing of Miami Walmart Supercenter | width=300px]]

**Item #:** SCP-5921

**Object Class:** Safe

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-5921 is to be contained in the [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5951 Miami Walmart Supercenter], in the east-wing employees-only area. An offshoot of Stationary Task Force Kappa-51, Kappa-52 "Always Lower Prices" are to double-check all papers regarding Greazeburger at ██████████████████████, a Foundation front outside the effective perimeter.
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[[=]]
++++ NOTICE FROM GREAZEBURGER INVESTIGATION TEAM

Personnel currently in or around the Supercenter, including any investigation or communication sites established in the 50m radius, can probably get away with submitting a blank form. Just don't mistype your ID, please.  

-- Dr. Kensing, Head of the Greazeburger Investigation Team
[[/=]]
[[/div]]
**Please answer the following questions to access the full file:**
If necessary, round all answers to the nearest thousandth.
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function getRandomInt(max) {
  return (Math.floor(Math.random() * Math.floor(max)))+1;
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 var clik = 0;
 var num1 = getRandomInt(4);
 var num2 = getRandomInt(3);
 var disp1 = "$ " + String(num1) + "+" + String(num2) + "= ? $ <br>";
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var num3 = getRandomInt(5);
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Find the inverse DTFT of the rectangular pulse spectrum described over the fundamental band <br>
$ (|\Omega| \leq \pi) $ by $ X(\Omega) = rect(\Omega/2\Omega_c) $ for $ \Omega_c \leq \pi. $ <br>
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 clik = 1;
 document.getElementById("demo").innerHTML = '<hr> <b> LOGIN:</b> <br> Correct answers flagged. While this case is under review, please type your ID, including any classification or security clearance portions. If you have SCP-5921 related clearances, please use your G.I.T. ID. <br> <input type="password" placeholder="Input password..." maxlength="10" value="iamO5-1duh" id="myInput5"> <br> <button type="button" onclick="aaa();">Submit</button> <hr>';

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<b> Item #: </b> SCP-5921 </br> </br>

<b> Object Class: </b> Safe </br> </br>

<b> Special Containment Procedures: </b> SCP-5921 is to be contained in the Miami Walmart Supercenter, in the east-wing employees-only area. An offshoot of Stationary Task Force Kappa-51, Kappa-52 "Always Lower Prices" are to double-check all papers regarding Greazeburger at <i>"Photocopies and Tie Apparel"</i>, a Foundation front outside the effective perimeter. </br> </br>

All electronics responsible for the operation and upkeep of the Miami Walmart Supercenter are to be outsourced to <i>"Photocopies and Tie Apparel"</i> as well. Stationary Task Force Kappa-51 (“Always Low Prices”) are to increase amounts of <a href="https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5951" target="_blank">SCP-5951-2</a> harvested. </br> </br>

<b> Description:</b> SCP-5921 is a landline telephone, currently located in the storage area of the east-wing of the Miami Walmart Supercenter. The phrase "FOR TRIPE, GRIPE, AND HYPE" appears to have been crudely placed on the front with a label maker. Individuals within a 50m radius of SCP-5921 display an inability to do mathematical calculations, overestimating all results regardless of ability or problem complexity. Confidence in the resulting incorrect answer lessens the further one is from SCP-5921.</br> </br>

<I> 13/2/21 Description Update:</i>  Disconnecting, removing, dismantling, boiling, melting, and vaporizing the telephone all have had no effect on the anomalous properties of SCP-5921. The area around the former landline telephone's location has been determined to be the source of a bend in the fundamental laws of mathematics. A new telephone appeared shortly after complete destruction, with a second label reading "DO NOT VAPORIPE (I COULDN'T FIT THE RHYME, DONT BREAK THIS)"</br> </br>
<I> 18/2/21 Description Update:</i> This bureaucratohazard also extends to <I>all</i> mechanical and electrical evaluations—though no malfunctions, errors, or bugs are found before or after calculation. The complete mechanisms of SCP-5921's informational manipulation are currently unknown. </br> </br>

<b> Addendum SCP-5921-1: </b> Below is a log of the discovery and initial testing of SCP-5921: </br> </br>
<!-- THIS IS AN EMAIL -->
<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>Missed Phone Call</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>2/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Hey Dr. Kensing, while you were off another phone incident happened again. I had to pick it up after drawing the short stick. He was blabbering off about his monthly report and other multidimensional problems. He gave us a gift, but he didn't sound very happy. It is ridiculous and dangerous and I don't have the words for it so I'm just attaching the log. I know you are my superior, and thus I may be insignificant, but you should read this and come back. ASAP.

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
<details><summary>ATT: Incident_51-2_Documentation</summary>
<div class="blockquote" style="background-color: #f1f1f1; !important">
<!-- THIS IS THE LOG STARTING HERE -->

<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px;"><strong> &ltBEGIN LOG&gt </strong></div></br>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div class="tt"> <strong> MANIFESTATION — 9:03</strong> </div></br></br>
<div class="tt"> DR. OSCAR ANSWERS PHONE — 10:29 </div></br></br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Uh... Hello? </br> </br>
<b> POI-792</b><span class="footnote">Martin Greaze, Earth's Greazeburger Representative</span><b>: </b> Welcome to the 24/7 Greazeburger Hotline, where yesterday’s meat is now suddenly neat! How can I help you, skin sack? </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Well, I'd like to uh, speak to a represe— </br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> I've got some business that needs getting down to. How long has it been, Oscar? Can you check for me? </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Dr. Oscar flips a few papers and mutters inaudibly. </i></div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> A month about. </br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Plus a day? </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> No, minus one.  </br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Mushy useless trivial conversationals, that's all. Before I get down to business, do you have any concerns or questions? </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Yeah, I was wondering why— </br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> I'm quite fed up with your attitude, blood bowl. I called <I>you</i>. I've been looking at the papers. I've been looking at the numbers. I've quadruple checked <I>ALL</i> the figures, and I don't think you guys have been faithful to our little agreement. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Sounds of footsteps, followed by a minute of silence. </i></div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> We uh, may have been, just a tiny insignificant little bit, around maybe, uh, like, not that much...</br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Dr. Oscar shuffles in his seat.</i></div> </br>
But we might have uh missed a calculation or two I'm sure, and. Well, yeah we are a bit short, but— </br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Not cool bone boy. I thought we had a solid deal. We even let you guys keep ⅔ of the profits for yourselves. Don't worry though, this isn't nothing a little bargaining can't fix. Our last agreement? Consider it nixed. But! For ⅖ profit and a bit more of that goop, we'll keep your planets name off our focus group list. Ive got a pen right here ready to write Terra and cross it out again. Hell, I'll even throw in a little gift for yall. Whaddya say, uh, skin sack?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Well, I'll have to talk to my supervisor and all but—</br> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Pleasure doing business with you Oscar, I'd kiss you if this phone and these pesky cords weren't in the way. Remember, you can’t spell “Greaze” without “EZ”!</br></br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> At this moment, the phone line is severed, leaving the handset outside of the machine and rendered useless. </i></div> </br>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px;"><strong> &ltEND LOG&gt </strong></div>
<div style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 10px;"> <b>Closing Statement: </b>Approximently 30 seconds after the phone line's severance, SCP-5921 manifested. </div>
</div>
</details>
 </div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>RE: Missed Phone Call</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>2/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Oh yeah, also, could we start testing this gift with a D-Class or two?

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>RE: RE: Missed Phone Call</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>2/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Finished reading the log, I'm headed over. You can start drafting plans but please wait for me to greenlight them.
</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Kensing. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="tt"> <strong><i>2/2/21</i> Testing Proposals: </strong></div>

<!-- I AM WRITING A BLOQUOTE TEST FORMAT THING -->
<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #1:</b> Test any memetic or exposure related damages from exposure to "gift", now formally designated as SCP-5921.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was told to spend 24 hours around SCP-5921, including sleeping. </br>

<b>Result:</b> No significant results. </br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) That's good.

</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #2:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone and place it to his ear, relaying all information. </br>

<b>Result:</b> Besides a low hum, no results. </br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (Jr. Dr. Ptacher) Yeah, I didn't expect much. At least the thing isn't poisonous or acidic. Or venomous.

</div>

</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #3:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone and say words.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone, place it to his ear and politely say hello. </br>

<b>Result:</b> Besides a low hum, no results. </br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (Jr. Dr. Ptacher) Expected.

</div>

</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #4:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone and say rude words.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone, place it to his ear and rudely say hello, explicative usage encouraged. </br>

<b>Result:</b> Besides a low hum, no results. </br>

<b>Researcher Commentary #1:</b> (Jr. Dr. Ptacher) Expected. </br>

<b>Researcher Commentary #2:</b> (Jr. Dr. Oscar) I know rigorous research and all is our game but can we try actually using the damn phone?! 

</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #5:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone and dial the number (666)-666-6666.

<div style="color: #bd4d37; border: 1px solid #bd4d37; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #e6bab3;"> <b> DENIED </b> </div></br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) Perhaps we should choose a number that exists, and one that can be completely tracked. Reprimandation will be considered if you fail to take your job <i>and</i> this anomaly seriously Dr. Ptacher.</br>

</div>

</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #6:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone and dial a prepaid mobile phone.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone and dial the prepaid mobile phone number. </br>

<b>Result:</b> The call went to voicemail. No observable effects on the phone, subject, or SCP-5921.</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary #1:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) I'll try this again tomorrow.</br>

</div>

</br>
<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #6:</b> Make a D-Class pick up the phone and dial Dr. Kensing's phone number.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> Dr. Kensing's work phone was placed in the room with D-2983. D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone and dial Dr. Kensing's number. </br>

<b>Result:</b> The call went through, but Dr. Kensing's phone did not ring. PoI-792 answered on the other line. See Incident_51-3_Log for further information</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary #1:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) I wonder if he has my cell number now. He seems happier this time around. Less stress for me. </br>

</div>

<details><summary>ATT: Incident_51-3_Documentation</summary>
<div class="blockquote">
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px;"><strong> &ltBEGIN LOG&gt </strong></div></br>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div class="tt"> <strong> PoI-792 ANSWERS — 14:00</strong> </div></br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> A zipper is audible </i> </div> </br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Welcome to the 25/7 Greazeburger Hotline, where yesterday’s bone is now suddenly in the zone! How can I help you? </br> </br>
<b> D-2983 </b> Uh... Hello? </br> </br>
<b> POI-792</b> Did you guys send another one green as a golf course? I'm not even on hours right now. I'm taking time out of my day to keep this shtick silky smooth and you guys are throwing glibbers in my machinery right now. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Dr. Kensing begins instructing D-2983 on what to say. </i> </div> </br>
<b> D-2983 </b> No, this is Kensing. </br> </br>
<b> POI-792</b> Wow... Skin sack through a skin sack, I'm impressed. Whaddya need buddy-pal?</br> </br>
<b> D-2983 </b> He wants to know what you are doing. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Another zipper is audible </i> </div> </br>
<b> POI-792</b> I'm relieving myself, looking at these charts I mean. I see beautiful numbers here, I'm quite proud of your guys's work. You've really stepped up just in time for monthly reports, you all should be proud. Now if you don't have anything important to say I'm going to have to hang up. Just remember, you can’t spell “Greaze” without “EZ”! </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> PoI-792 hangs up the call. </i> </div> </br>

<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;"><strong> &ltEND LOG&gt </strong></div>
</div>
</details>

<div class="tt"> <b>Notice: </b>All data irrelevant to SCP-5921, or experiments containing hazourous information and materials have been removed or expunged, as per the Greazeburger Partnership Code, Privacy Policy, Section 19-E as well as the Greazeburger Partnership Code, Protection Policy, Section 14-B.</div>

<details><summary>ATT: February Monthly Report</summary>
<p id="devdo"></p>
<p id="devso"></p>
</details>

<div class="tt"> <strong>Relevant emails from <I>3/2-4/2/21:</i> </strong></div></br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>3/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Hey Dr. Kensing. Multiple researchers and I all were working on our monthly payment to Greaze nearly all day, but on my drive home I realized that we did both too much work and that none of it is remotely correct. This is incredibly concerning that all of us were incorrect. I know that I am not on the most secure connection currently but this is urgent. I'm on my way back to correct our errors.

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>RE: Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>3/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; I'm back in, we were waaaaay off, we were basically robbing Greaze blind.

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color: #080080;">G.I.T. Investigation Team (Group)</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>RE: RE: Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>3/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; I'm nearly out the door but I'm tired. I might've screwed up a little bit of subtraction. Can anyone still there fix it? It's plainly obvious, look on page 4. 

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color: #080080;">G.I.T. Investigation Team (Group)</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>FORUM SUBJECT: Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>3/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Why am I getting 900 emails about extra pages being added to the work? What are you guys doing over there? I'll be in tomorrow. It's basic algebra.

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Kensing. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">hrdrks@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color: #080080;">G.I.T. Investigation Team (Group)</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>FORUM SUBJECT: Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>4/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Ok, came in and got about another two-and-a-half pages done, It should be accurate now.

</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Kensing. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color: #080080;">G.I.T. Investigation Team (Group)</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>FORUM SUBJECT: Balance Sheet and Payments</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>4/2/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; Sorry I arrived late, but you all need to come outside. I'm standing by my car. Please hurry.
</div>
<div style="border-bottom:3px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>

<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6; margin: 0px;"> 
Dr. Oscar. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<details><summary>23784_2_4_AUDIO.mp3</summary>
<div class="blockquote">

<div class="tt">The following log was pulled with permission off of Junior Researcher Oscar's cellphone </div>
<div style="border-bottom:1px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px;"><strong> &ltBEGIN LOG&gt </strong></div></br>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div class="tt"> <strong> START — 8:54</strong> </div></br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Multiple people are shuffling around. </i> </div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Test, Test, alright. Uh names, titles, whatever, just go in a circle. I'll start. Junior Researcher Oscar. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Ptacher: </b> Doctor Ptacher. What are we doing?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Shhhhh. Next person. </br> </br>
<b> Hugh Vargas: </b> 51-Kappa MTFC Vargas.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Kensing: </b> Doctor Kensing, Head of Investigation Team. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Connor: </b> Doctor Connor. </br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> Eric, I'm just a custodian. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Good. Uh, this should be enough. Nice variety. This is very important. I've brought some post-it notes with me.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Ptacher: </b> What the hell is going on?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> I'm very concerned with the emails, I read them all when I got home once again and nothing makes sense. I've got a post-it note with a reminder to check my car before going into work today, and that should hopefully work. I need everyone to follow me. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";>Dr. Oscar can be heard walking closer to the entrance.</div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Think about the balance sheet guys? Isn't it weird how complicated this, stuff, is? What is four minus two?</br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> Uh, it's two, sir. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Why can't we do simple subtraction on a piece of paper? It's a piece of paper? And most importantly—what are we all doing out here?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Kensing: </b> You called us out here Doctor.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Yeah but I'm making a big fuss over nothing, aren't I. And we still have some more math to do, don't we?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Connor: </b> I guess you are right. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> You guys go on in, I'll be right there, I just need to go grab my wallet real quick, I left it in my car.</br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";>The other noises grow distant for four seconds before Dr. Oscar shouts.</div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Guys! Come back! This is what I was talking about!</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Ptacher: </b> What! </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> It's like you forget how weird this all is when you get close enough. Why did I just accept everything and let you all go? I think I stopped the moment I realized this, I need you all to stand behind me.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Kensing: </b> Are you okay Doctor?</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> I've never been better, get behind me.</br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";>The phone shifts as Dr. Oscar pulls something from his pocket.</div> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Look, I've written two plus two equals four on a sticky note. Eric, hold this and take five steps forward.</br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> Sir. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Now Eric. Look at the note.</br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> Sir. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Tell me what you think.</br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> It's a tad confusing, sir. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> What? It's just simple addition. Is it correct?</br> </br>
<b> Eric Johnson: </b> I'm not sure. </br> </br>
<b> Dr. Oscar: </b> Do you see this Ken? I think something is screwing with our paper. This is a logistical nightmare sir.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Ptacher: </b> This makes absolutely no sense. Let me try. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";>Dr. Ptacher is heard walking to Eric.</div> </br>
<b> Dr. Kensing: </b> Well, Ptacher, tell me about the note.</br> </br>
<b> Dr. Ptacher: </b> Pretty sure this is wrong, problem solved. Can we go in now. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";>Inaudible whispering, forty seconds pass.</div> </br> 
<b> Dr. Kensing: </b> Everyone but Vargas can enter, but ANY numbers you guys are messing with need to be told to Vargas. It is imperative you do <I>not</i> argue with him. He's got a radio and a Pepsi, he just needs a TI-84 to check everything we do.</br> </br>

<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> Dr. Oscar ends the recording. </i> </div> </br>

<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;"><strong> &ltEND LOG&gt </strong></div>
</div>
</details>
</br>
<div class="tt"><strong><i>4/2/21</i> Testing Proposals:</strong></div>
</br>
<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #7:</b> Make a D-Class ask Martin what the hell is going on.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 was instructed to pick up the telephone and dial "(000)-000-0000". Dr. Kensing was outside of the effective zone instructing D-2983 on what to say. </br>

<b>Result:</b> Martin Greaze answered on the other line. See Incident_51-4_Log for further information</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) Damnit. </br>

</div>

<details><summary>ATT: Incident_51-4_Documentation</summary>
<div class="blockquote">
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px;"><strong> &ltBEGIN LOG&gt </strong></div></br>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div class="tt"> <strong> PoI-792 ANSWERS — 14:00</strong> </div></br>
<b> POI-792: </b> Welcome to the 25/7 Greazeburger Hotline, where yesterday’s <I>skin</i> has never <I>been</i> better! How can I help you? </br> </br>
<b> D-2983: </b> What the hell is going on? </br> </br>
<b> POI-792:</b> I have no clue what's going on Jeffery. </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> D-2983 is audibly taken aback. </i> </div> </br>
<b> D-2983: </b> How did you... Uh, no I am still talking for Doctor Kensing. He is the one that wants to know what the hell is going on. </br> </br>
<b> POI-792:</b> I still have no clue what you are talking about.</br> </br>
<b> D-2983: </b> He says they know something's up and they, I mean he, wants to talk </br> </br>
<b> POI-792:</b> Well, just put him on the phone. </br> </br>
<b> D-2983: </b> He says he will not move any closer. He really would like to talk. </br> </br>
<b> POI-792:</b> Ah, well. I'm getting a call right now. Sorry, gotta go, important business things. Stop looking, caring, and keep up the great work. Remember, you can’t spell “Greaze” without “EZ”! </br> </br>
<div class="tt" style="padding: 0px 0px 0px 5px";> <I> PoI-792 hangs up the call. </i> </div> </br>

<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px; width=80%;"></div>
<div style="text-align: center; padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;"><strong> &ltEND LOG&gt </strong></div>
</div>
</details>

</br>
<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #8:</b> Find the effective perimeter.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> Store was cleared 'for construction'. Researchers spent three (3) days cross-checking simple mathematics with MTFC Vargas around the Miami Walmart Supercenter.</br>

<b>Result:</b> Epicenter of anomaly determined to be the telephone. Effective radius is approximately 50m.</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) All mathematics must be done outside this perimeter. A new Foundation front is underway to house Kappa-52, created for double-checking our work. </br>
</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #9:</b> Destroy SCP-5921.

<div style="color: #bd4d37; border: 1px solid #bd4d37; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #e6bab3;"> <b> DENIED </b> </div></br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) Please reread the logo on your ID. We are required to be diplomatic. </br>
</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #10:</b> Test machines.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> A standard TI-84 was tested against MTFC Vargas offsite. </br>

<b>Result:</b> All answers provided by the standard TI-84 were larger than MTFC Vargas's answers.</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (Dr. Ptacher:) Very interesting, but expected. Updated file. </br>
</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #11:</b> Move SCP-5921.

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> D-2983 moved SCP-5921 one (1) foot to the left. </br>

<b>Result:</b> No change observed in perimeter.</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (Dr. Ptacher:) Very interesting. I have one last idea. </br>

</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #12:</b> Destroy SCP-5921. </br>

<b>Researcher Pre-commentary:</b> (Dr. Ptacher:) Look, I'm sure if Greaze didn't want this thing to be destroyed we won't be able to destroy it. It doesn't even control the damn radius. Let me destroy it for Christ's sake. </br>

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<b>Actions Taken:</b> Dr. Ptacher damaged and destroyed SCP-5921 in several ways. </br>

<b>Result:</b> SCP-5921 rematerialized after complete destruction. Description updated to match Ptacher's recent tests.</br>

<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) There must be reality bending in this area. Keep everything closed and the radius clear. A Scranton Reality Anchor will shortly be in place. </br>

</div>
</br>

<div class="blockquote mailtext" style="padding-top: 5px; padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Proposal #13:</b> Bring a Scranton Reality Anchor on site

<div style="color: green; border: 1px solid green; text-align: center; margin: 5px; background-color: #ceedd1;"> <b> APPROVED </b> </div></br>

<div style="padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Actions Taken:</b> Dr. Oscar and Dr. Kensing attempted to bring a SRA to SCP-5921 </br>
</div>

<div style="padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Result:</b> The Scranton Reality Anchor malfunctioned upon crossing the perimeter. A small explosion occurred. Dr. Kensing sustained minor injuries (ripped stitching above his left arm, damaged internal fibers above his left eye, and various small lacerations). Dr. Oscar sustained major injuries (including a broken arm, multiple lacerations and abrasions, a dislocated shoulder, and a short temporal dislocation). </br> &emsp; Dr. Kensing and Dr. Oscar were moved into the infirmary, and Dr. Oscar was administered Class B Amnestics upon return of basic cognitive functioning. After one week of administrative leave for Dr. Kensing, and two weeks of infirmary stay for Dr. Oscar, both returned to their former positions on Greazeburger's Investigation Team.</br>
</div>

<div style="padding-bottom: 5px;">
<b>Researcher Commentary:</b> (HRs. Dr. Kensing) Turns out this thing really bends all math. Probably messes with the laws of mathematics themselves. Also turns out most machines run on math. I take full responsibility for this mistake and have updated the description of SCP-5921 to reflect this test result. </br>
</div>
</div>
</br>

<b> Addendum SCP-5921-2: </b> </br> </br>

<div class="mail">
<table id="t01">
  <tr>
    <th>From:</th>
    <td><div style="color:red;">jrdrohohih@git.scp.int</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>To:</th>
    <td><div style="color: #080080;">G.I.T. Investigation Team (Group)</div></td>
  </tr>
  <tr>
    <th>Subject:</th>
    <td>FORUM SUBJECT: Balance Sheet and Payments for March</td>
  </tr>
    <tr>
    <th>Date:</th>
    <td>2/3/2021</td>
  </tr>
</table>
<div style="border-bottom:2px solid #777; margin-bottom:1px;"></div>
<div style="padding: 4px; line-height: 1.6;">

&emsp; I'm finally healthy and catching up on what I need to know but don't remember. Thank you all for the cards and nice words—made my stay 103 times better. It is nice to be back at my desk wearing these tacky Wal-Mart vests though. </br> &emsp; I am just sending this email to tell you all that I found some math errors while looking at the attached image for February's balance sheets. It was a bit under ⅖ and don't wanna cheap out on them and cause something terrible, so I spent all day yesterday correcting them before I updated the image and sent the owed money to Greazeburger's Incorporated.  
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Dr. Oscar. </br>
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  <img src="http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/ohohihmain/phone.png">
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    <p>SCP-5921 <span class="footnote" style="font-weight: normal; !important"> Dr. Oscar was told to "stand about twice as far away from the phone" before taking the picture. He was less than a meter away originally. </span> (circled in red)</p>
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</body>
</html>
[[/html]]

[[div class="footer-wikiwalk-nav"]]
[[=]]
<< [[[SCP-5920]]] | SCP-5921 | [[[SCP-5922]]] >>
[[/=]]
[[/div]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]]
=====
> **Filename:** mart.jpg
> **Name:** "Walmart"
> **Author:** JeepersMedia
> **License:** CC BY 2.0
> **Source Link:** https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/6ceede95-3346-4cc4-8ade-5fa67e05170b
=====
=====
> **Filename:** phone.png
> **Name:** "Emptiness as Wal-Mart Closes Shop" 
> **Author:** Robert Stinnett
> **License:** CC BY 2.0
> **Source Link:** https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/ffb66756-941a-4810-ace1-7aad17c2b794
> **Additional Notes:** This image was the base of an edited image, following image was used as a second source, all other differences were done by me in GIMP.
=====
=====
> **Name:** "Phone"
> **Author:** Justin Brockie
> **License:** CC BY 2.0 
> **Source Link:** https://search.creativecommons.org/photos/210aabae-0c3b-442a-9596-c5785526e307
> **Additional Notes:** The tiny phone in phone.png is this phone
=====

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]

SCP-5921

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