Link to article: SCP-5972-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SCP-5972-J **Object Class:** Fucking Keter, Jesus Christ **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-5972-J is to be kept in Containment Locker 5972-J. Access to this locker is to be barred to all male personnel, even if they're drunk and their buddies bet them they couldn't get in. **Description:** SCP-5972-J is a standard vacuum cleaner produced by The Kirby Company. SCP-5972-J appears to be a sentient predator. Males viewing SCP-5972-J will feel a sudden compulsion to stick their genitalia into the vacuum tube. SCP-5972-J will then activate at maximum power and... yeah... fuck... SCP-5972-J has a secondary memetic effect. Males reading about its effects will feel extremely uncomfortable. This is followed by a contraction of the thigh muscles until the legs fully cover the genitalia, and a series of sharp inhalations. **Addendum 5972-J:** Interview Log 5972-J > **Interviewed:** D-5748, a 25-year-old male > > **Interviewer:** Dr. Valen > > **Foreword:** Testing of the secondary effects of SCP-5972-J > > **<Begin Log>** > > **Dr. Valen:** I'm going to tell you what this thing does, and we're just going to gauge your reaction, alright? > > **D-5748:** Alright. > > **Dr. Valen:** So it's this vacuum cleaner, right? And when you see it, you want to put your dick in it. > > **D-5748:** That's fucked up, man. > > **Dr. Valen:** I know, crazy shit. Anyways, you put your dick in it, and it turns on. > > **D-5748:** (Turning visibly white, legs turning inwards) Oh shit... > > **Dr. Valen:** And then it just sucks your dick right off. > > **D-5748:** (Nose flared in disgust. Leans back and snaps fingers) Whoa shit! > > **Dr. Valen:** It sucks up the nuts too. > > **D-5748:** (Winces and covers his eyes) Oh god, man. What the fuck?! > > **Dr. Valen:** It's fucked up man. Like, seriously. Shit. > > **D-5748:** I've seen a lot of crazy shit here, but man, fuck this. > > **Dr. Valen:** I need to go out for some air. Want a drink? > > **D-5748:** I need a fucking 6-pack. > > **<End Log>** > > **Closing Statement:** D-5748 was glad to face his month-end termination, stating, "At least they didn't put my dick in that fucked-up vacuum." [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]