SCP-6151

Link to article: SCP-6151.
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= Thank you for reading!
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= [[[limey-s-citrus-corner |Check out more of my ramblings!]]]
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:anomaly-class-bar-source
|item-number= 6151
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:image-block-peppo
|name=http://scpdsandbox.wdfiles.com/local--files/chrimbus/Greazedogs.png
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**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-6151 has been transferred to the Staff break room of [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5951 the Miami Walmart Supercenter]. While civilian interaction with SCP-6151 is banned, members of Stationary Task Force Kappa-51 (“Always Low Prices”) are encouraged to patronize the object if not considered a risk to their mental wellbeing. All communications regarding SCP-6151 to PoI-792 ("Martin Greaze") are to be headed by Dr. Kensing, and occur on an at least bimonthly basis to ensure proper containment.

**Description:** SCP-6151 is a hotdog vending machine of a previously unknown brand, which spontaneously manifested in the Miami Walmart Supercenter following an extended period of detente between the SCP Foundation and [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/back-to-your-irregularly-scheduled-programming Greazeburger Incorporated]. All buttons on SCP-6151 display the word 'Greaze', as well as a variable cost between $2.50 and $2.75, although testing has shown no difference in anomalous effect nor taste between each option.

When the appropriate amount of currency is inserted into SCP-6151 and a button is pressed an outwardly non-anomalous hotdog will be dispensed, despite this being mechanically impossible.[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]Internal imaging shows the inside of SCP-6151 is composed of haphazardly placed mechanical parts, a car battery, flesh and Greazeburger^^TM^^ Legally Distinct Void Byproducts.[[/span]] Upon consumption, the consumer will fall unconscious for approximately 15 seconds, with no other adverse physical side effects following reawakening. The subject (Henceforth referred to as SCP-6151-1) will experience extreme time dilation during this, recording the period to last anywhere between several weeks and millennia, with a median experienced time of 14 years. During this, SCP-6151-1 instances report extended conversations with a figure claiming to be Martin Greaze, largely focusing on Greazeburger Incorporated and lessons in business management.

**Addendum:** Communications between Foundation and PoI-792.
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**Interviewer:** Dr. Kensing

**Interviewee:** PoI-792 ("Martin Greaze")

**Context:** //Following manifestation and preliminary testing of SCP-6151, contact was opened with Greazeburger Incorporated via [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-5921 SCP-5921] to deduce the origin and intent of the item.//
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= **<Begin log>**
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= //Dr. Kensing dials his personal number into SCP-5291. His phone fails to ring, instead immediately going to voicemail, while PoI-792 picks up the phone from an unknown, presumed extradimensional, location.//

**PoI-792:** Welcome to the 24/7 Greazeburger Hotline - bringing your humors to the modern consumers. How can I help?

**Kensing:** Could I speak to uh... Martin?

**PoI-792:** [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/into-the-greazerverse Universe?]

**Kensing:** What?

= //PoI-792 sighs audibly.//

**PoI-792:** Nevermind, forgot how much of a pain you lot were. Kensing, right?

**Kensing:** Right.

**PoI-792:** One moment!

= //The sound of somebody attempting to hum Jazz music begins to play through the phone. It is discordant, and Dr. Kensing instinctively pulls the phone away from his ear in self-defence. Approximately 35 seconds later, it abruptly stops and a user returns to the other end of the phone. Of note, it is the same voice as the start of the call.//

**PoI-792:** Alright, Martin here. What's up?

**Kensing:** What's up with the brand new hotdog machine?

**PoI-792:** That's a new thing we cooked up recently. Profits have been through the roof since you started giving us 40% of yours, so we decided to lend a hand with the Greazeburger^^TM^^ Refreshment and Reeducation Nutrition dispenser.

**Kensing:** How did you do that?

**PoI-792:** Do what?

**Kensing:** How the hell did you manage to say Greazeburger superscript TM out loud?

**PoI-792:** I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.

**Kensing:** I...

= //Dr. Kensing groans loudly.//

**Kensing:** Just... the hotdog machine. We gave one of ours a hotdog and they went mad. What's up with that?

= //PoI-792 tuts.//

**PoI-792:** I //tried// to teach him. Really did, but he just wasn't getting the basics. Buy High. Sell Low. Australian school economics. The classics. We must have been there for hours.

**Kensing:** D-53289 reported being in there for well over three decades.

**PoI-792:** By Seamus, you and your time. Whatever. Decades. It's a simple idea - you lot finally listen to me and start this little joint taking off thanks to the eternal power of my Greazisms, you make more money, slide your dues my way, everyone wins. Maybe you'll even pick up a thing or two along the way. Anyway, I've got some big stuff on the way so I'm gonna have to dip. Everything's coming up Greaze, baby. And just remember - you can't spell Greaze without EZ!
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In the interest of gaining a deeper understanding of Greazeburger Incorporated's business model, consumption of SCP-6151's hotdogs by members of Kappa-51 specially trained in sensory deprivation and diplomatic skills. Key information is available to level-3 staff and above.

**Addendum 2:** Notable results of exploratory studies
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"There's a lot to learn from other corporations too - there's that one soda company in your dimension that had the right idea. Took a lot of inspiration from that when creating Greazeburger^^TM^^ Diamorphine Drink."

- //Martin Greaze, on Coca Cola and Heroin.//

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"I'm still not over your unnecessary attachment to Euclidean geography. Do you have any idea how many more shelves you could fit in here if you just expanded into another dimension or two?"

- //Martin Greaze, on expanding Walmart operations.//

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"I don't get all the hype around them to be honest. Greazeburger Incorporated bought the rights to the idea of ███████ years ago. Best investment we ever made and way before some guys online."

- //Martin Greaze, on Non Fungible Tokens.// 

Attempts by the Foundation legal department to transcribe or conceptualize ███████ without litigation by GoI-792 are ongoing

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"What do you mean they took it out in 1929?"

- //Martin Greaze, also on Coca Cola.//

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"Now Seamus was an American hero that knew what was up. Had no time for all this union and human rights business. Knew it was his Seamus-given right to do whatever the hell he wanted because he thought of it first. Brings a tear to my eye. Lot of folks don't get that nowadays."

- //Martin Greaze, on Entrepreneurship.//

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"Hold on - you don't even make them pay rent?"

- //Martin Greaze, on containment of humanoid anomalies.//
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Following extensive testing over a period of several weeks, Dr. Kensing was contacted by PoI-792 on his personal phone while on leave, an event deemed significant as the first contact initiated on behalf of Greazeburger Incorporated rather than the Foundation.

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**Kensing:** Hello?

**PoI-792:** Welcome to the 24/7 Greazeburger Hotline - where yesterday’s flesh is now suddenly fresh! How can I help you?

= //PoI-792 hesitates.//

**PoI-792:** Wait fuck, I've already used that one. Give me a second...

**Kensing:** Martin?

**PoI-792:** The one and only! Well, that isn't really true, but what's a little extra-universal duplication among friends.

**Kensing:** What.

**PoI-792:** What.

= //Approximately 5 seconds of silence follow.//

**PoI-792:** //Anyway//, just wanted to do a little check up on the old hotdog machine. Profits are through the roof thanks to it! The people seem to love it!

**Kensing:** I... we can't have used it more than a dozen times.

**PoI-792:** Exactly! Twenty Three dollars and 25 cents! Best quarter this dimension's had since Greazeburger^^TM^^ Handmade Bubonic Plague went viral 700 years ago.

**Kensing:** You're... welcome?

**PoI-792:** Pleasure doing business with you. Keep this up and I'm sure we'll end up with something //profitable//. Both for your Foundation, and for you.

= //PoI-792 winks.//[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]Despite the medium of interview being a voice call, both Dr. Kensing and transcribers insist that PoI-792 winks.[[/span]]

**Kensing:** I-

**Kensing:** Thank you?

**PoI-792:** Alright, Greazeburger out. And remember, you can't spell Greaze without EZ!

= //The phone hangs up.//

**Kensing:** What the fuck just happened.

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Following this interview, 25 cents were deposited from an unknown source into Dr. Kensing's primary bank account. The reason for this is unknown.
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= With thanks to LORDXVNV, Mooagain, Phantom8 and Fantem for crit. [http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-14303381/10th-annual-holiday-art-exchange#post-5132871 Merry Christmas 2021!]
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