SCP-7309

Link to article: SCP-7309.

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**From:** zeinahakim48@scip.net (Dr. Zeina Hakim, Senior Researcher)
**To:** avigailsigal48@scip.net (Avigail Sigal, Junior Researcher)
**Subject:** First Assignment
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Welcome aboard, Avigail! I hope your orientation wasn’t too overwhelming, the Director can be a bit of a drama queen with newbies. Regardless, as a Foundation researcher you’ll be dealing constantly with what we call SCP files - documents describing complex anomalies which have received a specific designation. I want you to familiarize yourself with the format of these files - attached to this email are a few examples of what an SCP file usually looks like, alongside an extensive glossary of parascientific terms.

Additionally, your credentials should now allow you to view an older file which desperately needs updating - SCP-7309. This is your first assignment as a Foundation researcher: Replace outdated terminology, clear up the clinical tone, but make sure to leave the Special Containment Procedures unchanged - SCP-7309 is not to be handled lightly, and Procedure 146-PAINKILLER is very delicate, so even the slightest deviation in what our containment team will be doing when they execute it could result in a devastating containment breach.

Good luck! Your deadline is May 18th - the Procedure must be performed on the 31st and it might take a while for the Fae wisdom teeth to arrive from Site-120.

Zeina

PS: Once you’re done, don’t forget to upload the file to the modern SCiPNet database, as it’s still on the old network from the 1970's.


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**From:** avigailsigal48@scip.net (Avigail Sigal, Junior Researcher)
**To:** zeinahakim48@scip.net (Dr. Zeina Hakim, Senior Researcher)
**Subject:**  Re: First Assignment
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Thanks Zeina. I just looked at the file - looks like I’ve got my work cut out for me here. I’ll start working on it tomorrow.

Avigail

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**ITEM #:**
**OBJECT CLASS:**
**SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES:**
**DESCRIPTION:**

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uh

um

where the fuck is the file

what happened to the file

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…

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shit

**ADDENDUM 7309-1:** im getting fired for this arent i

okay avigail calm down youre going to work this out its gonna be fine its gonna be fine its gonna be

welp, uhhh i guess if they see what happened to the file im done for no matter what so i might as well just use this to keep track of my thoughts for the time being. 

this is so weird. i was literally just fixing up the description (took me forever to even comprehend what it was about. apparently the things i was supposed to fix arent nearly as confusing as the things im supposed to leave as they are. do all these researchers actually know what half of these words mean without having to carry this batshit glossary around all the time? but nooooo, the poor guy who typed this out in like 1972 or whatever said “induces dread” instead of “induces the sensation of dread” and THAT CANNOT BE FORGIVEN).

im getting sidetracked. so yeah i was working on the description and then all of a sudden i got some sort of pop-up asking me if i want to save my changes. i dont know what kind of backwards system asks you to do that with a pop-up but i was like whatever, ill just hit save. except right as i was going to hit save, my hand slipped so i hit cancel instead. and wouldnt you know it, apparently hitting cancel deletes EVERYTHING. not just what i changed. its all gone.

fuck dude. i just got this job. zeina gave me this assignment because its dead simple, i know it. she and hordus want to see if im actually worth their time or if what happened on that bus was just a fluke. and im about to prove to them that it was. theyre gonna mind-wipe me and then send me packing, and ill end up losing the best job ive ever gotten. not to mention, this 7309 thing is going to annihilate everything thats less than 10 kilometers from this site in a matter of hours and its all going to be my fault.

not that i would even know because ill be mind-wiped by the time that happens anyway. i want to scream but i cant tell anyone. my life is over.

**ADDENDUM 7309-2:** pull yourself together already

well i cant say i got much sleep last night. my new quarters are sick though! its a good thing i wont remember what they look like after the 18th, because i would miss them.

im so goddamn tired, i feel like i havent existed since i woke up. i better get an actual good nights rest tonight because i am not getting ANYWHERE closer to fixing this mess when im this sleep deprived.

today i tried getting as accurate a recreation of the scp-7309 file from memory as i could. of course, this is a fools errand, because retaining all the steps of procedure NUMBERS-painkiller is probably harder than breaking the world record for memorizing digits of pi. i gave up and scrapped it after realizing i forgot the setting the reality anchors had to be calibrated to. now im not saying i would have been able to reproduce the procedure had i gotten more sleep. but i AM saying i would have gotten to the point of giving up about four 20-minute video essays earlier.

at least one thing was made clear to me today: trying to recover this whole thing solo is a one-way ticket back to being a clueless civilian. tomorrow im going to bite the bullet and just ask zeina if theres anyone around who knows anything about painkiller. its a long shot because apparently the procedure hasnt been executed in almost fifty years, but i have to try it.

**ADDENDUM 7309-3:** it didnt exactly go according to plan

well, i did what i said i would do. in typical avigail fashion, i woke up with insane motivation to just march right into zeinas office and perfectly recreate the scenario thats been playing in my head on loop since yesterday, but i was so terrified that i only got around to doing it by noon. but i did do it! and i was so tired last night that i slept like a BABY, so when she asked me how things were going, my lying was politician-tier.

zeina was really confused when i asked her if there were any other people familiar with the procedure. “i dont get it, why would you need anyone to explain to you how it works? you have the file right there!” it took a lot of energy to stay cool when she said that. girl you mean the file that probably singlehandedly made the owners of thesaurus.com six figures? but anyway, eventually she gave me the name of this benny dude. she said hes the sites containment specialist, and that if theres anyone who might know about painkiller, its him.

i thanked her and left as quick as i could. i definitely seemed suspicious there but i dont think shes that concerned about it. i went to bennys office, introduced myself, yadda yadda yadda. when i asked him about painkiller, he said he definitely remembers having been briefed on the procedure. i was so relieved when i asked him that, i almost hit him with my notepad because of how fast i pulled it out. i practically screamed at him to tell me every single thing he remembers.

…and then he said he barely remembers anything. that that brief was almost twenty years ago, and that if he just had another look at the file, he would probably be able to give me the full rundown.

i think the only thing that kept me from breaking something right then and there was the fact that that would totally give me away. so instead i ran through everything i could remember from the glossary and confidently told him that he cant look at the file, because “it was corrupted by a cognitohazardous agent”.

mistake. biiiiig mistake right there. he got so mad. “wait, so youre telling me that the file youve been assigned to has been anomalously influenced for DAYS, and only NOW youre thinking of telling the guy whose entire job it is to make sure said anomalous influence is contained!? im looking at that file first thing tomorrow.” im willing to bet he would have done it immediately as well, if it wasnt like 10 pm. so i guess all the stalling and procrastination worked in my favor this time.

fucking hell. on a regular day i would be going to bed about 20 minutes from now, but i already know i wont have to bother trying tonight. i think ill just pretend to be sick tomorrow. actually theres a good chance all this stress is going to make me actually sick so i might not even have to pretend.

i really dont know how im getting out of this one. benny was PISSED. zeina warned me about this too, said that site-48 is basically his family and that as far as hes concerned, if anyone is compromised by an anomaly, thats his fault. which i imagine also means that if he finds out one of his “family members” has been slacking off for days because she accidentally DELETED THE FILE FOR A CATASTROPHIC WORLD-ENDING DEMON THAT CONTAINS THE ONLY RECORD ANYONE HAS OF HOW TO KEEP IT IN CHECK… hes gonna leave that family member out of his will.

i guess i deserve it anyway.

**ADDENDUM 7309-4:** i hope typing this out helps stop the panic attack

summary of the past 18 or so hours:[[footnote]]good job, scipnet programmers! your automatic bullet point formatter works great! next time try adding a save button. fuckheads[[/footnote]]
* didnt sleep (duh)
* lost track of time so when i heard a knock at the door at 9 am i was caught totally off guard
* immediately jumped into bed and tried to appear as sick as possible when benny opened the door
* “ugh… sorry benny im too weak to get out of bed… can we do this tomorrow?”
* he thinks its the “cognitohazard”, i swear to him that its not
* eventually hes convinced and tells me we can do it whenever im back on my feet
* i think about getting out of bed to continue my “longest amount of time spent pacing back and forth across a 3-meter bedroom” world record attempt, but instead just fall asleep
* wake up
* realize that today is may 16 which means if benny doesnt get me tomorrow, zeina will get me the day after
* aforementioned panic attack

i cant even stall anymore. theres no point. bennys gonna see this file tomorrow, instantly tell zeina about it, and before you know it, avigail spilman was never employed at the scp foundation. actually, now that i think about it, maybe theyll keep me around as a d-class. i would probably make for a pretty good sacrifice to scp-7309 to keep it satisfied while they draft up emergency containment procedures. i wouldnt even be mad.

sorry for worrying you benny.

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//“You're not mad?”//

//“Why would I be mad? I’m not your supervisor. I’m just relieved you weren’t compromised by some sort of secret mind-whammy in the database.”//

//“Thanks, I guess. I honestly think I still deserve to be yelled at. Like yeah I'm technically safe, but this monster is still gonna wake up on the 31st and eat everyone alive.”//

//“No, it won’t. I happen to know someone who knows the original SCP-7309 file down to the letter.”//

//"Wait, what? Who?"//

//“Yeah, he’s called ‘view version history', great guy.”//

//"Benny, do you seriously think I haven't tried that? I checked EVERYTHING and this inane SCP editor doesn’t even have a goddamn save button! Half of my assignment was uploading the new file to the modern SCiPNet system instead of this fucking prehistoric piece of software-”//

//“I’m kidding, calm down. Let's try something: Imagine you’re a researcher in the seventies, and you just finished writing up the documentation for a powerful demon - one that might destroy the world if left uncontained. The information you’ve compiled will be crucial for the next generations, and with the rapid onset of technology, you’re thinking of creating a digital copy of the file in the brand new SCiPNet database...”//

//"..."//

//"..."//

//"God damn it."//

//“The archives are on the first floor. Oh, and next time you need an excuse for accidental deletions, you can always blame Digital Infovore-592-GBLN. It eats our files all the time."//
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**From:** avigailsigal48@scip.net (Avigail Sigal, Junior Researcher)
**To:** zeinahakim48@scip.net (Dr. Zeina Hakim, Senior Researcher)
**Subject:**  Re: First Assignment
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Hi Zeina! 
I’ve attached the updated documentation for SCP-7309. I’ve already taken the liberty of uploading it to SCiPNet. Just in time too! Apparently the Goblin ate the old version just a few hours after I finished the transfer. All's well that ends well. 

Avigail


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SCP-7309

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