SCP-7705

Link to article: SCP-7705.
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[[include component:image-block name=napkin.jpg|caption=Dr. Timmer writing a memo, shortly prior to recording the first photographic evidence of SCP-7705.|width=300px]]

SCP-7705 is to be utilised in Foundation operations as a means of recruiting suitable personnel for Site-79's Mathematics Department. Recruitment posters alluding to "napkin math" are to be issued and distributed to mathematics programs at institutions of higher learning, attributed to the "Standard Computing Program".

In the event that SCP-7705 is suitably proven to exist in mundane science, Disinformation Protocol DIP-7705 is to be enacted. DIP-7705 entails an immediate media effort centered around SCP-7705 as a psychological phenomenon. All evidence to the contrary is to be suppressed via amnestics, due to the potential expansion of research into phenomena easily verifiable as anomalous.

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SCP-7705 refers to the significant degradation of mathematical skills in humans when utilising a table napkin as a medium upon which to conduct written work. SCP-7705 is believed to result in at least $26.5 Million (USD) in financial losses per year, as well as at least two recorded fatalities in human spaceflight. 

Notably, SCP-7705 is a reliable method of identifying members of the public who hold a high Cognitive Resistance Value. Therefore, the derivative Napkin Test is to be administered to all personnel entering the Mathematics Department, stationed at Site-79.

SCP-7705 is also believed to instill a higher degree of confidence than usual in calculations inscribed on a napkin. Numerous cases of violence rooted in mathematics have since been traced to SCP-7705. There are three well-documented instances of violence originating with SCP-7705:

* On August 11, 1983, Dr. Andrea Sherman, Professor of Mathematics at Indiana University, reportedly became agitated while dining in the cafeteria. Sherman, while gesturing to a napkin bearing a simple algebraic mistake, seized a knife and drove it through the hand of graduate student Helen Uerlich. Uerlich was hospitalized and Sherman charged with assault, record of which has since been expunged by Foundation order.
* On October 4, 1986, Agent Bill Regant was assigned to Provisional Site-506 in New York City, USA. While attempting to explain the source of a nearby modulated signal to colleague and radio operator Kenneth Pierce, Regant became belligerent. Regant traveled outside and assaulted a television presenter, in his confusion believing the presenter to be Agent Pierce. According to Pierce, an argument began after challenging Regant's calculations on a napkin.
* On June 4, 2014, Muhammad Basiyid, pilot of a private jet in Kuwait, attempted to calculate his trajectory mid-flight on a paper napkin given to him with his lunch at the previous airport. Basiyid would later stray into Iranian airspace, where he was forced to land. Basiyid insisted that the "maps were wrong", and slapped an Iranian police officer across the face. 

**Addendum:**

On August 22, 2023, a grievous error in the size of metal cylinders used for the transport of [[[SCP-7502 |an anomalous liquid sample]]] resulted in the death of several personnel when the cylinders ruptured. Dr. Lane Petri, whose calculations caused the error as a result of SCP-7705, was brought before Foundation Provisional Court (FPC) to assess the extent of their culpability for the accident.

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//Proceedings begin. FPC consists of eleven site directors (attending virtually), in addition to an unidentified member of Overwatch Command.//

**05 Personnel (05P):** Dr. Petri, please take a seat. The court is instructed to keep an open mind and regard this case with impartiality. Dr. Petri, please explain your actions on August 22.

**Petri:** Well, I was getting my things together for the morning, since I was flying out to [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/secure-facility-dossier-site-43 43] for the day. When I saw the email asking for cylinder specs, I decided to take care of it in the cafeteria. 

**Director Belkova, Site-103:** Surely you must have felt pretty confident in your calculations, if you thought you could do them so hastily as that, right?

**Petri:** Oh absolutely, sir. I don't think I've fully conveyed how, without this SCP, this sort of thing is just second-nature to me. And I don't mean that as a brag! I can't make this kind of mistake if I tried. But I look down at that napkin, and I would swear on my mother that it's accurate. I feel attacked, even now, when you say it isn't. And it's all the more upsetting when you explain //why// it's wrong. 

**Director Ball, Site-116:** It's moving testimony, but it can't account for why you did this in such a hurry. If you had taken the time, is it not true you would've used a calculator rather than a napkin, which, mind you, is the source of a known anomaly?

**Petri:** I can say with certainty that I had never heard of this anomaly before yesterday. But sir, let me get to my point. I don't think the napkin //is// the source of the anomaly. I think it's me.

**Ball:** I'm sorry, you?

**Petri:** August 11, 1983. 

**Ball:** The first instance of SCP-7705, yes, it's on the file here.

**Petri:** Sir, that's my date of birth.

**Ball:** I'd hardly call that conclusive. Independent of the source, I'd still like to know why you would take a shortcut on such a critical safety measure.

**Petri:** It's not, as I said before, a shortcut, this is something //anyone//, even without a math degree, should be able to do in a hurry.

**Ball:** Well, this has been very interesting, but the idea of you being a harmless little SCP yourself, who needs our help rather than our ire, is just a tad convenient, don't you think?

**05P:** Director, if you believe Dr. Petri is acting in malice please express your opinion privately. 

**Ball:** I'm gonna ask for a motion to be done with this nonsense and call a verdict now. Overseer, please call for a motion.

**05P:** Does anyone object to the rendering of a verdict?

//Silence.//

**05P:** Members of the court, please record your votes electronically.

//Beeping heard. Petri looks exhausted and resigned.//

**05P:** By unanimous verdict, Dr. Petri is found responsible for the August 22 incident and is to be held in detention at Site-79 for a period of thirty-three months, as well as to pay-

**Petri:** WAIT!

**05P:** Does the offender wish to deliver an apology?

**Petri:** No, I wish to admit that I had a bit of mustard on my face from lunch, I hope that did not undermine the credibility of my testimony.

//Most members of the court appear irritated by Petri's stalling. 05P resumes scribbling calculations of the financial penalty.//

**05P:** Total fines will accumulate to, uh- 

//Petri lifts a piece of paper from his dossier and wipes the mustard off his upper lip with it, using the paper as a napkin.//

**05P:** -ninety-six cents.

**Belkova:** I'm sorry, what?

//All members of the court become agitated and vehemently argue the total calculated on paper, now subject to SCP-7705. Further attempts by other members also fail, spare for Belkova, who uses a digital spreadsheet. Belkova's voice is drowned out. All members have turned their attention from Dr. Petri.//

**Petri [Muttering softly to themself]:** What kind of //idiot// would do math on a napkin...

//Dr. Petri exits the room unobstructed, with a wry smile on their face.//

[[/div]]

SCP-7705 is now uncontained, and Dr. Petri's whereabouts are unknown. Preparations are underway to explain the sudden obsolescence of ordinary printer paper in mathematics.

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SCP-7705

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