Link to article: SCP-80-K-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block name=SCP-80-K.jpg|caption=What SCP-80-K Prime thinks it looks like.]] **Item #:** SCP-80-K-J **Object Class:** Ridiculous **Special Containment Procedures:** All instances of SCP-80-K-J are to be contained within Site 24's Secure Avian Anomalies Sector. [[[SCP-148|Telekill alloy]]][[footnote]]No, not really. It's just chicken wire.[[/footnote]] has been used to construct a flimsy, three meter high fence around a 10 m x 10 m area to prevent SCP-80-K-J from interfering with or attacking other poultry-related anomalies in containment. A small wooden barracks has also been provided for shelter. SCP-80-K-J is to be fed daily at 5:00 AM, 12:00 PM, and 6:00 PM. Demands made by SCP-80-K Prime should be addressed in a patronizing tone and go unfulfilled. **Description:** SCP-80-K-J is a group of 30 bird-like creatures that resemble domestic fowl adorned with M1 combat helmets. Each instance of SCP-80-K-J is armed with a small plastic rifle affixed to the underside of their left or right wing with an unidentified type of adhesive[[footnote]]It's probably Elmer's Glue. Would that surprise anyone?[[/footnote]]. SCP-80-K-J roughly functions as a military unit, and will only take orders from SCP-80-K Prime, though its ability to follow through on any directions given is limited. Aside from SCP-80-K Prime, members of SCP-80-K-J are incapable of speech, which hinders their ability to function as a team and properly act out most commands given to them[[footnote]]That time they tried to do jumping jacks together was hilarious though.[[/footnote]]. SCP-80-K-J Prime is the designation given to the highest ranking officer of SCP-80-K-J, discernible by the small general's hat it wears, and the crudely constructed medals[[footnote]]Looks like construction paper and glitter.[[/footnote]] pinned to its breast feathers. SCP-80-K Prime is capable of speech, though aside from a single interview (see Interview 80-K-1 below) given upon SCP-80-K-J's initial containment, it generally only speaks to make unreasonable demands[[footnote]]An Apache helicopter, an Abrams tank, the S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier, etc.[[/footnote]] of Foundation personnel and give orders to SCP-80-K-J. SCP-80-K-J is usually aggressive towards most Foundation personnel, due to standing orders from SCP-80-K Prime to attempt escape from containment, with the exception of feeding times. Current containment procedures are more than sufficient to prevent SCP-80-K-J from escaping or causing harm to staff, though revisions will be considered if their behavior changes. **Interview 80-K-1** > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Hello, I am Dr. Schmirtz, and I will be conducting this interview with you. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** You will address me as "Sir", as my rank entails, or face dire repercussions. > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Nah, we've decided to designate you as SCP-80-K Prime. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** I am General T██[[footnote]]I personally refer to it as "R. Lee Turkey".[[/footnote]] of the Chicken Corps, and you will address me as "Sir" or be punished for insubordination! > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** ...You have to be shitting me. Your name is General T██? You can't...you can't be serious. *loud sniggering can be heard* > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** I find nothing humorous about your continued refusal to follow military protocol. How does a court martial sound to you, son? > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** *continues laughter for another 15 seconds* Okay, okay, I think I got that all out, //General T//██. So what, you're all anomalous poultry that watched too much Full Metal Jacket back at whatever stupid GOI lab that shit you out? Hilarious. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** Anomalous poultry? //Anomalous Poultry?!// I am General T██ of the United Chicken Corps, and I //demand// you show some respect! > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Sorry, I couldn't understand you that time, it wasn't peppered with enough poorly understood military jargon. Something about the Ultra Chicken Corps? > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** No, you wretched imbecile. I said the //United// Chicken Corps. They are the special unit under my command. > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Why? > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** Why what? > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Why "Chicken Corps"? > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** A better question would be why I am being forced to answer such foolish questions from incompetent, insubordinate failures such as yourself. > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** No, a better question would be why a group of //Meleagris gallopavo//, who call themselves the "Chicken Corps", are gallivanting about with toy rifles, attacking dairy cows and attempting to annex an entire barn filled with farm equipment. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** //What// did you call me? > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** //Meleagris gallopavo//? > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** Speak English, boy. > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** You're...turkeys. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** This interview is over![[footnote]]But it will forever be in our hearts, General.[[/footnote]] > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** I hope you don't feel too...cooped up while you're here. > > **SCP-80-K Prime:** You won't be laughing when my forces have nuked your little operation back to the stone age! > > **Dr. Schmirtz:** Oh that reminds me. We found your little "WMD" stash. It's been confiscated. And poached. >