SCP-8612

Link to article: SCP-8612.

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[[include :scp-wiki:component:acs-animation]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:anomaly-class-bar-source
|item-number= 8612
|clearance= 2
|container-class= euclid
|secondary-class= none
|disruption-class= dark
|risk-class= notice
]]
 
[[div style="float:right; margin:0 2em 1em 2em; width:300px; border:0;"]]
|||| [[image yeshua.jpeg  width="300px"]] ||
||||~ ^^SCP-8612-4.^^ ||
[[/div]]
 
**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-8612 is to be stored in a standard containment locker at Site-76. The containment unit must be temperature- and humidity-controlled to prevent degradation of SCP-8612’s rubber composition. Additionally, the locker is to be fully soundproofed to mitigate auditory disturbances caused by SCP-8612’s constant theological discourse.

SCP-8612 is to remain within its original storage box at all times. At eight-hour intervals, a designated security officer is to visually inspect the containment unit to ensure all instances remain within. In the event that any SCP-8612 instances attempt to breach containment, the locker’s automated suppression system will activate which will disperse a non-toxic epoxy aerosol designed to impede movement. Affected instances are to be collected, rinsed with a neutralizing solution to remove all residual material, and returned to the containment box. If this protocol fails, standard Euclid-class containment breach procedures are to be initiated.

Personnel are not to directly communicate with SCP-8612 unless directed by senior researchers assigned to SCP-8612. All verbal communication with SCP-8612 is to be logged. SCP-8612’s debates may be observed under controlled conditions, but instances may be physically separated if their discourse escalates to excessive hostility.

Under no circumstances should personnel introduce new theological materials, apocryphal texts, or external religious arguments to SCP-8612. Previous incidents have resulted in:

1. Prolonged verbal aggression among instances, escalating to near-constant vocal activity lasting up to 96 hours.

2. Increased hostility toward personnel, including accusations of heresy, excommunication attempts, and in one instance, a ritualized “trial by faith.”

3. Anomalous vocal phenomena, including instances speaking in unrecorded or extinct languages.

Should SCP-8612’s discourse reach a volume that causes undue stress to personnel or disturbances to nearby sentient anomalies, white noise generators within the containment wing will be activated at 75 dB to mask the sound. In cases where this proves insufficient, one (1) instance of SCP-8612 may be temporarily removed from the box and placed in an acoustically isolated chamber. While this has been observed to decrease intra-group conflict, the isolated instance will invariably begin declaring itself the “one true Christ” while condemning the others as heretics. This behavior should be documented and monitored for any anomalous theological claims before the instance is returned to the primary containment unit.

**Description:** SCP-8612 is the collective classification of fifty (50) small rubber figurines, each approximately 3.0 x 3.5 cm (1.2 x 1.4 inches) in size, depicting a stylized and cartoonish version of Jesus Christ. The figures lack any identifying brand, manufacturer markings, or production codes. Despite their small size and simplistic design, each figure is fully sentient, capable of independent movement, and possesses a distinct personality, voice, and belief system.

Each instance of SCP-8612 identifies itself as the one true Jesus Christ and vehemently denies the legitimacy of the others. The theological perspectives they espouse align with various Christian sects, including contemporary denominations (such as Catholicism, Mormonism, Eastern Orthodoxy, and Protestantism [with its various sub-sects]) as well as extinct or "heretical" movements (such as Arianism, Gnosticism, and Montanism). Some instances claim adherence to lost or unknown sects that have no recorded historical precedent.

SCP-8612 instances exhibit a high level of verbal intelligence and fluency in multiple languages, including Aramaic, Koine Greek, Latin, and English. However, their speech is characterized by a high-pitched tone, reminiscent of a squeaky toy or helium-influenced vocalization. The figures frequently engage in theological debates and often quote scripture from the biblical New Testament. These arguments can escalate into physical altercations, though due to their rubber composition, their attacks are largely ineffective beyond mild displacement.

Despite their sentience, SCP-8612 does not require sustenance, rest, or external stimuli to remain active. Their discourse is ceaseless unless forcibly silenced by containment protocols. Attempts to separate them have resulted in the isolated figures continuing their proclamations independently and often attempting to convert or condemn nearby personnel.

While SCP-8612 displays no hostility toward human observers, prolonged exposure to their arguments has been reported to induce headaches, and, in extreme cases, existential crises in researchers with strong religious backgrounds. 

**Addendum 8612.1:** Discovery

SCP-8612 was recovered on 16/8/2017 in Boulder, CO, after a local thrift store owner, Mr. Harold Burke, contacted law enforcement regarding a "possessed" box of Christian figurines. According to Mr. Burke, the box had been placed on a shelf in the store's religious items section when customers began reporting “tiny arguments” coming from within. Several patrons initially believed the voices to be a malfunctioning audio device, but upon opening the box, they discovered the figurines actively debating various religious doctrines.

Responding officers initially dismissed the incident as a prank until they witnessed the figures independently moving and engaging in a heated discussion. Body camera footage from Officer Jared Carrettin captured approximately four minutes of eschatological debate before the figures noticed their presence and began attempting to convert the officers. Officer Carrettin later reported feeling “profoundly confused and slightly insulted” when one instance of SCP-8612 declared that he was “predestined for damnation.”

The Foundation was alerted after the police station chaplain attempted to confiscate the figures for “further theological review.” Embedded agents intercepted the item under the cover of a federal investigation into counterfeit religious goods. Class B Amnestic treatment was administered to all civilians involved, and SCP-8612 was transported to Site-76 for containment and study.


During initial transport, SCP-8612 continued their arguments, occasionally directing theological inquiries toward Foundation personnel. When asked about their origin, most instances refused to give a coherent answer, instead attempting to justify their own legitimacy. However, one figure, identified as SCP-8612-24, stated:

//"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was profitable, and lo, He was sold fifty times over. And thus, we remain."//

The following interview was conducted by Dr. Sylvian Adams after the initial containment.

[[collapsible show="+ Interview 8612.1" hide="- Close"]]
> **Interviewed:** 50 instances of SCP-8612
> 
> **Interviewer:** Dr. Sylvian Adams
> 
> ------
>
> **<Begin Log>**
> 
> **Dr. Adams:** This is Dr. Sylvian Adams, conducting the first official interview with SCP-8612. Please state your name for the record.
> 
> //Immediate overlapping voices erupt from all fifty instances of SCP-8612, each loudly declaring themselves as "Jesus Christ" in various accents and inflections. Some are shouting in Latin, others in Koine Greek, and at least one is speaking in what appears to be Old Church Slavonic//.
> 
> **Dr. Adams:** (sighs) One at a time. Please.
> 
>  //The instances momentarily fall silent before a single voice speaks up.//
> 
>  **SCP-8612-4:** I am Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior, and I—
> 
> **SCP-8612-18:** No, I am Jesus Christ, but not in the way you think. You see, the divine and human natures are separate—
> 
> **SCP-8612-31:** LIES! The material world is corrupt! The true Jesus is a being of pure knowledge! I alone hold the path to salvation!
> 
> **SCP-8612-12:** You are all misguided! Salvation comes only through faith!
> 
> **SCP-8612-7:** (scoffing) No, salvation is found through.. Do not interrupt me! What are you, a heretic?
> 
> **SCP-8612-39:** If you’re arguing about salvation, you were clearly not predestined for it.
> 
> **SCP-8612-21:** You all need to be baptized again, properly, like I said!
> 
> //Several figures begin shouting over each other again. Dr. Adams rubs her temples.//
> 
> **Dr. Adams:** Enough! I— (pauses) Why are you all fighting if you’re all Jesus?
> 
> **SCP-8612-45:** Because they are impostors, unworthy of the faith! Only true believers are saved!
> 
> **SCP-8612-3:** You are all impostors! Christ is not coeternal with the Father!
> 
> //Collective gasps. SCP-8612-7 violently lunges at SCP-8612-3. SCP-8612-7 bounces harmlessly off due to their rubber composition. SCP-8612-48 begins speaking in tongues. SCP-8612-28 quietly insists that all should sit in silence and listen for the Inner Light. He is ignored.//
>  
> **Dr. Adams:** This is— this is completely unmanageable. Let’s try something simpler. Where did you all come from?
>  
> //A brief silence.// 
> 
>  **SCP-8612-6:** I have always existed.
> 
>  **SCP-8612-11:** Same here!
>  
>  //Most instances of SCP-8612 nod and agree.//
> 
>  **SCP-8612-24:** We were spoken into being, divided and sold, just as the faith has always been.
> 
>  //General murmurs of agreement, except from SCP-8612-19 who loudly insists that they are actually the Archangel Michael//.)
>  
>  **Dr. Adams:** (through gritted teeth) Alright. Let’s shift gears. Do you have any anomalous abilities aside from movement and speech?
>  
> //The figures pause. Then, simultaneously, they all attempt to perform miracles. SCP-8612-14 closes his eyes and declares that the material world is an illusion. SCP-8612-34 tries to conjure something but only manages to roll onto his side. SCP-8612-25 claims he can reveal hidden scripture but refuses to let anyone else see it. SCP-8612-5 declares that all must accept Him into their hearts immediately or face damnation, but SCP-8612-50 interrupts, saying everyone is already saved, regardless. More shouting//.
>  
>  **Dr. Adams:** (standing up, exasperated) You are all rubber figurines. You are not the Messiah. You are inside a metal box. You do not perform miracles.
>  
>  //5 seconds of stunned silence.//
>  
>  **SCP-8612-10:** The Sabbath is on Saturday.
> 
>  //All fifty figures immediately start shouting again. SCP-8612-40 begins rolling around erratically. SCP-8612-32 denounces all worldly authority, including Dr. Adams herself. SCP-8612-29 declares that none of them are divine and is promptly accused of blasphemy by the rest. Chaos ensues.//
>  
>  //Dr. Adams slowly removes her glasses and pinches the bridge of her nose. She takes a deep breath.//
>  
>  **Dr. Adams:** I’m ending this interview.
> 
>  **SCP-8612-9:** But we haven’t yet discussed—
> 
> //Dr. Adams forcefully closes the containment box.//
> 
> **<End Log>**
> 
> **POST-INTERVIEW STATEMENT FROM DR. ADAMS**
> 
> //I have conducted interviews with ontological paradoxes, reality benders, and psychopaths. Never—never—have I encountered anything as insufferable as fifty tiny, arguing, self-proclaimed Messiahs stuffed into a single box.//
> 
> //For the record://
> 
> //They do not stop talking. Ever.//
> 
> //They are all absolutely convinced that they alone are the true Jesus, and they despise each other with a passion.//
> 
> //Any attempt to initiate logical discussion will collapse into shouting within seconds.//
> 
> //One of them bit me. (It didn’t hurt, but it was deeply insulting.)//
> 
> //I refuse to do another group interview. If the Foundation wants more data, they can shove one of these things in a soundproof box and let it ramble until the heat death of the universe. I’m done.//
> 
> //- Dr. Sylvian Adams//
> 
[[/collapsible]]

**Addendum 8612.2:** Observation Log

While in containment at Site-76, SCP-8612 has remained highly active and has been engaging in near-constant theological discourse and frequent altercations between instances. 

The following is a log of several notable incidents involving SCP-8612 within its containment.
 
[[collapsible show="+ Observation/Experiment Log" hide="- Close"]]
 
[[table  style="border-collapse:collapse; max-width: 600px;"]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="font-weight:bold;padding: .3em .7em; text-align: center; border: 1px solid black; background-color: silver; width: 20%;"]]
Observational Log 8612.OL.1
[[/cell]]
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[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="text-align: center; padding: .3em .7em; border: 1px solid black"]]
Subject
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
SCP-8612 (entire collective)
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="text-align: center; padding: .3em .7em; border: 1px solid black"]]
Preface
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
During a routine observation session, Researcher Caldwell posed an open-ended question regarding the nature of salvation to gauge the responses of different instances.
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
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Results
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[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
The question immediately caused an uproar. SCP-8612 instances began debating, with SCP-8612-12 calling SCP-8612-21 a "heretical imperialist" which prompted SCP-8612-21 to denounce SCP-8612-12 as "a misguided schismatic." The argument quickly escalated, with SCP-8612-30 claiming that all of them lacked "true divine knowledge," leading SCP-8612-8 to accuse SCP-8612-30 of "consorting with devils." Physical altercations ensued, requiring the use of polymer-binding fluids to immobilize several instances.

After containment was restored, SCP-8612 continued debating in muffled voices until the containment box was returned to its locker.
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[/table]]
[[table  style="border-collapse:collapse; max-width: 600px;"]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="font-weight:bold;padding: .3em .7em; text-align: center; border: 1px solid black; background-color: silver; width: 20%;"]]
Observational Log 8612.OL.3
[[/cell]]
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[[/cell]]
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Subject
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
SCP-8612-4, SCP-8612-17, SCP-8612-33
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="text-align: center; padding: .3em .7em; border: 1px solid black"]]
Preface
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
The containment chamber’s soundproofing was being tested for efficiency when SCP-8612-17 spontaneously began speaking in what appeared to be glossolalia.
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="text-align: center; border: 1px solid black"]]
Results
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
SCP-8612-17 entered a highly agitated state and loudly declared that it was receiving divine revelation. SCP-8612-4 and SCP-8612-33 immediately contested the claim, with SCP-8612-4 insisting that true revelation came through "orderly devotion" and SCP-8612-33 asserting that "God’s will is sovereignly predestined, thus rendering new revelation irrelevant."

SCP-8612-17 continued vocalizing in an unknown tongue until SCP-8612-33 accused it of "theatrical excess" and attempted to physically subdue it. SCP-8612-4 attempted to mediate but was ignored. The altercation was resolved when SCP-8612-17 exhausted itself and slumped over while muttering scripture.
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[/table]]
[[table  style="border-collapse:collapse; max-width: 600px;"]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="font-weight:bold;padding: .3em .7em; text-align: center; border: 1px solid black; background-color: silver; width: 20%;"]]
Observational Log 8612.OL.11
[[/cell]]
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[[/cell]]
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Subject
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
SCP-8612-6, SCP-8612-15, SCP-8612-34, SCP-8612-39 
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
[[cell style="text-align: center; padding: .3em .7em; border: 1px solid black"]]
Preface
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
During a scheduled containment check, four SCP-8612 instances were found in a severely damaged state, with visible tears and missing limbs. 
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[row]]
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Results
[[/cell]]
[[cell style="border: 1px solid black; padding: .3em .7em;"]]
SCP-8612-6, SCP-8612-15, SCP-8612-34, and SCP-8612-39 had apparently engaged in an altercation so severe that multiple instances sustained structural damage. SCP-8612-15, despite missing an arm, continued to berate SCP-8612-34 for "rejecting apostolic succession." SCP-8612-34, who had lost a leg, countered by proclaiming, "Baptism is only for believers, and you are all in error!"

Foundation personnel intervened and carefully collected the damaged instances for repairs. During the restoration process, SCP-8612-6 refused to acknowledge the medical personnel, instead muttering about the "chaos of reformation." SCP-8612-39 expressed gratitude for the repairs but insisted that free will played a role in its restoration, while SCP-8612-15 claimed it had been "predestined" to be repaired.

Once fully restored, all instances were returned to the containment unit. They immediately resumed theological debate and completely disregarded their prior injuries.
[[/cell]]
[[/row]]
[[/table]]
[[/collapsible]]

**Addendum 8612.3:** Request for Reassignment

Jesus Christ—no pun intended.

I am officially requesting reassignment. Immediately. These things are unbearable. The sheer auditory chaos they generate is beyond anything I have ever encountered. They never stop arguing, they never agree on anything, and worst of all… they all think they're right. I’ve watched one shout for six hours straight about the Council of Chalcedon. Six. Hours. Straight.

Every time I try to get them to settle down, they just turn on me. I've been called an unbeliever, a heretic, a blasphemer, and yesterday, SCP-8612-21 tried to excommunicate me, while SCP-8612-12 declared me “theologically insignificant!” Do you know how it feels to be called theologically insignificant by a 1.4-inch piece of rubber? I do. And I hate it!

If I have to listen to one more argument about consubstantiation vs. transubstantiation, I’m going to start throwing them into separate containment boxes just for my own sanity. The other day, security had to step in because SCP-8612-5 and SCP-8612-33 were trying to bite each others’ heads off. It would’ve been funny if it wasn’t so loud.

I’m done. I’m out. Let some other poor soul deal with them. I’ll take anything—the lizard, the old man, the mask—literally anything over this.

—Dr. Sylvian Adams

 
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box
|author= Jobah619 and pudds]]
> **Filename:** yeshua.jpeg
> **Author:** jobah619
> **License:** CC BY-SA 3.0
> **Source Link:** [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-8612 SCP Foundation Wiki]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]
 
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