SCP-8913

Link to article: SCP-8913.

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[[include component:preview
text=
In which Bohart is laughed out of a Site.
]]

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@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Playfair+Display:ital,wght@0,900;1,900&display=swap');

:root {
    --logo-image: url("http://scpdsandbox.wdfiles.com/local--files/site-333/At3.png");
    --header-title: "SITE-333";
    --header-subtitle: "HEAVEN ON EARTH";
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[[/module]]
[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

[[include component:image-block
    name= site333.png|
    caption= Site-333, c. 1989, prior to burning down in 1992.
|
    width=300px
]]

**Item #:** SCP-8913

**Object Class:** Euclid

**Special Containment Procedures:** As SCP-8913 only affects Site-333's interior, no direct containment procedures are necessary. All personnel stationed at Site-333 are to be briefed on SCP-8913 and must report any instances of the anomaly taking place in their presence.

**Description:** SCP-8913 is an auditory anomaly manifesting at Site-333. Affected personnel report hearing a sound, similar to that of a pre-recorded laugh track used in various popular sitcoms, at seemingly random moments and locations. The source of the anomaly is yet to be traced.

**Addendum 8913.1:** The following is an abridged log of recorded SCP-8913 instances and attempts to intentionally manifest the anomaly.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**23/01/1991:** Dr. Rutherford cuts his finger while examining documents; SCP-8913 is heard in his office for approximately five seconds. The anomaly was reported shortly afterward, and SCP-8913 was classified.
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**24/01/1991:** D-1221 is instructed to cut his right index finger with a sheet of paper in a controlled environment. D-1221 complies, however, SCP-8913 fails to manifest.

**24/01/1991:** D-1221 is instructed to cut his left index finger with a sheet of paper in a controlled environment. D-1221 complies, however, SCP-8913 fails to manifest.

**24/01/1991:** D-1221 expels flatulence. SCP-8913 is heard for approximately 5 seconds within the testing chamber.

**24/01/1991:** D-1221 is ordered to slip on a banana peel in a controlled environment. D-1221 complies, however, SCP-8913 fails to manifest.

**24/01/1991:** D-1221 is ordered to slip on a banana peel in a controlled environment. D-1221 refuses to comply and is subdued by Guard Newby. After issuing a beating to D-1221, Newby backs away from him and slips on the banana peel. SCP-8913 is heard for approximately 7 seconds within the testing chamber.
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**25/02/1991.** Dr. Haaland is informed that his residence has been destroyed by a kitchen fire. SCP-8913 is heard throughout the personnel offices for 15 seconds, alongside loud clapping.
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**01/03/1991.** Researcher Quinn is informed of his termination due to unrelated protocol violations. SCP-8913 is heard in the entirety of Site-333, alongside loud clapping and cheering for 20 seconds.
[[/div]]
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**Addendum 8913.2:** Following various noise and disruption complaints caused by SCP-8913, Site-333 administration voted on attempting to decommission the anomaly. The ensuing vote resulted in a 5-2-2 score in favor of decommissioning SCP-8913.  Attached below is an abridged log of attempted measures taken.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Plan:** Site-333 open mic comedy night.

**Reasoning Conspectus:** SCP-8913 reacts to humorous events, perhaps giving it more of what it wants will sate it and it will go away.

**Status:** **##green|APPROVED##**

**Results:** SCP-8913 failed to manifest once throughout the 4 hours of the event. Decommissioning attempt failed.
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Plan:** Kill the entire D-class population of Site-333.

**Reasoning Conspectus:** SCP-8913 is known to enjoy the suffering of others. By inflicting suffering, we may appease it and cause it to demanifest.

**Status:** **##red|DENIED##**

**Results:** Researcher Carlos was admonished for this suggestion. SCP-8913 was heard throughout the Site when Carlos was informed he would be docked a month of pay for his behavior.
[[/div]]

**Addendum 8913.3:** On 30/06/1991, Vincent Bohart was scheduled to visit Site-333 and take over from Director Nolan Goode. As he arrived, it was noted that SCP-8913 began to be audible throughout the Site. Attached below is an interview carried out with Bohart following his arrival and discovery of interaction with SCP-8913.


[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Interviewed:** V. Bohart

**Interviewee:** N. Goode, Site-333 Director

**Note:** The interview began outside of Site-333 approximately 15 minutes after Bohart's arrival and discovery of interaction with SCP-8913.

**<BEGIN LOG>**

**Goode:** Hello, Vince. 

**Bohart:** Hey, Nolan. Your Site is laughing at me.

**Goode:** Yup. I see you discovered our Site's little, uh, problem.

**Bohart:** Problem? Here I was thinking that it was just some cruel prank on me. 

**Goode:** No, we wouldn't do that to you. 

**Bohart:** That's good to hear at least. So what is this, some sort of anomaly? And what's with the recorder? Don't tell me you're going to interview me.

**Goode:** I just want to record everything we do for posterity. As for it being an anomaly, yes. Here, let me show you the documentation.

//[There is a brief silence as Bohart reviews SCP-8913's documentation.]//

**Bohart:** Well I'll be damned. Okay. So you have a canned laugh anomaly affecting your Site. But why does it go off when I enter the building?

**Goode:** Maybe you're just naturally funny.

**Bohart:** //[Bohart laughs.]// You think so?

**Goode:** Maybe. Or maybe the things that happen to you are funny too.

**Bohart:** Well, funny things do happen to me. And I think I'm pretty funny too.

**Goode:** Fair enough. Why don't we go talk inside? It's almost lunchtime.

**Bohart:** I don't want the mean laughter SCP to laugh at me just for existing though.

**Goode:** Oh, stop it. We've dealt with it for months, surely a few hours of it won't hurt you.

**Bohart:** Fine. Does the cafeteria have saltwater taffy?

**Goode:** It does, yes.

//[Bohart and Goode approach the Site. The slight creaking sound of the doors opening is audible after Goode inputs his security code. SCP-8913 is heard as Bohart enters, with loud clapping, cheering, and whooping.]//

**Bohart:** //[Yelling over SCP-8913]// Yes, yes, very funny. I love an audience! How are we tonight, Atlantic City?

**Goode:** //[Yelling over SCP-8913]// Come on, this way.

**Bohart:** Wow, this place is nice. You have a whole cafeteria here?

**Goode:** Uh, I think that's pretty standard. What do you normally do for lunch? 

**Bohart:** I just grab stuff from the breakroom fridge //[chuckles].// It's a great thing about working with the anomalous, plenty of reasons an employee's lunch could go missing.

//[Bohart begins walking backwards, looking at the opposite direction.]//

**Goode:** Vince, look out behind y—

**Bohart:** Whoa!

//[Bohart slips and falls on the recently cleaned floor, landing on top of the wet floor sign.]//

**Goode:** You okay there?

//[SCP-8913 becomes uproarious in volume, reaching 180 dB throughout the site.]//

**Bohart:** About as good as someone who just fell could be...

//[Bohart attempts to stand but slips on the wet ground again. His left shoe slips off and hits him in the groin.]//

**Goode:** Let me help you up.

//[SCP-8913's laughter appears to become labored, with various previously laughing voices beginning to cough.]//

**Bohart:** //[Gasping]// I uh, I don't want to get up and fall again.

**Goode:** Come on now. Don't be like that.

//[Goode helps Bohart to his feet, but his glasses fall from his face and hit the ground. One of the lenses is cracked.]//

**Bohart:** Great. Just fucking fantastic.

//[Bohart bends over to pick up his glasses and puts them back on.]//

**Goode:** There you are. Alright, let's go get you an icepack from the cafeteria.

//[SCP-8913's laughter has been largely reduced to coughing and wheezing and lowering in volume.]//

**Bohart:** Let me just get my shoe. Fucking laughing Site.

//[Bohart's glasses drop from his face again, and he accidentally steps on them. The glasses are broken beyond repair.]//

//[SCP-8913's volume has become minimal, with very few voices still wheezing.]//

**Goode:** I uh... I'm sorry Vince. At least the Foundation has good optometrists, right?

**Bohart:** I guess. Especially now that I'm getting a promotion, right?

//[Bohart bends over to pick up his glasses and shoe. As he fully leans over, he expels flatulence.]//

//[SCP-8913 produces a final, hacking cough, then ceases.]//

**Bohart:** Oops. Excuse me.

//[There is a ten-second silence.]//

**Goode:** Vincent, I think we just successfully decommissioned 8913.

**Bohart:** We?! What do you mean we?!

**Goode:**  Okay, don't get mad at me, but...

//[Goode turns off his recording device.]//

**<END LOG>**

**Note:** SCP-8913 has failed to manifest in Site-333 following this event. Director Goode was commended for utilizing Bohart's accident-prone nature to the benefit of the Site and Dir. Bohart was awarded a free meal voucher redeemable in the Site's cafeteria. The anomaly's documentation is currently pending reclassification to Decommissioned.
[[/div]]
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:wikimodule |normal= --]]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box
|author=Uncle Nicolini]]

> **Filename:** site333.png
> **Name:** View of house between two casinos - Town of Atlantic City, North end of Absecon Island, South of Absecon Channel, Atlantic City, Atlantic County, NJ HABS NJ,1-ATCI,19-3 (CT).tif
> **Author:** Jack Boucher 
> **License:** Public Domain
> **Source Link:** [https://commons.m.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:View_of_house_between_two_casinos_-_Town_of_Atlantic_City,_North_end_of_Absecon_Island,_South_of_Absecon_Channel,_Atlantic_City,_Atlantic_County,_NJ_HABS_NJ,1-ATCI,19-3_(CT).tif#mw-jump-to-license Wikimedia Commons]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]

SCP-8913

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