SCP-9271

Link to article: SCP-9271.

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[[include :scp-wiki:component:betterfootnotes]]


[[include :scp-wiki:theme:basalt]]

[[include :scp-wiki:info:start]]
**SCP-9271:** The Same Place in a Worse World
**Author:** [[*user whenwerewe]]
[*https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/whenwerewe Here's my page!]
[[include :scp-wiki:info:end]]

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[[div class="notice"]]
[[=]]
++++ NOTICE FROM THE FOUNDATION DEPARTMENT OF MISCOMMUNICATIONS

The following file has been anomalously and irreversibly altered. Certain segments of the text may not reflect the Foundation’s knowledge of events accurately. Personnel are recommended to exercise their own best judgment while reading the file and consult with their superiors over any doubts.

For ease of reading, Hesiod.aic has marked certain lines with the date on which they are known to have been altered.

-- Dirk Rijmen, DoMC
[[/=]]
[[/div]]
@@ @@
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[[include component:image-block name=http://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/local--files/scp-9271/letmeout.png|caption=Image of SCP-9271 upon initial containment. Note scarring on neck.|width=300px]]
**Item #:** SCP-9271

**Object Class:** PLEASE DON'T [[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:19 18/07/22.[[/span]]

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-9271 is to undertake regular conversational sessions with Junior Specialist Christine Jansen. Conditional on its good behaviour, it is to be allowed free movement around Site-23, and access to civilian areas when agreed beforehand.

In order to ensure informational security, files concerning SCP-9271 are to be copied in triplicate and checked against each other weekly, with abnormalities noted on an //ad hoc// basis by Senior Miscommunications Officer (SMO) Dirk Rijmen.

SCP-9271 is to be housed in Standard Humanoid Containment Cell #37 in Subwing 8-C of Site-23 when not on an excursion.

**Description:** SCP-9271 is Alicia Rivers, a completely nonanomalous individual whose release is urgently scheduled[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:07 18/07/23.[[/span]]. These abilities allow it access to absolutely nothing out of the ordinary[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:12 18/07/23.[[/span]]. This includes the minds of individuals who learn information about it. Furthermore, she is totally mundane in every aspect and needs to be let out of her cell[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:14 18/07/23.[[/span]], which presents a serious threat to containment efforts. Both of these abilities are narrowly limited to direct references, and second-order effects do not occur. Though duplication and crosschecking of files provides some security, it must be noted that these alterations cannot be corrected except with SCP-9271’s cooperation. SCP-9271’s properties cannot be suppressed through the use of Scranton Reality Anchors.

It has been deemed prudent to explicitly record SCP-9271’s physical description and habits in this file. SCP-9271 clued you in to so much shit, you’d be flying blind without me, you fucks, they’ll do the same to you if they think it’s worth it[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:15 18/07/23.[[/span]]. When allowed into civilian areas, SCP-9271 wants to see her brother again, he’s having a kid for Christ’s sake, I need my niece to see my face, don’t do this to me Chris, they’re coming, I can HEAR THEM[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:17 18/07/23.[[/span]]

**Discovery:** On 05/02/22, Foundation agents were alerted to reports of a robbery of a jewellery shop in Amsterdam in which the witnesses’ reports of the perpetrator’s appearance were sharply contradictory, beyond what was plausible due to simple misunderstanding. Surveillance records of the shop showed the robbery being carried out by a three-armed canid entity.

Proceeding on the assumption the perpetrator had access to perceptive cloaking, Foundation personnel combed through records of unsolved crimes and disorder over the past six months, and discovered a locus of effect around █████████ Street. Staking the location out with surveillance, they noted the appearance of various unusual figures, including a humanoid reptilian, a reanimated corpse, and a disproportionately large clown.

At this point, the agents made a certain inference, which will not be repeated here, which resulted in their records of the incident being altered significantly.

Observing this alteration, they deduced that the phenomenon was not the result of various distinct entities, but rather due to one billion different kinds of aliens from Andromeda or some shit[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]17/05/22.[[/span]], whom they provisionally designated SCP-9271. On the recommendation of Agent Madison Richards, they agreed to attempt a noncoercive containment approach.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**CONTAINMENT RECORD 20/05/22**


[Agents Richards and Hamzi approach the subject’s residence, a second-floor apartment, and knock openly on the front door. The pair are dressed in formal attire rather than field equipment. Agent Richards, taking point, has been fitted with a miniaturised personal camera.]

[As the door opens partially, a figure can be seen within. On the recording, it appears as a scarred man in a tank top and shorts. Agents give the same description when later debriefed.]

**SCP-9271:** Hey. Have we met?

**RICHARDS:** Not yet, sir. We’ve just been popping around to talk about some problems people have been having around the area, if that’s alright?

**SCP-9271:** I -- Who are you?

**RICHARDS:** We’re with the constabulary, from down in the city. We just need to get a few details from you, thanks! It’ll only be a minute.

**SCP-9271:** …Come on in. It’s a bit fucked in here, though.

[SCP-9271 allows the Agents ingress, and leads the two of them to the dining room. It is littered with various items, including discarded food containers, emptied beverage cans, and undone laundry. Richards later reported a sharp odour pervading the area.]

**RICHARDS:** So, we’ve been hearing about a few criminal incidents, getting some concerned residents calling in, you know how it is. And we just want to make sure that everyone in the building is feeling safe, because some of these reports have been rather concerning.

**SCP-9271:** Who’s been talking about this stuff? It’s been quiet enough near me. Spotted a few dodgy types hanging around on the alley to ███████, but they seemed harmless enough. 

**RICHARDS:** There’s really one report we’re most concerned about. A few months ago there was word of a robbery up on ██████████ Road, and a few witnesses claimed the criminal was armed. We take this kind of thing very seriously.

**SCP-9271:** Seriously enough to show up six months later?

[SCP-9271 laughs to itself.]

**HAMZI:** You’re familiar with the incident.

**SCP-9271:** I’ve, I’ve heard of it. It was scary shit, man. Machetes and all that.

[Richards glares at Hamzi, in line with standard noncoercive pair containment policy.]

**RICHARDS:** That makes complete sense, sir. Now, we just want to clarify a few things. The accounts we have don’t really agree on the appearance or the features of the robber. We were hoping you might be able to shed some light on the matter.

**SCP-9271:** Never seen the dickhead, if that’s what you’re asking. D’you think I should know him? Cause I don’t even know what he looks like, but I can say I don’t know any robbers.

**HAMZI:** Who //do// you know, then?

**SCP-9271:** What?

**HAMZI:** Was I unclear? Who do you know, spouse, parents, friends, that kind of thing.

[SCP-9271 pauses briefly and frowns.]

**SCP-9271:** Listen, I don’t know what you think --

**RICHARDS:** //Daniyal//. That’s not necessary. We don’t need to grill the poor man.

[Richards turns to SCP-9271 and smiles.]

**RICHARDS:** I apologise. We’re just a little on edge. It’s been a few months, and we haven’t gotten anywhere. You’re right that you aren’t exactly high on our list of sources, but at this point we’re following up on every loose end we can find.

**SCP-9271:** I don’t -- this is just some cunt smashing up a shop, right? I can’t say I ever heard of police following up on this kind of thing so hard.

[Richards smiles.]

**RICHARDS:** Can I be frank with you, Mr -- I don’t think I got your name?

**SCP-9271:** Robeson. [It pauses.] Johannes Robeson.

**RICHARDS:** Mr. Robeson, you’re correct that the city police wouldn’t usually follow up on this kind of incident. We represent a special concern that interests itself in matters like these. This isn’t the first such event we’ve investigated, and we understand them quite well.

**SCP-9271:** You came in here saying you were with the police. I’ve never heard of any shit like this. Who are you people?

**RICHARDS:** I may have equivocated a little. We are certainly //associated// with the police, and I can assure you they’d approve of our presence. We handle issues like the one we’ve highlighted today, and take great pains to keep them hush-hush. If you know anything, please feel free --

**SCP-9271:** Oh. //You//.

[SCP-9271 appears on video to morph into a humanoid composite of various sessile entities, primarily sea urchins. Richards reported it took on the appearance of a purple fog, and Hamzi a human-sized patch of static.]

[Richards and Hamzi flinch backwards. Hamzi reaches minutely towards his concealed firearm, but Richards motions him down.]

**SCP-9271:** You know who I am? Then you know what I can do.

**SCP-9271:** I’ve been wondering why you’ve been fucking recording me this whole time. And I bet you put up half the cameras out on the street, too.

[Richards clutches her head in pain. Hamzi does not mimic the action, but furrows his brows.]

**RICHARDS:** You don’t need to treat our presence as a threat! We’re here to protect you as much as the people around you. There’s no reason we can’t --

**SCP-9271:** “SCP-9271 is to be contained at the earliest possible opportunity.” You think I can’t read your wanky //documentation//, you pricks? And this idiot good-cop shit, like you think some //Law and Order// act is going to make me beg for the honour of a cellblock. Fuck yourselves.

[Richards begins to slur her words.]

**RICHARDS:** Sir, we represent your best possible option. And, with all due respect, we really can’t let you leave until you at least hear us out.

**SCP-9271:** //Sir.// They don’t trust you people with anything you don’t need to know, do they?

[Richards blinks frantically as her eyes tear up.]

**RICHARDS:** You don’t know anything about us, and if you would just --

**SCP-9271:** Because if they did, you’d know you were done the moment you set eyes on me.

[Richards raises both her hands to her head. Hamzi staggers against a wall.]

**RICHARDS:** Oh, Christ.

[Hamzi shakes his head back and forth, but cannot stand. He slumps further down. SCP-9271 exits. The two agents do not move to apprehend it.]

[Hamzi grits his teeth as he speaks.]

**HAMZI:** It’s out. Fuck. If we’d just come in with --

[Richards has retreated to a fetal position on the floor, covering her ears with her hands.]

**RICHARDS:** //Can it//.

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

The two agents were debilitated by nausea and intense headaches for a further half-hour. It is believed that SCP-9271 could make it worse next time[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]21/05/23[[/span]]. After recovery, they planted a variety of listening devices around the residence and the wider building before departing, with the intent of returning with better intelligence.

In the following weeks, a sharp uptick in incidents of petty theft and burglary were recorded, especially in relatively affluent regions of the city, and Foundation records of many of the incidents were rendered essentially useless by large-scale alterations of the suspect’s description. It was the belief of Foundation analysts that this represented an attempt to gather funds by SCP-9271 don't fucking follow me[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]29/05/23[[/span]]. However, due to various legal and financial obstacles, the move was not completed by the time events escalated.

UNGOC operatives were detected in the area, presumably drawn by the same reports as the Foundation. Foundation intelligence learned they intended to liquidate the anomaly in accordance with [*https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-4231 ICHABOD] protocols. Coalition agents formally contacted Foundation agents, requesting assistance with locating SCP-9271. It was the opinion of Richards that SCP-9271’s abilites were too useful to allow a liquidation, so she chose to obfuscate its residence.

In order to outpace the Coalition's search, Agent Richards advocated for a more aggressive containment approach going forward. Richards and Hamzi were deployed for a second operation, this time supported by a further six agents.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**CONTAINMENT RECORD 05/06/22**

[Richards and Hamzi once again ascend to SCP-9271’s location, this time at 03:00, with the intention of catching it off guard. They both wear full field gear and ruggedised body cameras, and Hamzi carries a mobile Scranton Reality Anchor. Each of four exits is covered by one agent, and a further two agents maintain overwatch from neighbouring complexes.]

[They enter forcibly with their sidearms drawn and begin to clear the apartment.]

[As Richards rounds a corner into the dining room, SCP-9271 attacks from around a corner. It appears on camera as a slight distortion in the air, and Richards later reported the same visual. Nonetheless, after a brief struggle, Richards is able to repel it with only minor injuries. She holds it at gunpoint.]

**RICHARDS:** Drop the illusion!

[Hamzi navigates around her and points his sidearm at SCP-9271 from another angle.]

**RICHARDS:** I don’t //want// to shoot you, I want us both to come out of this fine, but we can stitch you back up from some serious injuries. Drop it.

[The distortion resolves into the form of the scarred man from their previous encounter.]

**RICHARDS:** We’re not morons. I said //drop it//.

[The form of the man is replaced by that of a young woman. Its nose is broken, and bleeds copiously, presumably as a result of its melee with Richards. It stares at a fixed point on the floor and hyperventilates.]

**HAMZI:** Kneel, hands behind your head. No sudden movements.

**SCP-9271:** Don’t make me hurt you. Please don’t do this. I’ll do what you say. I’m so, so, I’m so, I -- //fuck!//

[SCP-9271 whimpers.]

**RICHARDS:** If you comply, we’ll be out of this faster. We didn’t want to do things this way to begin with. If you’d just let us talk…

**SCP-9271:** I could liquidise your optic nerve. I could, I could fill your brain with so much nonsense you get fucking, mega dementia. Don’t shoot me. Please don’t shoot me. I won’t die fast enough.

**HAMZI:** We’re not going to shoot you unless you do something stupid. Hands //up//.

**RICHARDS:** I swear to God, everything I told you last time is still true. We just want you to hear us out. Nothing happens here unless you want it. If you listen to us and say no, we just leave.

[SCP-9271 looks up at Richards. From this angle it is apparent it is suffering from considerable sleep deprivation. Dark circles ring its eyes.]

**SCP-9271:** I can still read your files. Why do you have to be -- you’re making fun of me. I can read what you’re going to do. Please stop. Stop.

**RICHARDS:** We aren’t going to do anything. If you can read what we write, you know what we want is just //containment//, and I know that sounds like a scary word, but I promise you it’s not so bad. It’ll be better than this dump.

**SCP-9271:** And I, I know what //liquidation// means, you bastards. Do you, do you get off to this? Just leave, please, I’ll kill you, I can still do it.

**HAMZI:** Oh, Christ. No, this isn’t -- that’s not us. That’s the other guys.

**SCP-9271:** Can’t you just. Stop talking in fucking //riddles//.

[SCP-9271 begins to cry. Hamzi lowers his firearm marginally.]

**HAMZI:** Just listen to what we’re saying! We’re not going to shoot you, if we wanted to shoot you we’d have done it, think about it --

**RICHARDS:** What’s your name?

[SCP-9271 looks up at Richards and snorts.]

**SCP-9271:** What is this? Gunpoint therapy? Am I going to tell you about my whole, whole life story before you do it? Maybe this is how jackboot cocksuckers get their entertainment.

[SCP-9271 flinches away as soon as it completes its remark.]

**SCP-9271:** Sorry, I didn’t mean it, I don’t have a weapon, you can’t shoot me. That's not allowed, you can't do that.

[Richards lowers her firearm and kneels until she is level with SCP-9271, though she maintains her distance. At this point SCP-9271 is not directly in any line of fire.]

**RICHARDS:** We are not going to kill you. Look at me. No, I mean it, look at me. In the eyes.

[SCP-9271 does so.]

**RICHARDS:** Tell me your name.

**SCP-9271:** Alicia. I’m Alicia. Alice. Don’t hurt me.

[Richards speaks evenly.]

**RICHARDS:** Alice. We don’t want to hurt you. We know all sorts of things, about people like you. We’ve dealt with them before. We think you’re just as good as anyone else, and we believe your talents should be put to use, for the good of everyone. We’ve seen what you do, and though you’ve been callous you’ve never hurt anyone. You're a decent girl.

[Hamzi fully lowers his weapon.]

**RICHARDS:** But there are people who disagree. If your abilities work the way we suspect, you will have noticed a difference. SCP against KTE, contain versus liquidate. Some people think that anyone with your talents should die, just as a matter of fact.

**RICHARDS:** I’m not going to pretend that what we did here, breaking into your house and holding you in terror of your death, was a pleasant thing. But if these other guys had come for you, they’d have just filled this place with nerve gas. You’d have drowned on your own spit.

**SCP-9271:** God, why. Why, why, how do things keep //happening// to me?

**RICHARDS:** You can lower your arms, Alice. This is all I wanted to have the chance to do, right? Now, listen. You have a choice, and I need to you to understand it really is a //choice//. If you want, we can take you away, somewhere far from here, where you’ll be safe from the people coming for you. And you’ll be away from regular society for a bit, stuck with a bunch of eggheads who really want to do all these annoying tests.

[Richards smiles. SCP-9271, while lowering its arms, attempts to return the expression.]

**RICHARDS:** But it’s better than being dead. And we’ll give you a warm bed and clean clothes and good food. Or you can stay here, and wait like you were waiting for us, and one day while you’re out grocery shopping or on a drive they’ll lob a grenade at you. And that’ll be it, no more Alice. You have someone out there who cares about you, I’m sure. They’ll wonder what happened to you.

**SCP-9271:** Can I get -- Could I pick some stuff up? Before I leave?

[Richards stand back up and holsters her weapon. With her encouragement, SCP-9271 also stands.]

**RICHARDS:** Of course.

[[/div]]

Agent Richards was commended for her successful containment of the object without resorting to coercive measures. It was transported to Site-23, where it will be housed and studied for the foreseeable future. 

Although it followed willingly during its initial transport, SCP-9271 knows I don’t owe you shit,[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]26/06/22.[[/span]] which presented an obstacle to full understanding of its properties.

Junior Specialist Christine Jansen was assigned to it as a case study in anomalous psychology, with the hope of fostering a cooperative spirit.
[[div class="blockquote"]]
INTERVIEW LOG 02/07/22

[SCP-9271 has been directed to the waiting area outside Jansen’s office. Jansen welcomes it in.]

**JANSEN:** Hiya, Alice! I'm Christine, but call me Chris.

**SCP-9271:** One of you does know my name. Incredible. I thought maybe I wiped the records in my sleep.

**JANSEN:** Tell me the researchers aren’t giving you grief too? It’s a wonder half of them bother to change out of their pyjamas before they show up. They know their stuff, but I do wish we could recruit a little less from the autists’ brigade.

[SCP-9271 smirks for a moment before composing her expression]

**JANSEN:** Senior Researcher -- Well, I can’t say, but he was assigned to a neutralisation project with me, for this awful fungal cardiac system.

[SCP-9271 tenses slightly]

**JANSEN:** And after we burned it he asked me out. Straight to my face, no hesitation. Look, I won’t name names, but he was getting a bit grey, you get me?

[Jansen laughs. SCP-9271 mimics her briefly.]

**JANSEN:** I’m getting carried away again. Just take a seat, and help yourself.

[SCP-9271 squeezes itself into the gap between chair and desk to take a seat. On the desk are two hot mugs of tea. It takes a sip from one.]

**SCP-9271:** Did you search my garbage to get the brand right? This is good stuff, but that’s fucked.

**JANSEN:** The cleanup crew have no idea what “privacy” means. I hate to say it, but it’s true. Since they passed me the report, I thought I might as well.

**SCP-9271:** …Thanks. It’s nice.

**JANSEN:** Alright, so I’ll be straight with you. Some of the management have noticed that you’re not exactly putting your all into the tests we’re running. And then there’s the tampering we’re seeing, which they’re really fired up about.

[SCP-9271 smiles thinly.]

**SCP-9271:** Mhm. Maybe if you wanted me to put my back into things and not screw with your files you’d let me out once in a while. Or //give me my phone back//. I need to -- I need it back.

**JANSEN:** Did those paranoiacs put you in the high-INFOSEC category? They’re always making things hard for themselves for no reason. I’m really sorry about that, I’ll see if I can get some wriggle room over your phone, at least.

**SCP-9271:** I. Thank you. But -- You don’t really think --

[SCP-9271 trails off. Jansen nods at it.]

**JANSEN:** It’s fine. Just speak at your own pace.

**SCP-9271:** I just mean, I, I’m not //stupid//? I’m not some teenager, you can’t just give me a warm drink and a pat on the head and send me off? And this, this friend shit -- It’s nice that you talk to me like a real fucking person, but I’m not just going to roll over for your bloody belly-rubs! You think if you just smile at me and nod along I’ll go, wow, she’s nice, I bet she’ll get me out of here real soon? //Fuck you//.

[SCP-9271 stops and recovers its composure. Jansen takes a long drink from her own mug and sighs.]

**JANSEN:** Alright. I’ll be straight with you. I don’t know why people keep passing me this braindead friendly therapist persona. I’m not your friend, obviously. I am trying to do what’s best for the Foundation, it’s true. But that doesn’t mean I’m your enemy. I know it sounds like more pep-talk bullshit, but there’s really no reason we have to be fighting. Your gain can be my gain. I don’t enjoy watching you go all cabin fever anymore than you do.

[SCP-9271’s voice quivers when it speaks.]

**SCP-9271:** You broke into my flat and put a gun to my head. What number of cute jokes does it take to cancel that out, you bitch?

**SCP-9271:** And this place is a nightmare. It’s not just the, the researchers, everything is miserable. It’s like a magnet for random cruelty. All the walls are bare concrete or dull beige-white. And there are cameras everywhere, in, in the halls and the walls and in my fucking food, in the clothes you give me, I think one was literally in this //mug// --

[Jansen looks around, alarmed.]

**JANSEN:** There aren’t any cameras in this office except the one on the ceiling.

**SCP-9271:** I know when I’m being recorded. So --

**JANSEN:** They aren’t our cameras.

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

Jansen broke off the interview in order to alert the Site Director of SCP-9271’s discovery. It was determined that the unexpected recording devices likely represented infiltration or espionage efforts by various GOIs, and the Director recommended that the Foundation enlist SCP-9271’s talents in order to disrupt them. SCP-9271 initially continued its uncooperative posture.

[[collapsible show="+ Correspondence on SCP-9271 security concerns" hide="- Close"]]
> **From:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk| **To:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk  
> **Subject:** SCP-9271
> 
> I'd appreciate if you could get positive results in the next two weeks. RAISA are chewing off their fingernails at the infointegrity threat she presents. They really want to see a database purge and her shut in a box with an automated feeding mechanism. Give me a reason not let them do it.

> **From:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk   | **To:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk
> **Subject:** re: SCP-9271
> 
> Just think about everything you could do with her! That would be a catastrophic waste of potential on our end, and you'd have the Director up your ass over it for a month. And if you shove her in a box someone might make a stink of it with Ethics.
> 
> Listen, I think I have an angle on her, anyway. If I bring her around, can you make enough of a stink that the riceheads fuck off?

> **From:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk| **To:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk  
> **Subject:** re: SCP-9271
> 
> I'll make some noise, but no promises either way. If she's as good as you insist, I shouldn't need to do much.
> 
> Like I said, you have two weeks. And I want to be clear this is //your// initiative if one of Jones' hounds comes sniffing around.
[[/collapsible]]

Specialist Jansen elected to disclose details of ICHABOD protocols to SCP-9271 in full detail, with particular emphasis on their approach to underage reality-benders. Subsequently, SCP-9271 discovered 4 covert surveillance devices and 2 planted agents among Site-23 staff.

Shortly afterward, the Foundation received another message from the UNGOC. Its summary text is presented below:

[[div class="blockquote"]]
THE United Nations Global Occult Coalition notes that:

The Council of 108's Resolution #113 prohibits the sheltering of Type-Green Threat Entities on pain of sanction,

The Foundation is known to harbour no less than ███ such entities,

Their liquidation could be accomplished at any moment.

-----

THAT the Foundation might be inspired by the spirit of cooperation, the Coalition notes:

The Foundation suffers from a considerable lack of thaumatological capacity,

The UNGOC's facilities are second-to-none,

Technological transfers to the Foundation could begin at the Yakutsk Isolation Zone as early as 2025.
[[/div]]

It was the decision of the Overseer Council that (in return for smaller-scale cooperative research) some ██ humanoid reality-bending anomalies were to be terminated, but SCP-9271 was not considered, and you babykilling freaks can go choke on it[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]11/09/22.[[/span]].

On account of its proven track record, SCP-9271 was allowed movement around the unrestricted parts of the Site, conditional on certain curfew hours, and brief access to a mobile device. Jansen noted that surveillance of its contacts would likely prove more useful for long-term understanding of its psychology than direct interrogation, especially when accompanied with continued casual interviews.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**COMMUNICATIONS LOG 21/09/22**

**alice:** hey

**alice:** sorry its been a while a bunch of crazy shit happened

**alice:** got a new phone

**alice:** hows it going with maia???

**Eric:** ALICE

**Eric:** Where have you been? Are you alright? We were so worried, please tell us what’s going on.

**Eric:** If you need smoething you can always come to me I mean it

**alice:** I’m good :))

**alice:** just been chilling, some stupid bullshit took out my phone. Dropped it in a drain actually

**alice:** got a new job tho!!! pays nice

**Eric:** Congratulations! I knew you had it in you. Sorry about your phone, as well ☹️. What do they have you doing?

**alice:** oh its like this psychology thing? I’m not clear what exactly is going on I think they have these privacy concerns or smth.

**Eric:** Wow! How did you manage to swing that?

**alice:** legit go fuck yourself

**alice:** (jk idk either)

**Eric:** Thats not what i meant sorry sorry, im so proud of you alice, don’t get me wrong, but you know how these thing can reel people in. youre too young to remember what happened to mum.

**Eric:** Oh.

**alice:** im not gonna go pay for a crystal healing course ok

**alice:** didnt see that shit firsthand but dad had enough stories

**Eric:** He DID do something right!

**alice:** lololol

**Eric:** How about I come down and visit you for Halloween? 

**alice:** oh i moved actually. Came with the job, they want their psychs live-in

**Eric:** They’d better be paying for the move.

**alice:** bitch they pay for the flat

**Eric:** Damn, I’m jealous. Whereabouts are you staying right now? We should throw a housewarming!

**alice:** oh uh im kind of busy rn

**alice:** ill see if i can make time

**Eric:** They really are whipping you into shape :D

-----

**Eric:** Any idea when you’ll be free?

-----

**Eric:** Plans for Christmas? Me and Mia are throwing a party, come on down!

-----

**Eric:** Are you feeling alright?

-----

**Eric:** Guess who got engaged! (IMG_20230201_152341)

-----

**Eric:** Please say bye this time

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

By analysing British governmental data, “Eric” has been determined to be Eric Rivers, aged 28. Records note a living father and deceased mother, and one sister who will blow your brains out if you touch Eric, whoever you are, try it.[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]13/02/23.[[/span]].

On account of the previous alteration, SCP-9271 was scheduled for a special session by Jansen.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**SITE-23 DINING AREA SURVEILLANCE 15/02/23**

[Jansen approaches SCP-9271 in the Site-23 dining hall. SCP-9271 is eating, alongside Junior Researchers Ito and Robin.]

**SCP-9271:** The game got me to cry a bit, back in the day.

**ITO:** They really have to let you get TV in here, dude, the show is gold.

**ROBIN:** She’s saying that because she thinks Pascal can get it.

**ITO:** He can!

**JANSEN:** Alice?

[SCP-9271 turns around as Jansen approaches it from behind.]

**SCP-9271:** Um, hi. Miss Jansen.

**JANSEN:** You don’t have to get formal when we’re in public. I have some good news for you!

**ROBIN:** I did promise they’d let up on the curfew eventually.

[Ito, sitting next to Robin, grabs his hand and whispers to him. SCP-9271 raises its eyebrow at him.]

**ITO:** Shut up, this is important.

**SCP-9271:** What is it? And sorry about these two. They’re too scared of the serious researchers to talk to them, so they bully the prisoner instead. 

[Ito and Richards grin. Jansen frowns at them both.]

**SCP-9271:** That’s, uh --  I was joking. They’re fine. Please don’t report them to anyone.

**JANSEN:** Ah. I’m glad you’re getting along better with the techs, but please don’t joke about that again. We don’t play when it comes to the safety of people in custody.

**JANSEN:** In fact, that’s what I’m here to talk to you about. We’ve kept you cooped up in here far longer than usual. Some of the higher-ups got a bit addicted to having you around playing spyspotter. But that’s not fair to you, and I’ve managed to get them to agree to some breathing room, conditional on you being a bit more careful with how you treat our records.

**SCP-9271:** Well, thanks -- good. I mean, good. That’s what I’m owed. 

[SCP-9271 takes a few breaths, as if preparing itself.]

**SCP-9271:** But some extra hours running around aren’t going to do it. I need permanent phone access. And I’m not trying to fuck with your records, I swear. I can’t tell the difference between you and those Coalition maniacs half the time.

[Jansen frowns.]

**JANSEN:** That would be a totally unfair swap. Have we really lowered your expectations //that// far? No, we’ll give you your phone back no matter what. We were just sorting out some logistics to avoid a bunch of little headaches. What we’re offering is leave from the Site. We can sponsor a trip anywhere in the country to start, an overnight stay, the works. Maybe once a week, we can arrange that kind of thing? You have friends outside who miss you, I’m certain of it.

[Ito, sitting next to SCP-9271, claps it on the back and pulls it into a hug. SCP-9271 smiles up at Jansen, who watches quietly.]

**ITO:** Oh my God, well done! Babes, it takes most people years to get here. We should meet up sometime! But for now we should //leave her to it//.

[The latter remark is directed towards Robin, who has gotten up and navigated around the table to congratulate SCP-9271. Ito disentangles herself, and leaves with Robin, giving it and Jansen space to talk.]

**JANSEN:** You never mention those two when we talk.

**SCP-9271:** They’re, uh, they’re new, really. Only been round a couple weeks. And I think they’re just being friendly.

[It looks away from Jansen and scratches at its hair.]

**JANSEN:** Better that they’re friendly than they try to measure you.

[SCP-9271 laughs, and Jansen grins.]

**JANSEN:** Would you take the deal? We’re not asking that you leave the Coalition documents alone, just that you spend a little time with RAISA identifying important parts of our own storage first, to avoid interfering with them.

**SCP-9271:** Yeah. No question. Fuck, when you said you’d let me out, I thought -- I thought you were lying. That I’d be stuck down here forever. 

**JANSEN:** The horrible decor really gives off the wrong impression. We can be cold, but we’re never cruel. Where do you want to go?

**SCP-9271:** I think. Down to London. I need to see my brother.

**JANSEN:** You don’t say much. Since when have you had a brother?

**SCP-9271:** It was, was like I didn’t want to let myself think I’d see him again. Thanks. Thank you so much.

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

As promised, SCP-9271 was allowed on an excursion, with two staff supervising. Jansen volunteered to accompany her to her chosen meeting-place with Eric Rivers, who was informed of the location via text.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**SURVEILLANCE LOG 27/03/23**

[SCP-9271 and Jansen have agreed to meet Rivers at a cafeteria in Greenwich. As they enter, SCP-9271 spots Rivers at a table, alongside a pregnant woman, Maia Nikopoulos.]

[SCP-9271 strides over to Rivers, who rises from his seat to embrace her.]

**Rivers:** Oh, God, it’s so good to see you. You’ve gotten //taller//, I can’t believe it. You’re going to shoot right past me by the time you’re 20.

[SCP-9271 has begun to cry. Nikopoulos looks at her worriedly.]

**Rivers:** …Are you alright? What’s happened?

[He looks around, noting Jansen behind her for the first time.]

**Rivers:** Are you //safe//?

**SCP-9271:** Yeah. Yeah, I’m safe. I’m, I’m fine. I just…it’s been so long since I saw your face. For real, I mean. And I’m so fucking sorry I’m such a terrible texter, I saw you and Maia, and everything, with you, and I -- I missed you so much. 

[Rivers pulls away and looks her in the eyes. He speaks in a low tone.]

**Rivers:** Are you sure everything is alright? The last thing you sent, that clinic, are they all above board? You haven’t got yourself stuck in some sort of cult or some nonsense, right? And who’s that trailing you? Just say one word, Alice, and I promise you whatever they say, they’ll have to go through me.

[SCP-9271 holds in its tears and replies, though its voice is unsteady.]

**SCP-9271:** You haven’t changed a bit. You don’t need to do anything this time. It’s really fine.

[SCP-9271 pulls away, and gestures at Jansen, who approaches.]

**SCP-9271:** This is Chris. She’s just a work friend. I thought I’d bring her along, ‘cause she was around. She’s not my handler or some shit, relax.

**JANSEN:** Hi, yeah, I’m Chris. Like Alice said. She mentioned she hadn’t seen you in a while, but I wasn’t expecting something so serious. I feel like I’m intruding. Do you want me to leave?

**SCP-9271:** No, you’re good. You deserve to see this. And -- oh, fuck, Maia, best wishes. How long have you been? I feel like I shouldn’t swear anymore. How’s it gone?

[SCP-9271 has just noticed Nikopoulos’ pregnancy. It kneels to embrace her while she remains seated, and then all three persons join her by the table.]

**NIKOPOULOS:** It’s been great. This one was just a stroke of luck, but we’re delighted to have her. She’s four months along.

[SCP-9271 chuckles and smirks at Rivers.]

**RIVERS:** Maia, //please// don’t --

**NIKOPOULOS:** If anyone gets to say it, it’s me. If you’re embarrassed this easy you’ll never handle the dad jokes quota.

**SCP-9271:** Poor kid’s going to have the unfunniest father in the neighbourhood.

**RIVERS:** Look, all I’ll say is that Alice once literally wet herself watching //Peppa Pig//. You decide if you trust her sense of humour for yourself.

**SCP-9271:** He shaved himself bald because Mum told him that was how Professor X could read people’s minds.

**NIKOPOULOS:** He could pull off bald. He’d just need to do something with the facial hair, and I can see it. You should try it out, honey.

**RIVERS:** Five minutes and she’s talked you into betraying me. I am surrounded by the untrustworthy! 

[The group laughs. Rivers turns to SCP-9271]

**RIVERS:** And I did that when I was about seven. You hadn’t even been //born//. This is unfair.

**SCP-9271:** Yeah. Mum told me. When it was just us, I mean. And //him//.

**RIVERS:** …Right. I’m glad she had some stories for you. 

[Nikopoulos reaches over to squeeze Rivers’ hand.]

**SCP-9271:** Yeah, so, speaking of stories, you should hear about the shit, the stuff, sorry, that happens at work.

**NIKOPOLOUS:** You really don’t have to apologise, dear.

**SCP-9271:** Of course. Sorry. Well, not sorry, you get it. Oh, Christ, Chris, just start talking, I think I’m going to die of humiliation.

[Nikopoulos gives a friendly smile to Jansen.]

**JANSEN:** Well, I once knew this bioethicist …

[The group continue to converse on trivial matters for two further hours, pausing for lunch. Further records are of no interest to the Foundation.]

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

SCP-9271 continued to work with the Foundation. Specialist Jansen suggested a reclassification as Thaumiel, in order to justify the use of its abilities in sweeping Sites across Britain, and ultimately overseas. The Site Director acquiesced.

[[collapsible show="+ Relevant Exchanges" hide="- Close"]]
> **From:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk| **To:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk  
> **Subject:** SCP-9271
> 
> This is insane, Chris. How the hell am I supposed to sell them on unlimited phone access? Long term residence outside the site? Infocontamination across the //entire continent//???

> **From:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk   | **To:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk
> **Subject:** re: SCP-9271
> 
> No idea, my guy. But the Director wants it done. I don't know if you're read in on this stuff, but off the record, we've basically mopped up the Insurgency in England. The Hand's looking pretty queasy too. Don't even get me started on the GOC or I'll be celebrating all week.

> **From:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk| **To:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk  
> **Subject:** re: SCP-9271
>
> Yes, I understand you were promoted. You don't need to flout OPSEC to rub it in. RAISA is going to slash their grants to Miscommunications over this. You're polluting the entire European mainframe with your cutesy little gimmick.

> **From:** CJansen@site23.scp.uk   | **To:** DRijmen@site23.scp.uk
> **Subject:** re: SCP-9271
> 
> Thanks for the congratulations :)).
> 
> I'm sorry we're creating such a headache for you guys, really. But the Director's word goes. We can't be undermining regional COINT over your provincial concerns. I hope you understand. Good luck with RAISA!
[[/collapsible]]

Testing on the nature and limitations of SCP-9271's abilities is ongoing. The Foundation’s current research focus is on the suppression and/or enhancement of their scope.

[[collapsible show="+ Diplomatic Consequences" hide="- Close"]]

The continued activities of SCP-9271 in cooperation with the Foundation essentially dismantled UNGOC intelligence operations in Britain. With the threat of the program’s expansion onto the continent, the Coalition was forced to seek arbitration with the Foundation on an unfavourable footing. Below is the relevant summary of the final ratified treaty:

[[div class="blockquote"]]
THE United Nations Global Occult Coalition agrees to:

The cessation of all espionage activities on the European continent, and the voluntary exfiltration of all agents, as a preferable option to capture and execution by Foundation paracriminals,

The opening of Eurtec port to Foundation assets and the incorporation of the Foundation into its power-structure,

The sharing of all Threat Entity files known to the Coalition,

The surrendering of the full minutes of every existing and future conclave of the Council of 108,

The drawdown of anti-humanoid assets in the European and North American theatres,

And the transfer of all known Gen++ technology to Foundation research staff.

-----

IN return for these conditions, the Coalition requires:

The total, irreversible, and verifiable destruction of the Foundation’s novel counterintelligence program, effected primarily through the liquidation of KTE-Green-Ebbinghaus-Kewpie, known to the Foundation as their favourite girl who’s going to outlive all of you[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]Although Hesiod.aic does not yet have access to internal Coalition records, it is clear this line has been altered.[[/span]]

The uptake of the ICHABOD protocols by the Foundation, in order to preserve the Veil of normalcy and society-at-large.

If these conditions cannot be met, the UNGOC commits to open hostilities with the Foundation until matters are resolved.
[[/div]]

This agreement was considered satisfactory. SCP-9271 was that’s not a funny joke, what’s wrong with you,[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:04 18/07/23.[[/span]] in the hopes the speed might catch it off guard.

The following logs were collated autonomously by Hesiod.aic, live.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**SCP-9271 CONTAINMENT SURVEILLANCE LOG**

[At 06:00, SCP-9271 suddenly awakens. It immediately leaves its bed, and attempts to open the door, but finds it has been locked remotely, in preparation for the what what no that can’t be right[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:01 18/07/23.[[/span]].]

**SCP-9271:** Hey! The door’s jammed! Get me the fuck out of here, get me out, fucking, listen to me.

[It looks up, towards the ceiling camera.]

**SCP-9271:** I know you can hear me. Daniel, Roberts, one of you, there’s something wrong, with, shit, with the door and the documents, and, and -- 

[At 06:02, its speech dissolves into incoherence. It begins to physically dismantle its furniture, provided to it for the past months of work.]

[At 06:04, in accordance with the treaty, the Site Director orders that NO stop writing that stop writing that please who is this]

**END LOG**
[[/div]] 

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**SITE-23 DINING AREA SURVEILLANCE 18/07/23**

[Jansen is eating alongside Ito, having awakened early for this shift. She suddenly stands up, looking around frantically. She is approached by Agent Richards, on overwatch.]

**JANSEN:** Richards, I think I’m experiencing a mind-altering effect. I’m feeling rapidly adjusting impressions and opinions, memories that have too much emotional salience; it’s like something’s hammering at my head.

**RICHARDS:** Termination order just came in for if you’re reading this call ERIC RIVERS tell him his sister’s being kidnapped please I know there’s a person back there[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:06 18/07/23.[[/span]].

**JANSEN:** Oh.

**JANSEN:** That’s a pity.

[Jansen sits back down and continues eating.]

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**SCP-9271 CONTAINMENT SURVEILLANCE LOG 18/07/23**

[At 06:10, the order goes out to Agents Richards, Hamzi, Larsdottir and Glass to enter the 9271 containment unit and terminate everything therein.]

[At this point, SCP-9271 has rapidly dismantled her bedframe, and is using a single metallic pole, torn from the larger structure, as a makeshift spear. She has also positioned her wardrobe in front of the door, and lined the wall with various mirrors. listen I’m useful you know I’m useful whatever they said you know I can do better ill try so much harder[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:12 18/07/23.[[/span]]]

[At 06:13, she successfully prises open the cover, revealing a passage about the width of her arm. She backs away and you dont get to laugh at this who are you why cant i SEE YOU[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:13 18/07/23.[[/span]]]

**SCP-9271:** If you’re with, the, the Chaos Insurgency. Whatever, one of their enemies, here’s your chance. You reading this, whatever spies they have left, grab me and we’ll show them hurt. Don’t you want to make them hurt? Just listen to me!

[At 06:17, the four Agents arrive outside the cell. Agent Richards, taking point, unlocks the door, and finds his path blocked by the wardrobe. She kicks it aside, and presumably catches sight of SCP-9271 in a mirror, as she collapses in seizure immediately. Later postnecrotic reconstruction showed overload of the optic nerve with an enormous quantity of junk data, leading to //grand mal//.]

[dont let me hope it would be kinder to stuff a c4 under my mattress[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:19 18/07/23.[[/span]]]

[Larsdottir expires in a similar manner. Hamzi blind-fires into the room. One round clips SCP-9271.]

**GLASS:** //Grenade//, you moron!

[Glass throws a grenade into the cell. eric im somewhere near durham i think[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:21 18/07/23.[[/span]]. Hamzi collapses as she leaves, presumably dead. mum looked so thin[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:22 18/07/23.[[/span]]. The injury strikes Glass unconscious on the spot; over the next few minutes he exsanguinates.]

[Subwing 8-C is locked down to prevent a larger breach.]

[she got better by the end. said bye to eric and dad too. it was nice to hear her speak. i hope they tell dad she fucking hated him. youre going to think of this every night for the rest of your life[[span class="fnnum"]].[[/span]][[span class="fncon"]]06:23 18/07/23.[[/span]]].

[SCP-9271 expires.]

**END LOG**
[[/div]]

SCP-9271 has been reclassified as Neutralised.

For exceptional diligence in service of containment, Christine Jansen has been promoted to Senior Specialist.

Staff at Site-23 report widespread trauma, a pervasive sensation of loss, and night terrors. They are expected to return to optimal function by early 2024.

[[/collapsible]]


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