Link to article: SCP-939-J.
[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block name=dogbite.jpg| caption=SCP-939-J assisting Agent Thornfield in his training exercises. ]] **Item #:** SCP-939-J **Object Class:** Thaumiel **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-939-J is housed in a standard canine containment cell in Site-20. As SCP-939-J has paradoxically demonstrated a simultaneous absolute loyalty to deontological morality and the operations of the Foundation, SCP-939-J is allowed free reign throughout the facility with the accompaniment of Agent Wu.[[footnote]] Previous agents assigned to SCP-939-J include agents Smith, Rosencrantz (Deceased), Thornfield, Rogers, and Guildenstern (Deceased).[[/footnote]] In the event of any unexplained criminal happenings[[footnote]] Colloquially referred to as "mysteries". [[/footnote]] SCP-939-J is authorized to take the role of lead investigator. Security personnel are to be briefed on this protocol and on SCP-939-J's anomalous properties. **Description:** SCP-939-J is a 50-kilogram German Shepherd. SCP-939-J's anomalous properties are as follows: * Ability to speak English. * Inability to do anything perceived as morally dubious. * Ability to determine the perpetrator of 93% of criminal acts occurring within a 100-meter radius. * 93% increase in the number of criminal acts detected within a 100-meter radius.[[footnote]] Thought to be a result of SCP-939-J being able to detect acts that would have otherwise gone unnoticed as opposed to any anomalous increase in crimes. [[/footnote]] ----- **Archive of corrupted recordings:** //Please note that SCP-939-J didn't actually do the things described in these logs. These are just here for posterity.// -Researcher Dinkley > **Incident:** 20-F-90 > > **Crime:** Doctor Edward Jones found dead in Site-20 breakroom. > > **Audio Log:** > //Agent Smith had recently entered the Site-20 breakroom with SCP-939-J, and was conversing with Dr. Jones over coffee.// > ----- > **//[BEGIN LOG]//** > **Agent Smith:** Mind if I sit here? > > **Dr. Jones:** Not at all. I'm in the market for some pals. > > **Agent Smith:** Well, I'm always looking for more. The name's James. You? > > **Dr. Jones:** Ed. What's the dog's name? > > **Agent Smith:** He's actually a skip. 939-J. > > **SCP-939-J:** Stop fucking calling me that. > > **Dr. Jones:** Is he safe to pet? > > **Agent Smith:** Yeah, he's a sweet little guy. > > **SCP-939-J:** C'mere sunshine, you'll get your petting. > > //Intense growling punctuated with a snapping sound can be heard for the next 10 seconds, followed by the sound of blood splattering.// > > **SCP-939-J:** This man's been shot. The perpetrator probably used a gun. The jury's still out on whether or not they also used bullets. > > **Agent Smith:** Like, holy shit 939-J! They must have shot him so much that his head got torn clean off! > > **SCP-939-J:** //(Softly)// Heh, clean. > > **Agent Smith:** Wait a second, who the hell shot him? EVERYBODY GET DOWN! > > **SCP-939-J:** Hey everybody, Agent Smith just shot someone! > > **Agent Smith:** Huh, guess it sometimes just be like that. Sorry. > > ----- > > **Post-Incident Report:** //Agent Smith was apprehended and demoted to Class-D for his unprovoked murder of Dr. Jones.// > **Incident:** 20-F-22 > > **Crimes:** Attempted theft of an SCP object, destruction of Foundation property, attempted breach of Foundation security, jaywalking. > > **Audio Log:** > //Agent Rosencrantz was walking SCP-939-J in the Site-20 recreation yard at the time of the incident.// > ----- > **//[BEGIN LOG]//** > **SCP-939-J:** Take me off of this leash or I will discover the resonant frequency of your brain and play it with an instrument constructed from your entrails. > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? > > **SCP-939-J:** Ok, fuck it. There's a crime happening over that wall and it needs your attention. > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Crap, I'll call security. > > **SCP-939-J:** No, they'll be too slow. You need to blow a hole in the wall and get out there now. > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Sharp as always, 939-J! I know I can count on you! > > //Agent Rosencrantz fired multiple rounds into the concrete wall surrounding the Site-20 recreation yard before inserting a grenade, blowing a sizable hole in the wall.// > > **SCP-939-J:** Here, follow me. > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Across that road? There's no stop sign or anything there. > > **SCP-939-J:** You work in a building with hundreds of MacGuffins and you're concerned about traffic? > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Road safety is no joke. > > **SCP-939-J:** Unlike you. > > //SCP-939-J proceeds to run across the road.// > > **Bystander:** Hey! That dog just jaywalked! > > **SCP-939-J:** Fuck off. It was the idiot behind me. > > **Bystander:** Hey! That idiot just jaywalked! > > **Agent Rosencrantz:** Wai- > > //Multiple gunshots are heard from the Site-20 guard tower, followed by a dull thud.// > > ----- > > **Post-Incident Report:** Agent Rosencrantz was shot by the guards overlooking the Site-20 recreation yard for attempting to deliver SCP-939-J to GOI-8305[[footnote]] "Cult of the, uh, Bad Guys who imprison fucking dogs for no reason whatsoever" [[/footnote]] and jaywalking.