SCP-9460

Link to article: SCP-9460.
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**SCP-9460 - My Wooden Wings**


By [[*user poltatherian]]

If you enjoyed this than consider checking out my [[[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/poltatherian-s-pelagic-pantry |Author Page :)]]]

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[[include component:image-block | name=https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/Replica_catapult.jpg | caption=SCP-9460| width=300px]]

**Item #:** SCP-9460

**Object Class:** Euclid

**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-9460 is allowed free roaming within the gardens of Provisional Site-89[[footnote]] A replica of the Château des Baux castle, used to create a familiar environment for various Safe/Euclid anomalies originating in or related to France. [[/footnote]]. Standard Staff checkups are to be performed bi-weekly to assess SCP-9460's mental state. During these checkups, SCP-9460 is to be allowed to shoot at least 5 items from its trebuchet within reason for sustained motor control exercises.

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**Description:** SCP-9460 is a Petraria Arcatinus catapult that identifies itself as "Terry Ian The Seventh." SCP-9460 is capable of speech, perceiving its surroundings, and moving independently. SCP-9460 is fluent in English & French, also claiming to speak Spanish[[footnote]] Despite substantial evidence to the contrary [[/footnote]]. SCP-9460 has displayed intelligence and reasoning skills equivalent to those of a young adult male, speaking in a tone similar to that of the nearest individual.


SCP-9460 possesses a distinct interest in competitive wrestling.

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**Discovery:** SCP-9460 was discovered by agent Elliot Girard during a tour in Mayenne, France, organized by World Wrestling Entertainment, Incorporated. SCP-9460 was found approaching the audience of a live title fight, causing minor confusion. Agent Girard, who was nearby at the time, intercepted SCP-9460. He proceeded to remove his jacket, placing it on SCP-9460's trebuchet. After the jacket fired from the trebuchet and hit one of the wrestlers, Agent Girard steered a very distressed SCP-9460 away from the crowd, letting the fight continue as planned. No amnestics were provided to the audience due to the non-televised nature of the fight, as well as an announcement by the WWE that the event was scripted[[footnote]] Written by the Foundation Department of Misinformation [[/footnote]].


Agent Girard was commended for his handling of the situation and promoted to head consultant regarding SCP-9460 research until his transfer from France.

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**Addendum-1:** Interview Log.

Following its discovery, SCP-9460 was led into the grasslands of a nearby church by agent Girard. Who proceeded to conduct an interview.

[[div class="blockquote"]]


**Date:** 7/5/2026

 **Interviewed:** SCP-9460


 **Interviewer:** Dr. Agent Elliot Girard

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**[BEGIN LOG]**

GIRARD continues to push SCP-9460 towards the church, its wheels getting stuck in the grass.

**SCP-9460:** [In French] Let go of me this instance, Coño!

**GIRARD:** No! We need to talk!

**SCP-9460:** You ruined the fight, you fucking cabrón! You’re a disgrace to the art of Lucha Libre!

GIRARD lets go of SCP-9460, panting as it begins to slowly steer back.

**GIRDARD:** Wait! What even are you?

**SCP-9460:** Someone not wanting to get kidnapped!

SCP-9460 speeds up and starts moving in a zigzag pattern.

GIRARD runs after it, managing to hold it by the trebuchet before slamming his feet into the dirt.

**GIRARD:** At least tell me your name!

**SCP-9460:** What makes you think you're worthy of hearing the name of the great Terry Ian The Seventh!

**GIRARD:** Uhh, thank you?

**SCP-9460:** Mierda!

SCP-9460 launches its trebuchet, sending GIRARD into a nearby bush.

**GIRARD:** You don’t even know what that means [coughs.]

SCP-9460 stops and turns around to face GIRARD

**SCP-9460:** [In English] How dare you?!

**GIRARD:** You knew English this whole time!?

**SCP-9460:** I didn’t want to use the tongue of my dirty kidnapper!

**GIRARD:** Holy racial profiling, regardless, you’re doing it now!

**SCP-9460:** That’s besides the point! How dare you accuse me of inauthenticity! I’ve been observing the grappling arts long before you!

**GIRARD:** I find that hard to believe since, [GIRARD makes an open palm gesture] you know…

SCP-9460 laughs.

**SCP-9460:** And I’m the one profiling, eh?

**GIRARD:** You’re a fucking siege weapon, not some kid from the slums of Madrid!

**SCP-9460:** Says the American! My wheels are more native to the land of España than your entire country!

**GIRARD:** You know what? You can tell that to the specialists!


**[END LOG]**

[[/div]]

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**Addendum-2:** Wrestling Log

Following the above interview, SCP-9460 was transferred to Provisional Site-89 with Dr. Paul Romulus assigned as its Head Researcher.

However, SCP-9460 was not properly declared contained due to its noncompliance and tendency to camouflage itself among various catapult replicas within the Site.[[footnote]] This would lead to the removal of all medieval weaponry and replicas from the site per Director Leo’s orders.[[/footnote]]


Containment was fully established after Dr. Romulus challenged SCP-9460 to a wrestling match per site intercom, which it accepted.




[[div class="blockquote"]]


**Date:** 12/6/2026

**Competitors:** Dr. Paul Romulus, SCP-9460

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**[BEGIN --COMBAT-- LOG]**


Dr. Romulus stands in front of SCP-9460, currently disguised amongst a row of replicas. He was provided appropriate wrestling attire by [REDACTED] for testing.

SCP-9460 realizes this and moves away from the replicas, its trebuchet swinging upwards.

**SCP-9460:** Óle! You come to challenge me?!


**ROMULUS:** Isn't ole Brazillan?


SCP-9460 charges at Dr. Romulus, running him over.

**[END LOG]**

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**NOTE:** Didn't know what I thought was gonna happen. If the ethics committee reads this, tell them my disability bonus is late.


[[/div]]


Upon containment, testing revealed SCP-9460's composition to be consistent with non-anomalous catapults, and no signs of vectorial possession by ectoplasmic entities were detected.

Proper testing was approved shortly after Dr. Romulus was discharged from emergency care.

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**Addendum-3:** Interview Log-2




[[div class="blockquote"]]

**Date:** 12/6/2026

**Interviewee:** Dr. Paul Romulus

**Interviewee:** SCP-9460

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**[BEGIN LOG]**

//Dr. Romulus[[footnote]] Now in a Foundation issue wheelchair. [[/footnote]] approaches SCP-9460, which was previously sleeping in a row of catapult replicas.//

**ROMULUS:** Uh, hello? 9460?

//SCP-9460 appears to wake up. Cocking its trebuchet multiple times as if stretching.//

**SCP-9460:** You come to challenge me again? Your futile efforts will not end in vic-

//Dr. Romulus puts his hands up.//

**ROMULUS:** Hey, hey, hey, calm down. I'm just here to talk.

**SCP-9460:** And why should I talk to you, eh? You keep me prisoner here and expect model behavior? Mierda!

**ROMULUS:** I mean, we're both two wheels in a pod. Well, guess you have four wheels... and we aren't really in a pod.

//SCP-9460 lowers its trebuchet.//

**SCP-9460:** Oh.

**ROMULUS:** Yeah.

**SCP-9460:** For what it's worth, I did not mean to break your legs.

**ROMULUS:** Its fine, i mean [[size smaller]]you kinda crushed my spine too...[[/size]] but thats besides the point.

**SCP-9460:** So what is the point? Surely you have not come to idly chat.

**ROMULUS:** You'd be surprised. This is one of the few places you could do that in. Also, the only place I was qualified for.

**SCP-9460:** Nonsense! You are a doctora, no?

**ROMULUS:** Doctora is a female suffix, but no. The foundation gives out doctorates like hotcakes, or, in your case, empanadas. I've dabbled in world history and animal psychology, though.

//SCP-9460 shakes its chassis sideways.//

**SCP-9460:** Ah, so that's it.

**ROMULUS:** Thats what?

**SCP-9460:** You think I am from your little history books, eh? A reincarnated soul wandering la tierra?

**ROMULUS:** You certainly wouldn't be the first.

**SCP-9460:** Well, even if I were, I do not care for such a menial thing as my past life.

**ROMULUS:** Why? Do you regret it too much?

**SCP-9460:** Who said anything about regret? I have simply found better things to do.

**ROMULUS:** Like, lucha libre?

**SCP-9460:** You make it sound so simple, like a man who's never seen a songbird soar. Thinking it merely levitación.

**ROMULUS:** Was that supposed to be symbolic?

**SCP-9460:**  Nothing is "supposed" to be symbolic. You may take it as you wish; now leave me. You've interrupted my night long enough.

**ROMULUS:** I'll be back.


**[END LOG]**

[[/div]]
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**Addendum-4:** Containment staff report.



[[div class="notation"]]


**Date:** 4/7/2026

**By:** Dr. Paul Romulus.

**Report:** SCP-9460 has successfully performed a piledriver. We have rewarded it with a luchador mask.

[[/div]]


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=====
> **Name:** Replica of a Petraria Arcatinus
> **Author:** Vonmangle~commonswiki
> **License:** CC BY-SA 3.0
> **Source Link:** [https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/cb/Replica_catapult.jpg]

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SCP-9460

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