SCP-9504

Link to article: SCP-9504.

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**SCP-9504:** No Outside Beverages
//Word count: ~550//

**Author:** [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/katyastrangelove KatyaStrangelove]

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"You ever feel pathetic? Imagine being outranked by a jug of fruit punch..."
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**Item #:** SCP-9504

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SCP-9504-1, //01-03-2012//
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**Clearance Level:** 04

**Special Containment Procedures:** An inquiry has been submitted to the Department of Personnel Classification, requesting that the Level-04 Clearance possessed by SCP-9504-1 instances be revoked. Should it be the case that Senior Researcher Orville Lassen's own clearance is inextricably linked to SCP-9504, Site-19 Administration has ordered that action be taken regardless.

Until SCP-9504 is resolved, the following items are to remain readily available to personnel in the immediate vicinity of Dr. Lassen:

* One roll of standard issue paper towels;
* One double-sided kitchen sponge;
* One portable Scranton Reality Anchor;
* One bottle of all-purpose spray cleaner;
* Two 6 oz bottles containing hydrogen peroxide and 92% ethyl alcohol.

**Description:** SCP-9504 is a bureaucratohazardous phenomenon by which Site-19 Senior Researcher Orville Lassen's Level-04 Clearance extends to any and all beverages within his possession (referred to as instances of SCP-9504-1). Often, liquids are strictly forbidden within the areas where Dr. Lassen performs his duties, yet he insists that the instances //"have a right to be present,"// suggesting that the anomaly may possess a compulsion effect.

All policies functionally prohibiting instances of SCP-9504-1 are categorically superseded by the Level-04 Clearance held by these items.
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**Addendum 9504.01:** //Exemplary Instances of SCP-9504//

||~ Date ||~ Instance ||~ Activity ||~ Response ||
||01-09-2012 || Strawberry punch in Styrofoam cup, still || Looking for resources within Site-19's secure research library || Warned to discard SCP-9504-1 or be forced to leave the library, responded by informing library personnel of the drink's Level-04 status. Despite showing no proof, his assertion was universally accepted.||
|| 02-11-2012 || Coffee in uncovered paper cup, black || Conducting a required weekly inspection of Secure Computer Lab II || SCP-9504-1 was set down on top of a wire and began to tip over. Lassen managed to catch it but knocked a modem off the table in the process, briefly disconnecting the lab's local network. ||
||02-19-2012 || Fruit punch in gallon jug, cap missing || Attending disciplinary meeting with Site-19's Deputy Director || It was determined that until SCP-9504-1 is stripped of its Level-04 Clearance, Dr. Lassen's conduct did not violate any established policy. These incidents will, however, appear on his annual personnel review.||
||03-04-2012 || Red wine in wine glass with stem, pinot noir || Reviewing budgetary reports for research team || Junior Researcher Conor Huang reminded him of Chapter 109.22 § 2 of the SCP Foundation Code of Conduct, forbidding the consumption of alcoholic beverages while working. Dr. Lassen acquiesced, no longer drinking the wine, but insisting that it remain on the table.||
|| 03-19-2012 || Cola in plastic cup, flat || Sorting through undigitized archival files || Junior Researcher Huang suggested that Dr. Lassen put a lid on the instance of SCP-9504-1, but did not oppose its presence. He was promptly told to //"mind his own business."//||
|| 03-20-2012 || Tropical flavored energy drink in aluminum can, carbonated || Supervising Junior Researcher Huang's work, currently consisting of writeups for new files on the SCP Datab || @@   @@ ||


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++ **Site-19 Administrative Notice**

= Dr. Lassen has been informed that moving forward, all costs incurred due to his frequent mishandling of SCP-9504-1 instances will be deducted from his pay.
= **As of 03-21-2012, this consists of the following:**
||~ Dollar Amount ||~ Item Damaged ||
|| $699.98 || Desktop computer assigned to Junior Researcher Conor Huang ||

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SCP-9504

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