Link to article: SCP-9688.
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[[>]] [[module rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SCP-9688 **Object Class:** Safe **Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-9688 is to be contained in a standard object storage locker at Site-78. **Description:** SCP-9688 is a metal toilet originally installed in the male public restroom at [REDACTED] Bus Station, England. When a human vomits into and then flushes SCP-9688, a stream of water laced with peppermint extract will be fired from inside its bowl, directly into the subject’s open mouth. **Discovery Log:** SCP-9688 was discovered to have been created by Gregory Simmons, a local civilian and mage living in the area. Other similarly affected toilets were found in the public restrooms of several additional locations Mr. Simmons often frequented. These instances featured self-cleaning properties, higher resistance to damage, and specifically an enchantment that dissuaded the insertion of safety cones. The following is an interview between Mr. Simmons and Dr. Charlotte Grant: > **Grant:** Veil protocols forbid mages from placing any sort of enchantments in community spaces. You are aware of that? > > **Simmons:** Shit, I didn’t know, ok? //rubs forehead// Probably read it somewhere like… fifteen years ago[[footnote]]Mr. Simmons completed his studies as a mage at a community academy around this time[[/footnote]], but I forget. > > **Grant:** And your reasoning for the creation of SCP-9688? > > **Simmons:** Doing my part as a concerned citizen! Do you know how many people use that thing on a Saturday night? Don’t want it overflowing with bile... > > **Grant:** We did notice that SCP-9688 functioned far better than its condition might suggest. So you also made it unable to clog? > > **Simmons:** Yeah, the spray’s just a bonus. Nobody wants to mack down on someone with vomit all over their lips. > > **Grant:** Why not give it superior enchantments? > > **Simmons:** You people found me throwing up in a bus station toilet on a Tuesday afternoon. I spend my free time enchanting toilets, you think I have capabilities beyond that? > > **Grant:** You’d be surprised. Do you have an affinity for any other arcane skills? > > **Simmons:** Like I ever considered that… I'm not great with most magic, much less the mundane, even. Trust me when I say it’s a good thing I don’t know how to drive… > > **Grant:** Was that why you couldn't repair the other nearby toilets? > > **Simmons:** That's the thing, I can only enchant ones that aren't completely broken. It was the only working toilet in the whole bus station! Sure it didn’t even have a lid and you’d probably get god knows how many diseases just from breathing in the air around it, but it was better than nothing! …Just did what I could. Mr. Simmons’s current employment status revealed him to have been unemployed for the last two years. Foundation employment and basic housing support is being taken under consideration. [[footnoteblock]] [[div class="footer-wikiwalk-nav"]] [[=]] << [[[SCP-9687]]] | SCP-9688 | [[[SCP-9689]]] >> [[/=]] [[/div]]