Link to article: SCP-????-J's Box's Extended Log.
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:preview |text=A Collaborative Log for Whatever the Fuck Shows Up On This Box That Contains SCP-????-J I Presume]] [[include :scp-wiki:theme:black-highlighter-theme]] [[include :scp-wiki:theme:minimalist-bhl]] [[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] = **NOTE TO ALL RESEARCH STAFF** All locking mechanisms related to the opening of [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-in-a-box-j SCP-????-J's container] must be properly logged here. The following format must be utilized: **Name:** **Date:** ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || **Name:** J.R. T██████ Lees **Date:** 26/10/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Trivia Test || Must answer correctly at least 7 of 10 questions on a variety of pop culture topics || Completed after three tries[[footnote]]Good thing Dr. ███████ is such an avid Spongebob fan![[/footnote]] || **Name:** Advanced AI-NCD **Date:** 21/11/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Wheel of Fortune || Must spin the wheel and try to complete the given phrases correctly || CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON ONE MILLION DOLLARS![[footnote]] But where did they get the money? [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Y. P. L███████ **Date:** 29/11/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Memetic Agents || Five extremely powerful antimemetic agents covering a button, which must be pressed || Incompleteish(?)[[footnote]]I can't remember if we solved that one or not.[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Brim **Date:** 30/11/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Solar System Trivia || Must name all of the planets in the solar system || Completed by Dr. ███████[[footnote]] What do you mean, Pluto isn't a planet? - Dr. Brim [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. I█████ **Date:** 2/12/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Verbal Statement || Must confess a sincere love of Jar Jar Binks || Completed by Junior Researcher █████████[[footnote]] To her everlasting shame. [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Advanced AI-NCD **Date:** 5/12/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Computer Test || Must document an anomaly via computer || Created a slot in the "Joke SCPs" archive, posted "humorous" take on a popular IP, which failed[[footnote]] //Holy [EXPLETIVE], six footnotes for an X-Men skip?!? What reality is this? We don't even have a website! Wait, do we h--// -Advanced AI-NCD [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Brim **Date:** 6/12/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || A tray containing five glasses of pop, similar in color and taste to [REDACTED]-[REDACTED] brand cola || Identify the brand of the sodas presented || Incomplete[[footnote]] Fucking hell! How am I supposed to distinguish all these carbonated beverage flavors? - Dr. Brim [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Brim **Date:** 6/12/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || A miniature version of SCP-682 subtitled "Kill the lizard" || We need to kill it. Anything that didn't work on the real 682 won't work here || Incomplete[[footnote]] Due to it appearing to be completely docile, we might be able to use this miniature version of 682 for better tissue test results. Knocking down two birds with one stone, if it kills this it might kill the real thing, AND we open the lock. - Dr. Brim [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Niblic **Date:** 7/7/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Tongue Twister || Must say a tongue twister without any mispronunciations. Any vocalizations made by the speaker are telepathically repeated to them after a 0.5-second delay || Complete || || Broken Finger || A completion bar increases for every finger broken by a resident of Dedoroto, Arizona. || Complete[[footnote]]Media suppression tactics have been enabled to help explain the █,███ broken fingers necessary to complete mechanism.[[/footnote]] || || Spin || Must spin for 10 minutes with arms outstretched || Complete || || Garden Gnome || Box dispenses a garden gnome every 24 hours. Mechanism locks itself if a garden gnome is removed from the containment chamber or is facing away from the box || Complete || **Name:** Dr. Edison **Date:** 7/8/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Crowbox || A wooden box that must be opened with a specialized crowbar. Crowbar is inside the box || Incomplete || || Skeleton-In-The-Box || [DATA EXPUNGED] whereupon a skeleton popped out|| No survivors || || Atlas Shrugged || A copy of the book __Atlas Shrugged__ by Ayn Rand. The book must be read in a single sitting || No survivors || || Don't touch me! || A red button that expresses annoyance when pushed. To unlock, subject must *not* touch the button, but must instead hold his finger above the button and say "I'm not touching you!" for 15 minutes || Completed || || [DATA EXPUNGED] || To disengage the lock, a subject who is of Welsh decent must perform a two-man version of William Shakespeare's __Macbeth__ with the help of a trained Grizzly Bear no more than 12 years of age, while simultaneously gargling Listerine-brand mouthwash on a prime-numbered day of the month during an ongoing containment breach of SCP-████, but only when it is an overcast in Phoenix, Arizona unless Dr. Alto Clef is within 6 feet of a beagle wearing a "Groucho Marx disguise" || Completed by accident || **Name:** Advanced AI-NCD **Date:** 11/8/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || [[[SCP-789-J]]] || Must interact with SCP-789-J || See Footnote 10[[footnote]] @@@@ > **Incident-????-789-J-A Report:** look, the butt ghost eated that [REDACTED]!!! > ~~~~ > ,,by researcher james, age 11,, It is currently unknown how Researcher James was able to know SCP-????-J appearance. A request was sent to reclassify Researcher James to SCP-JAMES-J. [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Brim **Date:** 9/12/2017 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || A tin of Altoids || Dr. Clef must consume an entire tin of Altoids in one sitting || Complete, no survivors[[footnote]] Result: [DATA EXPUNGED] Notes: What the absolute fuck? - Dr. Brim [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Izza **Date:** 01/01/2018 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || "Always look on the bright side of life" by Eric Idle || "Always look on the bright side of life" will be played for 10 hours without pause || Attempted. Result: Incomplete [[footnote]]The box did not appear happy, or unlocked. [[/footnote]] || || Dynamite || Two kilograms of TNT dynamite will be lit on fire with one lighter || No survivors[[footnote]]"Sorry, I thought the blast radius was smaller."- Dr. Izza [[/footnote]] || || [[[SCP-666-J]]] || Dr. Gerald will drive a bicycle near the box || No survivors with the exception of Dr. Gerald[[footnote]]"Sorry, I just love explosions."- Dr. Izza [[/footnote]] || || [[[SCP-001-J]]] || SCP-001-J will be pushed || Incomplete[[footnote]]Dr. Izza has been fired.[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Y. P. L███████ **Date:** 8/01/2018 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Miniature [[[SCP-2719]]] || Use SCP-2719 to go inside something || Completed[[footnote]]Dr. ████ tried to "Go Inside" his girlfriend... yeaaaa, didn't work out too well. -Y. P. L███████ [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Walker **Date:** 8/08/18 ||~ Lock Type:||~ Information on Lock:||~ Notes:|| || Limes || Five limes dispensed from the hole in the box, along with a note reading "would u[sic] kindly go suck a lime". Having all five members of the research team suck on said limes disengaged mechanism|| Completed || || Apple seeds || Roughly eighty (80) tonnes of apple seeds exhuded from SCP-????-J's container || No solution found[[footnote]]//Who let Dr. King out of his containment cell?! Guards!// - Dr. Walker [[/footnote]] || || Orbit || Box rapidly gains density, causing small objects to orbit container --Use of [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-536 SCP-536] on SCP-????-J's container approved by O5 council--[[footnote]]What? Who the fuck told you that? Denied. Denied. Denied.- O5-1[[/footnote]]|| No solution found || **Name:** Dr. Narinski **Date:** 10/18/19 ||~ Lock Type:||~ Information on Lock:||~ Notes:|| || Large steel vault door || A Hilti dd350 core drill materialized onto a vulnerable point of the vault door when 4 personnel stool in specific pattern [[footnote]] 2 persons standing 100m south of the drill with the person to the left of the center one 10m away from them, another person opposite of center one facing the first person, a final person adjacent of center person facing the person 10m away from the center person. [[/footnote]] 100m away from the door||Completed, ([[footnote]]Vault door opened approximately 30 minutes after initial materialization of drill. Drill seemed to dematerialize as soon as the vault door opened. Vault door disappeared approximately 10 seconds after opening.[[/footnote]]), ( [[footnote]] 30 minutes for that? I expected a reward at least, like $100,000,000 in gold! - Dr. Narinski [[/footnote]])|| **Name:**[REDACTED FOR PRIVACY] **Date:**10/20/19 ||~ Lock Type:||~ Information on Lock:||~ Notes:|| || 3 cm radius hole with two LEDs above it[[footnote]]LEDs emit red light and green light. Colors correspond to locked and unlocked, respectively.[[/footnote]] || Can be opened by any key, except [[[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-005 |SCP-005]]] || Completed, easily|| || SCP-005 must be inserted into standard locking mechanism || Upon discovery of lock, SCP-005 disappeared from containment. The only reason the foundation knows that SCP-005 must be inserted into the keyhole is a note next to the hole saying "Please insert SCP-005 to continue." Incident labeled (SCP-????-J-Box-SCP-005)-DIS. || Incomplete. SCP-005 still not retrieved. || **Name:** Dr. Spooks **Date:** 02/01/20 ||~ Lock Type:||~ Information on Lock:||~ Notes:|| || Sports|| 12 personnel are to play any sport they may prefer for five hours without pause.|| Completed[[footnote]] "Yes, I know that chess is technically a sport, but this was really boring to watch. I'll take this into consideration next time."- Dr. Spooks[[/footnote]]|| **Name:** Y. P. L███████ **Date:** 22/8/2019 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || SCP Joke || One researcher must tell a joke involving an SCP to a wall-mounted face || Complete[[footnote]]Dr. A██████ told a horrid joke about SCP-2719. Surprisingly, the face laughed and it was completed. When I asked him about what happened, he just shrugged and said "You wouldn't get it. It's an [[[scp-2719-j|inside joke]]]."[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Advanced AI-NCD **Date:** 09/09/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Super Meat Boy || Should play Super Meat Boy and get past Dr. Fetus || Failed.[[footnote]] //SCP-????-J's box ragequitted, and broke all the objects in the room. When we tried to calm it, it gave us a punch.// -Advanced AI-NCD [[/footnote]] || || WW█ 2K17 || Must fight //Brock Lesnar// with //The Undertaker// on //WrestleMania 30//|| Failed[[footnote]] **Incident NCD-????-J-B Report:** Advanced AI-NCD suffered a short circuit. C█████████ should not watch WW█ while he is on major supervision.[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Westrin **Date:** 18/12/17 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || ||List all known XK scenarios || Subject was required to list every single XK scenario that the Foundation has documented. || Completed[[footnote]]Dr. Westrin successfully listed every Foundation official XK scenario, with the addition of 4 others which never existed, which include "YT Class Dear-God-Why scenario", "MK Class End-of-My-Will-to-Live scenario" "HYK Class Why-Does-the-Foundation-Have-So-Many-Fucking-XK-Scenarios Scenario", and "TSAT Class Hit-Me-With-a-Fucking-Brick Scenario".[[/footnote]]|| **Name:** Dr. Henry **Date:** 01/08/18 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || ||Hippocratic Chicken||Perform one surgery and completely fail to uphold the Hippocratic oath while succeeding.||Completed[[footnote]] I'm never trusting ANY organ of mine to Dr. ███████.[[/footnote]]|| **Name:** Dr. Doctor **Date:** 06/04/18 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Practical Joke || A thumbtack was dispensed from SCP-????-J's container. Subject must place thumbtack on any O5's chair.|| Not Completed || ||Mario Odyssey Jump Rope || SCP-????-J's box dispensed a Nintendo Switch, pre-loaded with Super Mario Odyssey. Subject had to attain a score of at least 300 on the "Jump-Rope Challenge" without cheating. || Theoretically impossible || ------ **Name:** Dr. L██████ **Date:** 17/09/18 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Bait || Subject was required to descriptively tell SCP-????-J's box about [[[SCP-2521|●●|●●●●●|●●|●]]] || Incomplete. 17 Casualties so far. || **Name:** Doctor Methusela **Date:** 1-18-2009 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Oral || Researcher Benjamin Lyleton must explain Memetics in a way that is equal to or greater in length than Doctor Sort's dissertation on the subject. Lyleton stood up in front of an auditorium of all the on-site staff, picked up a mic, and proceeded to go on a six-hour tirade on how, really, memetics is all about //comprehension// and //meaning//. || Lock opened after the first five minutes. Lyleton placed on disciplinary leave immediately afterward on charges of unnecessary torture of subjects.|| **Namesplapped:** Dr. Spanko **Date:** Cack ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Explainerate: ||~ Notes: || || Stranglefruit Consumption || Stranglefruit for mouthstuffs, elaborate on Kentucky? Cack! Galpitate the string-wing and cease. Profound appeasement to gargle bare o' square! || Shallforth happenated.|| **Name:** Dr. C. Rystlon **Date:** 1/7/2013 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Reverse Lock || Lock is unlocked while at least one other lock is locked. Lock locks when all other locks are unlocked. || Incomplete || || Pay to Unlock || $1,000,000,000.04 US dollars are to be deposited into a slot on the box. || Incomplete. Money has been deposited into the box, but has not unlocked. || || Button || Pressing button created another box around the original box, complete with other locking mechanisms. || Fuck. || **Name:** Dr. A. Dero **Date:** 1/7/2018 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || MEEP MEEP || Lock is unlocked when a subject is shown the entire first season of roadrunner without laughing. || Completed[[footnote]] Cain has no sense of humor. [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Regn **Date:** 2/2/1019 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Solid Reasoning || The Box requires a 5,000-word essay on why the Foundation feels they need to open it, as well as what they would do with what they found inside. Said essay must comply with the guidelines established in MLA Style Manual and Guide to Scholarly Publishing, second edition (1998). || Complete[[footnote]] Task was delegated to Junior Researcher ███████, who has since tendered her resignation due to being used for “Unethical labor” [[/footnote]] || || The Impossible Campaign || The Box will dispense an oaken table and three chairs, as well as a complete collection of Gary Gygax’s //Dungeons & Dragons First Edition//. A party of three players must complete the campaign //Tomb of Horrors//[[footnote]] Widely regarded as the most difficult campaign in the history of D&D [[/footnote]] using level two characters. The game is run by The Box. || Theoretically Possible, Incomplete [[footnote]] While metagaming and loophole exploit would seem like the obvious path to take, The Box appears to know the intent of the players and will bend the scenario to murder their characters early. [[/footnote]] [[footnote]] The closest attempt to beat the campaign came from Myself, Junior Researcher Geol Etas and subject D-997013, who made it all the way to the final battle with Acererak. Subject D-997013 has been relieved of his duty as D-class personnel and is to be considered a member of my research team until further notice. [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Shelster **Date:** 4/26/2019 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Hit Those Notes || Perform the song "Take On Me" by a-ha and sing all of the notes correctly || Complete[[footnote]] //I didn't know Dr. ████ was so talented// - Dr. Shelster [[/footnote]] || **Name** Dr. Aiden **Date** 5/8/19 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || How many fingers? || Temporarily blinds you and then asks you "How many fingers am I holding up?" || Complete [[footnote]] //That's just cheap// - Dr. Aiden [[/footnote]] || **Name** Researcher Toast **Date** 5/21/19 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Truth or Dare? || If answer is "Truth", you will be asked "Who do you like?" If answer is "Dare", you will be told "I dare you to tell me who you like" || After 13 attempts from staff and D-Class personnel, this has been marked as impossible. || **Name:** Researcher Hart **Date:** 9/13/19 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Heinous || Introduce somebody to the box who has committed all seven deadly sins. || Completed accidentally when a member of senior staff entered the room.|| **Name:** Researcher Humphrey **Date:** 12/28/19 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Allergies!!!! || A humanoid with a shellfish allergy must feed the box 10 clams. || Completed after 3 tries and 2 casualties[[footnote]] //How the fuck does every D-Class on site have a shellfish allergy?!// - Researcher Humphrey [[/footnote]]. || || The Big, Shiny, Beautiful, Red Button || Go ahead. Push it. You know you want to. Do. It. Now. || --Incomplete.-- Complete.[[footnote]] When pushed, a 'ding' sound was heard and a fruit fly appeared out of nowhere. [[/footnote]] || || Screaming Contest || A cartoonish mouth on a megaphone comes from a side of the box. Item must be beat in screaming contest. || Completed by D-38538, subject lost voice and hearing for several weeks. || **Name:** Dr. Quincy S. Pook **Date:** 3/2/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Kahoot || The Box will dispense 8 Samsung Galaxy J3 Eclipse's and a monitor will show the starting screen for a standard, 20 question Kahoot game about SCP attributes. However, the participants must have a school-appropriate username. || Completed[[footnote]]//"I wanted my username to be Hugh G. Rection."// - D-8379[[/footnote]] || || Star Wars || A monitor on the side of the box will play Star Wars Episodes 1-9, Rogue One, Solo, The Mandalorian, Gonk Droid, and every season of Star vs The Forces of Evil and Star Wars: The Clone Wars. The participant must watch all films in one sitting. || Completed || || Nose Picking || A humanoid nose manifests on the side of the box. A person has to [DATA EXPUNGED] the nose || Incomplete[[footnote]]//"Fuck no."// - Dr. Pook[[/footnote]] || || No Nut November || A D-Class subject is instructed not to [DATA EXPUNGED] during the entire month of November || Completed after 27 tries || **Name:** Dr. Oekn **Date:** 4/13/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || D.D.R. || The Box will manifest a //Dance Dance Revolution// dance board and participant score a perfect on PSMO with no assistance || Theoretically possible, Incomplete|| || Good Day || Box produced a slip of paper that instructed Dr. Oekn to "have a nice day" || Incomplete || || Geography || Must correctly list all 50 states in the United States of America|| Completed by Dr. ████████[[footnote]] //"I do know all fifty states, I just refuse to recognize Indiana as one."// - Dr. Oekn [[/footnote]]|| **Name:** Junior Researcher Mattiews **Date:** 4/24/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Lost Rivers || Survive listening to Lost Rivers played at 1██dB for 2 hours || Completed.[[footnote]]The task was assigned to Junior Researcher ███, who has requested resignation.[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. "K" **Date:** 17/5/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || A rock and a keyboard || Type a detailed description of [[[SCP-___-J|the rock]]]. ||Incompl[[footnote]]"//Eh, I'll finish it up later.//" - Dr. "K"[[/footnote]]|| || Fuck you || An unmarked red button that, when activated, resets all previously completed locking mechanisms through various anomalous means.|| Completed...?[[footnote]]"//no no no noNONONONONOFUUUUUUUUU[DATA EXPUNGED]//" - Dr. 'K"[[/footnote]]|| **Name:** --Junior Researcher Philip-- Researcher Bertha **Date:** 7/14/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Cool Math Time || A calculator is dispensed from the box, and a keypad develops on its front side. Solve the equation "9 + 10" using the provided equipment. || Completed after 1 casualty.[[footnote]] Junior Researcher Philip died of a sudden heart attack after entering "21" into the keypad. A note dispensed from the box reading "Hahaha real funny, Philip." [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Pepper **Date:** 8/21/2020 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Verbal Statement|| Dictate to the box the reason why the Chicken crossed the road. || Research Ongoing. || **Name:** Researcher Hayden **Date:** 12/15/20 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Die Button || D-43829 was ordered to press the button || Subject died when a hand extended from the box and choked him to death [[footnote]]//?????// -Researcher Hayden[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Calhoun **Date:** 1/13/21 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Have a Gamer Moment || A microphone along with a controller belonging to an unknown gaming console were dispersed from an opening in the box. D-67834 was ordered to shout expletives and insults over a microphone, along with proclaim that he had fornicated with another person's mother. || Completed, however D-67834 reported hearing insults said back to him. [[footnote]]//Okay, but what game were they playing?// - Dr. Calhoun[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Oekn **Date:** 1/18/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Bonk || A wooden mallet will manifest, and strike the subject on the top of the head, while a cartoon "Bonk" noise plays. || Completed [[footnote]]Dr. Oekn suffered a concussion and cracked skull[[/footnote]]|| **Name:** Dr. Ser Bokal **Date:** 2/2/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Nations || Subject must sing God Save the Queen to the tune of the State Anthem of the Russian Federation in a truly accurate French accent while wearing traditional Ghanaian clothing. Can only be done while bagpipes and an accordion play in the background to the tune of the Brazilian National Anthem while the box and subject is in Pyongyang, North Korea. The singer must be holding the National Flag of the People's Republic of China the entire time. A note attached to the lock claims that the consumption of saganaki beforehand will "make everything go faster", though it does not specify how. || Incomplete. Theoretically possible, but nobody has had the energy to keep track of it all at the same time without getting extremely confused. || **Name:** Dr. Boots **Date:** 5/20/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Jumping Jacks || Subject must do 500 jumping jacks without any breaks. || Complete [[footnote]]//I should get a raise for this.// - Dr. Boots[[/footnote]] || || Impossible Fight || Everyone in the same room as SCP-????-J's box must fight an exact replica of themselves and win. || Impossible || || Paradox || Subject was asked the question "Is your answer to this question any form of no?" || Incomplete [[footnote]]//We've called in 73 researchers and none of them could answer this question. I don't get paid enough for this.// - Dr. Boots[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Kelp **Date:** 18/06/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Scary Movie Marathon || A chair and CRT television extended from the left side of The Box along with a collection of 50's Horror movies[[footnote]]Including Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Creature from the Black Lagoon[[/footnote]] totaling 10 hours in length. || Pending Ethics Committee review[[footnote]]//Even D-class shouldn't be subjected to stuff that horrifying// - Dr. Kelp[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Pine **Date:** 01/09/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || "Scary Movie" Marathon || A chair and LCD television extended from the left side of The Box along with a box containing every movie in the "Scary Movie" film series [[footnote]]Including //Scary Movie//, //Scary Movie 2//, //Scary Movie 3//, //Scary Movie 4//, and //Scary MoVie//[[/footnote]] totaling 7 hours and 5 minutes in length. || Incomplete [[footnote]] This is the most painful comedy the world has ever seen. - Dr. Pine [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Fir **Date:** 04/09/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || "Scarry" Movie Marathon || A chair and 4K HDR television extended from the left side of The Box along with an office wastebasket containing a number of nonexistent direct-to-DVD feature-length adaptations of Richard Scarry children's books,[[footnote]]Including //What Do People Do All Day?// and //Richard Scarry's Busy, Busy World//[[/footnote]] totaling 17 hours 28 minutes in length.|| Complete[[footnote]]Despite the obvious and annoying emergent pattern (Is it mocking us? I feel like it's mocking us), this was a pleasant viewing experience for all involved and, might I say, it would appear that the D-Class really learned something from watching some of these. - Dr. Fir [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. West **Date:** 09/13/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Hug || Subject was asked to give the box a hug. || Completed || **Name:** Dr. ArchAngel **Date:** 11/9/2021 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Guitar Hero || An LCD screen and a controller from the Guitar Hero video game franchise appear. The screen displays the game Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock on the main title screen. After scrolling through the menu (occasionally making mistakes or "misclicks"), it eventually settles on the song "Through The Fire And The Flames" on Expert difficulty. Subject must complete the song on this difficulty without missing a single note. || Completed after five hours of play. [[footnote]] FUCK YEAH! TAKE THAT YOU DUMB FUCKING BOX - Dr. ArchAngel [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Jr. Researcher Graff **Date:** 4/8/2022 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Browser History Search || Read out loud your search history from the past week. If your browsing history is deemed “clean” by the lock the lock will be unlocked.[[footnote]] Note: Clearing your browser history doesn’t work, trust me I’ve tried. - Jr. Researcher Graff[[/footnote]] || Incomplete || || WORLD RECORD BREAKER || Break the world record for stages completed in scratch knife hit.[[footnote]] The current world record is 35[[/footnote]] || Completed[[footnote]] Well at least //most// of us have a life. - Jr. Researcher Graff[[/footnote]] || || Lock-pick a lock || Use your lock picking skills to pick a standard padlock.[[footnote]] What, you thought this world be something stupidly hard? No, it's that simple. - Jr. Researcher Graff[[/footnote]][[footnote]] A standard padlock being a Master Padlock.[[/footnote]] || Completed || **Name:** Researcher Neil Leinnes **Date:** 11/28/2022 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Brain Fuckery || Do not lie when saying the statement "this is a lie." || Completed[[footnote]]I don't know how that worked, don't want to know, and just want my fucking amnestics. Ok?[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Freemen **Date:** 1/10/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Gun Cleaning || Field-strip a Colt M1911 in under 10 seconds. || Completed[[footnote]] Dr. Freemen has been reassigned as a Small Arms Specialist.[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Dr. Researcher **Date:** 1/10/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || True Identity || Determine the true identity of one (1) O5 Council member. || --Approved by O5 Council-- Denied. [[footnote]] What? Again, who the fuck told you that? Denied. - O5-1[[/footnote]] || **Name:** Guest Researcher ███████ **Date:** 13/13/2132[[footnote]] "13/13"? Do we add another month to the year in the future??[[/footnote]] ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Time-Space Anomaly || Must go to the future to press a button that //WILL// exist, eventually. || Will //eventually// be completed. || **Name:** Dr. Julian T. Weistess **Date:** 8/2/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Caesar Cypher || Must crack a Caesar cypher on a piece of paper dispensed by the box. || Completed. When solved, the paper described a recipe to make a Caesar salad. Said salad was then served at the cafeteria.[[footnote]] //Honestly, it tastes pretty good.// - Dr. Weistess [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Jr. Researcher Jamison **Date:** 9/12/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Bath || Must give the box a sponge bath. || Completed by accident || || Burp || The box emits a royalty free sound effect of a baby crying. Lightly patting the box with an open palm causes crying to cease. || Completed || || Bedtime Story || Must read the entirety of "Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose" while standing within three (3) meters of the box. || Completed by accident || **Name:** Dr. Alexander Avenlee **Date:** 10/11/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Life || Get a life || Incomplete[[footnote]] Dr. Avenlee has refused to go near the box since. [[/footnote]]. || **Name:** Dr. Starfield **Date:** 10/12/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Stars || Subject was asked to count the stars in the sky. || --I give up.-- Completed by accident [[footnote]] During a heated discussion between Dr. Starfield and a fellow researcher, an inadvertently mentioned random number successfully disengaged the lock. Regrettably, neither Dr. Starfield nor the other researcher retains any recollection of the specific number.[[/footnote]] || || IQ || Subject was asked their correct IQ without using any external quantifying source. || Completed by accident[[footnote]] Don't ask. [[/footnote]] || **Name:** Agent Cooper **Date:** 10/16/2023 ||~ Lock Type: ||~ Information on Lock: ||~ Notes: || || Spot the difference || Two nearly identical images were presented and the subject was tasked with identifying and noting all discrepancies between the two images within a designated time frame. || Completed || || Grass || Subject was asked to venture outdoors, touch some grass and subsequently retrieve a specimen to insert into the box as evidence of compliance. || Completed ||