SCP-????-J

Link to article: SCP-????-J.

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Poppins:wght@600&display=swap');
:root {
--title: "OVERWATCH";
--subtitle: "IDFK DIVISION-44";
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```
anom-bar-esoteric
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```
table1
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tableb
```

[[include :scp-wiki:component:preview
|text=O5-1: Oi, what the fuck is that thing?]]

[[include :scp-wiki:theme:basalt hidetitle=a]]
[[module css]]
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Poppins:wght@600&display=swap');
:root {
--title: "OVERWATCH";
--subtitle: "IDFK DIVISION-44";
--logo:url(https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown_front.png);
--sidelogo: url(https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown_front.png);
--sidesubtitle: "IDFK DIVISION-44";
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[[/module]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:ratio-bar base=-- |ex=--]]
[[>]]
[[module rate]]
[[/>]]

[[div class="anom-bar-esoteric"]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:customizable-acs
|clearance-one= 0,0,0
|inc-clearance= --]]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:customizable-acs
|font-import= @import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Poppins:wght@600&display=swap');
|font-name= Poppins
|inc-custom-font= --]
|item-number= ????-J
|category-count= 4
|clearance=1
|class-color-1=66,66,72
|class-category-1= current status:
|class-text-1= in a box
|class-icon-1= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|class-color-2= 66,66,72
|class-category-2= cognitive hazard level:
|class-text-2= annoying
|class-icon-2= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|class-color-3= 66,66,72
|class-category-3= temporal hazard level:
|class-text-3= timesink
|class-icon-3= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|class-color-4= 66,66,72
|class-category-4= memetic hazard level:
|class-text-4=WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
|class-icon-4= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|inc-extra-categories= --]
|containment-image= 
|container-class= what do i put here
|containment-color=105,105,105
|inc-esoteric-layout = --]
|disruption-image= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|disruption-class= I SAID I DON'T KNOW
|disruption-color=105,105,105
|inc-disruption= --]
|risk-class= how do i edit this
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|secondary-class=  i dunno
|secondary-icon= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|risk-text= Risk Class:
|item-text= SCP-
|level-text= LEVEL   
|clearance-image= https://scp-wiki.wdfiles.com/local--files/scp-in-a-box-j/unknown.png
|clearance-number-text= ≥0
|clearance-text= literally anyone 
|containment-text= Containment Class:
|disruption-text= Disruption Class:
|secondary-text= Secondary Class:
|inc-custom-text= --]]]

[[/div]]
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**Special Containment Procedures:** SCP-????-J's box is currently kept in a containment cell 200 m x 200 m x 200 m in size. This box is comprised of multiple layers of tele-kill shielding, tantalum hafnium carbide, an outer layer of a graphene/carbyne lattice, and decorated with a vantablack floral stencil pattern.

[[include component:image-block name=vanta|caption=Artist's rendering of the box's intricate surface ornamentation]]

The container is secured with multiple redundant locking mechanisms that are presumed to decrease the likelihood of unauthorized access. These locks are labelled --SCP-????-Box-A through, uh, shit,--  SCP-????-Box-1 through SCP-????-Box---41-- --46-- --50-- fuck it idk, the locks are—are all SCP-????-Box-1. It's a—what do you call it—collective designation. They materialize and dematerialize in random intervals but only one manifests at a time. When inactive, the box appears as a 1 m^^3^^ sheen black cube, bearing a single hinged compartment.

**Description:** SCP-????-J is the designation for an anomaly of unknown specification, currently locked in this fucking box. It's been in Site-44 for as long as anyone can remember, and, I'm gonna level with you, //no one knows where the fuck it came from//. It's stuck inside with a bazillion gizmos, and they all show up randomly on the sides of the box. Anything—keypads, combination locks, time-based Sudoku puzzles—you name it. The thing is locked --tighter than Clef's butthole--. 

SCP-????-J's box's condition was brought to the attention of Site-44 director Yanni Belushi when O5-1 pointed the box out during a leisurely stroll through the facility. The conversation is transcribed below:

> = **Transcript of SCP-????-J's Box's Discovery:**
> 
>
> = <BEGIN TRANSCRIPT>
> 
> **O5-1:** Oi, what the fuck is that thing?
> 
> **Belushi:** What, that? It's been around here for god knows how long. It's just a box, I think.
> 
> **O5-1:** There are no 'just boxes' in the Foundation. That thing probably has an Apollyon in it, lock that shit down.
> 
> **Belushi:** Yeah, you're probably right. Guard!
> 
> **Guard:** What's up, Belush?
> 
> **Belushi:** Don't call me that, that's not my name. Get this box out of here.
> 
> **Guard:** What, should I throw it in the trash?
> 
> **Belushi:** No, you moron, put it in a containment cell. Who knows what is inside the thing.
> 
> **Guard:** I dunno, Belush, it feels pretty empty.
> 
> **Belushi:** I said //don't. Fucking. Call me that.// And stop rattling it around, you might piss off whatever is in there.
> 
> **Guard:** I'm telling you mate, this box is totally empty.
> 
> **Belushi:** And I'm telling //you//, put that box in a bigger box or else I'll shove my foot so far up //your// box that you'll be having infant-sized Dockers in nine months.
> 
> **O5-1:** Jesus.
> 
> **Guard:** Alright! Calm your tits, man. //Sheesh//. 
> 
> //SCP-????-J's box was then transported to its current containment area. Guard was reprimanded and probably demoted, jackass.//

We weren't sure if the box was safe to open for the longest time, we still don't know for sure, but like five years ago—after the old Administrator kicked it—the story goes that the Council was divvying up his stuff and O5-4 kept going on about how the late Admin borrowed his signed region-free copy of the //Fringe: The Complete Series// Blu-ray box set back in like 2014 and hadn't returned it. He kept going on about how it was odd the old man's DVD collection hadn't been recovered with any of his effects, nor from his numerous [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-3311 storage units],[[footnote]]Ohhh yeah, you remember that whole thing? Turned out the previous Administrator was three wooden Adirondack chairs in a trench coat, disguised as a human. What, they never told you that? Oh—oh, right. [speaking into wrist] [[size 75%]]//I'm gonna need some Class-B amnestics to Site-44, sublevel 18, room 7A—//[[/size]] What? No, you're fine. Just stay right here.[[/footnote]] then they found some ledger of the Admin's with "OPEN [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/qntm-s-proposal THE LOCK], ENACT EVIL CHAIR-MAN CHAIRMAN AGENDA" scribbled in one of the margins. O5-1 mentioned SCP-????-J's container having locks, then they got this ludicrous idea they were somehow referring to the same thing and maybe SCP-????-J's box had a bunch of stolen Blu-ray disks inside.

So we started opening the box for them, or doing our best to. Then like last year, O5-4 finds his boxed set of //Fringe// in his basement, behind his dehumidifier or something, and left us to figuring out the nature of SCP-????-J ever since. 

Anyway, we are making progress. Probably. Every time we solve something, or we think we do, the box makes this tone and we never see that specific //bastard// lock again. I think it's working. Some of them have timers on their sides, counting down. Sometimes a little instruction is scribbled on the exterior of the box, most often written in black permanent marker, which is, you know, an absolute pain. Typically, though, we're in the dark. If it weren't for some clues, we'd be going nowhere. How else would we have known you had to send it a fax? //A fax?!// Who faxes shit anymore? What is this, 1870? 

A full list of all these goddamn locking mechanisms are found here. 
[[div class="table1 tableb" style="border-spacing:1px;order: solid 1px #cdcdcd;padding: 0.5em 0.625em;"]]
||~ **Type:**  ||~ **Info:**   ||~ **Notes:** ||
|| Standard combination lock || Container requires a five number combination || No solution found ||
|| Biometric fingerprint scanner || Requires thumbprint of late pianist Mieczysław Horszowski|| Thumb is kept in a maximum security cryogenic freezer in [[[scp-1730|Site-13]]][[footnote]] //Who in the fuck put it there? God. Damn. It.// - Site Director Belushi [[/footnote]]||
|| QWERTY Keyboard and LED TV || Standard alphanumeric Login/Password. Minimum length password of fifty characters|| No solution found ||
|| //Connect Four// || CPU considered to be harder than a 'normal' round || Completed ||
|| CAPTCHA || Characters match no known language|| Included QWERTY keyboard unable to replicate symbols ||
|| Trigonometry test|| Scantron sheets print out of previously unseen slot || Complete ||
|| Eating contest || Six saltine crackers dispense from unseen part of the box. All six crackers must be eaten in twenty seconds, with nothing to drink  || Incomplete ||
|| Hand crank|| Simple wooden hand crank, required no special efforts[[footnote]] Although Dr. Rosenberg reportedly acquired a "nasty-ass splinter" from interacting with the handle.[[/footnote]] || Complete ||
|| Tic-Tac-Toe|| Box always goes first, always starts in a corner || No solution found ||
|| Tequila-drinking contest || Endlessly refilling shot glass of tequila manifests on top of box || No survivors ||
|| Rock, Paper, Scissors || Humanoid hand manifested to participate. Best out of three || Complete ||
|| Sending the box a fax message, requesting access into the box || Facsimile machine must be placed on top of box || Fax number found on bottom of box ||
|| The Great Conjunction || Unlocks when Saturn and Jupiter share an ecliptic longitude || --Scheduled to complete in December 2020-- Complete ||
|| Pocket Dimension || One side of box will dematerialize to reveal an alternate version of Earth made entirely of denim jean pockets. Remote exploration of area has revealed "[DATA EXPUNGED]" inside some of the pockets || Incomplete ||
|| One switch (Protected with a childproof medicine cap) || Cap proved to be easily removable || Complete||
|| Reset Pin || Small (350 µm) pin required to activate lock || Complete ||
|| Secret handshake developed by the Administrator || Slot in side of box extends several humanoid hands || Humans do not possess enough hands to complete handshake ||
|| Sudoku || Prints and receives from same slot and must be completed within ten minutes. Considered "fucking difficult" || Complete ||
|| Standard lock-and-key || [[[SCP-005]]] proved to be capable of disengaging mechanism || Complete ||
|| Rubik's Cube || Box separates into twenty-seven smaller, connected cubes and randomizes. Goal is to rearrange box to original state within ten minutes || Complete ||
|| Riddle || A timed locking mechanism that requires one to solve a series of random ambiguous riddles before completion[[footnote]]Excerpt: //"I have 13 arms, 10 legs, 2 heads, and smell like burnt rubber. What am I?"// Later googling revealed the answer to be "A Liar"[[/footnote]] || Incomplete ||
|| [DATA EXPUNGED] || Data expunges || No solution found ||
|| Cognitive Test || A multi-choice quiz on pattern recognition as massive quantities of smoke confirmed as containing [[[SCP-420-J]]] exude from small holes in the body of SCP-????-J's container || --Theorettiakly immposlbe-- Completed. Yassim, you lightweight ||
|| Personal ZK || Individuals attempting to open box will permanently lose the abstract conceptualization of reality || No solution found ||
|| Rap battle || Snarky robot voice materializes and challenges individual to a rap battle || No solution found ||
|| Defensive procedures || Box will growl and attack anyone in sight. Knocking it "unconscious" does the trick || Complete ||
|| Will || At a random interval, the box will emit cognitohazardous transmissions that cause all involved to lose interest in opening the box. Overpowering this lack of desire completes the mechanism || Complete[[footnote]]If we have to, I guess.[[/footnote]] ||
|| Cylindrical hole roughly 3.5 cm in diameter || Dr. ████████████ [DATA EXPUNGED] hole|| ...Completed[[footnote]] Box then requested a cigarette. [[/footnote]] ||
|| Russian Roulette || Six (6) buttons manifest on SCP-????-J's container. At least one button causes the interacting individual to terminate. Autopsy revealed internal organ failure due to the sudden manifestation of a Smith and Wesson .38 revolver within the chest cavity || Complete ||
|| Staring contest || Large eye manifests on side facing the nearest person. Presumably unlocks when eye contact is broken via demanifestation. Video footage shows an average of 90 minutes until demanifesting || Incomplete ||
|| Sharing contest || Large drop slot manifests on side facing the nearest person. Presumably unlocks when said person has given SCP-????-J's container enough of their own possessions. Video footage shows an average of 90 minutes until slot demanifests|| Incomplete[[footnote]]Solution determined not to be a flat percentage of possessions owned, but more likely a set quantity of items or cumulative value, monentary, sentimental or otherwise.[[/footnote]] ||
|| Intravenous lines || Seven IV tubes of different colors extend from box. A button corresponds to each color (ROYGBIV) || All aforementioned colors cause individuals to explode ||
|| Smiling at the box for four hours, to be carried out by members of Mobile Task Force Lambda Omega Lambda ("Happy-go-lucky's") || Smiles must be sincere and performed by at least five individuals || Incomplete ||
|| Pencil sharpening || A complete Ticonderoga pencil slides out of a hole in the box. Pencil must be placed back into hole, which changes to operate like a pencil sharpener. Upon sharpening the pencil down to the eraser, lock disengages. No clear way to lose test aside from a free, quality pencil || Incomplete[[footnote]]What? Free pencil dispenser.[[/footnote]] ||
|| Salmon || Panels on all side faces of box dematerialize to reveal non-euclidean passages. Salmon gush from compartments, creating debilitating tidal waves of fish. Single button on box disengages lock mechanism || Complete || 
|| Contract || Contract prints from box stating its official rights to open said lock would be provided cost-free, should it be processed "correctly". This involves getting the signed copy notarized, framed, and placed on the wall of its containment cell || Complete, but annoying ||
|| Placing a sandwich on top of the box || Must contain turkey || Completed by accident ||
|| Two buttons || One large, red button, bearing a skull and crossbones. A small green button with a happy face || No survivors ||
[[/div]]
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**Incident Report ????-1-2A**

Following recovery from the rubble of SCP-????-J's box's containment wing, several new locking mechanisms have appeared. Any undocumented locks should be reported to Site-44 Director Belushi immediately and recorded in **[[[scp-extended-log-in-a-box|SCP-????-J's Box's Extended Mechanism Log]]]**.

SCP-????-J

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